I walked into our apartment and throws down some files on the desk where Dean had been working and told him "...Go." "Where?" He asked me. "...I- You betrayed me.. Not telling that you killed her.." I told him in a shook up voice. "Ohhhh" Dean responded in a knowing voice. " Really? How could you...Seriously, Dean." I told him in an upset manour. "Seeing how you killed Amy.." I told him. My heart was crushed. My own brother killed my middle school crush in cold blood. "You didn't have to balls to kill you middle school lover" Dean responded in a awful rude tone. "No.. I didn't. But I would have had more balls to tell you if I did then you would." I told him. You are always keeping things from me. Always. It was all a matter of time until they caught up to him. "Keeping secrets, Dean. You always have been doing this. How many more secrets do you have? How many more lies are you gunning down, Dean?" I asked him. I was interrogating him, I understand that, but I have to know the truth! "I don't need to tell you anything." Dean told me cold hearted. Why is Dean acting like this? What in Hell's name has happened to him?! "Well, you sure could have mentioned it.." I said to him while rubbing my mouth in worry, then placing my arms and hands to my side and asked him "What else have you not been telling, Dean?" "No, I couldn't have." "What? Something about Dad as well..." I glanced over to him. "He told me.. Sam he told me that if you were to turn... bad that I need to kill you.." Dean looked up at me from his work and turned to me in his work chair. "..what," I choked on words, "You.. You mean to tell me... that you would have to kill me.." I stuttered uncontrollably. "Dean you wouldn't have the- ...You couldn't in all of Hell's name!" I raised my voice to him. He got up from his chair and was face to face with me. He glanced up and down to me. "If it came to it.. I would, Sam." I looked away slightly and responded "Just like you would have gone to save mom..." "I would do anything for the family" he told me. I'll remember what he just said. He wasn't the one who saved me. Castiel did. Cas. Of all people Dean didn't do worth a crap to think about it. No. He was doing it.. 'for the family' he says. "Yeah.. Sure you would, Dean," I said as I turned away from being face to face with him, " Just like how you helped Cas out.. isn't he like family...And yet.. He's helping out Crowley...Dean.. You couldn't save Cas... and you wouldn't save Mom. You don't have the guts to do what is need to be done. Needing to tell what needs to be told. You can't-" I told him, but then I stopped. "God dammit, When it comes to it I will, Sam!" He shouts to me. I looked back "What about Cas then, mm? What happened between you two? Some big-...disagreement between HunterxAngel..." I looked back. "Isn't he a part of our family like Bobby was." "Bobby is still a part of this fucked up family, Sam! So is Cas!" he shouted pointing to the ground in anger. "Then what the heck happened?!" I asked almost raising my voice louder. Dean stood off in silence.

I decided to break the ice first. It was all I could do instead of getting in worse of an argument. "First off," I say as I place the gun down on the work desk, "Let's talk about why you didn't tell me about killing Amy." "Well, The bitch couldn't be trusted." He says back to me. "No," I say wiping my mouth before saying, "No, you just don't trust anyone, anymore, Dean! You don't tell me worth a shit anymore, Dean!" "When was the last time you told me something, Sam!? What? Does it take you almost dying to let something out?" he shouted louder. Even the beer in the bottle on the table started to shimmer from the vibrations of his vocals. "Because you had to worry about Purgatory then my hallucinations!" I told him. It's true. Finding Purgatory was more important then me. Something always is more important then the Black Sheep. "I'm nothing to what's going to happen, Dean! Amy killed her OWN mother to save me, Dean! You are not even a little sorry of killing Amy! Not. Even. A. Little." I told him harsh. This is the biggest argument we've had in a month. I hate when we do this. So many arguments between us. We're family. We're all we've got right now. "Because... Because she was a monster, Sam" he sighed heavily to me. "Not all monster's are evil. She said she wouldn't do it again, and I believed her!" I told him. She killed her own mother for me. She saved me. "Well, I didn't.." he said. I can't even believe what he was telling me right now. "What about Don Stark? He saved us." I reminded him. It was true. Don Stark saved us from a Leviathan. If anything that meant a lot to save our butts more then once. He was coming over to take out the Romanian coins his lover left to kill us. "He's a monster. And so is his ...wife..Well- Except the fact that she sent bees after you." I started to remind him more. Don and his wife had some ...disagreements. "He's different" He told me. "Not as different as Amy was!" I raised me voice louder and louder in anger. "Because if she's a monster then we sure as hell are close too! I have the demon blood and you know it, Dean!" I said. It's a haunting reminder of what happened that night in the nursery room. What happened to our mom. What happened to the house. What happened to me. "Dammit, Sam" he told me. He always said that when he didn't have any other idea what to tell me. "Let me know when something comes up about Cas or something voodoo on the whodo comes up." I told him picking up my bag and gun, "Otherwise, " I started to say loading my gun, "I'm going to go find Purgatory...Alone." "No. You won't be able to, Sam" he grabbed my shoulder in a 'parental' way. "I've had my can saved more then I can remember. Now it's my turn to save someone else. Starting with Cas... since even you can't do that, Dean." I told him. DANG IT! Why was I being so cold hearted to him. This could well be the last time we see each other. "I guess Dean. Call... because who know's in Hell where I'll be," I said starting to walk off, "Now go get some rest prince charming every woman into bed.." Then opening the door. "You mean guy?" he said joking. "Reaaaal cute." I said laughing a little. "See you in...Purgatory. Whenever you get there." He said to me. "But," I winked to him, "I'll get there faster." "Depends if I die without you, Sammy" "Die without me? Aww. Aren't you the kiss up today." I told him laughing. "No, because I need you to cover my ass."

