Who They Were
Disclaimer: I don't own Ed, Edd n Eddy. There are some things in here that belong to other people. Also, this features a cameo (or a brief mention. Either one) from someone who would probably make me eat my own... you get the drift.
A/N: I apologise for the long wait. I know I had originally planned to release this at the beginning of the month but, due to writer's block – or, more accurately in this case, "I want to write but I don't want to" – I delayed and delayed and delayed. It's up now but, hopefully, I can get my shit together and write more stories more often.
So here we are. The final part of the Keveddarie Saga. Or, at least, the final main part. It's been a great run writing these three fics; and it would've been even better had I not had a bit of trouble with that writer's block someway through Who She Is and at some point during this story. But still, it's a shame how [nearly] everyone else is still resorting to the same hackneyed stereotypes and plots. It's almost enough to turn me straight (read Chapter 24 of Edarchy, my profile and the other two main Keveddarie stories), although, luckily, none come close to this… yet.
Anyways, here it's pretty much the same as the last three, except it's Kevin's POV this time; which means that, again, any and all grammatical errors are probably intentional. Here we find out how he realised he was bisexual, his relationship with Edd (and, later, with Edd and Marie) and his on-off relationship with Nazz. And… that's pretty much it. How riveting. Oh well, at least it'll be a bit more readable than Who She Is; in that what Kevin's saying is written in his usual style, whereas what he's narrating is [mostly] properly written (but is still informal). But not as good, seeing as I haven't really developed him that well in Edarchy (meaning I'm pretty much winging it here). Not to mention that it's pretty confusing and disorientated, as if he's a Young God (guess the reference).
In short, I didn't really care much when I was writing this. And it shows. Anyways, let's get on with this.
Hey. I'm Kevin. No doubt you know who I am or why we're here. And, to be honest, I don't really wanna be here but oh well. And, since Double D and… Marie, I think her name is… Either way, they both told you about our relationship, so I figured I might as well do the same. It ain't that interesting, though, but it does tell you a few things. Or, at least, it would do if it weren't for the fact that they did it before me. Plus it's been a while and I can't remember every detail.
So, where shall I start? I might as well talk about how I realised I liked a little bit of both. Age 17, about a month or two before the whole incident. After practice, we all unwound in the group locker rooms. We were gearing up against the Lake Garcia Condors. They're actually a pretty good team, despite there being 500-600 people living in Lake Garcia. But yeah, as I was showering, I saw that the linebacker get into the shower with me, I could help but look down. It was initially to compare sizes, but you know how it turned out. Luckily, it was a brief glance, so he didn't catch me. But still, took a few days to get that image out of my head. Especially since I was dating Nazz at the time. Yeah, not the best example of realising what I was. But hey, it was ages ago! Plus I'm still faintly drunk from last night.
Now, I have no problems with gay people. Even before I came out, I didn't hate them. I mean my cousin John's gay and he and I got along well. Hell, he's what they call a "chub" – a fat gay guy – and a data programmer for some company in Applebay (nerd) but I still liked hanging out with him. It gets a little bit better 'cos he's married to Bastian – Rolf's younger bro – who's a total bear. I mean, I wouldn't be surprised if his chest hair has chest hair! Or if his beard has its own beard! But I'm goin' off-topic.
But seriously, gays are A-OK with me. Ditto bisexuals. But that didn't mean the rest of the team felt the same way. That's why I was still in the closet at the time. Because I was scared to come out. Scared that the school quarterback, this manly football-paying dude, the coolest guy in school, admitted to liking dicks and chicks. That last one wouldn't even matter; as soon as you like guys in that way, you better watch your back. Even if nothing happens, you still better be careful.
Still, as much as I can blame the dorks for makin' me all paranoid and that, I will admit that they ain't so bad when you get to know them. Besides, Ed can probably be a human brick wall, Double D would sprint past the other team if he can still run fast with pounds of gear on – or just create some ingenious tactics to help us win – and Eddy… can probably help us cheat. I dunno, he was really helpful against the Lumpers a few years ago!
