In Somewhat Okay Memory of Klebony Way 19?-2016
5 Years Ago
Jet the Hawk was in Chinatown at the Local Tavern, drinking his sorrows away, he was with his crew, munching away at the house specialty, Sour & Salty Honey the Cat at nearby table. Sonic the Asshole had once again decimated him in a race, and he felt his ego shrivel up and die within him like Gary Busey's erections after sex.
He knew Wave the Swallow hated him, and Storm the Albatross was too naive to see him as a failure. All he wanted was to be seen as a hero by someone that wasn't a full blown retard. Him and Wave the Swallow had a good relationship for a while, but their relationship was souring, fast. If only she had just trusted him for once in her god-damned FUCKING LIFE-
He had just smashed his glass cup into the face of their Taiwaneese waiter, who was Julie-Su the Taiwanese Echidna. She she fell over backwards, bleeding and crying.
"Um…. Check please?" Asked Jet the Hawk
"JET! WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU FUCKING DO!?" Yelled Wave the Swallow to Jet the Hawk.
"Oh man, are we robbing the joint? EVERYONE! THIS IS A ROBBERY!" Screamed Storm the Albatros. He pulled out a minigun and began blowing every Japanese businessman, woman, and child in the restaurant and began blowing every Japanese businessman, woman, and child in the restaurant to fucking smithereens.
"... Fuck" Said Jet the Hawk "... We better go…"
The Three Amigos got on their EXTREME GEAR and took the fuck off. Cops noticed, and took chase in their flying space cars.
"WAVE! THROW ME A FUCKING E.M.P" Yelled Jet the Hawk, she did, and he detonated it behind him, causing the cop cars behind them to plummet to the ground, exploding to smithereens. But as soon as those cars were out of the picture, more followed.
"Good thing I bought that Blimp!" Jet the Hawk said
"Why the fuck do we have a blimp anyways!?" Yelled Wave the Swallow
"How about you stop complaining about non crucial details and let me have my fucking peace you dumb cocksucking whore!"
"Go fuck yourself, you stupid sex-obsessed bastard! It's shit like this that prevents me from going all the way with you!"
Jet the Hawk Lost 12 relationship points.
Het The Jawk Beckoned his space blimp he owns, and the crew got into it. Storm the Albatross activated the butt-guns and began firing away at the cops.
"HA! Looks like we're gonna get out of this one yet, boys!"
"I'm a girl"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP, WAVE!"
The cops, tired of putting up with these guy's shit whenever they do something illegal, decided to do something new. One of the cops pulled out an RPG-7, and fired one of the blimp's propellers. The blimp began to go down… Yeah, that fixed that.
"BOSS! WE'RE GOING DOWN!" Yelled Storm, freaking the fuck out.
"SHUT UP! I need to fix this! Just gimmie a-"
*(sonic)BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM (lol get it?)*
The team were able to limp into a nearby temple for shelter from the ongoing rain storm outside. Storm the Albatross was mortally wounded, for a giant piece of metal was protruding from his chest, Wave the Swallow lost her left arm, and Jet the Hawk broke a shit ton of ribs.
"BOSS! BOSS! GET IT OUT! GET IT OUT!" Storm the Albatros yelled over, and over.
"This is all your damn fault, you know Jet the Hawk!? If you hadn't of had your stupid fucking head jammd up your stupid fucking ass, Storm the Duck wouldn't be dying right now!"
Storm the Alberto calmed down. "Actually. I think I can make it. It missed my vitals! Toss me a few rings, and I'll recover in no time!"
Jet the Hawkye couldn't hear him over the arguing though, so he shot Storm the Albatross in the head.
"He's in a better place now…" He said
The two sat in the temple for a while, tending to each other's wounds, and contemplating on what to do next.
"ARE YOU THE PROPHESIZED CREAT-" Jet the Hawk shot the old man before he could finish whatever stupid things he was going to spew on about for the next few hours. This was the only action Jet the Hawk and Wave the Swallow were on the same page on.
"You know, Wave, we're the last of our kind…"
"What the fuck are you getting at?"
After a few moments of silence, she realized what he was talking about… It was rainy, both of them were still a little drunk, and both were emotionally unstable… Soon, they were both atop each other in a sudden fit of unstable aggressive, confused love.
Jet the Hawk shoved his throbbing cloaca right into Wave the Swallow''s cloaca as the two made out aggressively, their beaks smashing into one another. He thrusted, and thrusted his hips with hers. Jet the Hawk played with Wave the Swallow's non-existent bird tits, and soon they both blissfully cummed...
