"IMPRACTICAL JOKER"
ACT I
(FADE IN. STATION HOUSE NO. 4. CUT TO: INTERIOR OF STATION HOUSE. The Constables' area is rumbling with activity: papers being carried to and fro, officers using the telephone, and so on. MURDOCH enters as if he were arriving from somewhere. MURDOCH sees the activity and wonders what is going on, while removing his coat and hat. CUT TO: MURDOCH'S OFFICE. MURDOCH enters his office and puts his coat and hat in their proper places. MURDOCH is about to inquire as to the cause of the activity, when CRABTREE enters.)
CRABTREE
Sir: Glad you're here.
(MURDOCH gestures "What is all this about?" but before he can speak, CRABTREE explains.)
CRABTREE
A man and his wife just came into the station house about fifteen minutes ago. They reported there has been a kidnapping of one Lincoln Dunn. We have already obtained a description of the kidnapped person, along with a photograph. A bulletin has been issued asking all officers to be on the lookout. Inspector Brackenreid has asked me to have you talk to the couple who reported the crime.
MURDOCH
Their child was kidnapped?
CRABTREE (momentarily taken aback)
No, sir. An adult. Age: 57. The father of one of the people who reported the kidnapping; the father-in-law of the other.
(MURDOCH is a bit surprised by the age of the victim. MURDOCH exits his office, CRABTREE following.)
MURDOCH
Very well, George. Where are the husband and wife?
CRABTREE
In the Interview Room.
MURDOCH
Get a notebook and join me there straightaway.
(CRABTREE nods. CUT TO: INTERROGATION ROOM, where RON and LIZ Dunn are seated, holding hands. They are calm and are not crying. MURDOCH enters the INTERROGATION ROOM, CRABTREE follows quickly, notebook in hand.)
MURDOCH
I'm detective William Murdoch.
RON (standing, offering his hand)
My name is Ronald Dunn—
(MURDOCH and RON shake hands.)
RON
— And this is my wife, Liz, uh, Elizabeth.
MURDOCH (nods to her)
Mrs. Dunn. (gesturing to RON's chair) Please.
(RON sits, as does MURDOCH. CRABTREE quietly gets ready to take notes.)
MURDOCH
I've been told there's been a kidnapping. I also understand you have given us a description of the person who was kidnapped.
(CRABTREE quietly places a photograph of the missing man onto the table near MURDOCH.)
RON
Yes, it was my father, Lincoln Dunn.
MURDOCH
Age 57?
RON and LIZ
Yes.
(MURDOCH picks up the picture from the table, and looks at it, then shows it to RON and LIZ.)
MURDOCH
This is Lincoln Dunn, the picture accurately shows how he appears today?
RON
Yes.
MURDOCH
Is he— able-bodied?
RON
He had an accident a few years ago, and hasn't been able to work since then. He can walk on his own, even run; but he can't climb steep stairways or lift heavy things. If you're wondering whether he could have fought off a determined kidnapper, I'd doubt it.
(MURDOCH nods in understanding.)
MURDOCH
And you believe he was kidnapped, that he's not merely missing?
(In answer, RON reaches into a pocket and pulls out some envelopes. The envelopes have been opened. RON hands one envelope to MURDOCH. MURDOCH cringes a little when he sees that there will be no chance to recover finger marks.)
RON
We received this note exactly one week ago. Monday. The handwriting is my father's.
(MURDOCH listens, simultaneously pulling a note from the opened envelope, and opening the note. The note is written in longhand. MURDOCH reads it aloud.)
MURDOCH (reading)
"Dear Ron and Liz, I have been kidnapped. I will be released unharmed if you pay five thousand dollars, following directions to be given to you later. Do not call the police. You are being watched. Love, Dad."
(MURDOCH examines the note and the envelope. The note is written on stationery having a border design. The envelope is unremarkable except that it is the same colour as the stationery. MURDOCH sets the envelope down, but holds the note.)
RON
That note was wedged under our front door last Monday. Dad didn't come home the night before.
MURDOCH
Come home from where?
RON
Tony's Pub. A tavern about a block from our home. He doesn't drink alcohol, though. He usually meets some of his army friends there on Sunday nights, and usually comes home late.
MURDOCH
These "army friends," their names are—?
RON
Fox, uh, (trying to remember) Milligan and, uh, Chandler.
LIZ
We've never met any of them.
(As CRABTREE scribbles the names in his notebook, MURDOCH places the ransom note on the desk, atop the envelope from which it came. RON hands MURDOCH a second envelope, from which MURDOCH extracts a second ransom note, also written in longhand on the same kind of stationery.)
RON
The next morning, Tuesday, we had this note under our front door.
MURDOCH (reading)
"Dear Ron and Liz, I am being treated well. Why aren't you arranging to get the money? You ought to be doing that. Do not talk to the police. You are being watched. Love, Dad." Again, you recognize your father's handwriting?
RON
Yes, it's his writing. On Wednesday, there was nothing. No note under our door. But on Thursday, this came.
(As MURDOCH places the second note on the desk, RON hands MURDOCH a third envelope, from which MURDOCH extracts a third note, also written in longhand on the same kind of stationery.)
MURDOCH (reading)
"Dear Ron and Liz, wrap the five thousand dollars in newspaper. Behind Olsen's Market is a black metal cylinder with a cover. At noon today, put the wrapped money into the cylinder and replace the cover, and walk away. Do not look back. Do not talk to the police. You are being watched. Love, Dad."
LIZ
We did as the note said. We paid.
MURDOCH
And you did not get the police involved.
RON
The note said we were being watched, and I think we were.
MURDOCH
Why?
RON
On Monday, we didn't make any effort to get any money for ransom, but the note we got the next morning told us we ought to do that. It was as if the kidnappers knew we hadn't done anything to get the ransom. And then, it took us two days to get the ransom money. The note telling us what to do with the money did not arrive until we actually had the money. Somehow, they knew we now had the money.
LIZ
They were watching us.
MURDOCH
But you paid the ransom?
RON and LIZ
Yes!
RON
Exactly as was asked!
MURDOCH
And your father has not been released?
RON
That's right. We thought there might be another note, telling us where we might find him, but there hasn't been one.
MURDOCH
Presumably, you did not want to involve the police earlier for fear of your father's safety—
RON
That's right.
MURDOCH
So why are you coming to the police now? If your father should have been released Thursday, or Friday at the latest, why did you wait until Monday— today— to report the crime to us?
LIZ
We—
(RON and LIZ look at each other, guiltily.)
RON
We weren't convinced that my father had actually been kidnapped. We thought it was just a joke. You know, a prank, a "Ha-ha, got you!"
MURDOCH (stunned)
Kidnapping? A joke?
(MURDOCH and CRABTREE do not know what to make of this. FADE OUT.)