Only borrowing the characters – this song made me think of them…
Thanks Lady Gaga for a great song.
It had been a few days of peace but not necessarily the kind of peace I was looking for. I had wanted for so long a break, some "Sookie" time – really anything. I tried not to think about too many things and tried to keep it simple. Instead I chose to get lost in one of my romance novels and lay out in the sun. That was easy. The hard part was the nights. The silent nights. The nights were I was thinking about what my life was like at this point and how I had gotten here. There were no calls or texts from Eric. I missed him but isn't this what I had wanted? I did not want any part of the world that had taken over my life. All the magic contained in that life had not helped me any I thought to myself. Finally, I settled into a fretful sleep.
The next day my routine began again. It was like I was stuck in the movie Groundhog Day. After a morning of cleaning and sunning, I had made myself lunch and was sitting by myself at my kitchen table. I did not think about what I was eating or what I was tasting, but I was just going through the motions. Was this really what my life was going to be like? I had made these choices. I thought I had taken my life into my own hands by severing the blood bond. Instead of feeling that way, I felt like I was missing something.
I had to snap out of it. I got up from the table and put the plate of food that I had barely touched in the sink.
I went back outside to finish the romance novel that I was reading. I drifted off and began thinking. How had it all ended up so messed up? The memories were not all bad. I was fooling myself if I thought they were. My life had been different since the first night I met Bill. Trying to stop my runaway train of thought, I tried singing along to the radio that was playing next to me. The new Lady Gaga song was playing.
…It's been two years since I let you go
I couldn't listen to a joke or rock 'n' roll
Muscle cars drove a truck right through my heart…
Could it be that easy? I was stubborn and pig headed. I knew this – so why could I not be stubborn about making a life with Eric. I had seen and experienced the worst torture and death of friends. Eric had been there through it all. No illusions on what he was or who he was. He was one of the only honest people in my life at this point. We all had secrets – but there were few between him and me.
"What am I going to do?" I said out loud to myself. There were so many uncertainties in my life at this point. A good bit of the uncertainty was due to decisions that I had made and my unwillingness to bend on certain issues. Then I knew what I needed to do – I had my epiphany. I went inside my house and got ready as the sun went down. I got in my car and started to drive.
…Something, something about this place,
Something 'bout lonely nights and lipstick on your face
Something, something about my cool Nebraska guy
Yeah, something about baby, you and I…
Honestly, I don't remember how I ended up outside of Fangtasia. I just knew I had to be there and settle this once and for all. Pam greeted me with a smile at the door. "Hello, Sookie. I am glad to see my favorite human. He is inside."
"Thanks Pam – I am glad to see you too," I said and walked into the busy bar.
My eyes took a minute to adjust to low bar lighting, but there he was sitting in his booth with his back to me. Slowly he turned his head and looked at me with his piercing eyes. He stood up next to the booth as I approached. "Hello lover," he said as he hugged me. "Hello Eric," I stated back. I walked past him, grabbed his hand and led him to the dance floor. Slowly we began to dance to the song that blared from the stereo speakers.
…You and I, you, you and I
Oh yeah, I'd rather die without you and I…
As we danced together, I knew I had made my decision. I did not want silent nights or uncertainty in my life. I had enough in my past for an entire lifetime. I decided that Eric was worth taking the chance on. He had taken so many chances on me and yet here we were again. I could not expect him to always be there when I was not there.
"Are you okay, lover?" Eric asked as he glided me across the dance floor.
"Yes, I am actually more okay than I have been in a long time." I told him. "I came here to tell you that I am ready, ready to be with you. If you will have me."
"Just been waiting for you to be ready lover. I have been waiting on you," he replied.
Slowly we danced as the end of the song played; I was finally in the place I wanted to be in. The place I had finally chosen to be in. I knew I had made the right choice this time.
…It's been a long time since I came around
Been a long time but I'm back in town
This time I'm not leaving without you…