Okay, so, I intended this fic to be short, fluffy and totally pointless. But well, I am not good at writing fluff, so, it turned out to be like this.
This takes place after Addison gave Derek the divorce papers and is how I would have loved it to turn out. After all, I miss my favorite couple sniffs
I am still 15 (only for a few more days YAY), live in rainy germany (grrr) and if you want to sue me, fine, go ahead, you´ll be broke after. I don´t own any GA or PP character, only my books, DVDs, sarcasm and my sparkling personality ;)
This fic is dedicated to Natasja and shall tell her never to give up hope, because the best is yet to come.
It´s also a late birthday gift to Tia, who loves Addek just as much as I do (if that is possible ;))
And all of you who read it too, hope you like it and please review!
XXX
The best is yet to come
„You know, there was a time when you thought of me as your best friend? "
„there was a time when I thought you were the love of my life, things change!" he shot back looking at her with a look she never saw in his eyes before that one night. The night she gave into temptation. The night she had officially destroyed her marriage.
She sighed as the elevator doors opened and was relieved that she didn´t have to answer or to look at him, which seemed incredibly painful at the time.
When she was inside the elevator she opened her purse and pulled out a big envelope which she handed Derek, explaining the content. Divorce papers.
As the elevator doors closed she leaned back so her back was up against the cold wall. She pushed the stop button, just needing a minute or two to herself to think about what just happened.
Addison´s eyes fluttered close
Why did I come here? In this horrible city where it never stops raining! All that to save my marriage, a marriage I knew couldn´t save anymore. It´s too late and I am out of time. We are out of time.
She let a sigh escape her chest as a single tear made its way down her cheek. This was the right thing to do. It would´ve been the right thing to do one year ago.
XXX
Meanwhile Derek still looked at the envelope she just gave him. He was in shock. This was the end, the end of their marriage. He didn´t know why his chest tightened and his heart felt like it was being ripped apart. This is what I want. I want this marriage to be over; I need this marriage to be over. I love her, I love Addis-damn it, Meredith, I love Meredith!
He just thought of Addison because of the divorce papers, it doesn´t mean he still had feelings for her. Because he didn´t! Right?
XXX
This evening Derek sat in a conference room, planning on going over the divorce papers. As he opened the envelope something metallic hit the table and he found Addison´s rings lying there. The rings he slid over her finger 12 years ago. He felt his heart sink.
This is it, she´s serious. This is the end of our marriage. The end of so many things, so many memories.
He let his mind wander.
FALSHBACK
He walked along on the pier, looking atAddison who´s hair was spread all over her back, blown wild through the wind. Her back was still facing him, he watched her for a momentbefore walking over to her, wrapping his arms around her waist, causing her to jump forward a little.
"Jesus!" she gasped "you scared the hell out of me!"
"Sorry" he smiled sheepishly as his eyes met hers.
"No problem, glad you´re here" she smiled back and kissed him quickly
They both enjoyed the beautiful sunset and the colors it drew all over the sky. It went from carmine red over pink, orange and yellow to a soft blue.
"This is beautiful" she said, almost in a whisper
"Not as beautiful as you" he placed a kiss in her hair and as she turned to face him she saw him kneeling on the ground. Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped slightly as she watched him, unable to say something. Which she wasn´t even so sure about was necessary.
"From the day on I met you" Derek started "I can´t stop thinking about you. You´re the love of my life. I can´t picture spending one single day without you. And that´s why" he slipped his hand into his pocket and pulled a ring out "that´s why I wanted to ask you this: Addison Montgomery, do you want to marry me?" he looked at her, tears had been welling up in her eyes as she listened to his proposal.
She couldn´t say anything because the tears started flowing down her cheeks and she nodded her head. A few seconds later, which to Derek seemed like forever, she finally managed to breathe out some words "Yes" her voice broke again "Yes, of course I want to marry you!" she kneeled down in front of him and he pulled her into a hug, happy she didn´t make his worst fear come true and turned him down. After a couple of minutes they pulled apart and he slipped the beautiful ring over her finger.
