She sits here thinking of only him. He great grandfather. The only one she held close to her heart. The one person she had always felt safe and comforted by. He was her soles mate, it's best friend and she sits here and thinks how could she ever block that from her mind. She hasn't been to his grave since his funeral. From what her grandmother, her nonny said she thinks she went to just the wake and not the funeral. She cant remember either. Alls she knows is that 1, she loved him with all of her heart no matter how old she was and the 2 the day he left this world and went to the next that her heart went with him. She always knew this but it has taken her so long to admit this to another human. She can remember times were she would think about him and burst in to tears. Lying awake at night crying and admitting to her that she lost her heart long ago when he went. Being in some weird way comforted by Tyler or rather her little baby, as she called him.
Samantha has never been the type to tell the whole truth about her life. Shore in all her 14 year had she ever like pity to be taken on her. She hated it with a vengeance really. It's was just the things she did tell to other people they took to heat and then pity came a few short seconds later. Her life was planed like this by the goddess and she had excepted this long ago. Tonight she was sleeping over her best friend house and her friend had gone to sleep hour ago. Sam had been restless and kept busy fully knowing that if she didn't then she would worry about her life and nothing else but him, Citiaco Nicastro. The only thing she has ever cared about. But then she realized that she has blocked him and anything else connecting to him out of her head. He was the only thing that kept her family together and when he died her family went to shit. First her grandparents had gotten a divourse, then her parents a few years later after a horrible few years of trying for the kids as her parents called it. And when she realized that she hadn't been to his grave in over 9 years almost ten she wanted to join him. That's how guilty she fells. Then she went out for her cig fix and looked up to the sky as she has done so many times befor to talk to him but thins time she bagged for forgivness and told him that if he was here he'd be ashamed of her. How she was running her life. Being so smart on the inside but to shy to show it off. She told him just how much she misses him and that if wasn't fair that he had been taken away from her when she was so young but he'd been sick long and she knew it was his time then and that the goddess had another perpouse for him in the spirit world or even back in this world. She knew that when it was her time she'd be with the one she'd loved the most and her other family members she'll be loseing soon in the future. It's true what they say "life is to short to waist." She know that know. But her guilt will never end for blocking him out of her head but her love and missing of him will grow and grow every day.