But I'm just going on about nothing. Still, could be worse. Whenever I get worked up about something, I tend to just parrot Jamie's views on whatever. Still, that rarely happens these days. And besides, he's an idiot, so who cares what he thinks?
Anyway, I was there at The Pit. I had no idea what was going on. All I knew was that Double Dor… Double D had something to tell us. And I wanted to find out what. Mostly because I heard a rumour that he was going to come out as gay. And then I thought to myself about how, if this turns out to be true, I could come out as bi. And, although he didn't really interest me back when he was a weak nerd, I found him kinda attractive now that he's this awesome runner. Then again, strength interests me; although not as much as good looks, personality and how much you know your sports. Hey, I may be a jock, but at least I ain't shallow. But still, if he comes out, then this could work. If not, then who knows?
And, when we got there, what came next. We were half right, he was into guys. But he was also into girls too. Yikes, looks like I'm out 10 bucks. But still, I sucked it up and finally said it. 'Dorky's right. 'Sides, he's why we've gotten so many medals and trophies for running. You fuck with him, you fuck with me.' I then paused briefly, trying to sum up the courage to continue. 'And you wanna know something? I'm bi too. There, I said it.' I was no longer afraid.
It felt like no one could understand what was going on. Maybe it was because you didn't have to pick a team, if you catch my drift. After I gave Dorky my money, I ran up to Double D. 'You wanna go to the gym? I've been meaning to go 'cos of the football on Friday.' Yeah, we were facing the Kirschefluss Pitters, so I really needed to "get my train on". Then again, we managed to destroy them in our last… seven games? So yeah, they're not much of a threat. Still, couldn't hurt to prepare, right?
'I suppose.' He replied, sighing a little bit. 'Besides, I have practice tomorrow.'
We then reached James' Gym, a small local gym not too far from the old Junior High. I used to exercise there whenever the school gym wasn't open. It was small, smelled a bit off and would become incredibly hot the moment there was any sun, but it felt like home. After Double D paid the $10 entry fee, he was ready to start exercising on one of the machines. We both chose the treadmills, mostly because they were the closest to us, but also because they were closest to the locker rooms. After we got changed, we got on them
As I got onto the treadmill, I then realised I had a question to ask. 'So Double Dor- Er... Double D, how did you get into running?'
'Why do you ask?' He replied with a question of his own. 'Did you not read that interview I gave to the school newspaper after I won that track meet?'
'Nah, don't read the paper.' I then got onto the treadmill and went at a steady pace. Didn't want to tire myself too quickly!
'Very well.' He said, as he started talking about it. 'In Sophomore year, I found at that, if I fail physical education, then I would have to be held back a year. I tried playing football and soccer, but I wasn't very good at it. And the less said about my attempts at gymnastics, the better.' I then decided to slow down to a leisurely pace. 'So I eventually considering doing athletics. At first, I wasn't all that good with it, but I trained hard and here I am now.'
'Cool.' Maybe that was the reason why he still had to do football and gym during those episodes. Either that or the writers and animators forgot about the fact that he had to be excused from gym due to that "dodgeball incident". Yeah, I broke the fourth wall, what of it?
Contrary to what he told you, he still hung out with Dork and Dorker; he only said he didn't because they weren't really that much to the plot. Or perhaps he was ashamed of what they became, ignoring the fact that he himself took up smoking not long before his 17th birthday. But still, I didn't mind him hanging around with them, the same way he didn't mind me hanging around with Rolf and Nazz. Because hey, we all needed a break from each other from time to time!
However, over the growing months, I had to confess my love for him. Yeah, I know it sounds cliché and all that crap, but still it was the only way I could calm myself down. I mean, Nazz and I broke up a while ago – she noticed things were going south between us and wanted some time alone – and, well, Double D helped me through it.
So, I did the only think I could do: Ask for help. I then turned to Jonny. Yes, the same Jonny who took his clothes off, ran around the cul-de-sac with that hunk of wood covering his man-parts shouting "Feel the wind, Plank!" You might be wondering why I want him to help me. It's because, if you get him to calm down – either by Ritalin, cannabis or whatever – he can really be insightful. No, I don't know why.