FLASHBACK
He sighed and pushed the memories that kept floating through his mind back, far far back. Hoping that he could concentrate on the things he hated about his wife. She´s arrogant, a perfectionist, always has to be right, loves to argue and usually wins, petty, sarcastic he sighed, he used to love those things about her. But she cheated and that is unforgivable, right?
He asked himself that question over and over again, not sure what to think about it.
He skimmed through the divorce papers and then stopped as he saw the marks place on the end of every sheet.
She didn´t sign yet, but told him she would as soon as he did and then she´d be on the first plane off to New York. The city he once called his home.
XXX
Meanwhile Addison sat on a bed in an on-call room. Her head leaned against the wall and her eyes were closed to stop the tears that had been welling up in her eyes again and again since she handed Derek the papers. Actually she didn´t have one tear without the now so familiar feeling of hot tears streaming down her cheeks since Derek had left her.
FLASHBACK
She sat on the stairs, only dressed in Derek´s old shirt she used to sleep in, her red hair tucked back in a ponytail.
It was after Derek had left.
The house was empty and quiet. God how she hated the silence. The silence that replaced what had used to be talks and dinners and fun. She sighed, her eyes burned from the tears that had been floating down her cheeks since he had left.
She screwed up, she had screwed up big time. This was all her fault anyway! Why did I have to do that?! Sleeping with your husband's best friend. Yeah Addison, that will be the thing to do to save your marriage. A sigh escaped her chest and she didn´t even notice that more tears made their way across her face.
FLASHBACK
XXX
Addison opened her eyes, desperate to go back in, well, okay, being an adulterous bitch, but she had had that nightmare for at least two months. The expression on Derek´s face hunted her in her dreams. She felt guilty, well, obviously! Their marriage had never been perfect. It was pretty far from perfect. They used to fight a lot, but never ignored each other and in the past years it went from bad to worse. They stopped fighting, they stopped talking at all. There was just silence and not enjoyable silence like when you understand each other without saying anything. Addison used to be able to read Derek just with a look in his blue eyes. She couldn´t anymore, it all had changed. In only one year their entire life had changed. At first Addison tried what her mother told her to do with monsters when she was a little kid, she closed her eyes and tried to imagine that they don´t exist.
But this wasn´t some imagined monster that she dreaded to jump out from behind a curtain, this was real life and real problems and when she opened her eyes this time, she found everything broken.
XXX
Derek said at the tiny table in his trailer. He was walking up and down, running his fingers through his dark hair. This is what I want! He desperately told himself this over and over again. Not knowing why he even need to convince himself that it was what he wants.
He was startled out of his thought and self-convincing when his cell phone started to ring.
He looked at the display, which had just lightened up Meredith… I don´t want to talk right now, but if I don´t she´ll keep calling… he thought to himself before answering his cell phone
"Yes"
"uhm, hi, it´s me, uhm, Meredith" she said, surprised by his answer
"Yeah, hi. Listen I have to think about something…"
"oh, sure, uhm, see you tomorrow" she said in confusion What did he have to decide, he never just hung up on me like that…
"see you" and he had hung up.
"What was that?!" Izzie looked at the still confused Meredith
"I uhm, he hung up…" he crinkled her eyebrows, hearing herself say it sounded even more weird than just letting his words circle in her head
"So, called McDreamy?" that was Christina, she walked into Meredith´s room
"McDreamy was McBitchy and hung up" Izzie replied
"He was not!" Meredith stopped thinking about the important decision Derek mentioned "he said there was something important that he had to think about!"
"Do you think this could be about the divorce papers?" Izzie asked in excitement
"Divorce papers? What divorce papers?" Meredith flipped around and looked at Izzie
"Izzie just heard some gossip at the nurses´ station and believes in it, that´s all" Christina replied
"It´s not gossip!" Izzie shot Christina a look that said You might not believe it, but I do and so don´t care about your opinion! ´
Christina rolled her eyes and shook her look in total disbelieve that a soon-to-be doctor believed something she heard from the chatty nurses who spread gossip all around in the hospital.
