"It's not gonna be pretty."

She warned me. Even though it wasn't necessary the warning was a nice gesture. I know she did it to give me an out before I got in too deep but there was no going back now. Even before Mr Jackson told confirmed that Allie saved me I knew I was all in. For better or worse. I have to be the person Allie needed just like she had been for me in my time of need. There was no way I could turn my back on her when all she ever shown me was loving tenderness and patience.

After going out to warn the crew and apologising about the rough night everyone will probably have I grabbed some supplies and headed back into Allie's cell, prepared to stay as long as she needed me.

Allie looked up from her spot hunched on the bed as I closed the door behind me. She was shivering already. My heart broke at the sight and I knew it wouldn't be the last time tonight either. What hurts the most is that I could have prevented this. If I had listened to her in the first place I could have prevented so much pain.

I sat down on the bed beside her. Not really knowing what to do I'm gonna have to take cues of her. She leans into me and I wrap my arm around her. "What do you need?" I ask.

"Just you," she mumbles out through shivering lips.

I pull her tighter to me and kiss the top of her head, settling in for a long night.

Most of the night is a blur. Between holding Allie's hair back and rubbing her back, watching Allie try and scratch her skin off, wrapping her in blankets what she shivered and stopping her hurt herself when she was lashing out I had her hands full. Somehow we ended up on the floor with Allie hysterically thrashing and screaming.

"LET ME OUT! I cant breath! Let me out! She won't let me out. FUCK OFF! FUCK OFF!"

I know Allie didn't mean it but it still hurt a little as I held tightly onto her. "Shhhhh baby its ok, shhhh."

Allie kept kicking the door while screaming, "Why do you care? Why would put up with this shit? You said we were done. You fucking hate me! You hate me! Fuck off!"

I finally got her arms under control and wrapped myself around her, rocking her back and forward as she continued to struggle. "I love you, that's why. I'm so sorry Allie for what I've put you through. I'm so sorry. I love you."

Allie all of a sudden lost all her strength and fight, gently sobbing as I continue to rock her. It's such a relief to actually say it out loud. I should have told her sooner but I was terrified of what it actually meant. But I almost died and nearly lost her too so there is no time to be scared. Tomorrow isn't a given in this place and even though I don't feel I deserve Allie's love, I will take everything she is willing to give me and give her everything in return.

After awhile on the floor I ended up lifting an extremely drowsy Allie to the bed. She looked as exhausted as I felt. Still breathtakingly beautiful even in this broken state. "Sweetheart do you need anything?" I asked as she collapsed on the thin mattress.

"Water?" she croaked out of the raw throat.

I nodded and picked up the cup I had got her before. It was empty so I quietly opened the door hoping not to disturb any of the girls more then they had been. Once of the cell I took a deep breath to compose myself. I knew in that cell I had to be strong for the woman I love but I could feel my insides shattering.

"Are you ok hon?"

Startled I look up to see Maxine sitting at the dining table. "Shit Maxine, What are you still doing awake?"

Maxine gave me that knowing smile of hers as she beckoned me to come closer "I'm not used to sleeping proper hours again because of the hospital. Now you didn't answer my question. It sounded pretty rough in there."

As I walked over to the tap I sighed and had to shake my head. "Maxi I… I don't know how… Shit it almost killed me seeing her like that. Knowing it was my fault. Why cou… why didn't I believe her over Kaz? So stupid."

I had to lean against the sink to support myself. I should have know Kaz was up to something and I didn't even give Allie a chance to explain. I felt Maxine come up behind me and rest her hands on my shoulders. "You can't think like that hon. this is a fresh start. You've got her away from Kaz now and you're doing such a great job supporting her through this. Just move forward Bea."

I turn the tap as I bow my head, filling the cup. I can still feel Maxine behind me but she has taken a step back so she wont push my limits. I turn to her with a tired smile, "Thanks," I reach out to her and squeeze her hand, "now get to bed, Top Dog's orders."

She lets out a small laugh as she turns to her room leaving me alone as I steel myself to enter allies' cell again. It's all in vain though as I close the door I see that Allie has finally passed out and all I can feel is relief for her. As I grab the doona and place it over her I can help but linger. She finally looks peaceful. As I go to exit I have an overwhelming urge to stay. I don't want her waking up alone and feel unwanted.

So I turn back to the bed and take my shoes off and slip in beside her. I don't know whom its comforting more though. Suddenly after years in this place, in this bed beside this amazing woman I feel at home.