Anyways, one day after school, I went over to his house. Before I could knock on the door, I could hear some music playing and what seemed like two people arguing – not shouting at each other, but rather talking over one another. Wondering what was going on, I knocked on the door. I heard what sounded like Eddy saying 'Shit, the Feds are onto us!'
I knocked on the door again. 'Jonny, it's Kevin. I need to ask you something.'
A couple of minutes later, he opened the door, high as fuck. I could see two beanbags, a record player and a copy of some album. When I looked closer, it turned out to be Tago Mago by Can; I ain't into that type of music, so I can't say anything about it. Oh, and there was Dorky sitting on one of the beanbags, fishing the joint that he swallowed. 'Hey Kev!' He said, slurring a little and half-heartedly waving his hand. 'What brings ya to my neck o' the woods?'
'What were ya two arguing about?'
The dork finally managed to take the joint out. 'We was discas… discars… duscuss… talking about who were the better Can singer: Malcolm Mooney or Damo Suzuki.' He then wiped it against his shirt and relit it. I don't really smoke, but even I know that's a bad idea.
'OK?' I didn't know and I didn't care. 'Couldn't they have – y'know – sang on a record together?' I tried to join in, even though Krautrock (or whatever it's called) ain't my type of music.
'Touché.' Jonny said, looking away. He then took out a small bag of some purple-coloured cannabis. 'Blueberry?'
'No… thanks…' I said slowly. 'I don't smoke.'
'Alrighty then.' He then put it back in his pocket. 'Come in, though.' I walked into the house, trying to breathe as little as possible. At that point, Dorky flipped the record round and put on the second side.
'Thanks. But yeah, wanna ask you somethin'.'
'Shoot.' He said, stubbing his roach into the ashtray.
'Ya see: I'm in love with a guy, but I don't think he feels the same way. It's not a case of him bein' straight and me not; we both like guys. And we both know each other well, so it ain't a case of "Why won't he notice me?" or anything like that. But how do I tell him how I feel?'
'Let's see…' He paused, trying to come up with something. 'Have you ever considered tellin' him how you felt?'
'Yeah, no shit.' I replied. 'But I'm afraid he'll turn me down or something like that.'
Jonny then took out another bag of weed and started rolling up another one. 'Do it too quickly and he'll think you're desperate. Do it too late and ya lose him.' He then lit it up. 'Find that sweet spot. Don't force yourself too much on him; you'll be in for a world of hurt and makin' it worse. Don't try to be too subtle 'bout it; he'll miss the point and make it worse. Again, find that sweet spot.'
'Go on.'
'But, most of all, don't forget who ya are, Kev. Ain't ya the captain of the football team?'
In the background, we could hear Eddy sing "Searching for my bloodflow, yes I am." Out of tune, as always.
'Shut it dork!' I had to say it. Anyways, you have him to blame for my paranoia and all that. And all these scams of his and what they'll do. And the less said about that "Monkey World" or whatever it is, the better. 'Yeah, I am.' I managed to reply to his question
'Yeah.' He took another drag on his joint. 'But still, don't be afraid. That'll make things worse. And ya want this to work, don't ya?'
'So what ya trying to say is…'
'When the time is right, go for it.' He summed it up briefly. 'Don't be afraid. Fear is an obstacle; overcome it. And, eventually, all will seem right'
'Alright. Thanks Jonny.'
I tossed him a $5 bill. In hindsight, it's probably something I should've been taught before this; I probably forgot it in order to make the story work. As I left the house and closed the door after me, I could hear Eddy say. 'Hey, man, ya should start chargin'.' Classic Dorky.
I couldn't hear the rest of their conversation because I was walking away.
A week after my talk with Jonny, Double D and I were working out in my garage. It's where I go if the gym I usually go to is closed for some reason. After a while, he asked for a towel, which I gave to him. After he wiped the sweat from his face, he said 'Thanks, Kevin. I must say, I'm starting to...'
