John Shepard, Spectre of the Citadel Council, hummed happily as he signed off on the last round of repairs. It was a good day. The external damage and scoring from their desperate assault on the Collector base was finally fixed, and the Normandy was now sporting a brand-new paint job. Any Cerberus colors were long gone, and the ship now had the red, black, and white-trimmed color scheme that they'd come up with after 'parting ways' from Cerberus during the Collector mission.

The Spectre's steel-blue eyes looked up at the holographic schematic of the Normandy that hung in the center of the CIC. He had what all captains desire; a healthy ship and a good crew. That last part was the only thing that gave him a little pang of sadness. He'd forged an outstanding ground team during the Collector mission, and now most of them were gone.

Zaeed had been the first to head out, intent on starting his new mercenary company. Grunt, of all people, had been the next to go. The krogan had been followed by Mordin, and then Miranda and Jacob. The latter two were not a surprise; Cerberus still had a significant bounty on their heads and hanging around a famous Spectre was probably ill-advised. Garrus and Kasumi were off visiting his family on Palaven. Apparently, Garrus was getting involved with local turian efforts to set up defenses against the 'dangerous AI' that the Council were still refusing to call Reapers. Thane had headed out to track down his son and make some peace before his illness claimed him. Offers of help by Shepard had been rebuffed with a smile. The drell wanted to do this on his own.

Jack and Marcus Donnelly were gone as well, first to visit Marcus' mother and then head out for the Grissom Academy. That was unfortunate on a couple of fronts; Marcus was a hell of an engineer and knew the Normandy like few others. Kelly and Samara had tagged along for the visit to Earth, but at least they would be returning afterwards.

But Legion was still on board and planning to stay as an ambassador of sorts for the geth. And most importantly, Tali was remaining on board. The Spectre smiled to himself as he thought about the last time they'd made love in his newly-renovated cabin. Her silver eyes and smooth gray skin danced in his memory as his omni-tool gave a subtle 'ping'.

He looked down in annoyance. But as he read the incoming message from Admiral Hackett his irritation turned to cold fear. This was not a good day after all. This was a very, very bad day.

He cleared his throat and looked back up in panic. "EDI? Where's Tali?"

The AI's voice was smooth and seemed to come from everywhere at once. "I believe she is in Engineering, Shepard. But I do not have an exact location. Some of my internal sensors are still under repair and refit."

"Oh, shit." He turned and sprinted for the elevator. He had to find his new Chief Engineer, as of yesterday.

"Tali!" Shepard yelled as he ran into Main Engineering. One of the contractors looked at him curiously. "Have you seen Tali?" he demanded.

The contractor looked a little flustered at being directly addressed by a living legend. "Um, not recently? I think she said something about making some repairs down in the hangar..."

The last word was scarcely out of the contractor's mouth before the Spectre was racing out of the room again, muttering "Fuck, fuck, fuck..."

Tali was halfway into an access port on the hangar deck when she heard the clatter of booted feet. She ducked her head out curiously and saw Shepard come pelting into the hangar. "Tali!" he yelled with relief. "Good, I found you. Come on, we've gotta go." His eyes were wild.

She slung herself out of the port and stood up. "What's wrong?" The last time Shepard had been this upset, four of the Normandy's crew had been captured by the Collectors.

"No time, have to get to the main airlock." He looked down at himself. Shepard had taken to wearing an old hoodie of his during the repairs. He also had a little stubble on his jaw. "Shit, shit, motherfucking shit. I look like a bum."

"You look fine," said Tali. "Just a little scruffy, that's all. What is this, a surprise inspection? You're not in the Alliance anymore."

"No, it's not an inspection. It's worse. Come on!" He turned and sprinted out of the hangar. Tali shrugged mentally and followed at a more sedate pace.

The quarian glanced curiously over at Shepard once they were in the elevator. "You can't fill me in? Just tell me. Is the ship going to get blown up or something?"

He shook his head. "No, its...the SSV Orizaba just docked at the Citadel."

Tali thought for a bit. "Why do I know that name? Oh, wait. That's the starship..."

"...that my mother is captain of," finished Shepard. "And I know her. She's probably already on her way to our dock."

Tali laughed. "Oh, stop being silly. This is a wonderful thing, right? You haven't seen her in at least a couple of years."

Shepard's blue eyes were worried. "We're not ready. I would have made sure the ship was cleaned up, gotten everyone in their dress uniforms..."

Tali stopped his fretting by reaching down and gripping his big hand in her own strong three-fingered mitt. "It. Will. Be. Fine. She's your mother." Then a new though struck her and she started worrying as well. "But what is she going to think of me?"

Joker looked up curiously as they both jogged into the neck of the Normandy. "What's up, folks?"

