Waiting

She didn't do feelings. That was her golden rule. That is what she always told herself. That is what she told her one night stands. If she was feeling good, three max. She is a quick fuck kind of girl. She liked it rough and quick. That was Sameen Shaw until she met Root.

Never in her life did she ever think she would fall in love with someone like Root. Considering how they met, odds are she would kill her first before she even had any feelings for her. Sure she had feelings, but it was of hatred and anger. She hated the woman. First time they met, Shaw thought she was a victim. But as it turned out, this was part of her plan to get to the Machine. Root tased her and then kidnapped Finch. Then they trapped her and Shaw wanted nothing but to put a bullet between her eyes as a payback for Root tasing her. But she couldn't bring herself to do it. She told herself it was Finch who didn't want Root dead but she knew in the back of her mind when she looked at Root's eyes there was something there that drew her in. So they locked her up in a psychiatric facility. But it wasn't long when Root escaped and Root came after her again. Root came to her house in the middle of the night, tased her and kidnapped her. When Root told her about her and her father the day he took her to a Phillies game and on their way back they had a car accident and that was when she lost her father. She was so angry at Root and she could have killed her right there with her bare hands. But she didn't. She believed Root that the machine was talking to her. Nobody knew about that day except her and her father. There were so many ways she could have escaped or hurt or killed Root that day but she stayed with Root and helped her with the mission. After the mission was done, Shaw knocked her out and brought her to Harold's place. The place they call The Library.

Finch locked her up and took away any cell phone as punishment. She never doubted Root's ability to escape. The Machine could have told her many ways to escape but she stayed put. She tried to stay away from where Root was being kept but she always found her way there. She pretended that Finch asked her to bring her food but in truth, she wanted to see Root. She wanted to talk to her. She didn't know what it was about Root that drew her in. Root was a mystery and a woman with many names. She was intelligent and even impressed Finch with her coding abilities. Maybe it was the vulnerability that she saw in Root's eyes. There was pain that she tries to mask with her smile. But Shaw knew too well because she was a lot like Root in many ways.

After Finch freed her, Root went on to do some missions for the machine, the relevant ones while she and Reese tended to the irrelevant ones. She found herself missing Root and looked forward to the missions they worked together. The excitement she felt at seeing Root took her by surprised. She didn't understand the feeling. Root's tendency to flirt with her annoyed her but deep down inside it made her feel good. Whether Root was just playing with her or not, that was something that bugged her. Then one day Root saved them all from Samaritan by giving them new identities. They had to separate and can only meet in secret.

One night they met at a bar for a ladies night out. And then it happened. Root walked her to her apartment and as Root was walking away, she pulled Root back and kissed her. The sex was frantic and rough and they both came fast. But as the night went on, it changed to slow and tender and then rough again. Shaw could not remember a time when she was ever that exhausted and sore from sex. She also could not ever remember being so satisfied and yet wanting more and more. She could not get enough of Root and Root was the same way. As hard as they tried for it to not happen again and tried to blame it on alcohol after that night, they knew both were sober enough to stop whatever it was that happened before it went any further. No matter how hard they tried, they always ended up at each other's front door step.

Then one day Root got shot and almost died. Shaw was so scared that she became withdrawn and cold. She told Root that she wanted to end things. Root pleaded with her and told her those three words that Shaw had avoided all her life. Shaw told her she didn't feel the same and it was just all about sex for her. Shaw lied to herself over and over again. But she failed over and over again because of the pain she felt and emptiness told her so.

When Root recovered, she told Reese and Finch that she was going away for awhile. She wasn't sure how long but she needed to be out of New York. There was too much reminder of Shaw and she needed to clear her head. The Machine understood her decision and told her that no matter what, she will be there for her.

When Shaw returned to the Library that night Root was nowhere to be found.

"If you are looking for Root, she left." John's voice startled her.

"Left? Where did she go?"

"Finch said she is scheduled to fly out in three hours."

"Did she say when she's coming back?"

"You should ask her Shaw."

"Huh."

"Don't pretend you don't care Shaw. Don't pretend you don't love her. I lost Jessica and then Joss without telling them how I felt because I was afraid."

"I don't know what you're talking about John. It was nothing. It was just sex."