"What, what did they say?" Meredith interrupted their shooting-each-other-looks-conversation
"Well, just that Dr Montgomery Shepherd apparently gave Dr Shepherd divorce papers and that if he signs, she will too." Izzie shrugged her shoulders clearly not knowing anything else
Meredith´s eyes widened at the thought that he might think whether to leave her or not
No, he loves me, he does, right?
XXX
The next day Derek was tired and exhausted. He was up all night shifting and turning in the sheets, not being sure what to do or how to feel.
As he got in the elevator and the doors were about to close Addison slipped inside just in time before the doors closed
"Hi" Derek greeted trying to make this as less awkward as possible
"Hi" she greeted back, not looking up at him
"Have you signed the papers yet?" she broke the silence that filled the elevator soon.
"No" he answered briefly and looked at her Gosh, she hasn´t changed a single bit he smiled to himself
"Why not?" she glanced up at him and found him looking at her
"Because I have to think about it!"
"What´s there left to think about?!"
"You´re my wife!"
"Ah, now I am your wife?! You just left me! You picked up everything and left!" she snapped at him just as the doors opened
"Sign it and you can start over, without a marriage keeping you from being with your girlfriend" after saying this she stepped out of the elevator and rushed down the hall
XXX
FLASHBACK
"It´s not my fault!" Addison shot Derek a look as she looked at him smirking at her
"And it´s not mine!" he protested
"STOP!" Richard yelled to stop them from tossing the blame around like kids usually do in pre-school.
They both stopped trying to make Richard believe that they didn´t do anything
"You had sex! In MY hospital! On MY desk!" he was about to slam his fist on the desk, but he immediately stopped realizing what he just said about his two interns and his desk.
Addison had to bite her lip not to start giggling because she knew that Richard would not find that amusing.
Derek recalled what happened in the chief of surgery´s office a few minutes ago and couldn´t help but smirk at the memories popping up in his head.
"STOP! Stop smirking like that!" Richard ordered
"Sorry sir" the smirk on his face vanished and both he and Addison looked at their lap.
"Now, OUT!" Richard yelled at his interns
"Sorry sir" they both said quietly as they got up and quickly made their way out in the long hall
"Oh my god, I cannot believe this! Nothing that bad ever happened to me!" Addison said resting her back against the white wall behind her
"Hey, it was pretty good" he smirked at her causing her to smack his arm
"OUCH! That hurt!"
"Oh, come on! Like that hurt! And it´s all your fault anyway!"
"Why is this my fault?!" he looked at her
"Because you started to kiss me and after all, it was you lifting me up on the desk!"
"You didn´t refuse much, if I recall correctly!"
"True, have to admit that, we´re both equally liable"
"That´s my girl" he said with a smirk on his face
FLASHBACK
XXX
The exact same smirk, just 10 years later, appeared on Derek´s face as he watched a surgery from the gallery.
What happened to us? He asked himself over and over again.
It had been years since Derek Shepherd has had flashbacks of the happy times with his wife. And now, they hit him. The pictures of happier days just appeared in his head when he for example opened a cornflakes pack, which he always did for her. Because Addison always ripped it open so that the cornflakes were spread across the floor.
He sighed at all those memories.
XXX
One week later Derek stood in front of the small bookshelf at the trailer and suddenly felt the strong desire to grab a big leather-bound book and go through the pages.
When he opened it, there was a picture of their wedding day and
"Addison and Derek, 1997, a bond that will last forever" was written in Addison´s handwriting on top of the page. He re-read the elegant golden letters over and over again. Then his gaze shifted to the picture. Addison was dressed in a beautiful white dress. Well, it was egshell, but white-ish.
A black ribbon tied around her waist. She looked so happy that day, they all did, but Addison was glowing, a never dying smile on her face. He looked at himself, right next to her, his arm around her waist, almost covering the ribbon. He noticed the way he looked at her. His eyes, filled with affection, affection that had once filled their life. He looked at page after page, photo after phot and memory after memory came to life in his mind. It seemed like it had been yesterday. The affair, the fighting, the indifference , all that just vanished through just one look at the pictures of their happy, careless days. He sighed and intended to close the album, but decided to take a look at the wedding picture again. He slowly ran his fingers over the picture and all the memories of this day came back
FLASHBACK
Derek looked up. He was totally nervous and would run away if he wasn´t about to marry the greatest woman in the entire world.