"Shepard's mother," said Tali simply. She saw the pilot nearly levitate out of his chair. That didn't help her nerves. She knew that Joker had met Captain Shepard previously, so the human must be a real 'crack-the-whip' type.

The inner door of the Normandy's main airlock hissed open. Beyond it stood a tall, lanky woman with short brown hair the same color as Shepard's. The woman was clad in a spotless blue-and-black Alliance dress uniform. She looked over at Shepard and then down at Tali with sharp hazel eyes.

"Permission to come aboard," she asked in a quiet but firm voice.

"Granted," replied Shepard. He smiled as she stepped into the Normandy. "Hi mom," he said, and moved forward to hug her.

She stopped his attempted hug with a single finger pressed into his chest. "Oh, no. Don't you 'Hi mom' me, you little snot. Introduce me to your lady first."

"Ah, of course. Captain Hannah Shepard, may I present the Normandy's Chief Engineer, Tali'Zora vas Normandy."

The woman smiled at Tali, and held out her hands with her palms up and her forearms parallel to the deck. "It's a pleasure, Tali. Keelah Sel'ai."

Tali reached out, mirroring Hannah's gesture, and then the two women clasped each other's forearms together. The quarian realized that Hannah must have read up on the physical gestures used in a formal quarian greeting. "Keelah Sel'ai," Tali responded.

Hannah smiled wider. "Now that the formalities are out of the way, do you mind if I give you a hug? It looks like we're going to be relatives."

Tali blushed a little and nodded. She stepped forward and hugged the Captain in the human manner, and Hannah returned the embrace warmly.

Then the Captain looked over to where Joker stood as upright as he could next to his chair. "Joker? What are you doing all the way over there?" She crooked a finger in a 'come hither' gesture and the pilot hobbled closer with an uncertain expression on his face.

Hannah gave him a gentle pat on the shoulder in lieu of a hug. "It's great to see you, Jeff. Honestly, I'm not going to bite."

He gave a half smile and shrugged. "Well, you know, a lot has happened since the last time we met."

"Indeed," she replied. "I regained a son, for one thing." She fixed Shepard with a steely eye. "Although that son could contact me more frequently. Six months*?"

He rubbed the back of his neck. "I sent an email as soon as I could, mom. Right after I got, um, woken back up. After that I was pretty busy running around dealing with the Collectors. And it's been nuts here lately, getting the Normandy refitted. I was just about to call you when-"

Hannah snorted and rolled her eyes. "Sure, sure. You were gonna do all sorts of wonderful things. Just consider yourself duly chastised and keep me in the goddamn loop, okay? I hate having to use the tabloids to find out what my only baby boy is up to."

She turned back to Tali with a smile. "Now, if you don't mind I'd love to get a tour of the ship."

"Certainly," replied Tali as she took Hannah's arm.

"This is impressive," said Hannah. She stared up at the ship's gently pulsing drive core, then turned to regard the rest of Main Engineering. "And the ship is all yours now?"

"Yep," said Shepard. "The exact ownership status of this new Normandy was in a bit of a black hole for a little while. But since she was built by an organization currently listed as an enemy, the Council finally declared her a war prize and gifted her to me." He patted a nearby bulkhead fondly.

Hannah sighed. "It would have been nice to have her back, so to speak. She doesn't look right without the Alliance blue on her."

Shepard winced. This was the main thing he was expecting to get blasted over. "Mom, I know I should have discussed my resignation with you. But it's the best thing for-"

She cut him off with a wave of her hand. "I know. Given the circumstances, I can see why you made your decision." Then she glared at him. "But yes, you should have talked it over with me first."

Tali cleared her throat. "Um, it's just about time for the evening meal. Have you eaten yet?"

"I know a couple of great restaurants in the Citadel," said Shepard. "I just need to, er, spruce up a bit."

Hannah reached over and stroked his stubbled cheek. "Yes, you should. But I'd rather stay on board. I always like to get a feel for a ship's mood by having a meal in the mess."

"Excellent," said Tali. "Sergeant Gardner will be happy to pull out all the stops."

Shepard nodded. "I'm sure." There was something he was forgetting, though. A warning he should issue to the Normandy's chef, but somehow it danced right out of his mind as he tried to remember it. He mentally shrugged as they all left Engineering. It probably wasn't that important.

Dinner was going very well...at least, it was going well so far. The crew had stopped by in turn to pay their respects to the Captain. For her part, Hannah had been gracious and warm with all of them. Tali was beginning to see where Shepard had picked up his people skills along with his height. The quarian sucked in a little more paste from her tube and chewed thoughtfully. Gardner had managed to scare up a couple of unique packaged quarian rations that he claimed to be saving 'for a special occasion." It was a nice change of pace.

