This is a story about two good friends, their names are in the title. They lived together in a house up on a mountain called, The Schutzstaffel Mountain or for short The SS Mountain. Or even shorter TSSM, which is what I'll probably call it because I'm lazy. TSSM isn't located anywhere on any map so don't even bother to look but goddamn is it a shitty place to live in.

Max was an almighty troll that came from the great land of Jamaica. He grew up anorexic and have been anorexic for nine thousand years (at least that's what his mom says). He's got a gigantic underbite and a silly hat. Most often he dresses like a hipster but since he's a troll he barely even wears clothes.

Then we have Robin. I don't even know where the hell to start with this one. He's just a lost case. A prepubescent gnome is what he is. No beard and a strange voice. He comes from the icy mountains of Verkhoyansk in Russia and came to this land as an ice cube because his pubes hadn't begun growing yet. We (or I should say Max, because I just observe and take notes) had to cool him down with a dragon rage combined with some troll potion from Jamaica to unfreeze him.

I guess that's all for the shitty characters who will lead us through this crappy story so let's go!

It was a regular afternoon at TSSM and Max was bashing some dead fishes on his forehead whilst eating living mushrooms from the shroomshroom forest. And Robin was sitting in his living room chair and ate cauliflowers that had been boiled in orange juice and mixed together with some salamanders from the salesman dungeon (the home of the vicious telemarketers).

When suddenly, it knocked on the kitchen window. It was a tiny window not longer than two salmons and not wider than Max's head. But still some fucking smartass decided to knock on it. Max who was sitting in the kitchen bashing fishes on his forehead stood up and proceeded to open the window. Outside stood a man with giant blunts of weed stuck up his nose, an ugly ass baseball hat and dressed up as a reptilian.

Max growled:

- Hey, b0ss. Whattefuck do you want mon?

The mans face started to blush out into a red color, he started to stutter:

- M-m-m-man, did you just fucking as-s-s-s-sume my gender? I actually identify as a transsexual mailbox you fucking sexist pig.

Surprised Max answered:

- Nah dude, I ain't no sexist mon. What's going on?

Robin the prepubescent gnome started to get interested in the conversation and shouted out to the kitchen:

- Dude, chwatefack are you spicking about? Fuckingk Jameican piss of shit!

- Shut the hell up mon, you dwarf, Max answered.

He looked out the window again to see if the lizard man could give him a response, but outside the window was noone. Max felt a bit annoyed but sat down on his chair again continuing with what he was doing before.

He mumbled to himself:

- Goddamn mon, that was one strange mafka.

A couple of hours went by and midnight was closing in, Max had a severe concussion by now and Robin was so full of disgusting Russian delicasy that he almost puked. They both fell asleep on the spot and fell down on the floor.

The two friends had been sleeping for almost twentyfive hours when they finally woke up. Little did they know that the man who had been outside their house the afternoon before was the one and only lizard king, Calvin.

Calvin was one annoying son of a bitch. He was dubbed the lizard king as his power as the dictator of the lizard universe got stronger and stronger in just a couple of months. In the beginning he was a cool dude, fair and nice, always helped everyone and was a generally smart dude. Nowadays he's just a complete cunt, he's a bully and has no arguments against anything. His power is controlling him, it has controlled him for so long that he no longer has a chin.

Well now, back to the story. The annoying lizard king Calvin had captured the two friends and locked them down in a cage in his basement. Max and Robin woke up finding themselves tied down to the floor with massive ropes made of lizard pubes. Robin the prepubescent gnome felt a bit uneasy and jelaous because he couldn't even grow one short pube and here he sat with metres of puberope.

As they both were pussies and dumb as shit they started screaming. Of course there were guards watching them from the outside, the two friend caught the guards attention and they ran in to check on them. In through a door came two lizard knights dressed in rat armor and fish hats, in their hands they carried a breadstick each to defend themselves with.

- What's-s-s going on you ugly infidels, asked one of the guards.

- Ye, wha-a-a-t the fuck are you on about?, said the other guard.

Max answered with:

- Could you tell us why we are here? It feels a bit strange being held down like this, mon. I'm not a very kinky person. I hope my Russian friend isn't either.

The two lizard guards started dancing a strange dance and making a hissing noise:

- hiss, hiss, hiss, hiss, hiss, kys, kys, kys, hiss, hiss

- What in the fuck are ye doeng, mons?, asked Max.

They didn't answer.

- Chello, chare u gonna answeur?, said Robin.

Nothing. After thirty seconds of hissing and kyssing something finally happened. The lizard king Calvin came in through the door that the guards hade come in from.

- Oh my god, not you mon.

Calving got really angry now:

- Ayyyyyyyy, dude! Stop fucking assuming my gender I'm a transsexual mailbox and you will never be able to change that.

- Okey, okey, dude chill, said Max a bit scared. I'll stop calling you mon.

- You better, said Calvin.

- Well, could you tell us why you have captured us and done kinky stuff to us in our sleep?

- First off, I have not done any kinky shit to you, that must've been Yousef Erakat the egg. Second thing, the reason you're here I don't know really. I just thought you were annoying. I'll not let you go though, you'll just have to rot here.

And so the lizard king left the gnome and the troll to rot.

THE END

To be maybe continued...