"Here she comes" he hears Mark´s voice behind him, it seemed to be so far away at that moment.
Derek looked up, down the aisle, to see Addison walking down there, her father next to her.
She smiled at him as she took place opposite him.
"Hey" she whispered
"Hey back, you look great" he whispered back with a smile on the face
"Thanks, you don´t look bad yourself"
They were completely lost in that moment, their moment.
As the priest cleared his throat they were taken back into reality and started to laugh, along with their guests.
As the ceremony was over and they walked towards the doors Derek gazed at Addison, right next to him.
"That was awkward" she said with a grin on the face
"Yep, I he´ll remember the couple who he had to shhh, before he could do his job!""It wasn´t all that bad, We´re married now and conversation is an important part of that."
"Well, you´re the master of making up excuses"
FLASHBACK
We used to be so happy and then one day the world is all in flames… Derek thought to himself, pushing the memories with the album back in the shelf.
He sighed and decided that it was best to just let it go. The past is the past.
But it wasn´t as easy as it sounds
XXX
In the following week Addison and Derek ran into each other all the time. Which made it all even more painful for Addison.
"Hey, who died?"
"What?" Addison looked up from her coffee at Callie
"Mind if I sit?" Callie asked her
"No, go ahead" Addison moved some files from the chair so Callie could sit down
"What´s wrong with you? I mean, I don´t know you and all, just wondering."
"well, since gossip travels fast in this hospital, I have no other choice than to tell the truth. So, here you go. As I guess you already heard, Derek and I got married 14 years ago, we lived in NYC and when we both got successful we started caring more about the job than about each other. So, to just ruin my marriage, I cheated on my husband, he came here, found a girlfriend" she said that last word with all the disgust that is possible "and now I am here to get a divorce" she sighed and looked back at her coffee
"But there has to be more to the story than just that Addison. You don´t strike me as a person who´d just cheat for fun…"
Addison looked up at that "Well, at least you don´t think I´m an adulterous bitch… But seriously, I don´t know why I cheated. I just don´t. I fell head over heels for Derek when I met him in college and well, it was great. We never had the perfect marriage but at the end of the day" she let a soft sigh escape her chest "at the end it was perfect for us. Derek started to ignore me and all that, but that still doesn´t give me the right to do what I did" she looked up and searched Callie´s eyes for a reaction
"Hey, don´t blame yourself. Because that only leads to being desperate and desperate people do desperate things. Like sleeping with that guy"
"wow, you really are good at the shrink talk, you know that?" Addison said with a laugh
"A lot of experience in that field, believe me" Callie laughed too
XXX
One week later Derek still didn´t give Addison the signed divorce papers back and she was annoyed of waiting and the rain that was messing with her chestnut colored hair.
Patience is a virtue Addie. Just wait one more week and you´ll have the papers. Even if it hurts and this city just sucks.She said to herself as she wanted to step in the elevator, just to see Derek standing there next to Meredith. And again, her heart was shattered and all the little pieces spread across the floor.
This was the moment Addison Forbes Montgomery realized that it became unbearable to stay here, even for just one more week.
After leaving the elevator she headed towards Richard´s office, ready to tell him she will be leaving.
A hesitant knock on the door and the next thing she knew was that she was sitting in the chair in front of Richard´s big mahagoni desk.
"Addison, what´s on your mind?" Richard asked her slowly mustering her
"I just wanted to let you know that I am leaving tomorrow" she said, her eyes focused on the floor
"You´re leaving?" he asked and crinkled his eyebrows which the years had turned almost grey
Addison didn´t answer, she just nodded her head slightly.
"And why out of all the sudden?"
"Not out of the sudden, I came here for a consult and well, to get Derek to sign the divorce papers, which he didn´t do yet. I am tired Richard. I ma tired of waiting, of being the adulterous bitch who cheated on the great Dr McDreamy and I am tired of this sucky weather!" she didn´t look at him, trying to stop the tears that were filling her eyes
"He hasn´t signed the papers yet?" Richard raised his eyebrows and still looked at Addison curled up in the chair
"No, he hasn´t, probably too busy with his intern"she said and felt her heart ache as she thought of Derek being with Meredith and a lump formed in her throat
"I´m sorry about this Addison, I´m sorry about letting you come here in the first place" he said softly
"No, it´s not your fault, I made the mistake and now I have to live with the consequences."
