Author's Note: This is a semi-sequel to my previous fic, One Day. I highly suggest you read that before this. However, it is not needed. Also, warnings for swearing, yaoi/slash, and general angst.

Insanity of the Sweetest Sense

Fucking Mazoku bastard.

He's watching us again. I know it. He never opens those slit eyes of his, but I know he's observing everything through a magnifying glass and picking us apart like little specimens on a glass slide. Analyzing us within an inch of our lives, taking down notes on our idiosyncrasies, our weaknesses, our strengths.

Gods, I feel like a fucking rat ready to be slit open with a scalpel with that look on my back. His gaze is sliding up my spine, like cool, gentle, inquisitive fingers whose intention I don't quite know and am afraid to find out. It's almost...sensual...

What the hell am I thinking? I do /not/ have any sort of...sexual feelings towards him.

It's queer, knowing someone's watching you without needing to turn around. I want to collapse when that stare's turned on me, like its intensity is too much to bear; only pride and pure obstinacy prevents me from falling, or turning around and wrap my hands around his neck and wring all my frustrations out.

Then I'd be satisfied. Or I'd shake him by the shoulders and demand from him the answers that I want.

But then he'd just laugh and say those infuriating words, "Sore wa himitsu desu, Zelgadiss-san," eyeing me like I was some sort of degenerate specimen meant to be examined.

And I'd have a legible excuse to punch him at that point. Gods, what I would give to wipe that complacent smile off his face with my fist. Bruise one of his eyes so he wouldn't look so damned perfect so I wouldn't have to stare anymore and think of all the things that I'd like to do with him.

...Fuck, did I actually /think/ that?

Zelgadiss Graywords, you are officially going insane.

Did I get hit on the head too hard the last time when I told Lina that she should stop acting like a kid?

I /must/ be insane. I must be. Because no sane, reasonable person would actually think that Xelloss, a fucking Mazoku of all things, was actually...sexy.

Oh gods, I really am insane.

I need a drink.

Damn, now I wish I were an alcoholic. Then I wouldn't have to deal with the reality of this outrageous situation. I'm supposed to be in control of myself, aren't I? I'm not supposed to go lusting after cocky, sharp-witted, smug, intrinsically evil, inhuman, handsome and so-sexy-you-can-still-ogle-him-even-if-he's-dressed-in-a-potato-sack Mazo-

Oh /fuck/.

I /am/ insane.

The gods must be playing a joke on me. They have to be. Or this is a nightmare. I cannot be simply walking on a road, with Lina, Gourry, Amelia and Xelloss and actually lusting after him.

I'm pinching myself to see if I'm sleeping. It doesn't work.

I really do need a drink.

Ignore it, ignore it.

I need to keep telling myself this.

Or I won't know will happen.

Or what won't happen.

Even if it ends up in the best thing in my life or the worst...I can't do anything because I don't know what will happen.

And that is the worst thing of all.