Hey everyone! So this story is very close to my heart - please review and make others aware of it. This one's for anyone who's lost someone, just know you're not alone and it's okay to feel whatever you're feeling. Hope you all enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto
He stirred in the middle of the night, and felt a cool breeze on his back instead of the warm figure he was expecting. He opened his eyes and saw the space next to him on the bed. It wasn't usual for Temari to get up in the night after a full day of work and especially not after the activities of last night. He rolled over and checked the clock. 3:30 am. He sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and heard a faint rustling coming from Temari's living room. They didn't often stay over at her place since his was much nicer, but there was something he loved about her apartment. It was small but homely, bare apart from the essentials but littered with a few precious mementos of theirs. A cactus he had bought her on the windowsill. A candle stolen from the restaurant they went to on their first date. A spare toothbrush in the bathroom just for him.
He still heard the rustling noises and slid out of bed, pulling on his t-shirt for warmth. He put his feet down but almost tripped over the drawer that was sticking out from under the bed. He pushed it back in and plodded out of the bedroom. He saw the light was on, and Temari was sat with an old shoebox, an album and a dirty jumper. He immediately knew what she was doing and decided to sit down next to her. He walked round the sofa and took a seat on the rug below. Resting his back on the coffee table beside him, he reached out for her hand and began to stroke it reassuringly. While they'd never talked much about this stuff he'd heard her mention the box under her bed and remembered tomorrow's date: it was Mother's Day.
Her sofa had just a handful of old pictures, necklaces, an old tub of hand cream, a watch and other assorted trinkets lying on it. In them was a young Temari encircled in her mother's arms, her mother watching Temari and her brothers play, and her mother laughing with the same beautiful smile Temari showed now and again. She always regretted how few of her mother's possessions she'd managed to keep hold of over the years. Although she was young when her mother passed away she still remembered little things; things like her mother's cackling laugh, the way her mother massaged her head when she had a headache, her kind eyes that bunched up at the corners when she smiled. Even so, it always felt like her mother was slipping away from her, and she wasn't sure she could take losing her a second time around.
For the longest time neither of them spoke. He wasn't sure what she was thinking; she was quiet and contemplative, eyes slightly pink from crying. In his experience sometimes when he felt this way he didn't want anyone to reassure him or make him feel better. He just wanted to feel sad and angry and upset, and for someone to keep him company while he did it. They'd never discussed losing their parents before; their relationship had been mostly fun and adventurous so far with little connection to their real lives. Shikamaru had always feared the day when their relationship would become serious and real, but now the moment had arrived he wanted nothing more than to sit here with her until the hurt and pain in Temari's eyes disappeared.
"Shikamaru," her voice was soft but strong, not a hint of the crying she must have been doing before showing through, "what's your biggest fear?"
The question startled him. He wasn't expecting that, nor was he sure of what to say. He knew what he wanted to say: that his biggest fear was losing her, but he knew now wasn't the time for that. "Um, I'm not sure," he replied honestly, "I think probably losing the people in my life that I care about. Why?"
She looked at him for the first time since he arrived. "Mine is that I'm going to forget her one day. I know I'll never forget who she was or that she was around. But I can't help feeling like I'm going to forget how she was, and forget the little things about her which I loved. I'm shit scared, Shikamaru, and the worst bit is I don't think there's anything I can do to stop it." Tears started to collect in her eyes again, but she was still strong in his eyes, never allowing her emotions to take over like he knew they so easily could. He moved the trinkets back into the shoebox and sat facing her on the sofa.
"Honestly, me too." She looked surprised at the admission – she was so used to people disagreeing with her - but he continued. "I don't know how much longer I'm going to remember my dad's voice or his looks when he was getting shouted at by my mom. But I always take comfort in the fact that even if I forget the small things, I'm always going to remember the advice and wisdom he gave me and that's more important than all those other things. That's what's going to keep him alive in me."
"Yeah I guess you're right," she said without a crack in her voice, wiping the tears from her eyes, "it just really sucks."
"It really does."
"I don't want to forget anything but deep down I know I already have. It's just really hard…" she sighed and shook her head as she looked away. She felt guilty for forgetting, and worse for getting upset like this. She always wanted to be strong and brave in front of Shikamaru, but today she couldn't keep it in any longer. Every year Mother's Day was rough for her; besides it was only a matter of time before he saw this side of her. Nonetheless, she was pleasantly surprised with how easy it was to talk to Shikamaru honestly. There was close to no-one she'd felt comfortable enough with to tell them about these things. Usually sharing made her feel weak and cowardly, but this time there was something solidifying about talking about her mother with Shikamaru.
"Don't be hard on yourself. You're bound to forget things with time, that doesn't mean you love her any less than you did before. Trust me, I know you like to think you're some superhuman woman who can shoulder any pain in the world, but you're only human. An amazing one at that but still, we all have our bad days."
She looked up at him and smiled a sad smile. Then she crawled across the sofa into his arms and rested her head on his lap. He gently kissed her hair and held her in his arms for a while.
"She would have loved you, you know. You're both all calm and wise. She'd have loved that; that I found someone anchoring in my life."
"Well, of course she'd love me, everyone does." Temari smiled and slapped his leg playfully. "Ow!" She laughed. Then, more serious, she asked,
"Do you ever feel like you're back to square one again in all this?"
He chuckled softly, "Yeah, all the time. I don't think I left square one until I met you." She turned in his lap and faced him over her shoulder. "You've helped me move on from it more than you know. I know I can be properly happy again, now. That's something that I never even realised was a possibility without feeling guilty. But I am happy now, and I don't feel any guilt."
"Huh." She never realised she'd been helping him so much. She always figured she was the one in need of help. "I guess I've gotten so used to going at this alone it never even occurred to me that you could help." She looked up at him. "Maybe that's why I've never tried it before. But thank you, Shikamaru."
"No thanks needed. It's my job as boyfriend."
"Oh, since when did you get promoted to boyfriend?"
"Since I started waking up at three thirty am just to talk to you." He raised his eyebrows at her. She sighed in defeat.
"Okay fine, you're promoted." He smiled down at her and gave her a small kiss. "I love you," she almost whispered against his forehead.
"I love you too." He straightened himself up. "So, should we go back to sleep?"
She sat up and said, "You go, I'm just gonna look at some more pictures before I sleep." She waited till he left to pick up her box and old jumper again.
"Move over," he said returning with the duvet from her bed. She simply smiled as they settled into the sofa, snuggled in the duvet, and eventually succumbed to their exhaustion with old pictures in their hands and good memories in their minds.