Winter in Chicago was anything but tame or forgiving – it roared like a wild lion, freezing you to your very core, causing your breath to come out ragged and weak, drowned in a hazy fog. It covered the city in a dense white coating that did little to mask the harsh, desperate realities of the streets below.
It couldn't silence the echoes of speeding police cars. It couldn't drown the gunshots and their mad symphony. It couldn't stop the raw cries of yet another mother mourning the child she's just lost in a drive-by shooting. It couldn't do anything to even momentarily stop the shady activities happening behind closed doors and on every street corner, not even with the heaviest gust of wind or sheer, monumental force of an unforgiving blizzard.
But there was no time to contemplate that image, Jay thought to himself, not when you're in the middle of yet another drug bust and your shoulder still hurts like hell from a not so pleasant run-in with a gangbanger just hours ago.
Jay sipped the last drops of his 4th coffee, lowering his binoculars, still focused on the target. He barely gazed to his right but he still faintly registered the sound of his partner letting out a heavy breath and slowly rubbing her gloved hands together in a pitiful attempt to stay warm.
"We got them." – Jay announced, quietly, as Hailey reached for her station.
"We've got eyes on our suspects, officers in plain clothes responding, requesting back-up, multiple offenders inside, over."
Jay nonverbally signaled to Hailey to get moving and go round the back, as he was planning to take on the front of the building.
She was getting ready to protest, knowing that it was too risky for Jay to go in alone right in the middle of the action, but knew better than to argue with him. He was probably thinking they'd still have the element of surprise and gather the upper hand that way.
She loved Jay Halstead. A lot more than she was ready to admit. But he was also stubborn as a mule. He might've evaded Voight's scrutinizing look earlier today but she knew.
His shoulder wasn't fine. It wasn't even in the neighborhood of fine.
Least she could do was be the best back-up. That, he would let her, with minimal protesting. So, she said nothing, just nodded softly as she got out of the car and slammed the door louder than she intended, reaching for her gun and circling the building.
Jay's face morphed into a pained expression and he gritted his teeth for the millionth time that day. He reached for his gun and kicked the door open with a single swift kick of his leg.
"Chicago PD, hands where I can see them!" – he yelled, before the sound of dirty money rustling about and hectic movements filled the air, completed by loud guns blazing in a maniacal symphony.
He took down one of the suspects in a heartbeat with a pointed shot to the chest, before he ducked behind a pile of bricks.
One of the unarmed offenders tried to make a run for it. Thankfully, Hailey did her move, surprising him from behind, twisting his arm back and effectively rendering him immobile. She then cuffed him to the metal pole securing the first floor of the construction site, to make sure he had nowhere to run until back-up came along.
Out of the corner of his eye, Jay saw the armed suspect from before eyeing him from the top of the stairs, before he smirked, his gaze firmly fixated on Hailey's back.
"Hailey, stand down, now!" – he shouted, the raw tone of his voice resonating loudly, genuine fear echoing through every word, fear like she's never heard in his voice before.
She reacted in a split second, as the stray bullet missed her by mere inches, instead stopping right in a wooden door, leaving splinters behind as it collided with the surface. She faintly registered the sound of Jay's voice cursing in her ear, partly muffled by adrenaline and her own fear for Jay's safety.
"Son of a bitch. You alright, Hailey?"
Jay exhaled heavily when she nodded, quickly, feeling his chest grow heavy with anger and revenge. He winced once more as Hailey studied him intently, a worried expression settling on her face. That same familiar pain shot from his shoulder down to his back and he bit hard on his lip, ignoring Hailey's verbal and nonverbal pleas to sit this one out and let her handle it.
It wasn't that he didn't trust her to get the job done, she was one of the toughest police officers he knew, one of the toughest people he knew. But this time, it was personal.
Son of a bitch almost shot Hailey – his body reacted before his mind even got a chance to. He simply saw red, wasting no time chasing the sorry waste of space down. He fired his weapon at least five times but the drug dealer kept ducking behind every wall, running faster up the stairs of the building than he could keep up.