"Jet…. I love you" Swooned Wave the Swallow as Jet the Hawk climaxed his bird load into her. This was the beginning of something beautiful
2 years later
Jet the Hawk got home from work at the chicken ranch, "Honey! I'm hoooome!" He called, but no one came. She must be taking a bath. He went to the backyard and checked the bird-bath, seeing that Wave the Swallow had slit her wrists while bathing. She left a note.
"Dear Jet the Hawk. I hate you, I fucking hate you so damned much. I regret that one fucking night of bliss we had together. I regret getting married and surrendering my freedom to you. I should have left you after Storm died, but I was a fool, and thought you would be the last thing to keep me going. I was dead wrong. I hope you have fun taking care of that abomination you call a child, she's most likely in her room 'playing'. I hope you fucking rot, you bastard. And so help me god, if I can come back from the grave to kill you, I fucking will, you dumb measly mouthed bastard.
3 Wave the Swallow"
"... Fuck" Said Jet the Hawkinsaw, he was now alone on bringing up his daughter, Spit the Swallow.
He walked upstairs, almost trembling, he was going to have to bring the news to her as carefully and nicely as possible.
"You know, Spit, we're the last of our kind..."
Present day
Hawk the Jet and Swallow the Spit were locked in opposite hallway cells in the Mobian Insane Asylum. Three years worth of being taken out of school and taught sex as a way of life caused sex to be the only thing she knew. She grasped desperately through her cell to reach her daddy's cloaca, but to no avail. They were just gonna have to go dry for a while.
"YOU CAN'T SEPARATE US LIKE THIS! WE'RE FAMILY!" Yelled Jet the Jet.
"Shut the fuck up! You have no right to say that after the shit you've done to this girl" Yelled a guard back. The nighttime sequence activated. It was time for prisoners to go to bed.
"Sleep easy, mother fucker" Gaurd the Guard said as he turned the lights off, and moving onto the next cell-block.
Suddenly, a massive exploshion erupted in the cell beside them, knocking a few bars loose. Jet immidietly ran out of the cell to investigate. Charmy the Bee was being picked up by Star Wolf™... For some reason.
"Oh hi Charmy" Said Jet the Hawk. Charmy the Bee was, for some reason, sound asleep as Wolf the Wolf dragged him into his ship. Jet the Hawk grabbed some keys from one of the gaurds that were assumingly shot by Wolf the Wolf, and unlocked her Daughter's cage. She embraced her father with open legs. A family was reunited.
The two family members stole a trench coat and fedora hat, his daughter on the bottom, and him on top. He tryed get her her own coat and hat, but then she would need to handjob him in public, and that would be weird. It's better to let her walk and blow him at the same time under the cover of the coat.
As they walked, a convertible stopped right next to them. "Get in" the girl driving said. Hawk the Jet ordered Spit the Cock to escort him into the car.
"I need your help, I'll clear your criminal record if you assist me, will you help?"
"Um… Sure? What's your name?" Asked Jet the Hawk
"Call me Princess Sally, Princess Sally the Acorn."
You would think she would have the top of the car down, because it was raining, but Sally the Acorn loved to feel wet, even when driving. And who was Jet the Hawk to complain when he was getting a backseat blowjob from his own daughter while feeling the calming drips of rain on his feathers? What a great Undisputed Ruler of all Mobius!
Sally the Acorn drove Jet Hawk to her House the castle. She opened a secret door in her throne room. "Get in here, and kill the first thing you see that isn't my tits when I open it up, got it?" She asked
"Sure thing, slut!" Jet the Hawk replied, his daughter fingering him while standing beside him.
Jet the Hawk waited in that dark secret room for a few days, waiting for the day it would open up to reveal his destiny. Most of the refreshments he and his daughter were given were excess cum from the Pouncefield Pact. His daughter didn't mind, but sadly, Hawkye would rather die than feel like a cum guzzling slut, so he starved himself.
Suddenly, right in front of his very eyes, two familiar figures began to appear before him.
"Guess who found out how to come back from the dead FUCKER!"
"Hi boss!"
Fucking JAHANNAM (The Sonic version of hell, as told by the Secret Rings ;D)
Wave the Ghost began beating the shit out of Jet the Hawk's stupid, incestuous, green, pedophilac face, while Storm the Phantom drank some seaman, thinking it was milk, which is good for the bones. Cum spilled all over the floor.
