Hello. I've been writing this one for a while, but never got the confidence to actually post it. I still think about this story every night before going to bed, so I decide to just post it so that I have more determination to keep writing more and making it better. Let me know what you think~

P.S: I'm looking for a new proofreader. Paula is great, but I feel bad that I bothered her whenever I posted a new chapter :D So if you have time and if you don't hate me too much, please step forward hehe. I need your help! Thank you~~~~

"In this with you until the end"

Chapter 1:

Catherine opened the door, stepped inside Joe's ranch. This beautiful place didn't change much since the first time she stepped foot on. Steve called her three days ago, breaking the news. She had texted Steve her ETA after she landed, so she assumed Steve was expecting here, hope he wouldn't greet her with a gun pointing to her face. Her heart almost broke for him the moment she saw his face. Intense, almost emotionless. She knew he was trying to bottle up his feelings inside, to deal with Joe's death on his own way, but she couldn't let him do this on his own. There was nothing she would want more than to share the burden with him.

His eyes lit up the moment he saw her, just like so many years ago, the first time Catherine visited this place. Just like almost every single time he saw her, as far as he could remember. He had cried, had moaned, had buried Joe by himself the day before, everything was still so raw. How was he supposed to deal with this?

But Catherine was here.

He knew he would be okay.

Eventually.

Steve willingly accepted Catherine's tight embrace, appreciating the fact that her hug was tighter and longer than normal. He was emotionally tired, he wanted to talk yet was afraid to lose his cool, he didn't want to be alone, and he wanted to get revenge, to punish the bastard who ordered the hit.

Catherine parted from their hug; her eyes were full of concern. She looked up and down, searching for any visible wound, hoping that Steve wasn't injured. He understood, heard her familiar voice whispering "Are you hurt?". Steve gently shook his head but didn't stop her from checking him.

After a couple of seconds of thoroughly checking Steve, making sure he's alright, except for some dark bruises on his handsome face, Catherine finally looked at his eyes, and her hands hesitantly touched his growing beard. She wanted to ask him so many things, wanted to tell him everything would be okay, but she couldn't utter one single word. He wouldn't need to hear that, she couldn't lie to him. Both of them knew that he would not be okay for a really long time. Joe's death wasn't something he could recover from within weeks.

"I bring someone to you", that was the first thing she said to him after their heartfelt hug. She knew he had a personal mission and needed to focus on that. Both of them. The sooner Steve could capture the person who was behind this, the easier it would be for him to breathe.

She tugged his hand, squeezing his hand a little, and dragged him outside the ranch, towards her car. Inside the truck was a strange guy, with his hands being tied up behind his back.

"Who is he?"

"I tracked down him on my flight from DC, had my contacts capture him, I personally picked him up after I landed. This guy is Hassan's lawyer. I haven't talked to him yet, he's all yours."

Steve looked at Catherine, he couldn't help feeling the pride and admiration for her. He could never ever underestimate how effective Catherine's intelligence work was. While he was busy burying Joe, moaning his mentor's death, she already took action, running around capture this guy.

For him.

Running right back to him, when he needed someone the most.

When he needed HER the most.

"Thank you, Cath. I don't know what I can say, but thank you!"

"Don't thank me yet! You can thank me after we get more intel from this guy. Let's get to work!"

Steve put the guy in a chair, tying him up. He wanted to forget who he was. Who cared, he wasn't carrying a badge. Right this moment, he's an ex-Navy SEAL, he's not in law enforcement. He wanted to do things right, but the desire to seek revenge was even greater than that.

For the next two hours, Steve's only mission was to make this guy talk. Anything. But this asshole was tough, even after two hours of torturing, he hasn't uttered a single word.

Steve didn't plan to stop any time soon though.

Catherine sat outside the room, wincing while listening to the sound of beating and questioning. She gave Steve some space, to do what he felt like he needed to do at the moment, she didn't want to interrupt. Not yet.

"I saw your note", Steve put his jacket around Catherine's shoulder, sitting down next to her on the porch, while she was looking at the mountains in front of Joe's ranch. It was getting darker and darker, the temperature in Montana was almost freezing, and Catherine looked like she was shivering.

"Thank you for picking up some food", Steve leaned his head towards the kitchen. He didn't realize how hungry he had been until he got eyes on something that were edible.

Catherine didn't want to worry Steve, so she left him a note on the table for him: "I checked the house, there's nothing left. Not sure when was the last time you ate, I'm going to pick up some stuff. Will be back soon".

"He said anything?", Catherine asked.

"Not yet. Tough guy."

They sat there in silence, both looking at the sunset from afar. After a while, Catherine could hear the soft sniffle coming from Steve. Her heart clenched thinking about how he must have felt, but she was glad that he was ready to talk.

"I always thought Joe was invincible", he took a short break, struggling to arrange his thoughts. "No one could break him, you know. He saved my ass more times than I would like to remember. Somehow, no matter how difficult the situation was, he always managed to get me out of trouble, and then he got into trouble himself", Steve let out a sound that almost sounded like laughing, "But he's gone this time. Really gone. I just keep wishing that he faked his death, like my mom, then it would mean someday I would find him to be alive, I would hate him for that, for sure, but I would feel grateful that he's still alive, you know. That's all I need. But... Joe died in my arms. It's real, he's really, really gone."

