"I summon thee Satan unto the world!" Ron chanted, sitting by the pentagram he had drawn on the floor of the Gryffindor common room, at precisely 6 PM on the 6th of June. His eyes glowed red, as he was a practicing Satanist, and he was dressed all in black and red.
To Ron's delight, Satan rose up from the pentagram. "What is thy wish, my son?" asked Satan.
"I wanna have sex with Hermione, but she keeps turning me down!" Ron ejaculated loudly.
Satan smiled, and clicked his fingers. Suddenly Hermione appeared, tied up on the floor naked. Ron stepped towards her, a ravenous smile on his face. "I can't wait to dig in!" he exclaimed, as Satan disappeared, his request performed.
Just as Ron was removing his clothes, Harry burst into the common room, dressed all in white. "What are you doing Ronald?" Harry yelled.
Ron screamed like a little girl and covered his tiny peewee with one hand, reaching for his wand with the other. Ron then shouted "ein volk, ein reich, ein führer!" to call a spirit from the grave to help him fight Harry.
But it was too late. Harry had his own, and pointed at Ron, chanting "Equemos Puntificus!" Suddenly where Ron stood there was now nothing but a pony. The pony neighed and ran out of the common room.
Harry untied Hermione, and she proceeded to reward him with the best night of his young life.