A/N: The inspiration came from my job, co-workers and some of the records I see during the week. It's meant to be funny. If it falls short of the mark let me know. The characters are mostly SMeyers. The story is mine. No copyright infringement is intended. The story hasn't been beta'd so I ask for forgiveness for any grammatical errors. I will get around to having it beta'd though. :)

The Cullen Clinic

"Good morning, Cullen Clinic. How may we serve you today?"

I walked up to the perky brunette at the desk. She held her finger up to me indicating that she would be with me in a moment. I smiled and nodded in silent understanding.

"Yes. Okay. I am setting your son up with an emergency appointment with our orthopedic surgeon Dr. McCarty. Yes…mmm hmm. We can fit you in at 3pm. Yes, yes. It would actually be very helpful if you have those x-rays. Yes, Mrs. Anderson. Alright, see you then."

The brunette hung up from her call and looked at me when the phone rang again. She rolled her eyes and made that 'I'm sorry' face. You know the one. She made her mouth go down on one side and her eyes went all big at the same time. She would have made the 'sssss' noise except the phone was already to her ear.

"Good morning. Thank you for calling the Cullen Clinic, please hold." She pressed a button and looked at me. "I am so sorry! I'm Jessica, how may I help you?"

"Hi, I'm Rosalie Hale, I'm here to see Dr. Carlisle Cullen on behalf of Newton Pharmaceuticals?"

"Oh, yeah yeah. He told me to keep an eye out. Wow, you're a knock out. I so hate you right now. Are those your tits? They can't be real. Did you go to Dr. Cheney? He does such good work and your boobs look absolutely fabulous I wish my boobs looked that fabulous."

What. The. Hell? This chick is nuts' I tried to school my facial features into a neutral expression but really I knew it wasn't working and seeing as how she didn't seem to notice I stopped caring and just looked at her like she was stupid.

"Um, Jessica, was it? You realize you have someone holding on the phone right?"

"Oh shit! Ooops!" She looked around quickly before putting her hand up to her mouth and speaking behind it, "we're not supposed to use bad language. I could get written up for that and I so do not need another write up." She said before straightening her spine and giving me the 'just one moment' finger again.

I bet I could break that finger. I thought better of it though. If I could land a good deal with Dr. Cullen it would be a big deal for me and for my company.

"Hi. Hello, so sorry for the wait. Thank you for calling the Cullen Clinic, how may direct your call? Oh, hiiiiii Esme! It's so good to hear from you. How are you? Um, actually there's someone to see him from the pharmaceutical company. Just between you and me," she tried to whisper, "the rep is a total knock out. Big boobs and curvy, but you know you have nothing to feel threatened about. Carlisle doesn't go for that kind of thing. I mean, you know, he married you." Jessica was screwing her face into a grimace.

OUCH! How the fuck does this chick have a job?

"Oh, um, um okay. Yeah, I can transfer you, but she's like right here. Sure, yeah. No prob Esme." Jessica pressed a couple of buttons and then spoke into the receiver again. "Carlisle, the pharmaceutical rep is here and Esme is on the line. I told her someone was here to see you but she really insisted…. Um, oh yeah okay." Jessica hung up the phone and shrugged.

"I don't know what the fuck that was about. She said rolling her eyes and shook her head while tapping something into the computer." She looked up from the screen, finally remembering I was standing at her desk or maybe she didn't remember… who knows."

"Oh, Roxie, right?" I cocked my right eyebrow up. Professional? No. Instinctual? Yes.

"Yeah, that's right Jamie." She looked slightly taken aback at my response.

"Uhhhh." She sat there for a moment with her mouth hanging open.

I had the distinct impression she found herself making that face-a lot, especially with the opposite sex… while on her knees.

It took her a moment but she finally closed her mouth and promptly scrunched her nose at me. I smirked. Someone should really tell her she's not cute enough to make that facial expression. She muttered something under her breath while rolling her neck.

"What was that honey," I asked lowering my face down towards her desk giving her my best 'fuck with me if you want to and see what happens face.' She blinked rapidly for a moment and straightened her spine again, though to be honest, I think I scared her. Good. Stupid wench.

" I said, Dr. Cullen will be with you in a moment. If you'd like to wait, you may have a seat. There." She pointed to a section of chairs across from her desk.

"Thank you, Jenny." I couldn't help the smirk I felt on my face which grew into the biggest smile when I saw her face. She was pissed. I started chuckling and had to get myself together when a handsome doctor came out from the back.

"Good morning," he smiled as he headed toward me with his hand extended.

"Good morning," I stood and met him halfway with a smile of my own. "I'm Rosalie Hale."

"Ms. Hale, it's a pleasure. My name is Carlisle Cullen." I detected a slight English accent. It was nice. If you weren't at ease by Dr. Cullen's calm presence then his soothing voice definitely knocked down any barriers in your mind.

"The pleasure is mine Dr. Cullen. I look forward to discussing some changes that we have made to our products. We have some new products but of course there are those that we know work and work well and though we know people are interested in using generic formulas when possible some of these newer products as you know won't be available in generic form for quite some time; however, I do have plenty of samples and even a few coupons for you to give to some of your patients. We understand this is a tough time in the economy and we want our customers who are your patients to be able to get the pharmaceutical therapy that is best for them… not second best."

