Alive

Disclaimer: Not mine.

A/N: There are many mitigating factors that led to my writing this. I can't bring myself to write anything angsty after seeing the preview for next week's episode and part of me really wanted to write something fluffy and post "Loophole". I hope you guys like it and as always I would like your feedback. I will be updating "Where You Belong" when my desire for angst returns. As for "Elliot on Trial" I promise I will update that but… I'm almost afraid that the writers are stealing my ideas before I even have them or something. Oh wow, I'm this close to living in my closet and wearing a tinfoil hat LMAO. Okay guys, now on to the story.

A/N: Dedicated to FreeStyler9125 because... why not? Nat, I love you kid and even if we disagree on pairings, I'm gonna have to grow up and accept that some day… but not today LOL. You rule girl!

"Late night again?" Olivia looked up to see Elliot standing there.

She smiled softly "You should still be resting," she chided.

"Like I told you before," he pulled his chair up beside her and sat down "I'm bored out of my mind."

She through her head back and let out a short laugh "Those weren't your exact words," she reminded him.

"Well it's what I meant to say," he shrugged.

"You know, Cragen's still here this time," she informed him with a devilish grin.

"You gonna tell on me?" he asked, using his good arm to elbow her playfully in the ribs.

She giggled, not laughed, actually giggled "Nah," she conceded. "I don't feel like it right now," she winked as if to say that her mood might change and she would be inclined to tell Cragen later.

Elliot found himself staring at her. She was so beautiful. He had always known this but it was only recently that he was taking the time to truly appreciate her beauty. He slid his chair closer to hers and in a serious voice he asked "How are you feeling?"

She smiled softly "I'm fine," she told him. "There shouldn't be any long term effects."

"That's good," he smiled back at her and then, without warning, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his lap.

She laughed nervously. She couldn't deny that being this close to him did things to her and from her position in his lap she could tell that it was doing things to him too. She laid her head on his shoulder "Let's just hope Cragen stays in his office," she smirked.

"You know," Elliot began as he held her close "I'm surprised we're both still alive."

She pulled away and looked at him "What?" she asked. It wasn't that she hadn't heard him, it was just that… it was something she found herself thinking too sometimes. Thoughts like that always made her question their relationship. Was life in fact too short to not tell the one you love that you love him?

"Everything we've been through over the years," he clarified. "We've been through some crazy shit."

"Not that crazy," Olivia murmured, reluctantly getting out of Elliot's lap and returning to her own chair; she still had some paperwork to do before she could head home for the night.

"Not that crazy," Elliot repeated almost thoughtfully. "Liv, I got thrown through a window by a guy who was high on PCP."

"I remember," she murmured as she kept her eyes on her paperwork. She'd never forget that. She had wanted to kill that guy but shocking him was a damn satisfying second.

"Do you ever think…?" Elliot began but his voice failed him before he could finish the question. He didn't want to think about what might have happened if she wasn't the strong person she was. She could have died in that building before anyone knew that something was wrong. He was lucky that she was the strong heroic person she was. He loved her and every morning since he had signed the divorce papers, he had considered the implications of telling her that.

"Hmm?" Olivia murmured, propping her chin on her hand. She had finished filling out the last form and now her full attention was on Elliot.

"Nothing," Elliot almost whispered.

Before Olivia could say anything else, the door to Cragen's office opened. The captain took two steps into the squad room "Both of you go home," he commanded.

Olivia and Elliot looked up at the same time and saw that Cragen was watching them and the small grin on his face did not escape either of them. "Captain…" Elliot began.

"Elliot," Cragen countered, taking another step into the squad room "I don't mind that you're here right now just as long as you go home soon." He turned and headed back into his office. Before he closed the door he added "And no one has to tell on anyone Olivia. I know everything that goes on in this place."

Olivia was the first to stand. She turned to Elliot "Need a ride?" she asked.

"Well," Elliot mused, standing up beside her "Let's see, I took a cab here and now I'm out of money."

"Looks like you have to walk," Olivia chuckled. The two had reached the corridor by this point. They paused by the tarp that signified where the window had been; it hadn't been replaced yet. Olivia felt his hand brush against hers and she looked up at him. He was standing so close that she could smell his aftershave. "Just kidding," she whispered breathlessly.

He reached up and touched her face, running his hand gently down her cheek. She smiled at his touch and he felt instantly warm inside. "You should smile more often," he told her softly. Of course, seeing the things they did day in and day out, it was understandable why she didn't smile as often as she did. That just made the times when she let that smile shine through all the more special.

You should touch me some more, she thought and almost said out loud before she stopped herself. She smiled wider "Do you have any plans for the rest of the night?"

