Any past or present relationships will be further explored for a better understanding in future chapters. That is, if anyone's actually interested.
Thanks so much for reading, I really do appreciate it!
Emily had just settled into the couch, glass of wine placed in front of her on the coffee table and one of her favorite books in hand. She rarely got quiet moments like this anymore now that she was a mother and as much as she loved her daughter, she still enjoyed stealing these moments every now and then.
A quick recession of raps against her front door caught the brunettes attention. She hadn't expected her daughter to be dropped off so early, but she did miss her baby and she was excited to see her.
She tossed the book onto the coffee table, quickly standing and making her way toward the door. "I didn't think you'd be here for at least another half hour." Emily said as she opened the door to reveal the last person on earth she would expect to see. JJ.
Emily's smile fell rather quickly and her heart began to race, she was almost certain it was going to beat out of her chest. She hadn't seen JJ in almost three years. Not a word. No texts, no phone calls, not even a damn letter. The brunette had made a few attempts, but JJ never responded. It didn't take long for Emily to get the hint.
"Emily, hi." JJ managed to choke out, she couldn't believe it was her. Just the sight of her had taken the blondes breath away. She had waited so long for this moment, when she had the chance to redeem herself for all her past mistakes. The heartache she had put Emily through.
"What.." Emily sighed. "what are you doing here?" She was finally able to question.
"I just.. needed to see you. I just got back into town." JJ admitted as she stood awkwardly in Emily's doorway, hoping for an invitation into her home. Although, she wouldn't be surprised if the other woman slammed the door in her face right then and there. Honestly, she wouldn't blame her.
"Um.." Emily closed her eyes momentarily, mulling over her options. She wanted nothing more than to open her eyes to an empty doorway, she wanted this to be another of her daydreams, but it wasn't. She slowly opened her eyes, the blonde still standing in front of her with a longing in her own eyes. Emily couldn't just turn her away. Even after all she had done. "I.. come in." The brunette said as she stepped out of the doorway, allowing JJ entrance into her home.
JJ slipped inside quickly before Emily had the time to rethink her invitation and slam the door in her face.
"How've you been?" The blonde asked as she slipped off her coat, glancing around Emily's apartment. Everything had changed, she must have remodeled.
Emily couldn't believe this was happening and to think JJ had the audacity to ask such an ignorant question. "Oh, just fine." Emily responded bitterly. "How's Will?" She asked, finally attempting to hide that bitter undertone in her voice.
"He's.. adjusting." JJ chose her words carefully. He hadn't been handling the situation all that well, but she couldn't live a lie just to spare his feelings. He would heal, just as Emily had done. "We separated a few months ago." She admitted.
Emily was shocked to say the least, she thought the distance between she and JJ would've been enough to help get their marriage back on the right track. JJ's infidelities had nearly broken Will and leaving seemed to be their only saving grace.
"My heart wasn't in it. I couldn't do it anymore. It wasn't fair to him or Henry. It wasn't fair to me, either." Being so open had been easier than JJ originally anticipated it to be. She thought she would be stumbling over her words, unintentionally making a fool of herself, but it seemed to be going just as she had rehearsed it in her head. If only Emily complied and stuck to the script JJ had given her, it would be perfect.
"JJ, I.. why are you telling me this?" Emily couldn't quite understand what had gotten into the blonde. Had she forgotten how messy things had been when they went their separate ways? Did she really think it wise to show up at her door with this deceleration after three years? Little did Emily know, much more was in store.
"Why are you really here? Why come back?"
"You're the reason. It's you, Emily." JJ confessed, failing to hide the smile that spread across her features. She was elated to finally be able to say that out loud to the woman she loved. "It's always been you. I lied to myself for years. I lied to you, I lied to Will, but I just can't do it anymore. I left my heart with you three years ago. I always knew where it was, it just took a while for me to get back to it. I really tried with Will, to repair our marriage.." JJ paused when she noticed Emily flinch a little, but she couldn't back down now. She had promised herself she would get this off her chest, no matter the consequences. "but it just didn't feel right. Something was missing and at first I couldn't quite figure it out, but now I know it was you. I needed you, Emily. I still do." She sighed softly, unable to get a real read on the other woman as she waited for something, any kind of reaction.
Emily's head was spinning and she couldn't quite decipher JJ's words, as if she was speaking in some sort of code the brunette just couldn't crack.
"JJ, I.." Emily began before being interrupted by the ring of her doorbell. She shook her head and turned to answer the door.
The blonde gently grabbed onto her wrist, hoping to extend their alone time if only for a moment. "Emily, it can wait. We really need to talk."
