Fins and the Legman 2: The Oktoberfest Mystery
Chapter 1
"WHOO-HOO!" Klaus cheered, hanging up the phone. The Smiths all looked at him from a rerun of The Big Bang Theory. He began dancing in his cup and singing merrily. "I'm going to Germany, I'm going to Germany, I'm going to Germany!"
"What are you talking about, fish?" Stan wanted to know. Klaus looked at them.
"I just got off with a radio station and I scored two tickets for a four week trip to Germany. I got them from answering a question correctly."
"So who are you taking?"
"I think I'm taking Thomas."
"What?" Roger wanted to know. "Who's Thomas?"
"One of my human friends."
"You're not taking one of us, a family member?" Klaus shook his head.
"Nein. I thought about it at first, but then I decided not to. This is a rare opportunity, a break to be away from you guys, and I do not want to pass it up. Plus, this is payback for when you went to Hawaii without me."
"You didn't tell us you wanted to go." Steve put in. Klaus got mad.
"Dude; I said it numerous times! You just weren't listening like always. I never have been to Hawaii and ever since I heard about it; I always wanted to go. It seems nice, fun and tropical."
"When will you be leaving?" Stan asked, changing the subject.
"I'll be away from the last day of September to the day before Halloween; just in time for Oktoberfest. The tickets should be here by Friday. And now if you excuse me, I got to make a call to Thomas." He picked up the phone again and dialed. The family went back to watching the TV.
"I can't believe it." Steve said. "Almost seven seasons and they still haven't fixed the elevator." He shook his head in disappointment. "What a shame."
"If I don't go," Roger said to himself about not going with Klaus on the trip. "Nobody's going!" He then rubbed his hands together with an evil grin.
A couple days later, Steve fetched the mail. He scanned through them. One of the envelopes was addressed to Klaus.
"These must be the tickets Klaus was talking about." Steve told himself. He looked at his watch. "Crap! I'm going to be late for my play date with my friends!" He went inside.
He was about to hand the mail to his family when he bumped into Roger.
"Roger!" The boy cried. "Listen, I'm kind of late for a play date with my friends." He handed Roger the mail. "So can you give these to the people they're addressed to?" Roger grabbed the mail.
"Sure." He responded. Steve smiled.
"Thanks Rog!"
"Sure, whatever." Steve ran off.
Roger flipped through the mail.
"Bill. Bill, bill, bill, the fish's tickets, bill, bill," He went back and grabbed the envelope addressed to Klaus. He went to the kitchen and dropped Klaus's tickets in the garbage can. "Goodbye, ticket!" He went to give the other letters to his family. When he was done, he went back into the living room, hopped on the sofa and grabbed the remote.
"Hey Rog!" Klaus said to the alien, in his bowl on the end table. "I saw you with the mail. Anything for me? Did the tickets arrive yet?"
"No." Roger lied. "Now shut up fish; I'm about to watch TV." He put down the remote and laid back when he found something suitable to watch: a repeat of The Office.
"I don't get it." Klaus said in his bowl on the kitchen counter. "I was supposed to have gotten the tickets by now. I wonder where they could be. I hope the mail didn't goof up and they wound up somewhere else."
"Well, I'm sorry Klaus." Francine told him. "You could tell them that there was a mix-up and they'll send you new tickets." Klaus sighed.
"Maybe I should. Give me the phone." Francine gave him the phone. Francine turned to Hayley.
"Hayley honey; can you do mommy a favor and take out the trash?"
"Sure thing, Mom." Hayley replied. She stood up from her chair and grabbed the trash bag in the trashcan.
"Come on," Klaus urged the phone. "Pick up." The phone picked up.
"Hello?" A voice on the other end answered. Klaus was about to talk, when he saw something from the corner of his eye in the trash bag. Was that the envelope with the tickets inside?
"Got to go!" He said into the phone. He hung up.
Hayley was about to take the trash out, when Klaus shouted.
"Wait!" Hayley stopped and looked at him. "Give me that envelope addressed to me." Hayley reached in and gave him the envelope; the fish opened it, eyes wide. "Oh mein gosh!"
"Well, I'm just going to eat by the TV." Roger said, taking his food. He was about to go in the living room when Klaus spoke up.
"Not so fast, Roger!" He looked at Hayley who still had the trash bag. "You can take the bag out." Hayley went off with the bag. Roger sighed.
"Busted!" He said to himself. He put his food down on the table and went to the fish. "Yes, Klaus?" Klaus looked at him madly.
"Did you throw these out and said you didn't get this when I asked you?"
"Yes and yes." The alien said.