Shepard filled in his mother on the current status of the original ground team. The ship felt somehow empty to Tali with so many of them gone. She missed them, but fortunately a couple of them would be returning.

"So Kelly Chambers and this asari are a couple?" asked Hannah. "But I thought you said that Samara was a Justicar. They can't be in relationships."

"She's an ex-Justicar now," said Tali.

Hannah's forehead wrinkled in puzzlement. "How the everlasting stink do you become an ex-Justicar?"

"It's a long story," replied Shepard. "The short version is that Samara died and Jack brought her back to life. And Jack was also Samara's protege during the Collector mission. So it's safe to say that they're very close. Marcus and Jack went to visit his mother before they head to Grissom Academy, and she and Kelly wanted to go too."

"It will be nice to have the two of them back, at least," said Tali. "I'm going to miss Marcus."

"Of course you will," said Shepard with a smile. "He was an engineer, after all. I take it you won't be missing Jack all that much, though."

Tali tilted her head. "As odd as it sounds, I'll miss her too. She kept me on my toes."

Suddenly an odor wafted through her suit's filters, a smell that seemed to spear directly into her brain. Tali coughed a bit. "Oh, no. You forgot to tell him not to make it..."

Hannah looked up with suddenly-watering eyes as Sergeant Gardner plonked a high-walled tray onto the table. It was filled with a profusion of rice and meat, and had little green and red specks scattered throughout.

Gardner beamed. "Don't worry, Commander. I toned it down on the spice mix this time."

Hannah leaned forward. "Is this jambalaya?"

The cook nodded proudly. "My grandma's recipe."

The Captain looked interested. "It does smell wonderful."

Shepard looked at it warily. "Yeah, it does. Um, I might try just a bit."

Tali knew where this was going. Fortunately she had the perfect excuse to not partake. The last time Gardner had unleashed his jambalaya on an unsuspecting crew, he'd gone full-strength on the spices. And after that, the Normandy's toilets had gotten quite the workout about ten hours later.

"I'll go get some milk, just in case," said Gardner. He strolled off while those around the table regarded the challenge laid before them.

Joker finally was the first to dig in. "All right, you pansies. Watch a cripple have more bravery than the lot of ya." He piled a goodly portion onto his plate and then took up a spoonful of it.

They all watched him bated breath as he put it in his mouth and chewed thoughtfully. He finally nodded. "A bit zingy, but man it's good."

Joker's declaration was enough to break everyone's reluctance, and all those at the table reached forward and got their own substantial portions of Gardner's latest creation.

Tali knew Joker's sense of humor very well, and so she watched the pilot with narrowed silver eyes as he continued to tuck into his dinner with every sign of satisfaction. Then he met her gaze and winked as a single drop of sweat rolled down one of his temples.

And right about then the others started to cough and mutter.

"You call this zingy?" gasped Shepard. His eyes were filled with tears.

Joker shrugged. "Yeah, sorry Commander. I guess the heat builds up after a while."

Hanna Shepard continued to sedately dine on her own portion. She gave her son a smug smile. "You're out of shape, son. This is wonderful. It really takes me back."

Sergeant Gardner came back with the milk. He gave a raised eyebrow at everyone's distress. "Cripes. Maybe I'll tone back on it a little bit more."

"Please don't!" exclaimed Hanna. "This is delicious. I was stationed in New Orleans for a year. And I can safely say that this?" She pointed with a fork at the dish in the table's center, "This could rival anything I ate while I was there."

Gardner straightened up and gave a huge smile at Hanna's declaration. Tali knew that the sergeant would now happily follow Captain Shepard through rivers of fire and blood. "My grandma would be proud to hear that!" he replied.

Joker finally gave into the pain and grabbed at the nearest glass of milk. "Why? Why can't I stop eating?" he mused aloud as he blinked away his capsaicin-induced tears.

"Because you are addicted to things that annoy you, Jeff," replied EDI's voice from above them. "I am the prime example of such. Logging out."

Hanna's face got a very thoughtful look that Tali didn't like. She figured she should try to distract Shepard's mother from any further rumination on EDI's true nature. "So!" said the quarian brightly. "You were stationed on Earth? I didn't know that. This little bosh'tet never tells me anything." She motioned with her hood towards Shepard, who was glugging on his own glass of milk.

Hanna gave a silvery laugh that reminded Tali of her 'Auntie' Raan. "He does like to play it mysterious, doesn't he? Oh yes, I was on Earth for a while. Mike and I didn't know what to do with ourselves. There was so much space! John wouldn't go out outdoors for at least a week after we landed."

Tali looked back at Shepard with a wicked gleam in her eye. "Oh ho, so this was after my John was born? Did he do anything embarrassing or scandalous while he was there?"

Hannah gave a little and completely evil smile. "Weeeelll...there was the infamous Mardi Gras incident, when he was seven years old..."

