Fulfilment
I'm holding on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground...
Levi's breath is hot in his ear, hands tight on his waist, hair brushing his cheek as he sings. Eren can hardly listen to the words, can barely follow the tune being crooned into his ear. It's hard, when the music is punctuated with the tramping of footsteps overhead. Even harder when he knows that this is a farewell. Levi would never be so.. sappy if it wasn't.
Hell, if it wasn't the end, Levi would never live this down. Slow dancing in a basement while singing in his boyfriend's ear? Not Levi. Never.
And I need you like a heart needs a beat, but thats nothing new...
Oh. Now he's listening. Levi is glaring at him, as much as he can while singing slow, sappy love songs. It's a once in a lifetime event, he supposes, and if he doesn't listen carefully Levi might kill him before the Titans do.
So he smiles up at him, adjusting his grip on his waist and pulling him closer. It works, if Levi's closed eyes and sudden intake of breath are anything to go by. To his credit, he doesn't miss a beat of the song. Maybe he's keeping time by the drumming of the footsteps on the ceiling.
The ceiling is actually shaking. Eren doesn't know why he's surprised at this, considering the weight of the average titan.
I loved you with a fire red, now its turning blue, and you say...
He's said many things, over the last few days. A lot of them he didn't mean, some he did. I love you. Once. Was once enough? Should he say it again? Again and again, until the words become meaningless, the way too much of everything does in the end. Maybe he'll just leave it unsaid. There are some things that are just understood.
Levi's stopped singing. Now he looks almost... apprehensive? He's waiting for his opinion, Eren realizes. He almost laughs. Levi, insecure about his singing voice. If only Armin was still around to share the joke with, because Levi won't find it humorous at all, and Eren might find himself dead earlier than expected. But...
"You were brilliant" he murmurs, "Just what I wanted to hear right now." And its the truth, no matter how much Eren might want to rib Levi about his sappiness.
"Of course I was," Levi says. "Now have we done everything on that silly list?"
"It wasn't silly, and anyway you enjoyed it" Eren replies.
Levi will never admit that he enjoyed anything on their bucket list, so Eren will just have to do it for him. Even though he knows that Levi enjoyed nearly everything, except perhaps having to learn to change a diaper, or dance in one of the old nightclubs inside of Wall Rose. Levi is an amazing dancer, when he tries.
"It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be," Levi is grudgingly admitting.
"It was fucking brilliant, Levi. I can't believe you'd never tried whipped cream or built a snowman or gone swimming before!" Eren says. Levi's face when Eren had shoved snow in it had been priceless.
Levi raises his eyebrows. "I thought we were past the age for that kind of thing, Jaeger."
Of course they're past it, Eren thinks. They've been past it ever since Levi found him huddled over Mikasa's body in the ruins of Wall Sina. Levi took him home and cleaned him up, guiding him through the motions like a child.
That night, Levi stayed in his bedroom, sleeping on the floor so he would be there when Eren woke up, screaming for Mikasa. He did the same for the next 3 nights, until Eren came out of his daze and pulled him into bed.
At first, it was an escape for both of them. During the day they would run on adrenaline, fuelled by each titan they killed, and at night they would release the grief and stress before collapsing exhausted into sleep. The arrangement hasn't changed much, except somewhere along the way they fell in love.
It took Armin's death for them to realize it, something which Eren hates. Why should the best things come along with the worst? Like now. They've finally completed their bucket list, the hastily scrawled words on a ripped up paper bag, and now they're going to die.
Thats the whole point of a bucket list, Levi would point out, but for Eren it was a dream, that the bucket list would never be completed, that they would never die.
It certainly seemed that way on the days that they were on leave, playing hide-and-seek in the alleys of inner Wall Rose. Eren can still remember Levi's face when he found him huddled inside a half empty water barrel. By the end of it, they were so competitive that Eren was attatching himself to cathedral roofs with his 3DMG. It was worth it, every bit, even getting beat up by Levi after.
"Levi?"
His boyfriend turns from where he is crossing the last item off the list at a rickety old table in the corner. "Yes, Eren?"
"Is this it?" Eren asks. There's so much more he wants to say, but his mouth is dry, and anyway he knows Levi will understand.
And he does. "This is it," Levi says, "Was there anything else you wanted to put on the list?"
"Apart from going back in time? No." says Eren. He doesn't want to admit it, but he's scared. No matter how many times he's been in life-threatening situations, its never been as final as this. Its all because of the list, he decides.
