Author's Note: Once upon a time, in a far away fandom, I wrote an 'Invader Zim' fanfic that was a parody of 'Alice in Wonderland,' starring Dib in the role of Alice. People seemed to like it. Then, someone who read that fic liked it enough to write the sequel, entitled, 'Dib Through The Mirror.' This person called herself Cartman's Girl, and this fic, though really awesome, was never finished by the author. It's been many, many years, and though I've lost touch and haven't been able to contact her, I always thought it was a terrible shame she never completed the story. So I can only get down on my knees and pray that Cartman's Girl, wherever she is, will not mind that I've taken up the challenge of finishing her way awesome fanfic and adopted it ^^
For my part, I actually wrote the continuation of this quite a long time ago, when it became apparent the fic wasn't going to continue, but only recently dug it up and decided to finish it. I also admit, while I kept the first story pretty close to the show as far as tone and being in character, I just said, "fuck it," and went nuts with this one. There's even some DibxGretchen implied later on. I didn't really care, I just wanted to do whatever the hell I wanted without really caring what anyone thought for once (although I DO hope people will get some enjoyment out of it). Other than that, I tried to keep everyone mostly in character. And since Cartman's Girl used characters not found in 'ZIM', but still within the Jhonen Vasquez universe, I've done the same. I only hope that I've done good by my old bud, Cartman's Girl, and that if she ever reads this, she'll approve. Really, she gets ALL the credit for inspiring me to write the second half of this, and I suggest strongly that you go read the first half that she wrote before reading this (it'll also be less confusing if you do).
Of course if you reeeeaaallllyyyy wanted to, you could give my original 'Dib in Wonderland' fic a look, too (pretty please?) I'm embarrassed now by all the technical and grammatical errors I made, but I did write it a LONG time ago, so please forgive. It's still a fun read if you like Invader Zim or Alice in Wonderland, and especially if you like Dib. You don't need to read it, however to follow this story, but it helps. Both fics are on this site, FYI.
Thanks, Cartman's Girl, wherever you may be, and I wish you the best ^_-
Now, the continuation of 'Dib Through the Mirror."
Cast of Characters you need to know (so far)-
- The Red King….. Johnny (Nny) C.
- The White King… Steve Ressel
- The Cheshire Cat….. Jhonen Vasquez
Chapter 5- Red Queens and Chickens and Demons, Oh My!
Dib was whipped around by the flurry of soldiers running past him, and he sat down hard on the ground, his eyes shut in an effort to block out the dizzy way his head felt. When he dared open them again, he found the soldiers were gone, and in their wake stood a tall, pale, too-skinny woman dressed all in red. Since she wore a crown over her slick, straight purple hair, Dib concluded that this was the Red Queen that Red King Nny had mentioned. She looked from side to side out of charcoal-lined eyes, not seeming to notice him. Frowning, she set her hands on her hips in a huff.
"Where ARE they?"
All at once her eyes flashed on Dib like flints of green ice. "You!" she said sharply. "Have you seen either of my messengers around here anywhere?"
"N-no, ma'am," Dib replied. "Just a bunch of soldiers running by."
"Tch!" The Red Queen rolled her eyes. "Those were the Red King's men. That idiot, always making a big deal out of nothing. Do you know why they were running by just now?"
Dib shook his head.
"They were running out to get him a Cherry Slushie," she grumbled not bothering to hide her annoyance. Dib was wondering why the mention of a Cherry Slushie made him shudder all the sudden (and was it his imagination or did he hear laughter coming from the trees?), when the Queen startled him by saying, "Oh, I know what you're thinking, but it isn't so. We're not together. There might have been something had he not tried to kill me that one time, but oh well, you know? He just happens to be the Red King, and I just happen to be the Red Queen- oh, I'm the Red Queen, by the way, Queen Devi- but other than that we have no connection. In fact, I don't much care to socialize at all, if you must know the truth. But that's another story," she sighed, just the tiniest, microscopic-est bit sadly Dib noticed. "I would be at home right now working on my paintings if not for some business I have to attend to…" She shaded her eyes with a gloved hand and squinted down a path. "Who do you see there, on the road?"
Dib stood up and , after a glance, said, "I don't see anybody."
"I didn't ask who you didn't see," the Queen said, seeming exaggeratedly exasperated (say that three times fast!) by this response. "Of course you don't see Anybody. There isn't Anybody on the road. Now tell me who you do see?"
"U-um…" Dib scratched his head, thinking this must be some sort of trick question. "Nobody," he said finally, really having no idea what else to say that might satisfy the Queen.
