Disclaimer: As usual, I don't own Slayers in any way, shape, or form. (I only wish I did) I'm just a poor college student writing to keep my sanity.

This isn't meant to be sad so much as thoughtful. Remembering what has been, what hopefully will be.Missing one gone, but as one curious, trying to find that final understanding and acceptance. I hope the ending will have that final feel of reaching such a conclusion.

Scattered Tidings

I'm not exactly certain when things started to change on us. Suddenly we were on different paths, each similar, yet heading in opposite directions. We had our goals, our missions, our dedication to greater events - either to encourage or prevent.

I suppose I'm to blame for the separation, I was the first to leave after all. I made so many excuses to myself at the time, so many reasons as to why I had to act the way I did. You had your role, I mine; each of us serving something greater than ourselves. Chaos will go where it will, destined for great things. I existed to set those paths for you, guiding best I could. Still, in the end I searched for any excuse to ease my mind.

I couldn't protect her…never mind the fact that you were just as powerful, perhaps more so.

She deserved better… even though the guardian swordsman and heartless sorcerer couldn't provide the match you needed

She would betray me… yet I have always been known for my fickle allegiance.

So many reasons, so many delusions. Looking back on it all, I wonder why I didn't see through such shallow logic. I, who has spun such similar delusions for others, could only be so blind if I chose to be. After all, it is easier to run away from the strange and new…easier to see is as frightening and dangerous rather than wondrous and worthwhile. Why gamble on something better, when instead I can lose out on the immediate prize in exchange for consistency? I breed surprise and suspicion among others, I do not want it interfering in my own world.

I was such a blind fool.

I've chosen to exile myself now, rather than continue with the greater game. Better some time alone than off wandering with others, with them, or any that would remind me. Besides, I've burned too many bridges to look up old friends, not that they would consider me such. They are my toys, I their smiling tormentor.

You were the only one I could consider so close. I loved…love you, and you will never know. Or maybe you did, and will just never hear the words from my lips. You probably knew; you had to. You were always the smart one in the group, the one that saw behind all our masks…usually.

I wore two to keep you from seeing the truth.

What would you say if you could see me now, Lina? Would you cry and take me in your arms? No…you were never one to show such weakness. Tears are for the princess and her chimera, embraces for the swordsman and his priestess.

Maybe you would promise never to leave my side? You always stood up for those you thought worthy, ready to back down any that would hunt them. You wore your power like the finest sword, unafraid to use it when necessary. Let others hide behind shields, or bury themselves in cloaks…your power; no, your spirit, was never such an ordinary tool.

Though I would never openly admit it…I would give anything for your strength.

I don't remember why we fought anymore. At some point we had both stepped forward, creating a bit of perfection for ourselves. All good things come with an ending though, and ours wasn't to be the exception. Perhaps we were arrogant for tampering with fate.

At some point I became afraid for you; can you imagine it? Me, afraid for one meant to be a toy? It wasn't that I doubted you, rather that I knew you would step up to any challenger. But some are too great even for you, so instead I fell back to my nature, stealing your memories like the most classic of tricksters.

Our first touch, our first words…all gone under a gloved caress. Our first kiss in the moonlight vanished as easily as a flash of sorrow in your eyes. At the end, a single tear fell from your eye, though your face showed no other sign of sorrow. When you commented on it…it tore me apart knowing that I couldn't answer you.

I almost cried that night, after you walked away so casually.

So many memories…countless words, actions, choices…do you remember? I took it all, buried it behind my smiling gaze, my empty grin. I will never forget though, can you imagine? I once promised, under one of those glares of yours, never to die without a fight…and I will keep that promise.

We should have realized I was - am, to strong for the others. They offer no challenge, let alone release. I doubt you realized you were condemning me to an eternity alone…or maybe you did.

Ah, but you were never that cruel…even when I deserved it.

I will wait, I am nothing if not patient. One does not become a trickster, one meant to lay both immediate and far-reaching plans, without patience. Some speak of rebirth, of living again if deserving. You were Her chosen after all, who better than you is suited for such a thing? If I wait long enough, perhaps we can have that second chance. We deserve one, don't we?

Perhaps the entire group does…those almost friends of ours, of mine.

Xelloss looked down, lightly brushing his fingers against the damp stone. He didn't honestly expect an answer, and he didn't receive one.

Yes, we all deserve a second chance…

Without a word he turned away, cloak sweeping behind him, a red stone glistening in the growing light. He thought about simply disappearing, but without knowing exactly why, he chose to physically walk away. The stone marker faded in the distance, script still elegant, still legible despite the years.

May She treat you well, love. Life already punishes me for your loss, though She is nothing if not surprising. Who better to get a second chance, another turn at spreading chaos. I will wait until you find me, until we find them all.

I will plan…and this time our turn will come.