Before, there was a sense that the list made them immortal, that they couldn't die before everything on it had been done. Now that sense is gone, and Eren's breath is coming in short gasps, arms and legs trembling.
He's on the verge of transformation. But he's not going to. He can't. Not when he agreed with Levi about it. Fighting will just be futile. But he doesn't want to die. He doesn't want -
Warm arms wrap around his waist from behind, and Levi's breath is ghosting over his ears.
"Stop thinking, Eren." Its an order, from his heichou, from his boyfriend, and of course he obeys. Levi's presence is calming, slowing his breathing and stopping the trembling in his limbs with a touch.
"Why aren't you scared?", Eren whispers.
"I am."
The admission sends frissions of fear down his spine once again. Levi is and always has been his pillar of strength, and for him to admit that...
Its real now, not just a distant event, anticipated but not thought about enough to cause any worry.
"Eren." Levi is calling him back to the present.
"I'm sorry, Levi."
Levi ignores him, something he does everytime he feels that Eren is saying something stupid. His voice is hesitant, faltering as he continues.
"I enjoyed it, Eren. Especially the snow, and jumping off Wall Rose, and getting caught under mistletoe. I'm glad we did this stupid list of yours," he says.
"So am I," Eren whispers.
The footsteps are almost deafening now, and the shattering of glass and brick and wood can be heard from upstairs.
"I'll see you again, brat," Levi murmurs into his hair.
He turns Eren around until they are pressed against each other, face to face, and kisses him.
The kiss is slow to start, almost gentle by Levi's standards. Eren complies, opening his mouth under Levi's and beginning to respond with fervor. Levi's hands tangle in his hair and angle his face to the right to deepen the kiss. Eren moans in response, wrapping his arms tightly around Levi's back and pressing their bodies flush to one another. They are about to die, but he can still feel the evidence of Levi's arousal pressing against his thigh.
Suddenly, Levi moves, pushing Eren back and causing him to overbalance, but Levi's arms are supporting him as he walks Eren backwards and pushes him against the wall. Eren laughs breathlessly.
"Are you trying to distract me?" he asks. Because - oh - its definitely working, he can hardly concentrate on their imminent doom when Levi is kissing his way down his neck and - right there -The wanton noises he's making are kind of embarrassing. But who cares? Not when Levi's lips are brushing over his own again, over his ears, on that sensitive spot at his earlobe.
"I love you, brat." Levi murmurs, and Eren has hardly had time to process this realization when the ceiling is gone.
Gone. Smashed. Probably by that Titan's fist, the one that is now peering greedily into their basement. Levi's not even looking. He just continues to suck his way down Eren's collarbone like there's no tomorrow. Well, there isn't, not for them, but Eren can't help but be distracted from Levi's ministrations by the deformed face that is peering through the ceiling. What's left of the ceiling. Which isn't very much.
Levi pulls away from his nipple and brings their lips together again. Eren thinks he should just shut his eyes and get on with it. There are worse ways to die, after all.
"I love you", he whispers through Levi's insistent kiss. "Stop, goddamnit Levi, I love you so much."
"I know, brat", Levi replies softly, "I love you too."
And then they are kissing once again. Levi's breath, the feel of Levi's lips on his, Levi's jutting hipbones digging into him, Levi's tongue in his mouth – these are the last things Eren knows.
Bucket List:
By Eren and Levi
1. Find as many ticklish spots as possible.
2. Scare Levi Eren Levi enough to make him wet his pants!
3. Play hide-and-seek.
4. Visit a nightclub.
5. Play in the snow.
6. Teach Eren to dance properly.
7. Get Levi to dance dirty.
8. Hear Levi sing.
9. Sing a love song.
10. Catch a cat.
11. Learn to write left handed.
12. See who can hang upside down for the longest.
13. Travel outside Wall Maria again.
14. Kill 100 titans in one day.
15. Have a race without the 3DMG. The winner decides who tops next.
16. Kiss for 5 minutes without stopping for breath.
17. Make Annie smile.
18. Christen Erwin's desk.
19. Dye Mikasa's scarf purple.
20. Appreciate Hanji.
21. Take Eren to a gay bar.
22. Have a drinking competition.
23. Compose a poem.
24. Play a prank on Jean.
25. Say, I love you.
A/N
Late night ramblings. I hope you enjoyed - well, I hope it made you sad, at least. I'm a horrible person.
Keep an eye out for updates! I might post scenes from the actual doing of the list.
You can also check it out at ao3, probably more likely to get faster updates there.