One month, five days, 18 hours since Emily died.
Spencer looks at his clock, counting the seconds, like always. The pain in his chest only gets worse and worse. A lonely tear fall down his pale cheek. He haven't been eating properly since JJ stepped out in the waiting room and told them that Emily didn't make it. The loss of his dearly beloved friend is too much for him to handle all alone.
Spencer look up and meet his own gaze in the mirror across the room, his skin is almost gray, gloomy. His hazel eyes have lost their spark, as if something inside him died with Emily.
Dilaudid. It's all he can think about. He knows he shouldn't do it, he don't want to be addicted again.
"But I just want to forget for a while", he whisper for himself.
He kept one bottle Dilaudid, just in case something would happen, something like this.
The needle press through his skin, into his vein. He sighs at the reliving feeling when the drug mix with his blood. His body relax and his head fall down against the floor. Everything gets hazy and he smiles when the warmth hits him, filling his empty soul with a feeling of satisfaction.
He lost the track of time, just lying there completely still on the cold bathroom floor while the drug is pounding through his veins. He closes his eyes and let the warmth and euphoria drag him away, far away from reality, into a place deep in his mind where Emily is still alive.
When he return back to reality it's already dark outside, he realize he had been lying there for hours. He rises slowly, making sure not to look in the mirror. He can't stand himself, he already regret what he did. His thoughts is full of self hate and angst.
Spencer need someone, to hold him close, to make sure he won't do Dilaudid again. He can't call JJ again, his eidetic memory reminds him that he has been to her house and crying 36 times the last couple of weeks.
He picks up his phone, dialing Morgans number, but waits before he press the 'call button'
A few deep breaths and then he calls, his heart beats faster than normal, he is so afraid that Morgan don't want to come over.
Hi, it's me, Spencer, He says with a broken voice, I need you, I've been doing bad things, please come over.
Reid are you alright? I'll be right there okay? Stay calm, Don't do anything reckless, Morgan answers and Spencer hear how worried he is.
Spencer drops his phone and falls down to the floor. His legs can't carry his weight. He's shaking, everything merge together, like a psychedelic pattern. The pain is unbelievable, he can't go on like this.
Suddenly Morgan burst into the room, finding his best friend lying and shaking on the kitchen floor.
Baby, it's me, I'm here now, everything going to be alright, he says and puts his strong warm arms around the skinny agent.
I took Dilaudid again Morgan, Spencer says with a broken voice.
Derek just hug him even tighter, he can't yell at Spencer now, he is too hurt and need his support.
I miss her so much, Spencer sobs into the older mans shoulder.
Reid, I miss her too, it doesn't go a day without me thinking about her, he says while tears slowly fall down his dark cheeks.
They sit there for a long time, letting the time pass as they trying to cry out all of their grief.
You know I can't live without you right, you know that you're my best friend in the whole world right pretty boy? Derek whisper softly.
Spencer let out a quiet laugh and say;
I know Derek, and you're my reason not to leave this mad world. I love you.
We can do this, together, Derek say and wrap his fingers into Spencers soft hair.