I really hate it when this happens; when the thoughts in my head become so scrambled and confusing that ignoring them is no longer an option. That's why I'm here, sitting alone on the roof of the Kurosaki home watching the sun set below the horizon of the busy city. The roof is where I always go when I need to clear my head, and it always seemed to help. Let's just hope that's the case this time.
I don't even know where to begin, there really is that much. So much has happened to me recently and so much of my life has changed. Ever since Ichigo and the others risked their lives for me, I've been forced to re-evaluate the value of mine. Am I really that important to all of them? Am I really that important to Ichigo? And if I am, why? Why does Ichigo care so much about me? I couldn't possibly have made that much of a difference in his life could I?
What am I talking about, of course I did! I completely changed his life. He was a normal human being before I came along. A normal human being with an incredible amount of spirit energy that attracted the attention of every hollow, that is. Maybe normal is the wrong word to use, because there was nothing normal about him. No, Ichigo is definitely a special being. And for reasons I can't explain, being around him fills my body with fear and safety, both mixed up in a chaotic whirlpool in my heart. Just the thought of him causes it to beat rapidly, filling my veins with a warming sensation that I both love and hate. The sound of his voice always sent chills down my spine and the look in his eyes whenever he would look at me caused my breath to fail and my heart to skip a beat. It was cruel really, but he had no idea he was doing this to me. But what exactly is happening? What feeling is this, and why am I feeling it? Can this be the feeling of love? And if so, what do I do?
That's it, things were starting to make sense. There was no point in denying it, such feelings like these can't completely be explained, but I knew now the one thing that was bothering me the most: I had fallen in love with Ichigo. There really was no other explanation. I felt a smile break on my face and I let out a small laugh at this realization.
"You've really done it this time, Rukia." I said to myself. "Way to go."
I watched as the sun disappeared behind the skyline, the sky now a deep purple color, and sighed. For the first time in a while, I was truly happy and at peace with my new discovery. But something else now appeared in my mind.
What if he doesn't love me back?
It was almost as if I had hit a brick wall. All of a sudden, my heart began to ache and my blood ran cold. A great sadness swept over my body and a tear slid down my cheek, burning my icy flesh with its warmth. I tried to swallow the dry lump in my throat, but my mouth had also gone dry. The pain in my chest became greater, almost as if I was dying. I had to make this go away; I had to know the truth.
I'm going to confess to Ichigo.
And I hope he doesn't break my heart.
XXXX
"Ichigo?" I said as I entered his room.
"Hm?" he replied, not looking away from his book.
"Can we talk about something?" I said with a shaky voice.
"I guess. Did something happen?" he said, now looking at me.
"Not exactly," I replied, looking down at my feet.
"Then what's up?" he asked.
"Ichigo…why do you care so much about me?"
He looked at me, confusion written all over his face. "What?"
"Why do you care so much?" I repeated.
"Because you're my best friend and I don't want anything to happen to you." He said.
"Is that all I am to you? A friend?"
"Rukia, what're you getting at? What's gotten into you?"
"I don't want to just be your friend, Ichigo. I want so much more. Every time I look at you, I lose my breath. Whenever you say my name, I feel as if time stops, but the sound continues to echo. Being around you makes my heart go crazy and my hands get all clammy. You fill me with all these confusing thoughts and emotions and I can't stand it! I want to be with you, but I'm afraid to get too close. I don't know what to do anymore. I want you more than ever, but I don't want to lose you. If I lost you, I wouldn't be able to bare it. I can't live without you, Ichigo, I just can't! I care too much about you to just let you go, and I don't want anyone else to have you."
I felt several tears pour down my face, but Ichigo remained silent.
"I guess what I'm trying to say is that I love you and I don't-"
I was cut off suddenly when Ichigo's lips made contact with mine.
"You talk too much," he said before kissing me again, a little more passionately than last time.
We broke apart minutes later, breathless and a little embarrassed by our animalistic behavior. Ichigo ran his fingers through my hair and kissed me gently on the forehead.
"Feel better now?" he asked.
"That's a strange question…" I said.
"No, I meant about your concern, not-"
"Oh, right." I said with a blush.
"Rukia, I'm not going anywhere. You won't lose me and I'll never leave you. I'm in love with you and you only, I've just been too afraid to admit it." He said, wrapping me tightly in his arms.
"Ichigo…" I whispered, burying my face in his chest to hide my red cheeks.
"How do you feel about going to a movie tonight?" he asked, rubbing my back gently.
I looked up at him and smiled. "That sounds like a good idea."