Jet the Hawk smacked a button "CLEANING! WE NEED A VACUUM! SPIT THE HAWK SPILLED HER "FOOD" AGAIN!" He shrieked, while trying to fend off his angry ex-wife. Soon enough, housekeeping came in with a vacuum. Jet the Hawk pimp slapped the Mexican housekeeping maid, and vacuumed Wave the Ghost and Storm the Phantom into it ala Luigi's Mansion.
"AHA! Jet the Hawk is number one again!"
"But didn't you always lose in the past?" Storm the Phantom reminded him from in the bag. Jet the Hawk kicked the bag.
Suddenly, an alarm rang, and the entire royal guard began to run downstairs. Wave after Wave of guards just kept running downstairs to chech on it, or something, I dunno. Somewhere along the line someone got trampled, or something. After some time went by, the secret door finally opened, revealing Sally's tits, then Big the Cat and Espio the Camilion.
"Oh hey guys! What's up?" Asked Jet the Hawk
"Wassup, homeboy!?" Asked Big the Cat
"...Jet the Hawk?" Espio the Clementine Said
"THOSE ARE THE GUYS! KILL THEM!" Demanded Sally the Acorn
"Oh fuck, sorry guys, I'm gonna have to kill you now. Spit the Swallow! Kill big the Vat, I got Espio the Cumlion!" Spit the Swallow suddenly jumped at Big the Cat, and began sucking his barbed cat penis. Big the Cat was very confused.
Jet the Hawk mounted the vacuum like an EXTREME GEAR, and set it to "blow" (get it lol), causing him to be propelled forwards, and spitting out his ghostly friends backwards. He grabbed Espo the Chameleon by the neck, grabbed at his balls, and literally yanked them off. However, this action took both hands, and he soon lost balence and fell off his vacuum. It then began to fly directly upwards into the night sky through the hole Big the Cat made in the ceiling to get into the Thrown Room. Espio the Chamelion headbut Jet the Hawk in the chest, causing a large hole in Jet the Howk's chest to immerge, due to Espio the chamlean's large face spike.
Jet the Hawk plugged the hole with one of the Secret room's seed cups to stop the bleeding, causing seaman to flow through his bloodstream. Jet the heck suddenly began to see a vision. During this time, Espio the Camera roundhouse kicked him in the face, jumped on his back, and began to strangle him from behind.
Jet the Hawk had a revelation. "My god… My kind are ancestors….. OF SUCCUBI!"
Jet the Hawk then grew a dick, and popped the biggest boner of all time, propelling him and Espio tje Hawk into the night sky. His dick grew so fast, that it eventually snapped at the stem. Jet the Hawk then grabbed the mid-air flying vacuum cleaner, grabbed Espio the chimera, and impaled him on his broken member. He then flew downwards using the vacuum, and flew downwards while still holding Espio the cumeelieun. It was like being stabbed by the world's largest spike, but it was a penis.
By the time they hit the ground, all of Espio's the Chamelian intestines were strewn around Hawkye's snapped mega-boner like garlend on a christmas tree. Espio the Enchilada was finished.
Jet the Hawk then snapped of Espio the Lizard's face spike ,and stabbed Big the Cat in the neck. However, he only got the fat around Big the Cat's neck, causing Big to be enraged. He then threw Jet the Hawk out the window, causing him to plummet to his death.
Jet woke up.
"Am… Am I dead?" He asked.
"Yeah, but Wave used her weird negromancy magic to turn you into a ghost, too! Now we will be pals FOREVER!" Replied Storm the Phantom
"What he means is you're stuck on this wretched planet for all eternity." Corrected Wave the Ghost.
"... Fuck" Said Jet the Poltergeist.
Jet the Poltergeist floated to the front of the town, only to see a ceremony was held for…. His Daughter for saving the Princess. Apparently she made Big the Cat climax in her mouth, causing him to fall asleep, which allowed guards to arrest him. She also got credit for killing Espio the Chamelion because Jet the Hawk was reported dead, and they had to credit someone alive.
"GOD DAMNIT! I can't even win in death!" Yelled Jet the Poltergeist
"I did, and it was great" Replied Wave the Ghost.
"Shut your WHORE MOUTH, WAVE!"
"Bite me, jackass."
"It's like we're one big happy family again." Said Storm the Phantom. And even in death, they all were.
The End