Dr. Cullen chuckled, "breathe, Ms. Hale. Please, join me in my office." Dr. Cullen extended his hand in front of him and we walked side by side back behind Jessica's desk down a well decorated corridor.

"So, Ms. Hale. I do want to apologize for keeping you waiting. I had a very important phone call from a very important client…"

"Dr. Cullen, let me tell you, at the risk of sounding unprofessional. I would want my husband to take my calls, especially if a) I think it's important or b) the receptionist starts making slightly inappropriate comments or whatever she was doing…"

"Inappropriate comments?" He asked raising both of his eyebrows.

"Um, yes, well… let's just say… " I grew quiet for a moment. "Oh fuck it," I whisper-shouted. "That little twit at your front desk basically told your wife I was hot but she didn't have anything to worry about because that wasn't your taste preference because you married her. I'm paraphrasing of course."

He was shocked and turned his head from side to side as his face got redder and redder. "She said whaaat?" Wow, I think his accent just got like ten times thicker.

"Yeah, call your wife. Please. I would love to apologize to her just for being there when it happened."

Dr. Cullen picked up his cell phone, pressed two buttons and held his phone up to his ear. "Darling, can you talk?"

He paused obviously listening. "Should I call you later? No, oh, alright. I'll wait love."

He let out a heavy sigh and looked up at me. He tried to smile but his heart wasn't in it. I started to rise but he stopped me. "Ms. Hale, please stay, this will only take a moment. I apologize this is not very professional I know…"

"Yes darling, I'm here. Ms. Hale the pharmaceutical representative is here in my office and she just relayed something rather disturbing to me. Darling, when you called earlier, was Jessica inappropriate with you? Did she say anything…"

Dr. Cullen got red all over again. Yikes, his blood pressure is probably through the roof.

"That. Little. Tart." I smirked and tried to cover it up, unsuccessfully.

Dr. Cullen blushed, at least I think he blushed. He was still a little red from what I presume was Esme relaying her side of this morning conversation.

"Darling, why didn't you tell me. You know I would have fired her. Well, know I don't have another receptionist but we could make do until I found someone. Her manner is abhorrent and she insulted you my darling girl. I cannot have that."

Now I was blushing, this conversation is so not for my ears.

Dr. Cullen noticed my pinkening cheeks. "Oh, dear girl, I apologize. Mae, I should really call you back. I've had Ms. Hale in here this entire time."

"Dr. Cullen, may I?" I asked reaching for his phone.

"Mae dear, Ms. Hale would like to speak with you." He smiled, "just a moment then dear." Dr. Cullen smiled at me and extended his hand with the cell phone. I took it and pressed it to my ear.

"Mrs. Cullen?"

"Yes," a kind voice answered. "Mrs. Cullen I want to apologize if I overstepped any boundaries by relaying the conversation from earlier. I meant no disrespect to you but I did not appreciate Jessica's behavior and I really felt like something needed to be said."

"Thank you Ms. Hale."

"Please, call me Rosalie."

"Thank you Rosalie, please call me Esme." I could hear the smile in her voice.

"Will do, Mrs…uh, sorry. Esme" I laughed at myself, "alright then I'm going to turn you back over to your husband now. I need to skidaddle or I'll be late for my next appointment."

"Oh, of course dear. Thank you again."

"My pleasure, Esme."

I reached across Dr. Cullen's desk and handed his phone to him. "Dr. Cullen."

"Carlisle," he smiled at me as he accepted his phone.

"Carlisle." I nodded my head toward him as I stood.

"Rosalie?"

"Yes?"

"Don't forget those samples and coupons and I'd love some new pens if you have any," he smirked.

I couldn't help the big stupid smile that stretched across my face. I was so excited I was speechless for a moment.

"Of course, well, I don't have a full complement for you today but I can return in a couple of days. For now though, I do have these samples. This set is for our most popular allergy medications and this one," I said reaching for another box, "this is the new beta blocker we've developed, which really is the same as the old one except the patent is about to run out and then there will be a generic available so yeah. I kind of just shot myself with that one but, my dad went through a rough patch without insurance a couple of times so I get it. Anyway. This one is the new statin, it actually is new. We're competing with Lipitor." I said all of that in such a rush I made myself lightheaded.

I looked up and saw Dr. Cullen suppressing a laugh.

"Sorry, I got excited, " I blushed.

"Clearly, but I completely understand. I'll see you in a couple of days. Oh… I'll tell her dear. Esme says thank you again."

I smiled a grin that rivaled the Cheshire Cat's and told Carlisle I would see myself out. Today started off with an idiot but slowly got better. Fuck yeah! That's the kind of result I like!

A/N:

1) ALIS is almost done. I have anywhere from one to four chapters left. I had an outline that has mysteriously disappeared, which means it's in my office or inserted in a journal somewhere (yes I still use pen and paper from time to time).

2) This is just a little something I've been playing with doing for a bit. I don't know if it's just a one shot or a multi-chaptered story. We'll see what happens.

3) Leave a review please.

Thanks for reading!