Elliot looked at his watch. It was 9:30. "Not really," he stated simply, his hand slowly moving from her cheek to her shoulder. "Wanna rent a movie?"

"I don't know," Olivia pretended to think "It is a school night," she laughed but nodded "Sounds like a good idea."

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The two of them sat on the floor of Elliot's apartment; he didn't have a lot of furniture other than the bed. The movie lay on top of the television, as yet untouched. They were simply staring at one another. Neither had felt the need to break away from the other's intense gaze in over half an hour.

"Nice place," Olivia murmured finally. She really hadn't seen it and had been surprised at how sparse it seemed, even for a studio apartment.

"Yeah," he shrugged "I don't have a lot of furniture," he said lamely.

Olivia thought for a moment. Something that Elliot had said earlier that evening was still weighing heavy on her mind "We must just be lucky," she murmured to herself.

"Hmm…?" Elliot had heard her but what she had said made no sense in the context of a conversation about his lack of furniture. "What do you mean Liv?"

"How we're still alive after all the stuff we've been through," she clarified. "I was just thinking…"

"Yeah," Elliot agreed, taking her hand in his. They slid closer together on the floor, the movie completely forgotten at this point. Elliot brushed at a piece of Olivia's hair that was haphazardly out of place and leaned in. The soft light of his one lamp with the fading thirty watt bulb bathed them in a soft glow. He leaned in closer until his lips were inches from hers.

Olivia smiled softly, reaching a hand up and laying it on his shoulder, desperately wanting to wrap it around the back of his neck and pull him the rest of the way to her. "Elliot," she whispered.

"Yeah," he whispered back, her smile coaxing his own out of its secret hiding place.

"What are you doing?" she grinned enticingly. She didn't want to push her luck but she hoped he was doing what she wanted to do so badly.

Elliot closed the gap between them. He pressed a soft kiss to her lips and as if on cue, her hand went to the back of his neck and the kiss deepened into something passionate and frenzied, something heated and desperate, each so greedy to conquer the other. And yet in the midst of the passion and the frantic intensity, it was still tender, still beautiful, still a symbol of the love that both shared but neither had admitted to out loud yet.

When they finally separated, they were lying on the floor, breathless, both smiling at the other. Elliot pulled her on top of him. The consequences of that one beautiful act only just then beginning to sink in "What did we just do?" he asked. He didn't regret it but it confused him.

Olivia's smile faded "I think we kissed," she answered. She stood up immediately "Oh my God," she said, turning towards the door of the apartment, "We just kissed."

"Yeah," Elliot was still smiling as he picked himself off the floor "Yeah, we did."

Olivia turned to him and he could see, even in the dim light, that her eyes were beginning to mist over. "Maybe we'll do the movie thing some other night," she took another step towards the door when he stopped her.

"Liv," he said soothingly "It's okay."

"It's okay?" she asked, incredulously. "It's okay that we just threw our careers away for…"

"We didn't throw anything away," Elliot reassured her.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, turning away again. "We have to try and forget that it happened," she told him and his heart sank. "We have to try and go back," even as she said it, she knew there was no going back. This was the kind of thing she had been afraid of, this was why she kept running, it was also the reason why she kept coming back.

Elliot wrapped his arms around her in a gentle embrace "I don't want to forget it," he whispered. "I don't know about you but I don't want to go back, not now."

"You don't?" she asked, the smile returning ever so faintly.

"No," Elliot said, leaning in and kissing her again, tenderly "I don't."

Olivia dropped her gaze to his shoes, feeling the tears well up in her eyes "I don't want to go back either," she admitted.

Elliot pulled her to the bed with him and sat beside her "This is a lot more comfortable than the floor," he smiled as he leaned in to kiss her again.

They soon found themselves under the covers together. Olivia placed her hand on his chest to stop him in his movements as he reached to unbutton her jeans "Are you sure you should be doing that?" she asked. "I wouldn't want to be responsible for hurting your arm further." She grinned and simply kissed him again before sliding out of bed. "We have to work tomorrow," she reminded him as she headed for the door.

He caught up with her and enveloped her in another hug. "You are cruel," he whispered as he kissed her again.

"It's for your own good," she smiled as she separated from him. "Good night," her hand was on the doorknob and she was about to open it when he said the words that stopped her in her tracks.

"Good night Liv, I love you."

She turned around and the smile that graced her lips fairly took his breath away. He had never seen her smile like that. "I love you too," she told him then she opened the door and stepped into the hall "I'll see you tomorrow."

Elliot stood in his empty apartment, knowing that there was a problem that he would have to take care of before he went to bed and knowing that that problem would probably present itself again some time during the night. He was in love with a cruel, cruel woman. But, God, he loved her and he had never felt so alive.