Knotty Silenced Beauty

Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess named Nina who (as readers familiar with Knotty Sleeping Beauty and certain other Knotty Fairytales may recall) travelled from her homeland of East Zhdalstk to the USA to earn a degree in Electrical Engineering. Nina had rented a tiny apartment, which (to cut expenses, for East Zhdalstk was not a wealthy country) she shared with Cinderella. Nina and Cinderella generally got along quite well, although as can so often be the case when two people spend a considerable amount of time together, they did have their occasional squabbles. For example, one time Nina had borrowed Cinderella's favorite sweater without asking, so Cinderella had retaliated by borrowing Nina's boyfriend, Prince Marcus of West Zhdalstk.

One day Princess Nina was spending a quiet day at home when she heard the front door open. She turned around in surprise. Who could that be? She was certain she had locked it, and it couldn't be her roommate, because Cinderella was busy studying (or whatever she really was doing) in the bedroom. Nina's eyes went wide with surprise, for The Wolf entered, without knocking or waiting to be invited!

"Hey, baby," he said nonchalantly.

"Wolfy, how did you get in?" she wanted to ask, except she couldn't. Her mouth was filled with a folded handkerchief and duct tape was stretched over her lips. So, instead she stared at him in astonishment.

"How's Prince Whatshisname doing?" asked The Wolf conversationally, poking a terrarium at a warty green frog who croaked back jealously.

Nina shrugged her shoulders.

"So, what's the gag all about?"

Nina waved a hand in dismissal.

"You could remove it easily enough," he remarked, "since you're not tied up. Hey, would you like me to do it for you?"

Nina shook her head violently and stepped back.

"Here, I've got it!" The Wolf announced, reaching out with a paw.

Nina slapped it away and turned. She hurriedly tossed a roll of duct tape off a small stand onto the floor, followed by a box of tissues, a telephone directory, a pencil sharpener (but no pencil!), an advertising circular, the unpaid electric bill, a Chinese takeout menu, a paperback book, a television magazine, and a university newsletter before finally uncovering a small notebook with a pen stuck in its spiral binding. Hastily, she began scribbling.

"Look, baby, as much as I enjoy seeing you gagged, you're making things way too complicated," The Wolf announced.

Nina groaned inwardly, realizing the pen wasn't working. She tossed it away and frantically rummaged for another. The Wolf, meanwhile, quietly slipped behind her, and, with one quick motion, whisked the strips of duct tape from her mouth. "Why the gag, baby?" he asked.

Nina spat out the cloth, but instead of replying, continued her hunt for a pen.

"I know how to make you talk!" announced The Wolf. His paws raced over Nina's stomach and sides, tickling her. Nina spun away, but The Wolf was too energetic for her to evade him for long. Soon the princess broke out into giggles.

"Stop it!" she shouted, and then gasped, slapping a hand over her mouth.

"Aha!" said Cinderella, springing out of her bedroom like a jack-in-the-box. "I win! Oh, hey Wolfy!"

"Hey, baby," he answered.

"Ooh, Wolfy, why'd you do that?" demanded Nina. "You made me lose my bet!"

"What bet's that?" he asked.

"Nina kept going on and on about everything, so I couldn't study," explained Cinderella. "So I bet her that she couldn't keep quiet, not speaking even one word, for one hour."

"I knew I'd never make it," said Nina. "That's why I gagged myself!"

"Now Nina has to be my servant for the rest of the day," announced Cinderella. "You have to do whatever I say, Princess!"

"I hope you're happy, Wolfy," said Nina. "I'll have a horrible afternoon now!"

"Horrible is right!" Cinderella agreed happily. "From my experiences with my wicked stepmother and ugly stepsisters, I know just how! Hmm, what's the ickiest job that needs doing around here?"

"Relax, baby, I know how to make this situation right," The Wolf told Nina.

"How?" the princess asked.

"Well, you have to do whatever she says, right?" prompted The Wolf.

"That's right, whatever I say!" Cinderella said gleefully.

The Wolf reached into his jacket pocket and removed a coil of rope. He faced Cinderella, who backed away nervously. "Baby, how do you plan to tell her to do anything if you can't talk?"

Knotty Antonia and the Grasshopper

Once upon a time there was an industrious young woman named Antonia who worked as a bartender in a fine dining establishment called Cawer's. One day, as Antonia was busy preparing a cocktail, her most scoundrelly customer sauntered into the bar.

"Hey, baby," The Wolf greeted her.

"Hi, Wolfy!" she smiled back, shoveling ice cubes into her shaker.

"I'll have my usual," The Wolf ordered.

Antonia frowned as she measured green crème de menthe. "Before I make you anything, we need to get something clear. You are going to have to pay for it!"

"Of course I will, baby!" he exclaimed.

Antonia added white crème de cacao. "Because last time…"

"Don't worry about it, baby!" exclaimed The Wolf.

Light cream finished the concoction and Antonia shook the shaker ferociously before straining the frothy liquid into a chilled coupe glass. "You really should save your money, Wolfy," she said earnestly, grating a bar of dark chocolate a couple of times to garnish the drink, which was promptly whisked away by a passing waitress. "Just like I do!" she added, as she finally prepared his drink. "What will you do when times get tough, when winter sets in?"

"Something will turn up, baby," The Wolf replied, drinking greedily.

Antonia's dire prediction came true. Times got tough and winter set in. "Where will I go, so cold and hungry?" The Wolf asked himself sadly. "Somewhere warm with lots of food, of course!" he answered himself happily, and thus he did.

"Nice place you have here, baby," The Wolf told Antonia, looking around her snug home appreciatively as he warmed his paws by her fireplace. "Plenty of firewood, a well-stocked fridge, and the largest 3-D TV screen I've ever seen! I'm going to be very happy spending the winter with you!"

"Mpfff!" Antonia exploded, trying to rise from her chair despite the numerous ropes binding her. It was large and heavy, an antique constructed of solid wood so all she could do was to raise the back legs slightly before they settled back onto the thick carpet with a soft thump. The wide knot tied in the center of the scarf that rested between her teeth prevented her from expressing the thoughts she longed to tell her uninvited guest.

"See, I told you something would come up," announced The Wolf. "Hey, hang on a sec; my phone's going. What's up, baby?" he asked.

"Wolfy!" Princess Nina shouted so loudly that even Antonia could hear her. "I'm in real trouble! I lost another bet with Cindy and I'm afraid she's going to tell me to do something really horrible, like maybe even clean the oven! There's all kinds of gunk that I don't know how it got in there, but I don't want to touch it, not even with gloves! You've got to come to my rescue, like you did that time before!"

"Relax, baby, I'm on my way," said The Wolf. "Sorry, baby, an emergency just came up," he apologized to Antonia.

"Mpfff!" Antonia called out, but he quietly closed the door behind him.

Antonia glanced around, her thoughts bitter as absinthe. "So, Wolfy just shows up here and makes himself at home in my house without me inviting him and keeps me tied up! What really makes me mad, though, is after all that he then runs off and leave me alone!"

MORAL: When difficulties arise, one should maintain a positive attitude and never give up rope.