"She can't wait." Emily said absent mindedly as she broke free from JJ's grasp and continued toward the door.
JJ could only sigh and internally kick herself for being so forward and expecting a different response from Emily.
Just before the brunette reached the door JJ realized she had said she can't wait. Did she have someone else? Was she unknowingly trying to break up a relationship right now? She should have given herself a moment to think more clearly before she came around pounding on Emily's door, looking for forgiveness the other woman wasn't ready to give. And rightfully so.
Emily inhaled sharply before she slowly turned the doorknob, opening the door to Derek's goofy looking grin, their daughter wrapped up in his arms with an almost identical expression when she caught sight of her mother.
"Hey, mama." Derek said just before he noticed the distant look in Emily's eyes. "Everything alright?" He questioned soon after his observation.
"Yes, everything's fine." Emily quickly dismissed his concern as she took Stella from her father's arms. "Hi, my girl. I missed you." The brunette cradled her daughter in her arms, hugging her tightly.
JJ stood near the couch, thankful she had something to fall back on if need be as she watched this exchange between Emily and Derek. Her knees felt weak and she knew her cheeks were beginning to flush. She was so glad she was out of Derek's line of sight. She wasn't sure she could face him right now, not after such a revelation.
Emily glanced to her right, trying to gauge the blonde's reaction without alerting Derek of her presence.
Morgan stood back, observing Emily for just a moment before she gave him a stern look. "Don't profile me." She warned as she began to close the door slightly, hoping to obstruct his view into her home.
He raised his hand, stopping the door from nearly closing all the way. He didn't have to be a profiler to know something was going on. Emily's behavior was odd. Normally she would swing the door open and without a word would let him know he was welcome in her home day or night.
"Somethings up." He commented. "What's going on? Is someone in the house?"
"No.. it's nothing." Emily sighed, she knew this was a fight she would never win. He wouldn't leave until he knew she and Stella were safe.
Emily examined her daughter's face closely, her thumb smoothing over a smudge near the corner of Stella's mouth. "Derek, is this chocolate?"
Morgan huffed, becoming increasingly annoyed with Emily's avoidance of his concern. "Yeah, we've had an exciting day. She'll definitely need a nap as well as a bath, in no particular order." He paused briefly, before continuing. "Now come on, you never act like this. What's up?" Derek knew it was hard for Emily to open up and share, but he wouldn't compromise his daughters safety just because her mother was stubborn.
He pushed the door open with ease, apparently the brunette knew it wasn't worth the fight. Honestly, he could be just as stubborn as Emily sometimes.
"Woah." It was all Derek could muster when he noticed JJ at the other end of the room, that deer caught in headlights look plastered across her face almost laughable. She was the last person he expected to see here. It took him just a moment to realize the blonde didn't know about his situation with her ex-lover.
The atmosphere became awkward rather quickly and he wished he hadn't pushed so hard. Morgan cleared his throat and quickly moved across the room, his arms enveloping JJ in a tight embrace. He was left to pick up the pieces when she ran off, leaving Emily behind, but they had been friends for so long. He couldn't forget about that. He had genuinely missed her.
JJ was stiff at first before relaxing into the embrace. Her emotions were a jumbled mess right now and the contact only made her want to cry. She fought back her tears for a moment then gently pushed against Derek's chest, silently letting him know she couldn't stand this even a second longer.
Derek's arms dropped to his sides and he quickly took a step back, attempting to take it all in. It was surreal. "JJ, it's been so long."
The blonde cast her eyes toward the floor, nodding as Derek turned to look at Emily questionably who only shrugged in response. She was just as shocked as he was.
"I guess, uh.." Derek cleared his throat once again, laughing almost under his breath as he realized he didn't quite have much to say. The sight of JJ had almost rendered him speechless. "I guess you two have a lot to discuss." He slowly moved toward the door, stopping just in front of Emily.
He leaned in to kiss the side of Stella's head, his fingers brushing over her cheek gently as he pulled away. "I love you, baby." Derek whispered as Stella smiled widely in response.
Morgan took a couple more steps toward the door, Emily following closely behind him. "Call me tonight so I can say goodnight to Stella."
Emily only nodded in response as Derek retreated from the apartment. That wasn't as bad as she expected it to be, but now she had to face JJ. She didn't owe her an explanation, but she knew the blonde would have a lot of questions.
The brunette closed the door as Derek disappeared down the hall and into the elevator. She was almost afraid to turn around and catch a glimpse of JJ. She had no idea what to expect. She couldn't imagine how she would react if the situation were reversed.