"Really?" she replied, looking harder. "Well, you have better eyesight than I do, then. If you can see Nobody at this distance, well…!" The Red Queen shrugged, and that seemed to be the end of it.
Just another nonsensical bunch of…nonsense… to make my brain hurt, Dib sighed inwardly, feeling just the slightest bit sad. He'd hoped, maybe, just maybe, he could have one conversation with someone in this world that made some sense; one person he could talk to and feel not-so out of place with. Clearly the Red Queen wasn't this person. She was just a little too off-kilter for Dib's comfort, although he was glad to see her mood had improved somewhat. He also knew it could rear back at the slightest provocation, so he reminded himself to try and remain as inoffensive as possible for the time being. Easier said than done, of course.
Suddenly, Dib had a bright idea- damned if he knew why he hadn't thought of it before as it seemed rather obvious. "Hey, you wouldn't happen to have a phone I could use? Or know where I can find one?" But the Queen was preoccupied with other matters.
"Ah! There he is," she said finally as a figure approached them.
An unwelcomely familiar figure, Dib saw.
"Oh no…" the young boy groaned, feeling a sense of grim, hopeless de'ja'vu in the pit of his stomach. Coming towards them was a small, grungy brown monkey, a monkey Dib recognized. Once upon a time he'd encountered this monkey at a rather unpleasant tea-party, and though no longer sporting the goofy rabbit ears it had worn as the March Hare, it still looked just as deranged and bad-tempered as ever. The monkey must have recognized Dib as well; as soon as it spotted him it bared a mouthful of yellow teeth and rumbled a low growl. Dib, not caring, just folded his arms and glowered right back at it. "Oh, shut up."
"Where have you been?" the Queen demanded. The monkey only looked up at her with his peculiar, bewildered eyes, his lower lip jutting out in an almost innocent way, though Dib knew better. "Oh never mind," she waved distractedly. "I feel faint. Give me Chinese!"
The monkey handed the Queen a paper bag from which she pulled a take out box of noodles and a pair of chopsticks. She dug into it eagerly, not speaking again till she'd eaten at least half. "So…" she trailed off to slurp some stray soy sauce from her mouth, "… Where's the other one with my egg rolls?"
The monkey grunted and pointed down the road in the opposite direction. A little ways in the distance another little figure materialized, becoming clearer as it came closer. Dib recognized this one, too.
"Oh come ON!" he cried. Yet, although exasperated and frustrated beyond all reason, was he really all that surprised? Honestly? No, he supposed not, but this fact didn't diminish his irritation in the least. Trotting happily along the path, seemingly without a care in the world, was Zim's robot, GIR, better known in this twisted dimension as The Mad Hatter.
"Why?" he repeated to himself. "Why, why, why?" As if in response, a low laughter sounded in Dib's ear. He whipped around and once again he could have sworn he saw a streak of purple and orange skirt his vision.
GIR came to a halt in front of the Red Queen and saluted, his eyes flashing red momentarily, then regaining their usual aqua color as he waved and chirruped pleasantly, "Hi there!"
Dib offered a half-hearted little wave while the Queen took the other take-out bag from the little robot. "What news do you bring me?" she asked between mouthfuls of egg roll. She offered one to Dib but he waved it off politely.
GIR looked about, as if he had a big secret to tell, then motioned them to come closer. Closer. Closer still. When Dib and the Red Queen were only centimeters away, GIR shouted out, "THEY'RE AT IT AGAIN!"
"NYAH!" Dib screamed. The startled Red Queen fell backwards. Growling in anger she whacked the robot on the head with her scepter. "Moron! Next time whisper it!"
"Oh, okay," GIR said atoningly, then cupped his hands around his mouth and screeched at at least five times the previous volume: "THEY'RE AT IT AGAAAAIIIIINNNNN!"
"That's better," the Queen nodded while Dib checked his ears to see if any blood was flowing from them.
Although not sure he wanted to know, he ventured to ask, "Um- who's at what again?"
"Why the Chicken and Der Soul Stealer, of course!" exclaimed the Queen.
"The WHAT!?" Dib's jaw hung down incredulously, but before he could say more the Queen grabbed one of his hands and took off running. GIR trailed along, holding onto his other hand, while the scary monkey held onto GIR, completing the chain. "Waitaminute!" Dib protested. "I'm headed the other way! Stop!" But he was ignored as usual and spirited away, no doubt to witness what he was sure would be another ridiculous scene by more ridiculous characters.
He was not disappointed. As they drew nearer to their destination, Dib could hear the sound of loud, energetic hooting and hollering. Soon they were at the edge of a large crowd made up of various talking animals and chess pieces. The Queen led him into the midst of this group of spectators, who were gathered round two dueling creatures of some kind.