Catherine wasn't sure if there was anything she could say to possibly make it better for Steve. What Steve needed right now was probably just someone who listened to him, so that he could get all the guilt and sadness out of his system. She was more than willing to be that person for him.

If he still let her.

"I tortured a guy. Am I becoming "them"?"

Steve leaned towards Catherine, his head resting into her shoulder. She instantly knew what he was talking about. Her heart sank hearing the vulnerability and the hint of self-doubt, self-loathing in his voice.

The first time she went to this place was right after Steve graduated from his BUD/s class and was deployed in al-Qaeda for the first time, on his very first mission as a SEAL. The mission itself was successful, his team captured the guy they were after, but unfortunately, Steve was also captured by the enemy.

It was the longest 10 days of his life. He was already badly wounded when they found him, so he had no strength to fight back or to escape by himself. He had thought the training in the Navy, especially the training from the SEALs programs had prepared him for everything, even the worst scenario, but the truth was: he wasn't ready for that kind of torture they put him through. Even years later, sometimes in his worst days, he could still wake up in the middle of the night, sweating and trembling after having nightmares about those days being captured in that underground prison, being beaten brutally in every square skin of his body.

Steve was rescued by a SEAL team, led by Joe White, after 10 days in hell. He got three weeks off from the Navy. Steve was so terrified, he thought that it would be the end of his short-lived SEAL career. Steve remembered he was ordered to talk to a Naval psychologist after he woke up in the hospital, but he couldn't utter a single word, he just kept silent for the whole session, regardless of how many tactics the psychologist used to trigger him to talk. Eventually, Joe took a week off to take care of him, flew him to this ranch, stayed with him for the whole week.

And Joe did something Steve would forever be grateful for. He flew Catherine, who just started her career as a Navy Intelligence Officer, out to this ranch.

That was the first time Catherine stepped foot inside this place.

Joe brought Catherine to him when he needed her the most – even when both of them hadn't even realized yet how deep their feelings for each other were. They kept saying they were just each other's best friend back then, or at least both of them tried to convince themselves that way.

"Do you remember the first time you came here?", Steve asked Catherine, bringing them both back to reality from going down memory lane.

"Of course, feels like just yesterday."

"I was beaten so badly", Steve recalled, still having Goosebumps on his skin just thinking about it. All the times he was captured, kidnapped and tortured after he joined Five-0 didn't even come close to that first time, "I vowed to myself that I wouldn't treat a human being the way they treated me, I would never torture a soldier who fights for his country, for his leader. It shaped me to become who I am today", Steve stopped, trying to put his thoughts into words. Even back in his Navy days, he always chose another approach to get the information out of his prisoners – especially if they earned his respect. "But today I have this desire not to kill this guy, but to torture him slowly. He's a lawyer, not even a terrorist. Tell me, Catherine, am I becoming a monster?"

"Shhhh Steve", Catherine caressed Steve's hair, trying to comfort him, trying to find the right words, "Sometimes we've gotta do what we've gotta do, no matter we like it or not."

Steve tucked his face into Catherine's soft breast, seeking her warmth. Her presence always managed to find a way to make him feel safe, feel protected, even since that first time she came here to be with him, to chase his nightmare away. He wasn't sure if he could continue his SEAL career without her encouragement, her understanding back then. Their relationship changed immensely over the years, hitting the darkest points, but somehow, Catherine still had that same effect on him.

"I miss having you as my best friend, Catherine."

He was caught off guard in that moment. That was the only thing his brain was screaming to him, and he actually said that out loud. That was probably just stupid – the truth was he wanted much more than just a friendship with this woman next to him. The moment he called her first, instead of his second family Five-0, Steve realized who the person he needed the most in this life was always gonna be, regardless of how many times she broke his heart. Not Danny, not Chin, not Kono.

Catherine.

Catherine Rollins.

Catherine froze, tears pricking at the corner of her eyes. Somewhere deep down inside, she knew they could never, never go back to what they once had – the relationship she could never seem to move on from. But a tiny part of her still wished that somehow they could work out, they could get back to what they used to be.

But what Steve just said, while being the sweetest thing he could say right now, actually instantly destroyed what she had dreamt.

They could only be friends. Best friends.

But if that's the only way she could stay in his life, then let it be.

"I miss having you as my best friend, too, Steve. I can stay in your life from now on. Not in Hawaii, just in your life. We can check in more regularly, but right now, we have a mission ahead of us."

"Okay", Steve smiled at her, that was probably the first time he could flash a genuine smile since Joe died. Chicago made everything better for her, and to him, Catherine made everything better, even in the worst possible scenario.

"I'm in this with you until the end", Catherine squeezed Steve's hands.

"Thank you, Cath."

"Let's get inside! I'm freezing."

Tbc