As he was talking, I thought to myself Oh fuck it. Just before he could finish his sentence, I kissed him deeply on the lips. I dunno if I took Jonny's advice, let alone wonder if it worked. But either way, I did it. Not long afterwards, he kissed me back, although I could feel he wasn't all that into it. About ten seconds later, we broke apart. I couldn't tell if it was the kissing or the exercising, but, either way, we were exhausted! 'Whoa. I dunno what come over me. Dunno why I did that.' I said afterwards, trying to break the tension.
'I know. I'm perplexed too.' He towelled off his hair. 'But why did you do that? Why me?'
'I dunno. I wouldn't have done that to you years ago.' It's true, you know.
'Hm...' He sighed. 'Please don't remind me. Back when I was so abnormally weak, it seemed like you could snap my limbs off as if they were twigs. Back when I was so cowardly, I daren't take a step fearing I'd catch a plethora of unhealthy microbes. Trust me; I'm slowly but surely overcoming my mysophobia. And I am starting to "loosen up", being less of a "snitch".'
'Good. But now, you've manned up. That's hot.' Yeah, I have no idea why I said that.
'Kevin, you have to remember that I am more interested in expanding my brain as opposed to expanding my muscles.'
'I know that. I ain't stopping you. Just try not to be too wussy.'
'Helpful advice.' He said, being sarcastic and that. 'I will try to keep that in mind.
We both kissed again and, this time, he enjoyed it a bit more. After a while, I told him 'I'll go down to pharmacy and pick up a box of condoms and some lube.' And so I got on my old bike – I didn't have enough fuel in my moped and I don't want to make two stops – and pedalled towards the pharmacy. After about 20 minutes, I came back with a small plastic bag on my handlebars. I'm sure you knew what I meant. Anyway, we flipped a coin to see who'd be on top first; it landed on heads, which meant I had to receive.
About half an hour later, we were both lying in bed, our clothes on the floor. 'So, Kevin,' He asked, putting his arm around me. 'What makes us different from all the others? What makes our relationship so significant?'
'Because, Double Dork,' I replied. 'Unlike some people, the person writing this has actually seen the show.'
Eventually, word got out that we were dating. At first I was expecting everyone to make such a huge deal out of it. I was right, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it was gonna be. We were just treated like any other relationship. We're two guys dating, it don't mean we deserve any special treatment. But, then again, that's my opinion – not Jamie's - so I could be makin' this up, just so I don't let my ego get too far.
In fact, that evening, Marie came round mine and threatened to castrate me if I ever hurt Double D. Can't say I blame her, although I should've warned her about how much things like domestic abuse and rape piss me off. You saw how much I hated Eddy's brother, why the hell do you think I want to be like him? Sorry, just thinking about it makes my blood boil. OK, calm down, Kev, just imagine you're chilling with Dan Marino and the '72 Dolphins.
When I heard that Nazz found out, I was expecting the worse. Y'know, because this is a Kevedd fic and she's some psychotic bitch who needs to be put down – unless she's dating Marie at which point she's A-OK. Or is it supposed to be the other way 'round? Don't matter. But nope, she understood and told me we can still be friends. I'm starting to breathe a bit easier now.
The football team had to accept this. Again, they could be sued or arrested if they beat the crap out of me or Double D. Not to mention I'm pretty much their star player; although, unlike that other Kevin, the team won't lose every time without me on the team. I've got to be direct (la la la); if I'm wrong, please correct… Wait, how did that get in there? Either way, we wouldn't repeatedly lose if I wasn't on the team; we just won't win so hard. Did that even make sense?
And, of course, when we dated, it wasn't anything spectacular. It was just two guys going on dates to places we liked. Hell, one night we both won $250 a karaoke competition with Teen Age Riot. Yes, I too am a fan of Sonic Youth. Plus it's Double D's favourite song, oddly enough.
However, we weren't together forever. You should've known this by now. Maybe we got tired of each other, since it wouldn't be like him to cheat and no one else really interested me. But, either way, half a year after becoming a couple, we split. There was a bit of panic, to the point where a number of students and staff wanted us to get back together, probably to show how "progressive" we were. Yeah, I don't think you can force love; or, if you do, it won't be as pleasing as you think it would be; unless you can make it work, it'll all seem stiff and uncomfortable rather than romantic. Also, Jamie should really slow down on the obvious morals.
