A/N: Please listen to When missing you by Cold Rush & Jo Cartwright, while reading. This is a songfic of sorts.
She remembered it like it was yesterday. They had been on a night tour and it was near pitch black, save for the few street lights on the street. They had been patrolling the streets, when out of nowhere gunfire. Jamie had been a bit ahead of her, wanting to protect her as the senior officer. Now she regretted letting him walk ahead of her. Jamie fell to the ground and bled out rapidly. Eddie fired back at the attacker and killed him, but she couldn't save Jamie. He was too far gone and he had lost too much blood. She got to him just as he uttered "Goodbye.", and then he shut his eyes for the final time. It was heart wrenching and she screamed at the top of her lungs. She couldn't see to focus on the scene, but she remembered calling it in and saying officer dead. She remembered thinking about Jamie's Dad and how heartbroken he would be. Losing two sons to this life, that must be hard.
Eddie woke up from another nightmare and she cried. She turned on her iPod on her docking station, and out blared the song When missing you by Cold Rush. She continued to let out the tears and sobbing noises, as her body shook from the sadness and the pain of her nightmare. The lyrics pierced her heart and spoke to her. Every time she woke up she played this song and every time she was alone. 'I loved him, and he died. I couldn't save him.' Eddie thought.
What a crazy year it's been
So much I could not have seen
Coming my way
On my path
So much hurting on the line
So much sadness comes to mind
I'm still here
She continued to lay there and just listen to the music. She had the song on repeat, she couldn't get up and move around. She just wanted it all to be a bad dream, to wake up and maybe find her Jamie next to her. Life was cruel and she knew he was never coming back, and she would never get to tell him how much she loved him. "Heart won't settle down." Eddie sang with the song.
The heart won't settle down
When missing you
Heart won't quiet down
The loving you
Missing you
I'm missing you
She continued to sing in a sad voice and she just broke. 'Jamie I need you. Why did you have to leave me? Please come back. I love you and I need you.'
Eddie was a mess and she was too far broken to ever be fixed. She looked at the world through a new pair of eyes and her view was darker. "Jamie's never coming back and I'm going to be alone forever." Eddie said in a flat sounding voice. She turned off her iPod and went back to sleep, having another nightmare of Jamie dying. The cycle would never end.