But he'd be damned if he gave up.
The high speed chase eventually ended on the unfinished third floor, as a large open space greeted Jay, alongside a spectacle of metal poles, concrete surfaces and dusty bricks. The sudden chill of the outside air ran through him down to his bones, but he kept running until he reached the scaffolding. The bastard tried to make a final sprint for it but, this time, he managed a shot to his gun wielding arm, the piece dropping to the floor in an instant as the bullet grazed his arm. Jay caught up to him, reaching for his handcuffs to effectively pin the bastard down for good.
In spite of all his efforts, before he could react, the gangbanger leaped off the floor in a flash and twisted his injured arm behind his back with an audible crack.
Jay screamed in agonizing pain, instantly falling on the icy scaffolding surface with a loud bang. Hailey's heart promptly stopped right there, as she heard the sound from the floor below.
If only she had been faster. She couldn't keep up with Jay. If anything happened to him, it was her fault, it was on her. She'd never forgive herself.
Jay tried to get up once more but he slipped on the icy surface yet again with no strength left in his arm to support him, as he rubbed his throbbing muscles in pain. Sensing the opportunity, the aggressor wasted no time to make a move for Jay's gun, not before staring him down and kicking him in the arm for good measure yet again.
"Not so brave now, are we? You know, you could stand there, watch me make blondie my bitch before I blow your brains out."
Jay glared menacingly at the offender, cursing under his breath. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Hailey make an appearance, nonverbally signaling to him to be quiet and go along with whatever she had in mind. Of course, only he would know what that was with a single glance.
They were partners, after all. He had to distract the bastard, keep him talking.
"Selling drugs to poor kids in abandoned construction sites, now that's brave. And you lay a single finger on her, I'll make sure you wish you were never born." – Jay all but growled at him.
"What you're gonna do, ya fucking cripple? Stop a bullet?" – the attacker taunted mockingly, as Hailey slowly but surely closed in on him from behind.
In one swift motion, Hailey sneaked up behind the perp, the cold metal of her gun connecting with the back of his head – the devil's sweet kiss of death.
"One move and you're dead." – she whispered against his ear in an icy cold, emotionless tone, colder than any day in this godforsaken Chicago. "Drop it now or it'll be your brains splattered on the floor."
The perp cursed under his breath, knowing there was no way out this time. He dropped the gun as Hailey roughly kicked him in the back, causing him to collapse in a coughing fit on the floor. She brutally turned him around before raining a tornado of hard punches on every inch of his face, from his cheeks down to his chin, her knuckles starting to bleed and crack just moments after.
But it was nothing compared to the bleeding in her heart when she saw Jay just laying there, battled and bruised and helpless.
She faintly registered Jay's voice telling her something but she couldn't stop her body from moving. She punched the lowlife piece of scum before her once more with all the strength she had left, breaking his nose, before reaching for her gun and pointing it at him, ready to deliver the final blow.
She couldn't give a single fuck about the consequences.
"Hailey, stop. You're better than this, stop. He's not worth it." – Jay pleaded. "He didn't shoot me Hailey, I just slipped on the ice and he twisted my arm, it's alright. If you do that, he wins."
Hailey blinked through freshly formed tears, Jay's voice finally snapping her out of her trance and waking up that last shred of humanity she still had left. She reluctantly let go of the assailant's collar and finally cuffed his hands behind his back.
"You're lucky I didn't kill you with my own two hands, you son of a bitch." – she spat in his face.
It was as if something finally broke inside of her and she was rudely brought back to her current situation. Sheer anger was replaced with worry and that familiar heaviness in her chest, as she rushed to Jay's side.
"Are you alright, can you move?" – she asked, checking in on Jay's general state and vitals. Her partner winced in pain but he still sent the most heartbreakingly reassuring smile her way.