JJ slowly sat down on the edge of the couch, attempting to still her shaky hands and slow her erratic heart. She couldn't figure out which emotion she wanted to tackle first. Her jealousy was quickly rising to the surface and threatening to rear its ugly head, though. She thought she was going to show up here, sweep Emily off her feet and live happily ever after, but it appeared Derek had already beaten her to it. Were they actually a couple, what kind of arrangement did they have? She closed her eyes briefly, fighting to stay composed.
"JJ?" Emily spoke softly, helping to guide the blonde back into reality. "Do you need anything?"
JJ could only shake her head, her throat was so dry she didn't think she would be able to speak even if she tried.
As if Emily could read her mind she disappeared into the kitchen, quickly returning with a glass of water extended out to JJ.
The blonde looked up at her in a questioning manner as she hesitantly took the glass, failing at her attempt to avoid looking at the Derek mini me on her hip. She still couldn't believe this was happening. How could so much change in so little time?
"Your throat gets dry when you're nervous." Emily stated matter of factly, almost insulted that JJ had forgotten how well she really knew her.
JJ slowly pressed the glass against her lips, her hands still a bit shaky as she took a much needed drink of water. To be honest she wanted to get up and run out that door, she wasn't sure she would ever be able to face Emily again after this. But she didn't deserve that, not again.
"I.. you," the blonde leaned forward, placing the glass on the coffee table in front of her as she struggled to come up with a coherent sentence. "She's yours?"
Emily furrowed her brow, attempting not to laugh at the dumbfounded look on JJ's face as she nodded. "Well, yeah. I'm pretty sure she's mine. We're still waiting for the DNA results, though." She quipped.
"I can't believe this." JJ spoke, barely above a whisper.
"Contrary to what you may believe, the world didn't stop turning when you left." Emily stated bluntly as she took a seat on the opposite end of the couch. It wasn't fair for JJ to show up like this and expect things to be exactly the way she had left them when she decided to walk out.
"I know that, I just.." JJ began.
"You just what?" The brunette interjected as she shifted Stella in her arms slightly, her daughter's head lying against her chest as she studied the stranger at the other end of the couch. "You thought you would just show up here and I'd be lonely and broken and you'd fix me?" This was hard and it even hurt Emily to actually hear it out loud, but it needed to be said. "Did you honestly expect me to sit around and wait for years while you figured out who you really wanted to play house with? You really hurt me, JJ. I'll admit that, but I'm happy now. Happier than I think I've ever been and I'm not sure you have a place here now."
JJ could've sworn she felt a little piece of her heart break in that moment. This was nothing like she had envisioned. She still loved Emily. She always would, but she couldn't make her love her back. She swiped at a rogue tear that had managed to escape down her cheek, hoping it had gone unnoticed.
Emily could see the hurt in those crystal blue eyes staring back at her and she hated herself for being the cause, but she wouldn't apologize for being guarded. She had to protect her heart. JJ had nearly obliterated it when she had chosen Will over her. She wouldn't allow that to happen again. She needed to be strong, especially now for Stella.
The brunette looked away from the other woman, gently rubbing her daughter's back as she glanced down at her to notice heavy eye lids. Stella always refused to nap for Derek, so most evenings when he dropped her off she was tired and cranky. The last thing Emily needed was to have this conversation over a screaming baby.
"I'll be right back." Emily stated as she scooted to the edge of the couch and stood with her daughter wrapped up tightly in her arms.
"But Emily.." JJ trailed off, unsure of where they would go from here.
"Ten minutes." Emily promised. "Just don't go anywhere." She didn't want to end it like this, she at least wanted things to be amicable and she was beginning to realize just how harsh her words had really been.
JJ looked down, gaze slowly focusing on her hands resting in her lap as Emily left the room. She took the opportunity to let a few more tears fall, being quick to wipe them away in fear that the brunette may catch her display of emotion.
Emily was quick to reappear and she sat down a little closer to JJ than she had anticipated. "She needed a nap. Derek can never get her to sleep."
JJ nodded, awkwardly shifting in her seat as she looked away from the brunette.
"I shouldn't have spoken to you that way." Emily stated as she reached out, gently placing her hand against JJ's arm. "I guess I didn't realize how much I had bottled up."
"I deserved it." JJ remarked as she looked down at Emily's hand, her touch like fire against the blondes skin.
"Yeah, maybe." Emily nodded in agreement and both women smiled lightly.
The evening carried on and as the minutes turned into hours the two women began to feel a bit more relaxed around one another and the conversation came naturally.
"I looked like a beached whale. Honestly, I think I had my own gravitational pull the last couple of months." It could almost be considered torture, the things that pregnancy put her body through, but Emily wouldn't have traded it for the world.
