November 20, 2000
Dear diary,
I got you from Li on my birthday over two years ago, and I haven't written an entry ever since! Shows how eventful my life was all this time, doesn't it? Well, actually, I have been far too busy to write and it has made me guilty many a-time, and now inspiration moves me to scribble a bit, and get some heavy feelings off my chest, which is laden with emotions at the moment.
Let me bring you up to date. I'm a 14-year-old girl with long black hair and dark red, sometimes brownish-hued eyes. I live with my cousin, Li Showron in a quaint town called Reedington, in a cute, (if somewhat small) apartment. We came here four years ago when my amazing aforementioned cousin sensed Clow Cards in this very area. Of course, I followed him after worry ate away enough of my mind to do so. Did I mention that Li has magic? Everybody in my clan does. Everybody except for me, that is.
At first I expected that we'd be partners in capturing these Cards, but my darling pushed me away, and I know why. I know all too well. If I tried to describe my pain, I'd fail. The next sentence is bliss to what I have felt these years but in the way of words, I'm not very fluent; the following is as close as I can come to describing the emotional tumult these years have worn into my young heart. It was excruciating, degrading, and the toughest blow a girl could receive, but I've learned to bottle up my rage and keep my emotions inside as the years wore on and my Li drifted farther and farther away from me. Drifted away like a priceless jewel dropped into the sea, away with the tide, farther and farther, always out of reach, but still in view, lingering there, filling my heart with longing yet too far to grasp.
My life in Japan has been Heaven yet hell; moments of piquant sunshine and bliss (however rare as a blue moon), and moments of torture and deep, bottomless darkness through which the brightest light could not penetrate. During these years, I have watched Li change, and realized I had lost him, as it seems now, forever.
Oh, yes, for I have had him at one point in my life; our dreams and paths were entwined in the tightest knot you could imagine, but now a sickeningly beautiful, yet, in my eyes, cruel sorceress of shining, clear yet glazed-over emerald eyes took her sharp scissors and mercilessly cut it. She twined the yarn of my beloved's soul about her dainty finger, making him her willing little slave without knowing it, she did.
Ah, I must admit I still hold a grudge against Sakura. Her eyes drip with poison deadlier than that of a slithering, deceitful cobra and yet she continues to thrust her fangs within Li's soul without realizing it. She wants to be good and stand out as a caring, sweet person; she tries so hard (and I can see her struggle; those flat eyes, behind their green curtains wouldn't fool me for a second.) and yet she never quite makes it, or at least, not to me. Everybody else can't see through her little act. Not even Li! Especially not Li! Those eyes…they have bewitched everybody, it seems, and have come close to entrapping me within their dreamy spell, I must admit. Madison idolizes her, and Li worships the ground she treads on; her friends all admire her athletic skills, yet I can see through her as if she's a pane of flat glass: shallow, two-dimensional. When it comes to situations that are truly important, Sakura is utterly clueless. She can fool everybody in the world with her puzzled and sweet act of innocence, but she can never fool me.
Jealous you call me? I may very well be that, but what I said previously comes straight from my heart. I don't hate the poor, shallow little dear Sakura; in fact I pity her! She's living such a sweet, foolish lie and it's quite entertaining to watch her inexperienced, awkward movements that she tries to mask yet by doing so reveals even more!
But another part of me despises her beyond words or actions for using my Li. The Li that I would never hurt for my life! My sense of justice argues that she is unconscious of it, yet when I see them together I cringe, as a strange, almost prophetic vision crosses through my subconscious as fast as the wind yet sharp as a knife. However, I never quite make out the image; but the impact of it remains for days after, the residual effects of it's enigmatic, terrifying power leaving little stabs in my mind similar in pain to minor paper-cuts: small but unsettling and quite bothersome.
That's what I want to talk about.
After school was out today, I saw Li rushing through the halls, an eager light illuminating his face. No doubt he wanted to tell her something; something important, judging by the careless, restless actions he displayed. Many cleared away, afraid of getting hurt, so reckless my Li was acting. As he ran, I came to greet him in my usual cheery way and my cherished cousin did something I never thought he would: staring at me with joyous, blank eyes that had vision for Sakura (and her only) at the moment as if I were some stranger for a confused millisecond, he shoved me hastily aside and ran to meet the little witch! My blood seemed to evaporate from boiling over. I don't think he even remembers doing that, and if he does, he's being awfully rude about not apologizing.
He ran up to Sakura and motioned her to follow him behind the building, no doubt so that they could be alone. I glimpsed something awful just as they turned to exit the doors: their hands were clasped and they looked like…lovers. At that very moment, I was thrust, for only a second, into a strange dimension in the depths of my subconscious, I believe. Within it, I saw a silhouette of two figures: a girl with uneven hair and emerald eyes that shone out against the slim shape like those of a panther, and a boy with a long trench-coat and a cruel aura radiating about him, which was there and yet, it wasn't.
A fire suddenly and violently surrounded and blurred away the couple in its treacherous, hot flames and I stood in the bedroom of no other than my darling Li's. He lay on his bed sobbing, and mumbling about a mistake he had made. I tried to reach out to him and offer comfort but I stood frozen, unable to move, being tortured by those wild, awful sobs. And then, it was all over and I stumbled home, unable to make much, if anything, of the whole vision in my exhaustion.
I have an inkling of what it means, but, as I learned before, jumping to conclusions can cause a lot of trouble and sometimes, pain. Perhaps I'll find out more later.
It's very late (11:50pm to be exact) and I have a history test first period tomorrow, so I need to go to sleep! I'm very glad I poured out my feelings, and now I can rest easily. Expect my next entry soon! Goodnight!
~Meilin Ray
And now, a little note from Meiling Li:
Well, I'm BACK! This is an introductory chapter, and it's not great, but if you read it please review it and tell me if I should continue!