"See! They's fightin!" GIR pointed like a little kid enjoying a particularly good school rumble at the two inhabitants occupying the center of the circle. Dib couldn't really make out what they were at first because there was so much dust stirred up in the air, but as it cleared he made one of them out to be a giant chicken. Well, sort of. It was more like a guy dressed in a chicken suit. The other was a huge, pale, lumbering sort of creature looking somewhat humanish, though Dib was sure this wasn't the case. He'd seen his share of demons over his years as a paranormalist and knew one when he saw one. The demon-thing had black hair, pointy ears, and red eyes, and was at the moment holding the chicken-costumed guy in a headlock, giving him a noogie. They both looked familiar, but Dib's poor over-taxed brain just couldn't place them. He noticed this was sort of a trend here.
"Please! Please, have mercy!" the chicken-man wailed, speaking with a pronounced Spanish accent, and the other demon or whatever-it-was dropped him on the ground and raised his fists in the air triumphantly.
"I AM MORTOS!" he proclaimed, jumping up and down, odd little squeaking noises emitting from his pants. "I win, I win, I win!" The peculiar monster-thing also spoke with some sort of accent in his voice, though I'll be damned if I could tell you exactly what kind. A stupid one, Dib would have said.
"What exactly are they fighting about?" Dib asked Red Queen Devi.
"They're fighting for the crown. See?" The Queen gestured as an official looking member of the crowd came up and placed a crown regally on the winning creature's head. Mortos clapped ecstatically, but Dib couldn't see what the big deal was; the so-called "crown" was nothing but a paper McMeaties birthday crown. I suppose it might be something if he won a free meal at least. Suddenly Dib felt hungry. It occurred to him he hadn't had anything to eat in all the time he'd been here, and now he wished he'd taken up the Queen's earlier hand out.
"Hmph! Fine, take eet! The Chicky Licky's crown ees better anyway!" the man in the chicken suit- ah hell, might as well reveal it already, everyone knows it's supposed to be Chickenfoot- pouted.
"Chicken Man just jealous of Mortos." Mortos (Der Soul Stealer, as Dib knew him, though he didn't know that he knew this) stuck out his tongue.
Chickenfoot's feathers (somehow, since it's only a costume) ruffled up. He turned away from his rival haughtily, then caught sight of Dib. The eyes peeking though the mouth of his chicken suit grew wide and he looked at the young boy as one would look at dog dookie on their shoe.
"What-ees- that?"" he pointed a feathered finger at poor Dib who suddenly found himself the center of some much unwanted attention as the crowd drew in around him. They seemed fascinated… horrified… by him, as if none of them had ever seen a kid in a trench coat with glasses and a scythe on his head before.
"Hey! What's wrong with you people? Back off!" Dib waved his arms and the crowd drew back with a collective gasp.
"It talks!" said someone.
"Amazing!" said someone else.
Another voice: "What kind of creature is it?"
This was more than Dib could take. "Get a life," he mumbled, crossing his arms.
"Isn't it just neat-o?" said the Red Queen proudly, ignoring Dib's discomfort. "I think it's a… a…" The Queen leaned close to Dib. "I'm sorry, but exactly what is it you said you were?"
Dib felt pretty humiliated at this point, but he grudgingly answered. "I'm… a human. A little boy, I guess."
"Wrong!" exclaimed the Queen triumphantly. "You never said anything of the sort!"
Dib smacked his forehead.
"A human…" Chickenfoot marveled. "I deed not believe they exeested."
"Well, I never believed Chickenfoot existed," Dib retorted.
The guy in the chicken suit seemed to consider a moment. "Well then, seence we've seen each other, I'll believe in you eef you believe in me."
"But… I don't believe in Chickenfoot," Dib said. "You're just a guy in a-" But no one was really listening to him anymore, least of all Chickenfoot; their attention was diverted to GIR who had appeared holding a huge cake over his head. There was a knife sticking out of it.
"CAAAAAKKKKEEEEE!" the little robot announced in a not-so-little voice, and everyone stampeded over to get their share. Dib would have taken that moment to make his exit, but his stomach growled at the sight of the so, so nummy looking chocolate frosting-covered cake. He thought that one little piece would be worth staying just a little longer.
GIR suddenly thrust the cake into Dib's arms, knocking him off balance. "Hey!" Dib said, but GIR had taken off his hat and was busy pulling forks and plates out of it like a magician doing a trick.
Mortos, finally feeling he'd reveled enough in his glory, lumbered back over to join everyone. "Ooo! Cake!" he clapped, then looked at Dib, puzzled. "What that?"
