NINE TIMES THREE
A slow, rumbling wind swept across a desolate landscape. Nothing lived here. And if it had, would not have survived for very long. A wheezing groaning sound echoed across the surface of the planet, breaking the eerie silence. The Doctor sighed. "My darling, you really shouldn't be travelling, not in your condition."
"I know," came the reply. "But I can't let a bout of morning sickness keep me down."
He wrapped a protective arm around her and smiled. "That's my girl."
She looked around. "So, where are we?"
"I wish I knew. The TARDIS has been acting a bit temperamental lately." He brightened. "Still, whatever's going on here, I'm sure we can deal with it."
Emma frowned. "Doctor, you're getting all smug again."
"Sorry," he apologised. "It's not an easy habit to break after over nine hundred and fifty years of time travel."
"Well, I'll forgive you," Emma said coyly. "Just this once." As she reached across to kiss him, the air shimmered as a blue box materialised just beside them. "Doctor, that's…"
"Another TARDIS. Yes, I know. So who…"
The door opened and a tall, thin man stepped from the ship. Dressed in a dark green frock coat, with a wing collar shirt and knotted black tie, his dark hair framed a pale, thin face. "What a dismal place to set down," he complained. "Still, any port in a storm, I suppose." Then he looked at the man standing before him. "Oh, no. Not you!"
The Doctor looked back at the stranger with equal concern. "You shouldn't be here."
The stranger snorted. "Nor should you, come to that."
Emma stepped forward. "Doctor, who is he?"
"Ah." The Doctor seemed reluctant to answer. "I'm afraid he's me."
"Oh, one of your other selves," Emma realised. "I don't remember seeing him at our wedding."
"You're married?" The stranger was shocked. "To each other?"
"Well, that is how these things usually work out," Emma said. "Anyway, what's it got to do with you?"
"That's what I was wondering." A dark skinned girl came out from the other Doctor's TARDIS. "It's not exactly any of your business, is it, Doctor?"
The other Doctor turned to her. "Alison, it's not really that straightforward."
"Oh, you always say that," Alison said. "And then you round it off by saying 'I'll explain later'."
Emma felt as though she were experiencing a sense of déjà vu. "What is going on?"
"My darling, don't excite yourself." The Doctor drew Emma aside. "When I said he was me I was speaking literally. You see, this is the Doctor – the ninth Doctor."
"What?" Emma looked from one to the other. "But, you're the ninth Doctor… aren't you?"
"Well, strictly speaking I am the first – the original you might say, but…"
"Oh, stop confusing the girl," the other Doctor interrupted. "It's quite simple. We are both the same incarnation, just different aspects." He took in their surroundings properly. "Now, what's going on here?"
"Nothing, as far as I can tell," the Doctor replied. "No people, no monsters…"
"No monsters?" The other Doctor seemed disappointed. "But I always fight the monsters – it's what I do."
Emma turned to Alison. "Is he always this pompous?"
"No," she replied. "Sometimes he's worse." She looked at Emma. "Er, I couldn't help noticing, but are you…?"
"Yes, I'm pregnant," she beamed. "He'll be due any day now."
"Pregnant?!" The pompous Doctor turned and stared at Emma. "You mean, you and he…?"
She sighed. "Do we have to go through this all over again?"
Any further outbursts were briefly forgotten as a third TARDIS appeared next to the first two. "This is becoming monotonous," the original Doctor groaned.
The man who stepped out from this TARDIS was dressed in a leather jacket, with a v-necked jumper, dark trousers and doc martens. His short hair framed a smiling face. "Aye, aye. What's happening here, then?" Then his face fell as he recognised the other two men. "Oh, it would 'ave to be you two."
The pompous Doctor stared. "Another one of us. How many more can there be?"
"Oh, don't get on your high horse," the newcomer said. He called into his TARDIS. "Hey Rose, you won't believe this."
A fair-haired teenager joined him. "Crumbs. Are these some of your other selves you told me about?"
"Not exactly," he admitted. "More like me, twice over."
"Oh, please," the original Doctor pleaded. "I think we've had more than enough confusion for one day."
Rose struggled to understand this. "Hang on. D'you mean that those two weirdoes in fancy dress are different bits of you?"
"Something like that, yeah." The newcomer folded his arms, clearly enjoying the experience.
Alison couldn't quite take this in. "So, you're the Doctor as well?"
He gave her cheery wave. "Yep, that's me. And you're…?"
"Alison. Hi."
"And I'm Emma."
"Pleased to meet you, Em." He noted her condition and eyed the original Doctor. "Who's been a naughty boy, then?"
The Doctor strode up to this cheerful version of himself. "It's all above board, old chap. We're married."
"Oh, nice one." He looked around. "So, what are we all doing here, then?"
The pompous one glared at him. "Don't you know?"
"No."
"Oh." The pompous one sighed. "I was rather hoping you did."
The original smiled. "Well, things can't stay quiet for too long," he said. "Something's bound to happen soon."
"Aauggh!!" They all turned around as Emma fell to the ground, clutching her stomach.
Alison and Rose rushed to her. "Is it the baby?"
"It's too soon," Emma gasped. "It can't happen yet, not here." A severe contraction convinced her otherwise, bringing forth another cry.
"Just keep breathin' deeply," Rose told her. She looked up at the Doctors. "Come on, one of you. Give us a hand."
As one, the three of them shrank away. "Er, no thanks, Rose. We're not that sort of Doctor."
"Bloody typical." Rose rolled her eyes heavenward. "You want a job doin', you 'ave to do it yourself." She and Alison helped Emma to her feet. "We can't do anything out here. We need to get her into the TARDIS."
"Which TARDIS?" Alison asked.
Emma let out a piercing scream. "Any bloody TARDIS!!"
It had been almost an hour. Rose and Alison had taken Emma into the most recently arrived TARDIS, it being the nearest one. The three Doctors had been pacing outside nervously, waiting for any news. "I'm no good at this," the cheerful one said. "I don't do domestic."
"I should be there," the original one said. "I feel so useless."
"You'd only be in the way," the pompous one told him. "So would we all, come to that."
The cheerful one was deep in thought. "The TARDIS must have known."
"I'm afraid you've lost me," the original one was understandably distracted. "Known about… you mean the old girl knew that Emma was about to give birth?"
"Of course," the pompous one realised. "So each of our ships decided to bring us all here, so that Emma would have help."
"But from the girls, not from us." The cheerful one sighed. "It just goes to show we can't quite turn our hands to everything."
"Probably just as well." They turned at the sound of Rose's voice. She smiled. "It's a girl."
The three men hurried forward. "How's Emma?" the original asked.
"She's fine," Rose assured him. "You can go in now."
They all walked in, Alison leading them to one of the TARDIS' many bedrooms, where Emma was waiting. The cheerful one hung back, pausing for a word with Rose. "You were fantastic, Rose Tyler. You and Alison."
She smiled back at him knowingly. "Well, all you guys have to do is save the universe every day, while us girls do the really hard stuff. Seems fair enough to me."
Rose then hurried to catch up with the others, leaving her Doctor temporarily lost for words.