"I´m sorry."
"I know, but there really is no need to be. So, I can go?" she raised her head and looked into his eyes
"Yes, yes you can."
"Thanks, I´ll miss you though" she gave him a little smile as she rose from her seat
"I´ll miss you too Addison" he gave her a hug " everything will be fine, you´ll see"
"Thanks a lot, but that just sounds like it´s so far away" she said with a teary vioce
After a minute or two they pulled back "Thanks again"
"Thanks for coming out here. Call me as soon as you´re in New York"
"Yeah, I will. Bye Richard" she smiled slightly and walked gracefully out of the door to leave it all behind. The bad weather, her broken marriage and hopefully her shattered heart.
XXX
Derek´s phone rang, just as he walked into the trailer. And that after a 24 hour shift and sleepless nights.
"Who is disturbing now?!" he answered it grumpily
"Is this the way you say Hi to your mother who you haven´t called in ages?" the voice on the other line said
"Oh, hey mom, sorry, just a long day." He answered her as he sat down on a chair close to the tiny kitchen
"Okay, Derek, what happened to you and Addison?"
"Gee mom, great start for a pleasant conversation" Derek said with an annoyed look on his face
"I´m sorry, I just want to know" he heard a soft sigh
"I… I don´t know mom"
"What do you mean with you don´t know?! She gave you divorce papers, you didn´t sign yet and forgot to mention that you have a girlfriend in Seattle!!!!"
"Where do you know that from?!"
"Nancy talked to Addison and well, she told me. What the hell were you thinking?! I mean, what Addison did was bad, but you left her a long time before that!"
"I did not" he mumbled
"You did, she attended to EVERY family occasion alone and had to make up excuses why you weren´t coming!" her voice got louder and higher, just like Addison´s when she yelled at him
"And that gives her the reason to screw my best friend?!"
"Derek Michael Shepherd! How dare you to blame it all on her?! You´re both equally liable for this!"
"What I did wasn´t that bad!" he snapped back and silently added was it?
Marcia sighed on the other side of the phone "oh Derek. When you brought her home I thought that's it. And u two took a vow. And then one day twelve years later you decided to throw the entire marriage for what... for some foxy young thing and for one slip your wife made? Derek, marriage is not just love and compromise. It's compassion , it's forgiveness. It's a blessing from God. Now I can´t say that you will always love her the way you did back in college, but as you grow older, Derek. Use your heart and your clear mind to love, Derek... That´s the only way I always know how to love. That´s the only way you have always loved Addison. And now, this young love, what is it, love, or lust? Think for yourself Derek."
"I know mom" he mumbled
"Call me if you want to talk again, okay? I love you Derek"
"I love you too mom, bye" he said and hung up the phone
Did I break her? Is this really all my fault?
FLASHBACK
"Derek?"
"Yes?" he answered his phone, annoyed because his sleep had been interrupted
"Where are you?" a teary voice said on the other line
"I am working Addison! What else am I supposed to do?"
"I don´t know, how about spending our freakin 13th anniversary with me?!" her voice went from teary and vulnerable to completely furious
"That´s today?" he asked still without any emotion, let alone regret
"YES! What do you think does the red circle on the calendar mean?!" she yelled
"I don´t have time to talk about this right now" he answered and hung up the phone
FALSHBACK
XXX
Oh my god, I screwed this up. I AM equally liable. How could I not notice this?
What am I going to do? I just threw my marriage away.
I broke the one woman I love and treated her like crap!
How could I let it get this far? How could I just let her leave like this?
What kind of brainless neurosurgeon am I?!
XXX
And without even knowing how he got there, Derek Shepherd sat in a cab, which was driving through the beautiful neighborhood that he once called his home.