"You pack one hell of a punch, robbery homicide."
Hailey would have laughed at his poor attempt at lighting up the situation, had she remembered how.
"Think it's dislocated. Or broken. Or both." – Jay said, as the worry in Hailey's sky blue eyes only intensified. She reached for her chest instinctively, feeling her heart drop right there.
It was then that she saw the rest of the Intelligence Unit rushing in and the familiar sound of police sirens outside filled her ears. Everything happened so fast and she was still very much utterly numb to the chaotic noise or the gravely tones of Voight's voice assessing the situation.
She was too focused on Jay.
"Make sure he gets to medical, Upton." – was all she registered. She nodded instinctively in the direction of her superior officer, as she saw Antonio grab the nearly dead on arrival gangbanger roughly and dragging him downstairs. "We'll talk about this later." – Voight added with a pointed look her way.
Jay was about to open his mouth in protest but one stern look from Voight and an even more determined one from Hailey was enough to effectively shut him up.
Wordlessly, his blonde partner inched closer to him, as she wrapped his wounded arm around her neck and her hands found his waist, supporting his weight to the best of her ability. She encouraged him to lean into her frame and, for once, simply accept the help and let her in past his defenses.
It was all she ever wanted.
When they reached their squad car, she promptly pushed the gas pedal, ignoring Jay's heavy look on her, studying her so intently it felt like he was burning holes in her profile, a million unspoken questions under expressive, equally wounded blue eyes, eyes that have seen even worse horrors than her.
The trip to the hospital was a monumentally quiet one. Once there, Jay reluctantly allowed the personnel to help him out, put his shoulder back together, wrap him up and stitch him up, brand new. He barely registered all the medical advice he was being given, only gratefully accepting the painkillers.
Under normal circumstances, he'd be wining like a petulant child when taken to the hospital. But this time, there was too much on his mind to make a big deal out of it. And the sooner he was out of there, the better.
Hailey waited on him outside, never leaving his side, for minutes on end. He gazed at her from afar, taking note of the way she seemed to stare into the bottom of her coffee cup absentmindedly, like it held all the answers she was looking for to a lifelong dilemma.
She was beautiful. Even when equally wounded and bruised herself.
Her bloody knuckles were now covered in a thin bandage too but, with the way she was clutching onto her coffee cup like a lifeline, he was pretty sure she'd start bleeding through it if she didn't stop. So, he made his presence known in the gentlest way he could muster. The last thing he wanted was to spook her.
He silenced that voice in his head telling him that her company was the only one he could stand around, especially now when he was so vulnerable and hurt, and not just physically.
"All done." – he announced, flashing a weak smile Hailey's way, a smile that held more meaning than he was ready to admit.
She nodded softly, barely reciprocating, her mind still a thousand miles away.
"I'm…glad you're okay." – she whispered, her eyes barely leaving the floor.
The way her voice cracked when she did wasn't lost on either of them.
The drive back to Jay's place was equally quiet, they barely spoke one word to each other, aside from Hailey not taking no for an answer when Jay insisted he was fine and that he could walk home instead.
She took out his keys and unlocked the door to his apartment before making her way in, Jay trailing closely behind her, his eyes still fixated on her back. He closed the door absentmindedly and it wasn't long before both felt like the walls were closing in on them, suffocating them in the deafening silence of everything they're still not saying.
Jay eventually broke the heavy quiet with the last thing he really wanted to say.
"You could've killed that guy…what were you thinking, Hailey?" – he scolded, running his free hand through his short hair, the gesture doing very little to calm him down. "They're going to start an investigation, you'll-"
"I don't care." – Hailey replied, calmly, almost unfazed.
Jay blinked once or twice in sheer confusion, not quite believing he heard her right.
How could she be taking this so lightly?
He was getting ready to scold her again, when her warm, determined voice stopped him dead in his tracks.