I glanced over worriedly to the corner where a chair sat, and he pulls out his gun pointing to the chair. "Well, you can go shut up then!" I said out of random order. "S-Sorry I.." I glanced to Dean, "I cracked. One second, Dean. It was just one second." "No. Stop.. No chick flick moments." He said smiling. "Dean I-...Nothing. It's nothing." I said trying to shake off what just happened. "Tell me, Sammy. No holding back." He walked over to me worried. I glanced around nervous "...I..." I started to speak and looked to the chair. Lucifer appeared just a second then. "Go ahead Sammy! Tell him! Tell him everything. How much you would love to kill him, and how much you HATE him!" Lucifer said clapping his hands and leaning into the chair that was turned backwards. "Just-" I was about to say something but shot to Lucifer who was in the chair. "I... " I started to say something, but ran off. "Wait! Sam!" Dean said as he started to run after me. "Where you going Sammy!?" I stopped in my tracks. I heard the leaves crunch as Dean came up beside me. I was out of breath, but I managed to tell him what I needed to. "I- I'm losing it Dean..." "What happened?" He asked questionably. "I- I just loss it for a second..that's all. I'm fine." I said very inconveniencing. "God dammit, Sam tell what's wrong!" he said. He had a special way of knowing when I was lying. Every one could. "Nothing," I told him backing away, "I'm sure it's nothing." "It's everything!" "Well, it's nothing to me..." I told him calmly. "It's everything to me, Sam!" "Well, it's nothing to me, and it's going to be nothing to you." I said still backing away. I was scared. I turned away and Lucifer walked up to me. "What? You're not gonna tell Dean his little baby brother is scared to Hell?" he said to me making a chicken noise. "What?" Dean asked me. "What, Dean? Listen.. I'm over the mad about murder Amy thing. I've moved on. Things change." Lucifer responded "Maybe your brother's feelings have changed..." I glanced over to where Lucifer was. "What? You still seeing him?" Dean asked me kindly. "You still seeing that Jackass?" "No...Yes." I said with a huge huff in my voice. "Do I need to get Cas?" He asked me again in a kind way. "What? No. Cas... Casteil has he's own business to deal with. Look it's nothing. I'll-" I was starting to say something but Dean interrupted. "I'll go get him. With or without your permission.." He said walking away. "Dean I...What's he going to do?" I asked him running to him scared. "Give you a soul!" he responded shouting. "...Well you just" Something dark came over to me. My voice changed more demonic. Something was over me. I was in a different room. My mind. So dark. The only thing shrouding me was my memories. Dating back to my mother's death burning up on the ceiling. "You need to get a grip of reality, Jackass!" I could hear myself say. "Sam, this isn't you.." He said to me... or.. Sam. "People change, Dean Winchester." I could hear again. "Not in half a second." Dean told Sam.. me.. whoever. "Really? Because look who is being the Dick to his brother right now, Dean Winchester." I was saying. What in God's name made me say this? I can't control myself. I peered over to what was happening. Something was possessing me. "Well, look who's been lying to me and drinking blood.." Dean said. "Quit kissing up to your little brother, you ass." I was saying again. Sam tapped my temple. "Listen. I'm smarter, and maybe..." Sam laughed maniacally, "Maybe the baby brother Sammy does, too." "Yeah, maybe you are smarter but you wouldn't, or couldn't kill me." Dean said with confidence. "No.. you're right. I couldn't...but who says 'I' have to kill you." I was saying again. "What else has kept me down?" He asked looking down. I suddenly felt in control again. I felt relieved. "Dean..This isn't like you.." "What isn't like me?" Lucifer walked over to me and tapped my temple. "You did say people change." "That wasn't me! ...Listen. Don't worry about me. I'm fine. These...hallucinations- will just.. come by and then go," I told Dean, "Simple as that." "They didn't do that the first time.." Dean responded back. "Well I got over them, didn't I?" I reminded him. "Because of Cas!" he exclaimed. Lucifer decided to remind me. He whispered in my ear "You're still in Hell though... You're my little biiitch and everything about it. Because I'm going to bring you down.. And Purgatory with you." I-
"Face it. You're Dean's little pet to keep him comfort. He's not real. He won't be."

I was trying to tell Dean something. "Dean.. it..." stuttering as words came out in a babble. "Cas is the only one who can help you!" Dean told me. "As much as you can deal with keeping secrets AND LIES to me Dean?!" I shouted tears forming in the crescent of my eyes. "You're one to talk!" He told me grabbing onto my shoulder. "I'm fine, Dean! More when you tell me." "What's going on with you!?" he asked worried. "You don't need to worry about me.." I told him reassuring everything will be alright. "I have all the right as you do worry for me!" "You are not Dad!" I pushed him away. He looked back scared. I've never pushed him away before.
He looked down to the ground and told me the usual. "I'll be fine, I always am." "..So, if you're fine right now, and always will and have been, you're fine without me," I told him slouching my bag onto my shoulder more, "Dean, you don't need me, anymore." "I do. I have nobody. You know what that feels like. You need me." He told me trying to comfort me. "You don't need me Dean. You just don't. Not anymore. I-...I'm just his bitch." I told him as a silver tear formed and made it way to the hair stubble that was forming on my chin. "No your not! I would be dead without you!" He said noticing my tear. "Then how come I feel so wiped out?!" I asked him questioning my entire life. Why am I here? Why do I exist? "Because you almost died!" "Well, I'm fine now!" I exclaimed stepping away from him. I moved the branches out of my face. "Obviously not!" Dean said throwing his hands out and walking over to me. "Well, then I will be better," I told him biting my cheek in the inside, "Without Cas.." I told him walking away.
I didn't look back. I didn't want to look at what I've become to Dean.