About a week and a half afterwards, I got back together with Nazz. She told me how, during the time we were apart, that she didn't want to be a cheerleader as a career. So, much like how Double D got into running, she became interested in interior design. Yeah, it's not the most interesting thing in the world, but she probably knows where everything goes. Plus she does tend to add a little spiritual touch to her work; although you can blame her hippie parents for that.
At the senior prom, which was under a year and a half since the whole incident began, I saw Double D and Marie dance with each other. Nazz and I had a couple of drinks with them and wished them the best of luck with the whole Prom King and Queen thing. Saying that, we were up against them in a way, so they wished the same to us. In the end, though, neither of us won it: Dorky – who was high as a kite and going on about some "Holy Mountain" or whatever the hell it was – was the Prom King, with that Dutch foreign exchange student he was dating as the Prom Queen. Can't complain; in fact we found it funny rather than annoying, mostly because of how it was totally out of left field.
At first, we thought it was like something out of Carrie until we realised that they had all done something else. Maybe they didn't want the only four people anyone really cares about to win, just as a huge middle finger to something. Maybe they thought that they were a better couple. Maybe there was some third reason, but who gives a crap? Besides there was only one other couple in the running - a hunk of wood and a cactus (SERIOUSLY, WHY?!) - so there wasn't much of a contest.
But yeah, a while after the prom I found out that Double D and Marie had started dating. I didn't mind and wished them the best of luck. Besides, at that point, we were all wondering about the future. Like what dreams we had; what we wanted to do; all that. At that time, we didn't know if we'd still be in touch, seeing as he'd be going to university and I'm going to college. Little did we know that I'll be physically re-entering his life soon.
It's years later. I think I was 23 or 24 at the time. Yeah, probably 24. Either way, I was living with Nazz in a house we rented in Norwegia. It's basically a suburb, roughly on the other side of where I grew up. It was also around this time that I started growing a goatee; mostly because I seem like the kind of guy who can pull it off. Hey, if that comic book guy – not that one from The Simpsons – can have a soul patch and do it well, then why can't I have a goatee? Never mind.
So yeah, as I was saying, I lived with Nazz. We both lived in a house we rented. The landlord was a cool guy just as long as we paid our rent on time; otherwise he can be a real hardass. Not like a mob boss, a loan shark or any of that; he'll give you about a week – or two weeks if there's a good reason - before he starts adding "interest". Luckily it ain't much – about $25 for the first week and another 2.5% after that. But yeah, if you can't pay up by 6 months, then you're out. Not the best system in the world but hey, you can't blame a guy for trying.
However, a while after moving in, we were beginning to have relationship problems. No, we weren't cheating on each other, nor were we thinking about doing it. We just hit a brick wall. The spark was gone. Even after counselling and various books about it, nothing had changed. So, after a while, we decided to break up. We told the landlord about this and he understood, sorting out all the necessary paperwork; it took a bit longer than usual due to him coming back from vacation. In other words, Nazz still kept the house, it was just that I wasn't living in it anymore. It wasn't a case of anything being unfair; I actually chose to move out because… I have no reason why. Looking back on it now, I don't think it was a good idea.
Anyways, until everything was sorted out, I slept on the couch. After all, it was a bit easier to get hold of me just in case I was needed and I wasn't at work. During the day, I was doing my job – being the new high school football coach after the old one agreed to step down – and, after work, I looked in the papers to see if there places I could stay. Nowhere interested me. But then I remembered that Double D had an apartment downtown. After all, it would be nice to see him after so long, seeing as I called him every so often after high school but we never got round to having a cup of coffee or something.
So when everything was finalised and done, I got my stuff – as in, the stuff that belonged to me; anything we both used, like beds or televisions, were technically "our stuff", if that makes sense – and loaded it up onto the truck. I then drove downtown to his place. I knew where it was because I phoned him for directions just before I left.