"C'mon, mom, I have to lead these people!" moaned Shepard. "You can't tell them about..."

His mother rolled right over his protestations like a dreadnaught under a full-power burn. "Now, for those of you who don't know, one of the big human religions is Christianity. And they have a period of fasting and penance called Lent. For forty days, you're supposed to give up worldly pleasures and such. This period of privation starts on what's called Ash Wednesday. Well, some places like Rio de Janeiro and New Orleans decided that it would be great to have a nice moment of debauchery and fun prior to Lent. It leads up to a festival called Shrove Tuesday or Mardi Gras or Carnival, but the idea is still the same. New Orleans has lots of parades where various krewes have big floats go down the streets. The people on the floats throw beads to the onlookers."

"Beads?" asked Tali

By now Sergeant Gardner had re-joined them. He nodded happily. "Yep! Three different colors of bead necklaces. Let's see, traditionally there's green, gold and purple which stand for...faith, power and justice, if I remember right? Anyway, now there are custom beads or other things that get thrown out. Some of 'em are real collector's items."

Tali looked back at Hannah. "So how does our illustrious Commander fit into this little bead-redistribution scheme?"

Hanna responded with an evil grin. "As I said, our little John Shepard was too scared to go out-of-doors the first week or two on Earth proper. But then once he realized that he wasn't going to fall up into the sky..."

"In my defense, mom, it was the first time I'd ever been on a planet," said Shepard in a resigned tone.

Tali patted his hand. "I know how you feel, love. I remember freaking out the first time I ever set foot outdoors."

Hanna held up a finger. "Anyway! You all know my John and how 'hands on' he has to be, especially when dealing with new people. He's been like that all his life. And so once he got over his fears, Mike and I had a real dickens of a time in keeping him from roaring off to explore his surroundings. And the people in New Orleans tend to be on the friendly side anyway, so of course John made lots of new friends. And a couple of those new friends invited him to go with them to the main Mardi Gras parade...un-beknowst to myself or his father, of course."

Shepard massaged his temples as if staving off a huge oncoming headache. "Beatrice and Leslie."

Hanna nodded gracefully. "Beatrice and Leslie, both about twenty years John's senior."

"Ooohh, starting early were you?" asked Tali.

All Shepard could do was shrug and protest weakly. "They were just friends. I was seven, fer Chrissake. They just thought I was cute, what with how I found everything planet-side new and awesome."

Hanna made a gesturing motion at her chest, as if she was carting around a pair of very large melons. "Oh yes, they were friends, and they both also happened to be what we humans refer to as 'stacked'."

Tali felt a little despair at being able ever fully understand the human propensity for slathering innuendo over everything. "What does that mean?"

Pat Simons arched an eyebrow. "Big 'ol gazongas," explained the Normandy's co-pilot. "Large mammary glands," she added, and Tali finally nodded in comprehension.

Gardner laughed. "So this pair was a big success on the bead-gathering front, then?"

Tali looked over at him in puzzlement. "How would having prominent mammary glands help?"

The sergeant made a gesture as if he was lifting up his shirt to expose his chest. "One sure-fire way to get beads thrown at you is to expose your...er, assets...to the krewes as they go by."

"Ah!" Tali gave John a silvery wink. "So that's a common human obsession? I thought that Shepard's attention to that portion of my anatomy was merely due to curiosity."

Joker choked on his milk as Hanna laughed. "Oh Tali, you and I are going to get along like a house on fire," said the Captain. "So then, Mardi Gras rolls around and we suddenly realize that we're short one son. What follows is a huge manhunt led by the finest Alliance intelligence officers..."

"It was one half-drunk security guard," said Shepard.

"Shut yer mouth, this is my story. We wind up locating our wayward child, who is on the street right next to the parade and flanked by Beatrice and Leslie, two stunning examples of the human female form. Each of them is clad in short-shorts and a tee shirt, and yes that includes my seven-year-old son. And all three of 'em are positively festooned with beads around their necks..."

"Mom..." whispered Shepard as he kept massaging his temples.

"...because all three of 'em are in sync like a goddamn dancing troupe. The two girls on each side yank up their shirts to expose their ti...er, 'mammary glands' to loud and profuse acclaim..."

Shepard rested his forehead in his hands as she continued.

"...and my little Johnny Shepard has the biggest, happiest smile on his face that you've ever seen as he also hikes up his shirt in time with Beatrice and Leslie on each side. Which exposes his perfectly normal but much less impressive nipples to the krewes, but he's getting tons of beads thrown at him as well. And he thinks that it's all because of him and not because his two escorts have tits for days."

Shepard looked around sourly as the table erupted in laughter. "Just so's you assholes know, I still have some of those beads," he said.