Funny Little Family
People think that bein' a crim means yer totally different to the rest ah tha world. You must be monsters, livin' in filth, always shoutin' an' yellin'. But that ain't it at all. We're normal, just like the rest ah ya. Just decided on a different path. But my families just like yours. A regular little family, with Mommy, Daddy, and Junior.
I mean, here I am, in the kitchen, baking a cake for my hubby. Makin' some dinner for us all, really yummy casserole, all elegant-like. Might have some ice cream for dessert, that's in the freezer, and a little bit of wine in the fridge, right beside ta the liquid laughing gas. Gotta keep it cold, easier to store that way.
Like every other family, when din's up I call my boys to the table; Mistah J, my puddin', calls back. "Just a minute, Pru!" He calls, and I can hear the hummin' ah the machines stop. He walks in, tall, pale and handsome, with Junior, our… adopted… son. Jay-Jay's a peach, he really is. Always gigglin', behavin' himself since he knows if he doesn't he'll get in trouble- and none of that slap on the wrist cockamamie for our boy. We only need to tell him something once. Especially after all the work Mistah J did on him.
Oh, yeah, didn't I mention? Jay used to be a real bad kid, stayin' up all night and tryin' to hurt Puddin' and me. Him and Batman. Y'know, between you an' me, I always thought there was something' a little off about that. A grown man holdin' onto a kid like that? Keepin' him up all hours ah the night? Makin' him wear spandex? I wear spandex, nice and clingy, don't come off, shows off all mah curves for Mistah J to see, and don't get in the way when I'm out and about. But on a boy? No, we've got him wearin' a nice little outfit just like his Pa'. Purple, with a big, cute bow-tie. Now that's what a lil' boy should be wearin'.
And in they come, sit down, and we all have a nice 'n pleasant meal. And when my J tells me our Junior tolds us sometin' real important about Batman, well, he's allowed some yummy ice cream -has trouble eatin' it, poor tyke. All that electro shock leaves 'im shaky.
Then together we put Jay-Jay to bed on his gurney, strapped him down tight to make sure he didn't try to get away, or didn't thrash around from night terrors. Poor kid, he's with us! He's bein' protected by the worst terrors the night's got.
Late that night, after watchin' mah dear old Joker make some plans to get the bat, it's time for bed. And… well… y'know when I said we're like any other family? Well every family has problems, right? And, and they can be worked out with a lil' love an a lil' caring. But I'm off to bed alone again tanight. He would rather keep checkin' his plans. The ones about Batman.
The next night he's gone again. Out to set a trap for Batman. Like always. He's always out settin' traps for the batman.
Ya know, I read in a book that a lot of women are afraid their man's out with someone else when they leave the house. I don't haveta worry about that, my man's never shown interest or anyone… except Batman. But! But I'm glad to know he ain't with anotha woman, big relief, it is, so I don't haveta be jealous.
But I am.
I don't know why, but I am.
Whenever he goes out to fight with Batman I always get jealous, but I dunno why.
Later, when everythin's changed, everythin's about to end and we all know it, I know he's laughin' and havin' a ball with that Bat of his, even as I fight fer mah life. I know he wouldn't come get me, not with his bat to keep him busy.
His bat was always there to play with him.
When I fell… all the way down… it didn't matter, Mistuh J wouldn't mind.
He had his Bat to keep him company.
We're just a regular lil' family, Mommy, Daddy, Junior. And him.