When I got there, I looked around to find out which was the right one. Eventually, I found his doorbell and rang it. Just before I was about to speak, I then heard a voice – his voice – tell me to come on up. Maybe he knew I was there or maybe he was expecting something else. I dunno; I never ask and he never told.
I shrugged and opened the door. I walked on up to his apartment. Luckily, it wasn't too high up, which is good because the elevator was out of order. When I found the right one, I knocked on the door and waited. A couple of seconds later, I heard someone open the door. It was him. 'Hey Double D.'
'Hello, Kevin. Do you want to come in?' Without saying a word, he nodded, walked in and sat down on the couch next to Marie. She briefly looked at him and made an expression that seemed like she was faintly disgusted before turning back to the television. He didn't notice this. 'So how can I help you?' He asked me as I walked into the apartment.
I sighed. 'Nazz and I broke up again. And you were the only person I could turn to.'
'Why not Jonny? He's your friend.'
'He's gone with his parents to Goa.'
'Goa Street's not too far away.' He said, completely missing the point.
'India.' I told him. Yeah, I think I embarrassed him. Or made it worse. I couldn't tell.
'Yes.' He blushed. 'We all tend to make mistakes.' He then stopped blushing.
'So yeah,' I said. 'Hope you don't mind me staying here a little while.'
'It's fine.' He didn't seem to mind at all. 'What about you, Marie?'
'Yeah, whatever.' She said, bored as hell. She, however, did mind. At that time, I couldn't tell if it was jealousy, if she was worried about me hurting him or because she just don't like me in general.
That night, however, I wanted to tell them how nice it was to take me in. I mean, I had sorted the couch out, laid out the pillows and blanket. I was ready to just go to bed. But, for some reason, I still wanted to thank them. Even though I could hear them getting hot and heavy – although not THAT hot and heavy – I still wanted to do this. I opened the door and said to them 'Hey dorks, I just wanted to...' I looked at them, half-naked and about to do it, and I just couldn't finish what I wanted to say.
'Ya see why it's a bad idea havin' your ex here?' She said.
'Hey, it's not like I wanted Nazz to kick me out!' Kevin said. Actually, I agreed to leave before things got worse but I forgot about this. Heat of the moment.
'She's pretty, ain't she?' Marie said to herself.
'Who ya gonna choose, Double D? Me or her?' I told him before telling her 'By the way, Nazz sadly doesn't swing that way. She's for gay rights and all that, but she doesn't have any interest in girls.' Yes, I knew. And I couldn't tell if it was awesome or not. Probably not, mostly 'cos Nazz told me how awkward it was.
He paused for a minute. Marie then got out her phone and played the Jeopardy music. Even though we didn't get along, I had to admit that that was funny. 'Both.' She and I looked at him funny, wondering what the hell he meant. 'I know this is stereotypical and cliché, but why can't we try this thing I read about? It's called "polyamory" and it involves all three of us being a couple - with our consent of course.'
We were all quiet for a while. We were hoping it was a good idea, because, otherwise, things'll go pretty bad pretty damn quick. Eventually, Marie sighed and said 'Fine.' She then turned to Kevin. 'Ya better have a condom or two.' Crisis averted, for now. And I'm not gonna talk about what else happened that night, for obvious reasons, of course.
But yeah, he and I pretty much acted the same as we did when we were dating. We went on early morning runs together. I chipped in with rent whenever I could, especially if they were a little bit short on cash. Same goes for groceries and other things like that. Sure Marie and I didn't get along well, but the only reason we didn't walk out is because that would make things worse; we didn't hate each other enough to ignore things like common sense. Besides, the main reason we didn't get along well was because we thought the other was an abusive asshole who would beat the crap out of Edd and claim it's love – even if it looks like one of us has changed, it's actually a lie to throw people off the trail so we can continue the beating. When you take a look at how we treated him and his friends when we were younger, it did make a bit of sense. In other words, strange minds thought alike. I think there were other reasons why we couldn't stand one another but, since it was a while ago and we're now on better terms, I can't remember. 'Sides, it doesn't really matter that much.