What am I doing? She´ll kick me out! He panicked. What would he do then? He never had a plan B, he never needed one, not with Addison anyway. He always knew what he would say to her or could narrow her eyes so he knew exactly what she was thinking and going to do next.
XXX
Twenty minutes later Derek stood in front of the brownstone. Thinking if he should use the key that still was between his car key and the one for his locker at the hospital. After deciding against that because the Addison he married would call the cops right away or throw some wedding china at him.
He slowly lifted his hand up to knock on the big wooden door, because he knew the bell was broken.
Derek heard steps, he heard Addison´s quick steps and she was coming closer and closer towards the door.
She opened and for a few seconds she just looked at him. Not knowing what to say or to do.
"What are you doing here?" she finally said, still looking him in the eye
"I am—I – do you mind if I come in?" he hesitantly asked, carefully gazing at her
Addison reluctantly stepped aside so he could walk in
He quickly followed her to the living room
They´re eyes locked as she turned around to face him and Derek felt the urge to just hold her close, like he used to, but knew it wouldn´t take her a second to throw him out.
Derek, no, don´t do this. Just leave. Honey, you so don´t want him to leave! That she had to admit to herself. After all those years Derek was still the one for her. The one she loved without holding back.
"What are you doing here?" she repeated her question from before and broke the eye contact
"I am here to talk to you and to apologize" he sighed, searching her green eyes for emotions
"Save it Derek, I´m tired, just tired of it. You don´t need to apologize, there´s no sense in doing so." She replied, stepping a bit back
"There is Addison. You´re the girl I fell head over heels for in college and since then I never stopped loving you! And—"
"Great way showing that love Derek!" she quickly cut him off, anger lighting up in her eyes
"Addison, you´re the one that I want. It´s always been you and you can´t imagine how sorry I am for hurting you and putting you through all of this." He took a break to look at her
Addison tilted her head slightly and couldn´t help the shivers that were running up and down her back. After all these years he still made her heart melt
"I know that you don´t owe me anything, not to mention giving me a second chance." He continued "But this is what I am asking for. A second chance to start over, to be Addison and Derek again, to grow old with you and to prove to you that you´re still the one who I love with all my heart and soul." He took a deep breath and looked into her eyes, which had softened during his speech
"I can´t Derek . Even if I wanted to, I just can´t start over, not with you" she said and closed her eyes, afraid that the tears in her eyes would give away that she yearned for things to be like they used to, before Derek became absent, before she slept with Mark and before they´re marriage fell apart
"But I love you Addison and I´ve never stopped loving you. I know that I screwed up. I know that all of this is my fault, but you´re the one. I don´t know how else to say it. When I asked you out, I never would´ve thought you´d seriously date me and when you did, you made me the luckiest guy in the entire world. But I—"he sighed "I took you for granted and ruined the one person, who means the most to me. I know you´re afraid that it will just go back to how it was and you have to go through this heartache again. But I swear I would never hurt you like this ever again." He gazed into her eyes, which she had opened hearing him admitting that it wasn´t all her fault
"I don´t know Derek, I just don´t" her heart told her to give him another chance, but her head told her to run, to run as fast as she could, before she would start acting on what her broken heart told her
"Let me prove to you that I love you more than my life Addison, let me prove to you that I deserve another chance" he stepped closer and closer, until their faces only were inches apart, just a small space keeping their lips from touching She will so slap me for this he thought to himself as their eyes locked, mirroring the strong feelings they both still had for each other. But he didn´t what else to do. Screw it, this is my last chance and I won´t chicken out! He told himself as he slowly leaned in to close the gap between them
He felt her tense as his lips softly brushed over hers and then she hesitantly responded, wrapping her arms around his neck. She felt herself melt in his arms like she didn´t in a long time. After a while Derek slowly pulled back "is that a yes?" she whispered and looked down at her
Addison slowly opened her eyes as their gazes met "yes" she nodded slightly and smiled at him
And at the end I would like to say something: I originally wanted this to be a one shot. But I really enjoyed writing it, so, it depends on you. Do you want to read more of this or not?
oh, and, I know that the end kinda sucks... anyway, hope you all liked it! Reviews are greatly appreciated!