"I can't believe it; you lied to me. Well, I can believe you lying to me and you would do something like this to make me pissed, but it still hurts! You knew I wanted to go on this trip; why would you do this to me? I thought you and the rest of the family couldn't wait to spend four weeks without me."
"Yeah!" Stan agreed. "We were going to have a party the first night the fish was away. Why did you do this, Roger?"
"Because he didn't invite me!" Roger admitted.
"Because you would make the trip into living nightmare for me. I didn't want that; not in my home country."
"That's the point!" Klaus narrowed his eyes at him.
"Well, I'm sorry. You're still not going and that's final."
"Fine!" Roger huffed. "I won't want to go to your stupid home country with you anyway!" Roger picked up his food and stormed off into the living room. Klaus grabbed the phone to call Thomas.
The day had arrived!
"I can't believe it!" Klaus said in his cup on the end table. He had four to five little suitcases in each fin. "I'm going to Germany; I can't wait!"
"And we can't wait for you to leave." Stan added. "Four whole weeks without hearing your annoying voice." Stan sighed heavenly. "We'll all be in heaven!" The doorbell rang. Klaus squealed.
"That must be Thomas." He said. Francine opened the door and there stood Thomas on the other side, with his suitcases in his hands.
"You ready, Klaus?" He asked.
"You bet! I can't wait to get out of here!" Stan picked him up and handed him to Thomas.
"And we can't wait for him to leave." The CIA agent told him.
"Well, auf weidersehen!" Thomas said.
"Auf weidensehen!" Klaus said to his family.
"Auf weidersehen!" His family all echoed back. Thomas and Klaus then left. Roger rubbed his hands together, again with an evil grin.
"I'll see you on the plane, fish!"
"I got to go to the bathroom, Klaus." Thomas said to him once they were in the air on a Lufthansa plane. Klaus, who was reading a book, looked at him.
"Thomas!" He snapped. "Just go; you don't have to tell me. Just because you watched Snakes on a Plane on the inflight TV doesn't mean snakes are going to invade this plane. Nothing bad's going to happen! No terrible tragedies like 9/11, nobody's planting a bomb in the bathroom, nobody's going to sing a love song nonstop, and definite no snakes!"
"What about mice? Spiders? Tarantulas? Bears?"
"Go!" Thomas hesitated, but went to where the bathrooms were. Klaus continued reading his book.
"Hey Thomas!" Roger greeted him when he was done in the bathroom. He had on a business suit, a blonde wig, shoes, and jeans. Thomas looked at him.
"H-how'd you know my name?" Roger gave Thomas an evil grin, coming closer and putting his hands together.
"Oh, I know far more then just your name, Thomas!" Thomas backed up to the wall; his eyes widened.
"W-What are you going to do with me?"
"Oh nothing, but this!" The alien lunged at Thomas. Thomas screamed.
"Roger?" Klaus questioned when he saw the alien come to his row. "What are you doing here? Where's Thomas?" Roger squeezed in, trying to get pass a pudgy woman and a mustached man.
"Excuse me." He told them as they stood up, letting him pass. "Pardon me!" When he got to Thomas's seat, he sat down and buckled his seat belt. Klaus turned to Roger.
"What're you doing?" He repeated.
"I'm going to Germany with you, fish."
"But…but, I don't get it. How are you on this plane? Where's Thomas?"
"I snuck on and for Thomas, don't worry about it; I took care of him."
"KLAUS MADE A MISTAKE!" Roger yelled over the wind. He had opened the emergency exit and was going to push Thomas out. The alien had strapped on a parachute bag onto Thomas. "HE INVITED YOU INSTEAD OF ME AND I'M NOT COOL WITH IT! YOU'RE JUST LUCKY I GAVE YOU A PARACHUTE!" He pushed Thomas off the plane. Thomas screamed. Roger waved to him.
"AUF WIEDERSEHEN; HAVE A NICE TRIP!" He went to where the seats were. The flight attendant quickly closed the door when she saw it left open and went off.
"Did you bring a passport?" Klaus asked. Roger shook his head as he surfed the movies on the inflight entertainment.
"Couldn't find it, so I dodged security and snuck on without one. So, don't tell anyone."
"But…but…" Roger shushed him and put on his headphones. Klaus sighed and continued reading.
Klaus had decided to go to Oktoberfest on Germany Unification Day; October 3rd. Roger wanted to go on a hop on, hop off bus to see what he'll like and hate, but Klaus told him no.
"When you're with me; there's no need for a tour."
"But you weren't here for 27 years; surely Germany has changed."