Again, this didn't last. A few months after this whole thing began, I bumped into Nazz at the grocery store. We talked but we sure as hell didn't feel right around each other at first. But that changed a little while later. The next day I got a phone call from her. She wants to get back together. I thought about it for about one or two minutes before telling her I'm coming back.
I then left a message on Double D's answering machine. I told him that I'm gonna move back in with Nazz and I'm taking my stuff. And, just to be on the safe side, I'll give him a call on his cell phone letting him know what was going on. He was fine with it and, from what I heard from him before he hung up, he'll get a truck.
And, sure enough, when I finished boxing up my stuff with some cardboard boxes I managed to get out of nowhere, the truck arrived. The dude driving it helped me carry 'em downstairs and load them into the back. I told him where to go; he nodded and drove away. I got into my car, started it and drove off, following him. Shame I didn't properly get to say goodbye to them, but oh well.
So, here we are now. Last year, Nazz and I finally got married. Double D was there, seeing as he was the best man; Rolf was there; Marie and Gerta were there; and even John and Bastian managed to get there. And it looks like we're staying together. Although I might be proven wrong, it doesn't matter for the moment. We went to Applebay for our honeymoon, not just to hang out with the OTHER other newlyweds, but also because of the football game that was playing that weekend and an art exhibition the day after.
Rolf and Gerta are still friends. After all, if he can accept his brother for being gay, why can't he still hang out with his lesbian ex? Whenever she can, she comes round his to help out. He's still the same guy after all these years, but a little bit short-sighted due to that tractor accident, which explains why he wears that eyepatch. Despite that, he's still capable of things; it just takes a while longer due to depth perception.
These days, Jonny plays in a band called The Space Cadets along with 10 other people. According to their website, they're apparently a "Stoner psychedelic folk rock band" and he plays guitar – that's acoustic, not electric; although he has one of those electro-acoustic guitars. He's actually not that bad; I've seen him sit on the roof of high school and play some tunes as the sun goes down. If I can remember, Dorky was a drummer for a few of their early concerts but left 'cos it wasn't really his thing. But yeah, he and the rest of the band are touring The State because of their new album and they won't be back for another month or so. I heard some guy named John Garcia is joining them and their website says so, but I can't really be sure since I'm not into that.
So that's my story. Not much here that you didn't hear before, but at least it was nice telling my side of it. Shame nothing particularly interesting happened, but it's still something. After all, I had to skip out some of the boring parts, which probably would've bored the hell out of you. Hey, who said all the moments in a relationship had to be entertaining?
Anyway, I have to go now. It was nice talking to you all. But I've gotta go now. Mostly because I've ran out of story to tell. Plus I have something planned for next weekend. So yeah, that's it. Bye.
A/N: Some of you may think that what Kevin said about this story (or the whole Keveddarie Saga. Either one) may count as a "Dethroning Moment of Suck" (again, know your tropes), mostly because it makes me look like an egotistical bastard (your mileage may vary on the first part, but the second is definitely true). But, when you watch the show – "watch the show" being the three most important words in this sentence – and find out how much of a jerk he can be (the two most well-known examples, not to mention the first two I can name off the top of my head, are Your Ed Here and Smile for the Ed) it does make a bit of sense. I'm not saying you have to hate him, I'm just saying he's not as perfect as you fangirls make him out to be. Also, that brief "SERIOUSLY, WHY?!" thing about Plank and Jim being a couple was me using Kevin as a mouthpiece. I am not sorry.
So that's pretty much it for the Keveddarie Saga. And what a pretty crappy saga it was, especially since there was little to no focus on the actual Kevedd and Keveddarie relationships themselves. Sorry about that but, seeing as nothing really important happened. At first you might think that it – along with it not working in the end – might contradict the supposed "pro-Polyamory message"; in reality, I'm neither for or against it. And besides, the main reason why the whole Keveddarie thing fell apart was because Marie and Kevin couldn't trust each other (or, at least, they didn't get along great with each other). If they did, then this story would probably have a much happier ending. Also, sorry about the preaching there.