"He was going to kill you, Jay. He hurt you. I had to do something." – she said, not able to stop the sudden shakiness and vibrant honesty in her voice. "And that's on me, not you. I can handle it."
"You already disarmed him, Hailey.." – Jay said, more to himself, like he was figuring something out, as his partner bit her lip unconsciously, trying to hide from the all knowing gaze suddenly scanning her. "Why didn't you stop?" – he asked, even if both of them knew the answer already.
"I don't know. " – Hailey offered, weakly, as her resolve cracked right there. "I wasn't thinking."
She ran a frustrated hand through her blonde locks, pacing back and forth, before turning her back on Jay, not bearing his open, honest, questioning and pleading blue gaze.
He matched every step she took away from him, trapping her in more ways than one. When she finally did turn around, Jay was so close it took the last breath she had away, one she didn't even know she had left.
She thought she lost all the air in her lungs the moment she saw Jay pinned down to the floor, hopeless. The last hours have been nothing but a blur to her.
If you'd ask her, she's not even sure how she got here.
But she is here. And, for once, she doesn't have it in her to want to run away or undo any of it.
And maybe, just maybe, she's right where she needs to be.
"Hailey.." – he whispered against her frame, his good hand reaching up to tilt her chin upwards, begging her not to break eye contact again. "I'm your partner. It's my job to protect you."
She visibly shuddered under his touch but bravely held his gaze this time.
"It goes both ways, you know." – she countered, gently. "It's part of our thing, remember?"
"What thing?" – he asked, feigning ignorance, but still sending a boy-ish grin her way.
He was the bravest man she knew, but right then, he managed to make her feel like a schoolgirl with a crush. No one else did. For a long, long time.
She shyly ducked her head, silently cursing herself for the influence he had on her.
"You know…" – she attempted, lamely, the space between them shrinking with every second.
He knew. Of course he knew.
"Never scare me like that again." – Hailey commanded after a long pause in a weaker, breathier tone than she intended, before reluctantly pulling herself away from the broad chest and gentle eyes before her.
She couldn't. Even though there was so much more she wanted to say.
Things like "I need you."
"We need each other"
Maybe even "I love you. "
Or "I'm in love with you."
But her numb heart and muscles wouldn't react. Her throat dried out and her voice was nowhere to be found, like she never learned how to speak in the first place.
She left it unspoken. Now it's screaming in her head.
Maybe it was for the best.
That was the last coherent thought she registered before she felt a strong, yet gentle grip on her wrist, turning her around. As their blue gazes melted against each other, she finally saw something in Jay's eyes she hasn't seen before.
It wasn't the haunted memories of a former soldier. It wasn't even the anguish of everything he lost. It wasn't even the pain from before.
It was everything she wanted to see in his eyes since the moment they met, but also everything she was downright terrified of witnessing.
Maybe all the times she's looked at him, she never really registered the way he looked at her, back.
It would only complicate things.
She couldn't. And he deserved better.
So she opened her mouth to say something, anything in a futile attempt to push him away, to fight against herself for the millionth time, to try to swim against the current and stop the slow burning fire she's felt brewing underneath the surface between them for weeks.
She had fought.
With her last breath she had. She tried to be with Adam, she tried to love Adam. She tried to look at Adam the way she always looked at him. But Adam never saw her, not the way he was seeing her now.
And when a pair of soft, eager lips collided with hers before she could say anything, it felt like a seal has finally been broken and everything came pouring out. It was liberating.
And when the same hands from before gently, yet firmly held onto her frame like a lifeline, she almost broke right there. Because no one cared to hold her like that before, like she mattered beyond a casual work hook-up, like she wasn't just a rebound keeping the bed warm until somebody else came along.
Jay had lived in a warzone his entire life - both on and off the battlefield. And in a lot of ways, so had she, about the same moment she learned to associate paternal figures with abuse and pain, about the same time she started to see the worst in the world.
But for now, they were both free. It was long overdue.
And nothing else mattered.