"A human boy-ee!" Chickenfoot appeared at Dib's side, nearly knocking the cake out of his hands. "Eesn't eet heedious! Ees a terrible monster, like een a spoooooky story!" He made little eerie gestures with his feather-fingers, and Dib felt like smashing the stupid cake right over his head.
"I'm not a monster!" Dib snapped. "If anything, he's a monster! Or a- a demon, or- something." He pointed at Mortos.
The Chicken-costumed man looked aghast. "W-What about me?" he asked in a ridiculously forlorn tone; he actually seemed offended by being excluded.
"What about you?" Dib shrugged. "You're a guy in a chicken suit. You're not-"
"No! No, you lieeee!" Chickenfoot dropped to the dirt, limbs flailing wildly, screaming unintelligibly and crying like GIR throwing a tantrum. "Why do you taunt me? I am a monster! A freak! Do you theenk I wanted thees fate? You theenk I want to be a horrible, grotesque cheeckeny… man-theeng!? Do you? Why do you mock me weeth such cruelty!? Wahhhh!"
Dib couldn't even speak, he was so beyond bafflusted (that's baffled and disgusted) by this bizarre display. The others around him "tsk'd" disapprovingly.
"How could you say such a cruel thing! You're so mean!" said someone at random.
"But-But-!" Dib tried, "He is a guy in a chicken suit! He's not a monster! I mean that's a good thing, isn't it? Why-"
"Stop!" interrupted Mortos, patting the crestfallen Chickenfoot on the back. "Can't you see you've hurt feelings enough?"
"Hey! You two were just fighting a minute ago!" Dib shouted, not even caring if he made sense anymore. It wasn't like anyone else did.
"There, there," Mortos continued to comfort his chickeny friend. "You are freaky chicken monster. Big-head boy just mean."
Dib was so far beyond the point of fury that his very vision swam with rage. He shut his eyes and clenched his teeth till he was sure he'd either choke on his anger or his head would explode-he wasn't sure he cared which. Then, like an odometer rolling over, something in Dib's mind just laid down and he sighed instead. "Can we just have the stupid cake now?"
"Well we've been waiting for you to pass it around," piped in the Red Queen impatiently. Rather than reply with a comeback, Dib, just wanting some food in his stomach, put the cake on the ground and pulled out the knife. He positioned it above the cake and was about to make a cut, when she interrupted. "What are you doing?"
"Huh?"
"You don't cut the cake until after it's served."
"What?" Dib shook his head; he was tired of all this nonsense, so ignoring the Queen he cut the cake down the middle anyway. The second the knife left the plate, however, the two pieces joined right back together again. Dib blinked in astonishment and tried again, and again the same thing happened. He tried over and over, growing terribly frustrated until finally he decided that the old axiom "If you can't beat them, join them," sounded like much less of a headache than going against the laws of this world. He stood up and walked from person to person, and he was surprised to find the cake divided itself up as he did.
"Now you can cut the cake," said the Red Queen after Dib had finished, but by then everyone was already eating their pieces, and Dib (much as he truly disliked these people) thought it wouldn't be very civil to go cutting up pieces of cake that were already inside peoples' bellies. Instead, he sat down and dug into his own ooey-gooey chocolate slab. It was the best thing he'd ever tasted as far as he was concerned, and he found himself thinking this was the first-and so far only-thing he'd really enjoyed about this place. Also he was relieved to discover that, unlike his previous experience in this freakish, parallel world, this cake did not cause him to change size.
He was licking the last bits of frosting off his fork when out of nowhere a heavy BOOM rattled the peaceful air. Dib nearly jumped out of his skin, thinking it was the beginning of a huge thunderstorm (or maybe the Jabberwocky returning), but it quickly became clear that it was the banging of drums. Dib couldn't guess how many thousands there must have been judging by the deafening, all-encompassing, ear-bleeding sound of it. He held his hands over his ears trying desperately to muffle the awful clamor, and was at the same time surprised and not surprised to see that no one else seemed to notice any kind of noise at all.
"Whatever," he remarked to himself, barely able to hear his own voice, and started to run. He didn't care where to, just anywhere to get away from those horrible drums! He should have paid just a little more attention though, for his foot caught in a tree root and the next thing he knew he was tumbling down a hill. Lucky for Dib it was a short slope, and he landed softly enough in a flower bed.
Dib sat up, testing the air cautiously. He could no longer hear the drumming. He smiled, thinking perhaps things were improving finally, when something small and round hit him on the forehead. "Wha-?" Dib fished it off the ground and discovered it was some kind of seed. Obviously nothing too unusual, but what puzzled Dib was the angle at which it had hit him.