Either way, it's not really the end. It's the end of me writing about the eponymous triangle, but not the end of their story. Indeed, if you check my profile, you can find out that I have a few stories planned before I start calling it quits. I'm not re-retiring from fan fiction – although I have a feeling that there might be an eventual breakdown – but rather how I finally close the book on this and get back to other things.
So what will I do next? I have a story planned, but I've only told a couple of people about it; the rest of you will sadly have to read it to find out what it's about. Other than that, I also hope to continue Edarchy and YAMEEnES whenever I get the time. Seriously, they both need to be updated, especially the latter. And I might try to write those other Keveddarie spin-offs I have planned, which will be up whenever I can, so just keep an eye out (or check your inboxes if you follow me).
I'd like to thank BarthVader again, mostly because of how With Apologies to Alfred Kinsey inspired a few things in this story (to the point where I'm considering including it as part of the Saga). And thanks to Ted Sturgeon and his law about 90% of everything. I got the name "Kirschefluss" by looking up the German for "cherry river", even though the actual result I got was "Kirsche Fluss"; if that's wrong, then feel free to correct me and blame Google Translate.
But yeah, that's it for this story. I would ask if Kevin was in character, especially when you take a look at how disorientated and fractured it was – not to mention how it was all over the place - but… You probably know what I'm going to say next, so no point in bringing it up again. Not to mention that 90% of EEnE fan fictions these days can pretty much be summarised as "fuck canon". I would make a comparison to another incredibly popular thing that I found mediocre and overhyped, but that would pad this out more than it needs to be. Plus I can't remember what I wanted to compare it to.
Still, I have a couple of surprises planned after I've uploaded and published this. Then again, I might as well go "Fuck schedules" and write whatever whenever (except for the Edarchy Christmas Special. That's still going to be written/uploaded in November/December). It's mostly because I plan one schedule but I don't adhere to it and end up creating another schedule and… it's pretty much a vicious cycle.
Not much else I can say here. Originally I was going to do a brief explanation of Jonny's surname ("Tubifor", pronounced "two-by-four" and not "chew-before"), but I could save that for a different fic (probably Edarchy) because it would've been unnecessary padding here. There were also a few other things I was going to do, but a) I forgot about them or b) I remembered but I couldn't think of where to put them. Alright, so take care and I'll see you soon.
P.S. Jonny has to be my favourite character out of the Keveddarie Saga, despite the fact that he appears in that one scene and is an attempt to justify an Erudite Stoner; although it does seem like I'm also trying to justify why he's out of character. Yes, out of everyone in this lame attempt at joining this craze, there's only one character I find even remotely tolerable. I'll try to add this characterisation to any of my other stories but, again, we'll see.
P.P.S. I'm gonna say this: I sincerely apologise to JuneSummers if I implied Alter Waters was crap and/or if I upset you in general. Obviously I haven't read it – meaning I can't properly judge it for myself – but I might do one day. It's because I'm starting to go a bit off the deep end, mostly because these Kevedd fics keep coming in such large numbers (seriously, why's it so popular? There were only three scenes of them being friendly towards each other) and, to people like me who don't really follow the whole Kevedd fandom, a number of them can feel like the same thing over and over. For example, characters – from Kevin and Edd, to Human!Plank and Human!Jim – getting together for what seems like no reason at all (which probably isn't as bad as I'm making it out to be, but it still needs a good explanation as to why you think they'd be a good couple. Luckily, "they just are" is a good enough excuse for me, even if it does seem a bit lazy and half-arsed); the supposed "heroes" doing things that makes then look like huge jerks (or villains at worse), whilst the "bad guys" are actually more sympathetic, likable and heroic; plenty of Unfortunate Implications or anything else that seems incredibly uncomfortable when you closely look at it, i.e. things like rape and abuse being treated as romantic (to the point where if I could go into the story and castrate/spay the abuser in a way that would make John Hartigan flinch, I would); and so on. Your story might be different but, again, I'll check it out whenever I have the time and attention span. Either way, good luck with AW, anything else you're doing and your life in general. Signed, BarthVader's bisexual friend. Sorry for the Wall of Text, by the way; feel free to reword some of it and/or break it down into something more readable.