"Keep telling yourself that Sam. Keep lying to yourself. By the way, Root said she doesn't know when she is coming back. But hey, you don't care right?"

Shaw stood there, frozen. And when she didn't move, Reese shook his head and left her in the room alone.

After a few minutes, darkness and coldness loomed over the room. And all of a sudden she couldn't breathe. It dawned her that she could not picture a life without Root.

When she got to Root's apartment, she saw a concierge at the door collecting her Root's suitcase.

Root saw her but didn't say anything. Instead she told the concierge to get her a taxi to take her to the airport.

Shaw didn't wait for Root to invite her in. She just followed Root inside the apartment.

"Don't go." Shaw blurted out.

"What are you doing here Shaw?" She asked with bitterness in her voice.

"Please stay."

"It's too late Sameen."

"I lied. I love you."

"I can't Sameen. I have to go."

"I know I hurt you. I'm stupid."

Please Sameen don't do this. I can't do this right now with you."

"Just at least tell me where you're going. And that you will come back."

"I'm going somewhere far away."

"I will wait for you no matter how long it takes."

"Don't Sameen."

"Just promise me you will come back."

But Root didn't answer her and left her there without saying goodbye.

That was a month ago. And here she was at the bar drinking by herself after she and John saved another number.

When root left her that night she felt numb. She couldn't bring herself to sleep in her apartment. Instead, she slept in Root's apartment every night waiting for her. And every night, she came home to an empty apartment but Root's scent gave her comfort. But it also made her miss her more. And the pain she felt in her heart was at times too much that for the first time in her life, she cried.

For the first time in a month, she went to her own apartment. The room felt strange and colder. After changing, she went to the bar.

She has been sitting at the bar for an hour now She was on her fourth beer. She had just waved off the third man who offered to buy her a drink. There were also two women that tried to hit on her but she waved them off too.

Then she smelled that familiar scent. She can never forget her scent, sweet and intoxicating just like her.

"I thought that guy was good looking Sameen, why did you wave him off?"That makes him the fifth one tonight." Root said playfully.

"Because they weren't you. What are you doing here, Root?"" Shaw turning her head around to face Root.

"I was looking for you and I was wondering if I could buy you a drink."

"Hmmm, that depends. Are you here to stay?"

"Maybe."

"You didn't find what you were looking for over there?"

"I didn't. I tried but I just couldn't."

Sameen felt something in the pit of her stomach and she only felt this way about Root. The thought of another person kissing her and making love to her drove her crazy.

"What do you mean you tried? Did you…? Never mind, I have no right to…"

"You know I would never lie to you. We kissed. Well it was more like she kissed me but when I closed my eyes all I saw was you. I could, not bring myself to do anything with her no matter how tempting a life she was offering me."

"So you didn't…"

"No Sameen, I didn't. I never could imagine making love to anyone else but you."

"Can I kiss you?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

Shaw leaned it and kissed Root, cupped Root's face with both her hands and gently caressing her soft, warm cheeks. God she has missed Root's skin. Shaw deepened the kiss and slipped her tongue inside, She could feel her arousal rising and she knew if they didn't stop, she will slam Root on the bar and make Root scream her name.

Reluctantly, she pulled away.

"If we don't stop now, we will giving these people a show."

"I know."

"I love you Root. I really love you."

"I love you too Sameen."

"Let's get out of here. I have been waiting too long. I am going to savor and worship you tonight."

"I can't wait."

Shaw waved to the bar tender for her bill. She put a hundred dollar bill on the table. She and Root practically ran out the door trying their best to keep their hands off each other.

They made love that night. Shaw worshipped Root with soft touches and with her tongue. She wanted to taste every inch of her body. She also wanted to mark her as her own. After making love for the fifth time that night and coming from their countless orgasms, both laid there holding each other.

The room was quiet with only their breathing as the sound. For the first time in months her room felt warm even in the Fall in New York.

Shaw closed her eyes, and almost drifting off to sleep.

"Sameen."

"Hmmm."

"I know now that no matter where I am, you are always with me. You consume me."

"And I am so happy to hear you say that because you're mine."

They kissed each other softly and drifted off to sleep.