This one came up as a result of me trying to connect two computers over a VoIP connection. Consequently...
Disclaimer: Criminal Minds is not mine. Or else I'd know who the unlucky soul in "Lo-FI" is.
"Hello? Hello? Hey, are you there?"
A stream of squelches and mechanical chirps whistled through Penelope Garcia's ear.
"Stupid connection." She punched a few keys and fiddled with a few thin dials, hoping to straighten out the line. "Can you hear me now?"
"N…arcia, no..t…all."
"For the love of…" she groused, tempted to give her babies a good slap in the side just to show them who was boss. "There has got to be an easier way to do this…"
She began searching for a better open line, hoping that a change in IP would help.
"Now?" she called out.
"N..p.." A long crackle of static followed.
"Oooh! If only I could put my hands through you…" she seethed, forcing herself to tap keys and continue searching.
"Baby girl, what are you trying to do?" a familiar voice asked, floating over Garcia's shoulder.
"I am trying…" the blonde woman began, putting an emphasis on "trying," "to get a connection so I can talk with a friend of mine in Germany. She's got some new program codes that she wants me to look at, and she's the type to not send anything over as an attachment."
"Why not?"
"Three words, stud muffin: intellectual property theft."
"Aha." Morgan took a seat next to her, watching with suppressed mirth as she fumed over the bad connection her 'babies' were giving her. "I wouldn't think people could hack email that easy, especially friends of yours…"
"Oh, believe me, they've tried. Last guy who tried hacking my email account found himself with a brand new criminal record in six countries, as well as a laundry list of felony charges here."
"Point taken?"
"'Bet your sweet bippy my 'point' was taken, sugar."
Morgan couldn't help but chuckle. "So, what's the problem."
"The problem is that it's like, torrential rains and downpouring outside."
"And…?" Suddenly a light flipped on in the agent's head. "Aha."
"Exactly. Even with the best connections the United States government can buy, the voice-over-Internet-protocol phone line is still a wonky piece of crap! I mean, who would use this as their landline?"