The Guy Who Vapes on Judge Judy, by Duckfart
"Once upon a time Anthony Scaramouche did the fandango right into the South Park bar.
"Hey fandango. We don't take kindly to your type around here."
"Now Skeeter. He ain't causing no trouble."
"He got fired by president Trump. Trump's word is God's word. Honk honk."
"Go fuck yourself, you hick douchebag," said Scaramoochy, and Billy told Skeeter to shut up. "Trump and Putin touched dicks. I'll tell the press! I'll do it!"
"Not this shit again," said Stan.
"I am so high right now," said Towelie.
"Oh Jesus. Jesus Christ," said Mr. Slave, pleasuring his anus with a nuclear missile in Scaramouche's fandango sweat.
"This is so fucking gay. I hate this!" Scarramucci howled, crying because he wasn't invited to the Russian orgy.
"This story is really boring," said Kyle. "Stan, if we touched dicks, the readers would actually get into this."
"Dude! We're ten!"
"Yeah, and we're watching our president's ex-boyfriend plow himself with a nuclear missile. Think about that!"
"WHY doesn't anyone CARE about me!? Ah boo hoo hoo," Scarmanucci cried, most pained disirregardless of his white privilege.
"Well, Disney does sell sex to kids and makes a fortune..." Stan pondered.
"Then lets whip 'em out and make sweet love, just like Chief would have wanted."
"I'M GOING TO FUCK MR. PRESIDENT!" Sacrebleucci wailed, and threw a chair! "I'M GOING TO FUCK HIM UNTIL A RAIN OF BLOOD AND PUS EXPLODES FROM HIS RECTUM! I'M GOING TO FUCK HIM UNTIL HIS ANUS BECOMES GROUND PORK! THEN, I'M GOING TO SLICE THE PORK AWAY, BASTE IT IN BEAVER'S ANUS SECRETION, PAN SEAR IT, AND FORCE FEED IT TO HIM."
Everyone cares more about what Stan and Kyle are doing. I won't say what, though. I won't even think it. Unlike the right, I'm not a fucking p... p... pe... p... puh... p... pehed... p... p... pedo-dophile.
"And that's my report on l-lying... lying sacks of shit in the white house," said Jimmy, smirking.
"Very good, Jim Jim. Fuck the government! Consensually!" said PC principal.
"OH HO!" said Cartman, pointing and laughing with everything he had at Stan and Kyle.
"Dude, why were we gay?" said Stan
"I know you needed a gay couple to make the story interesting for Japanese girls, Jimmy, but couldn't you have used Craig and Tweek for that?" said Kyle.
Craig flipped him off.
Tweek "AGH'"d.
"Needs more tits," said Kenny.
"I didn't know hamburgers came from the fandango," said Butters, smiling.
"Timmy!" said Timmy.
The End