"I know, but no tour. There's a lot I want to see and do with you; a tour of the city will just be a waste of time." Roger sighed as he saw the bus leaving.
"Fine; but I better be satisfied, fish."
"Oh, you'll be impressed."
"I doubt it, but whatever. Let's just go."
They went to museums and saw the Berlin Wall.
"Okay Roger." Klaus told him when they got to their hotel room late that night. Roger placed Klaus on the end table by the phone. "Tomorrow's the big day, we go to one of Germany's greatest parties where you get totally wasted with beer, Oktoberfest!"
"Beer?" Roger questioned. "You know I'm a wine alien. That's it! I want to go home."
"Relax Roger, and no you're not. You wanted to come, so you're staying. Besides, ja, Oktoberfest is a festival celebrating beer, but it has your precious wine too. It also has pretzels and a lot more German food. So, we better go to sleep."
"I will." Roger said, sitting on the bed with the TV remote. "I'm just going to watch some TV."
"You know, most of the channels will be in German. So if you want to understand them, you're going to have to ask me, and I'll be sleeping, so you're on your own."
"That's fine. I'll just make up what they're saying like Steve and his friends does."
"Okay, but don't stay up too late." Roger turned on the TV and flipped through the channels. "And don't be too loud; other people are in this hotel too and just like us, they need their sleep." Roger put the remote down when he found a suitable show. Klaus fell asleep, ignoring Roger's bursts of laughter.
"I can't believe it!" Klaus said once they entered Oktoberfest. There were tents everywhere. A banner read 'die Wies'n 2013.' "We're here!"
"I thought this was Oktoberfest." Roger said, pointing at the sign. "Not 'die…' whatever."
"It is. But the locals don't call it that. I just call it 'Oktoberfest' for your
benefit."
"Not to mention you spell October wrong."
"That's how the Germans spell it. With a 'k', not a 'c'." He then looked out
again and took in the fresh air. "The last Oktoberfest I attended was in '85 with my wife und newborn daughter. Did you know the first Oktoberfest was in 1810? Crown Prince Ludwig, aka, Prince Ludwig I hosted it to celebrate marrying his wife: Princess Ther…"
"Yeah, yeah!" Roger interrupted. "There's better be wine here fish is all I have to say."
"Don't worry." Klaus told him. "You can drink to your heat's content. Did you
know that people who pass out here are known as 'Bierleichen', 'beer corpses'?
"Yeah, yeah, that's nice. What are we waiting for? Let's go!"
And so, fish and alien went from tent to tent, drinking all the way. They danced to a German band.
"Did you know that the Chicken Dance originated from Germany?" Klaus asked Roger as they danced the chicken dance with more people. It was composed by…"
"Just shut up and dance, fish!" Roger said to him. And so, they danced and danced.
At dinner, Klaus had a beer, bratwurst and spaetzle dumplings, Roger just had Sekt (sparking wine) and a soft pretzel. They were in the Schottenhamel tent.
As Klaus was about to eat his dumplings, something caught his eye. It was a woman. Klaus focused on her like he knew her.
"Is that…?" The woman then turned around to get something and stood up. Klaus' eyes widened. "Oh mein gosh!" He smiled to himself. "It is! It's Aunt Gretel!"
"Didn't she die?" Roger wanted to know, licking his fingers. Klaus turned to him.
"No, that was another aunt." He looked at her again as she went to get a napkin and carry it back to where she was sitting. "I can't believe it. She's old, but it's her. The last time I saw her was the Christmas before…" He looked at his fins and tail. "Well this."
"Too bad you can't talk to her without giving her a heart attack." Klaus sighed.
"Yeah, but it's just nice seeing her." He ate some more.
A man stood up and presented a toast, and gave a German speech. The other people held up their beers. Klaus' eyes widened again.
"Oh mein gosh Roger, do you know who that is?" Roger looked at him.
"Sorry, I'm not up to date on famous people of Germany, so that's a no."
"That's Alois Anton. He's a part of the German government. He was here last time; in his first year." He looked to the woman next to him. "Ooh, ooh! That's his wife! They spent his honeymoon here."
"Terrific! I don't care." He resumed eating. Klaus put his beer up and chanted with the other Germans. Roger looked at him when they were done. "What was that about?"
"Oh, it's what we Germans do sometimes when we want to get drunk. It means 'One, two, down the hatch!"
"Whatever." He took a sip of his champagne.
Suddenly, Alois fell to the floor. Everyone gasped. Someone came up to him to check his pulse. His eyes widened and said something in German. There were gasps again.
"What did he say?" Roger wanted to know. Klaus' eyes widened.
"He's dead." He breathed.