Both women laughed in unison and finally some of the tension began to dissipate, things seemed to flow so naturally between them when they were willing to let their guard down.
"I know how you feel." JJ responded as the laughter came to an end. "I couldn't see my feet for at least 3 months. Do you remember how many times I came into work with two different shoes on?"
Emily only nodded in response as the laughter began again. She wanted to share her pregnancy with JJ, she could've learned so much from her. She always thought if she were ever to have a baby it would be with the woman she loved, not alone. Although, when she took a moment to consider it she had never been alone. She had Derek and he was a wonderful father, they were really nailing the whole co-parenting thing. But sometimes she wanted someone there with her, to experience the little moments, too.
"I wish I could've seen that." JJ remarked.
Emily looked away from the blonde, smiling softly at the thought. She had gone through hell for nearly an entire year, but just when things were nearing impossible and Emily was on the brink of giving up Stella happened and she couldn't be more grateful for her girl.
"Did you work?" JJ questioned, breaking the silence.
Emily looked up, catching her gaze and tilting her head slightly as she nodded. "As much as I could. Derek all but chained me to a desk after he found out I was pregnant, though."
JJ scoffed, breaking eye contact to discreetly roll her eyes. She felt betrayed by Derek, as well as Emily. She knew she had no right to feel this way, but her heart refused to comply with her head.
"What was that?" Emily gave JJ an inquisitive look. Emily and Derek had always been protective of one another, but their connection had preceded anything JJ had ever seen. Things were different now.
"Nothing." The blonde retorted, shoulders shrugging as she tried her best to fake a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.
Just as Emily opened her mouth to respond a cry could be heard from the other room. Both women turned their head in the direction of the sudden noise and the brunette quickly stood from her seated position.
Emily took a few steps toward the hall before stopping in her tracks and turning back to look at the woman she had once thought she would be spending this life with. "JJ, I know this is hard for you, but Derek is Stella's father. He's going to be around, all the time. It's something you'll have to deal with. It's not just about me anymore."
JJ only nodded, Emily's words weren't quite getting through to her. This was so hard to wrap her head around.
"I expected better from you." The brunette commented before continuing down the hall toward her daughters bedroom.
JJ let out an exasperated sigh as she willed that twinge of sadness to leave her heart. She couldn't believe Emily had spoken to her that way, but honestly she expected better from herself, too. She had left her other half, back here, to deal with the heartbreak on her own. She couldn't blame her for moving on with her life in the best way she saw fit. It wasn't fair.
Emily suddenly reappeared near the doorway of the living room with Stella sitting on her hip, contently. JJ couldn't help but smile sadly as she saw them together. She would be lying if she said she hadn't considered having children with the brunette before. It was even hard for her to grasp just how stupid she had been. To expect Emily to welcome her back into her life with open arms when she returned.
"I think I'm gonna get going." JJ finally spoke up after an awkward moment.
"JJ, you don't have to go." Emily surprised even herself and hoped the blonde didn't hear the desperation in her voice. She wasn't ready to forgive just yet, but this felt right.
"I need to get back to Henry." JJ stated flatly as she moved toward the door, beginning to feel overwhelmed as she felt mother and daughter's eyes following her across the room.
Emily met JJ at the front door, opening it as the blonde slipped her coat on. "It was nice to see you again." She managed to get out with a smile.
JJ genuinely smiled for the first time that night as she turned to look at the brunette. "It was so good to see you, Em."
Stella was clinging tightly to her mother as she held the door open. It took her a while to warm up to strangers, it was becoming more and more obvious that she was already beginning to develop her mother's personality.
"And Stella's beautiful, I'm happy for you." JJ added with a nod, although she didn't quite mean it. This was tearing her apart inside and as hard as she tried she couldn't truly be happy for Emily, or Derek.
The blonde slipped out the door quietly and Emily closed it behind her with a sigh. She felt like she had just seen a ghost. It was a bit intrusive to be honest, for JJ to just show up on her doorstep expecting more than Emily had to offer right now, but she meant what she said. It was so nice to see her again, even under these circumstances.
"Daddy said you need a bath." Emily said as she turned her attention toward Stella who only cooed a little in response, obviously feeling much more comfortable now that they were alone.
The brunette laughed lightly as she pressed her lips against the side of her daughter's head. Emily was broken when JJ decided to leave, but the hole that was left in her heart had been filled completely by Stella. That heartbreak had given her the courage to continue living her life and become the mother she had always wanted to be.
And as she carried her daughter down the hall, feeling her chubby fingers wrap in her hair as she studied her mother's face, Emily realized she hadn't thanked JJ she for everything she had given her.