He had just enough time to consider this when a whole barrage of seeds hit him in the face. "Hey! What the-?" Of course they didn't hurt, but they startled Dib and some tried to get into his eyes. "Quit it!"
"Get off, you jerk!" a small but angry voice shouted close to the ground, and when Dib looked he was amazed (he was aware that, after all he'd seen, he shouldn't be amazed by much of anything anymore, so the fact that he was still amazed was, in itself, amazing) to see a flower- a rose to be precise- frowning and shaking a curled up leaf at him like a fist. Dib's mouth dropped open as he noticed the other flowers around him. All of them were alive; Though, technically, he thought, that scientific voice in his mind-his dad's influence most likely- which tended to correct him at the most inappropriate times speaking up, flowers are always alive, they just can't talk. These could talk though, and judging by their looks they wouldn't have many nice things to say to him. There were all kinds- daisies, tiger-lilies, tulips, irises, a rose or two- all with angry faces, armed with an arsenal of seeds and pebbles. A few more tiny projectiles flew in his face, and again the rose cried, "Get off! Get off! You're killing him!"
"Nuh!" Dib leapt to his feet as if poked in the bottom and looked down at where he'd been sitting. A chorus of horrified gasps rose up around him and Dib looked down at a spot on the ground where a crumpled, beaten up looking daffodil was twitching and gasping for air.
"Oh… oh man…" the daffodil rasped. The rose bent over and put a hand (leaf?) on its head.
"Don't talk man, just relax. It'll be okay, I promise. You're gonna be alright."
"Everything's getting dark. I-" the daffodil coughed suddenly, its green stem of a body convulsing wildly.
"Shhh… shhh…" The rose patted his fallen friend's petals. "Just take it easy, now…" he said gently, then suddenly snapped his eyes at Dib, who meanwhile had been observing all this in horror-struck silence. It looked at him with a ferocious expression. "You…!" it snarled.
Not many things made Dib speechless, but now he found his voice had completely abandoned him. "I-I…"
"Just look what you did to Dill!"
"I-I'm so sorry…" Dib stammered. "I tripped and fell. I… I didn't mean…"
The flowers ignored his pleas. "Why don't you watch what you're doing?" a scowling iris demanded.
Dib felt ready to sink into the ground. "Really, it was just an accident. I-I feel terrible…" He bent down toward the broken daffodil. "Can… I get you some water, or something?"
"Naw, s'okay," the daffodil shook its head. "I forgive you. After all, it's clear you're not doing so hot yourself."
Dib lowered an eyebrow, questioningly. "What do you mean?"
"Your color, it's all wrong," said the daffodil. "I mean just look at you. Your stem and petals are all black! And droopy. And your roots aren't even attached to the ground. No wonder you fell on me. I feel worse for you, man."
"Yeah, I guess you do have a point there, Dill," the rose added. "He's got no leaves, either, unless that thing on his head is one, but it's all black too. Sick, man." This was followed by a general nodding agreement from the other flowers.
"And how do you keep from falling over with that head!?" gasped a large sunflower. "I mean… man! I've kinda got a big head, too, but jeez! What is UP wit' dat!?"
Evidentially they were under the impression that Dib was also some kind of flower, albeit an extremely ill one. But, still feeling guilty and not wanting to start an argument, he said nothing to dissuade them and instead started moving away.
"I… Really should get going now," he stepped high and carefully, trying not to step on any of the flowers. "I am sorry," he nodded sympathetically to the daffodil once more, and in a minute the flower bed was out of sight behind him.
Dib, feeling exhausted both mentally and physically, slumped against a tree. It seemed he couldn't do anything right in this place.
Suddenly, he slapped himself on the cheek. Then harder. Then when this didn't work he pinched himself a bunch of times, all the time shouting, "Wake up, wake up, WAKE UP!" But he remained where he was, standing in the middle of the forest in this strange world which he may or may not have been dreaming. It took an awful lot to make Dib want to cry, so the fact that several tear drops were rolling down his face now spoke volumes of just how desperately he wanted to be back home. There was still hope, though; if he could hurry up and make it to the last square to become a king, he was sure somehow he'd be able to find a way. With a swipe of his sleeve Dib banished the remaining tears from his eyes and stood straight in his refusal to give up. He would make it to the eighth square, he would become a king, and he would get home again. Yes! Because he… was… DIB!
"Okay! No more moping!" Dib said aloud. "I'm going to-" but here he was cut off as a huge, galloping horse burst through the trees in front of him. A flurry of leaves, a glint of metal in the sun, and Dib all the sudden found himself staring down the business end of a sharp lance.
"Check! You're my prisoner!"