There be a premise here; and I be writin like this because it be late and I
be without sleep.
I also be reading WAY too much comic books; mostly Jhonen Vasquez,
Spiderman, Batman, and The Uncanny X-Men.
I also be listening to the soundtrack to "Hair" - which is consequently
where I got me this acid-trip idea about hippies and X-Men.
WHAT IF: Mesmero had some horridly fiendish plan that the X-Men would ruin
if they ever found out about it and the Brotherhood would want in on (but
would fuck up) if they ever found out about it?
And WHAT IF: Mesmero was sadistic enough to make them think that they were
(cue the gasping and sinister music here) SINGING HIPPIES?!
Oh the humanity! Or lack thereof.
Based on the song "Hair" from the soundtrack to the musical with the same
name.
Another note: I didn't really change many of the lyrics, and I take no
credit for writing this song.

{Mesmero has succeeded in creating a vast and insane illusion in order to
keep both the X-Men and the Brotherhood out of his hair - they're hippies,
and not just any hippies, singing hippies.}
{we see a vast field of wildflowers and, smack dab in the middle, are
several members of both the X-Men and the Brotherhood, all wearing
stereotypical hippie clothing. There is a bong somewhere in all this, but
we're not smoking because you can't smoke and sing at the same time. It
just isn't possible.}

WOLVERINE
They ask me why I'm just a hairy guy
I'm hairy noon and night

ROGUE
Hair that's a fright

WOLVERINE
I'm hairy high and low
Don't ask me why - don't know

SABERTOOTH
Is it for lack of bread?

TOAD
Or like the Grateful Dead?

WOLVERINE
No.

CYCLOPS
Gimme a head with hair
Long beautiful hair
Shining steaming gleaming flaxen waxen

MAGENTO {running his hands through Mystique's hippie-like red hair}
Give me down to there hair
Shoulder-length or longer
Don't dye it, blow-dry it
Just leave it au natural

ALL
Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair!
Goin down
Flowin down
Nothin'll stop me growin my hair

STORM
Let it fly in the breeze
And get caught in the trees

SABERTOOTH
Give a home to the fleas in my hair

TOAD
That's just disgusting.

SABERTOOTH {ignoring him}
A home for fleas
A hive for bees
A nest for birds

ALL
There ain't no words for the beauty, the splendor, the wonder of my hair!
Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair!
Goin down
Flowin down
Nothin'll stop me growin my hair

MESMERO {looking on with bizarre and sadistic glee}
I want them dead, stiff, lifeless, deceased
Departed, ended, over, frozen
Broken, ruined, finished, useless
'Cause I'm evil - really evil
But also really lazy, I turned them into hippies
So now they're stoned and drugged-out
Wasted, smashed, trashed, crushed, cracked, and defeated!

{cut back to the hippie-ified X-Men and Brotherhood, who are in a mock-
salute to an upside-down American flag that was made from newspaper
clippings about the Vietnam and is hanging from a tree}

ALL
Oh say can you see my eyes?
If you can, then my hair's too short!

WOLVERINE
Down to here

MAGENTO
Down to there

SABERTOOTH
Down to there

JUBILEE, ICEMAN, PYRO, SHADOWCAT
Down to where it stops by itself!
Doo, doo, doo, et cetera

TOAD
They'll be ga-ga at the go-go when they see me in my toga

NIGHTCRAWLER
My toga made of black brilliantined biblical hair

TOAD
My hair like Jesus wore it

NIGHTCRAWLER
Hallelujah!
I adore it

NIGHTCRAWLER, TOAD
Hallelujah!
Mary loved her son
Why didn't my mom love me?

ALL
Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair!
Goin down
Flowin down
Nothin'll stop me growin my hair
Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair!
Goin down
Flowin down
Nothin'll stop me growin my hair
Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair!
Goin down
Flowin down
Nothin'll stop me growin my hair

{the music stops, and the X-Men and the Brotherhood kind of flop in the
grass, staring up at the sky and pointing to pretty cloud formations.}

MESMERO
Ha! My evil plan has worked! Now I'm gonna go rob a bank or something!

PROFESSOR X
Not so fast, Mesmero!

X-MEN & BROTHERHOOD {in unison}
Mesmero?!

MESMERO
But - but how?!

PROFESSOR X
Simple. I'm bald. {he turns to the X-Men & the Brotherhood} get him! Pay
him back for turning you into hippies!
{a scene of unimaginable, un-hippie-like violence erupts, aimed mostly at
Mesmero, and, as the scene fades away, we hear:}

X-MEN
Robbing banks is bad!

BROTHERHOOD
What do you mean those weren't real drugs?! Give us drugs!

MESMERO
Nevah!