Wow, I have been really busy lately that it has been a year since I last been here. Anyways, this is my first X reader and I've been really addicted to Dynasty Warriors lately. Also, this X reader is for my best friend/editor/manager whatever the occupation is. She inspired and especially exhorted me to write this so...enjoy
"A Turmoil Flame"
Lu Xun X Reader
My admirer arrived from an unexpected source, which, at the same time, brought a new element into my life that has affected me to this very day.
A new boy had just enrolled in our school. He was the grandson of an elderly man who had come to live in our town. Being a few years older than I, he was assigned to a grade above me. Still, I could not avoid noticing him, nor could anyone else. This remarkable student seemed much older than he looked; in fact, he did not strike anyone as a boy at all. In the contrary, he seemed strange and mature, like a man, or rather like a gentleman. He was quite popular but did not take part in our games, still less in the general rough housing, and only his firm, self-confident tone toward the teachers that won the admiration of the students. He was called Lu Xun.
One day—as it happened on numerous occasions—an additional class was assigned to our large classroom for some reason. It was Lu Xun's class. We, the younger ones, were writing an essay; the higher grade was studying philosophy. While my index finger stung from pressing the edge of the pencil too much against it, I kept glancing toward Lu Xun whose face held a peculiar fascination for me, and I observed the intelligent, bright, unusually resolute face bent attentively and diligently over his work; he didn't look at all like a student doing their assignment, but rather like a strategist investigating the layout of their plans. I couldn't say that he made a favorable impression on me, however, he seemed too superior and detached, his manner too provocatively confident, and his eyes gave him an adult expression of faint sadness, with flashes of sarcasm. Yet I could not help looking at him, but when he glanced in my direction I averted my eyes in panic. My face flushed red and like the ominous presence of a ghost, his smile—though subtle—bore a hole through my chest. He was a prince among peasants, taking great pains to appear as one of their own, though only I should know the truth.
Encounter 1
Lu Xun was walking behind me on the way home from school, and after the others departed he caught up with me and said hello. Even his manner of greeting, though an imitation of a schoolboy, was distinctly noble and polite.
"Shall we walk together for a while?" he asked. I felt flattered and nodded. After a while, he moved closer to me and held my hand, not too strong, but never losing its grip. We walked on, I felt very self-conscious. Suddenly, Lu Xun laughed as though something struck him funny.
"Yes, when we had class together," he burst out. "There was a boy who was throwing spitballs at you from the back row. Do you know him?"
That I did. It was Zhu Ran, a bully who tormented me since the beginning of the year. He was high strung, bubbly and wonderfully terrible with communicating with the opposite sex; considering his treatment of me, that ought to be so. Yet I didn't dare confess it to Lu Xun, for I was being addressed by an upperclassman and did not want to bother him. I said I didn't mind Zhu Ran much.
"You don't have to put up the act for me. I could see the fatigue in your eyes. He's quite bothersome isn't he? Pestering young beautiful women at their workplace, what a fool—" He interrupted himself and asked with a gentle smile: "Shall I take care of him for you?"
I immediately rejected his offer and pulled away, feeling my cheeks turn pink as he chuckled lightly, slapping me on the shoulder. I didn't reject him because I was afraid that a confrontation with Zhu Ran might get him hurt—mind you, Lu Xun's legendary physical prowess is well noted; when the strongest boy in his class taunted him, calling him a coward when he refused to fight back, Lu Xun humiliated him. I was there when Lu Xun had grasped the boy with one hand by the neck, and squeezed until the boy went pale; afterward, the boy had sulked away, and had not been able use his arm for a week. No, I rejected his offer simply out of pure modesty. However, Lu Xun did not get the message.
"This Zhu Ran, or whatever his name is, he sounds like a first-rate bastard. What do you think?"
I agreed and his face brightened. "I think so too. You know, he's not the best kind of friend you would want to hang around with, especially with a maiden like yourself. I merely thought it over, but I decided to rid away of that pest. Nothing is more refined than respect towards women—don't you agree?" My heart started to beat and my vision clouded. Our faces were inches apart and I couldn't breathe. Suddenly, he pulled back and laughed, rubbing my back as I buried my face into my hands. He said that I was as red as a tomato.
Encounter 2
For an entire week, there was no sign of Zhu Ran anywhere. I hardly believe it and I constantly lay in wait for the moment when suddenly, when least expected, he would reappear. He simply vanished. Mistrusting my new freedom, I refused to believe in it, that is, until I ran into Zhu Ran again. When he saw me, he flinched, his face twitched and he turned away to avoid meeting me.
It was an unprecedented moment for me! My enemy fleeing from me, my tormentor afraid of me! A thrill of happy surprise overwhelmed me.
I ran into Lu Xun at the end of the day. He was waiting for me in the front of the school. I said a cheerful hello to him.
"Good afternoon. I only wanted to hear how things were faring. Zhu Ran isn't bothering you anymore, is he?"
I shook my head and bowed down to thank him. He laughed and brought me up from knees, patting my cheek. His smile was bright, full of cleverness and ambition—like a glowing ember in an ea of darkness. It only, made my heart to quiver.
"That's good. If he should turn up again, just tell him not to forget Lu Xun."
Gratitude is a virtue I believe in, and to me it seems sacred for such a salvation Lu Xun had offered me. But there was nothing for me to give back; he had everything; intelligence, masculinity, ambition, wisdom, and a bright optimism that made him shine as bright and fiery as the sun. Thus my total ingratitude toward Lu Xun, no doubt, astonished me. No doubt, he noticed this as well.
"Oh, you're sad? Ah, is it because of that whole deal with Zhu ran? I've taken care of that, or is it because of something else because I shall handle that too."
At this point, his face was a mere inch from mine, and I felt his hot breath on my lips.
Right at the moment, a sharp whistle pieced into the atmosphere and interrupted our moment. I looked up from Lu Xun's chest and stared off into the distance where another student approached us. He was an upperclassman; two grades higher than mine, and a grade above Lu Xun's; he wore a student council band and had his brunette hair tied back in a low pony tail. I remember seeing him around the hallways, usually accompanied by one of the heads of the school board, Zhuge Liang. If not him, then Xiahou Ba, a boy from my grade who is quite cheery but rather self-conscious about his height. I didn't know the older boy's name, but I did have knowledge that he was very prominent in school authority like the rest of the student council. He came up to us and Lu Xun gave off a derisive smirk.
"Prez, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be sending delinquents off to the detention hall?" he said, smiling.
"Hold your tongue, Lu Xun. You know perfectly well on why I am here," the boy snapped.
"Can't get enough of this right? I understand, for a flame such as myself, there must be a moth to follow. Well then, come to me my little moth!" Lu Xun held his arms out and the boy quickly smacked them away.
"That's not why I'm here!"
He was greatly vexed and pointed accusingly at Lu Xun with penetrating eyes. "Immoral sexual activity requires my attention! As a...uh, the president of the student council!"
"Immoral? We weren't doing anything of that sort, though..." Lu Xun looked from the boy to me, raising his eyebrows in a suggestive manner. I turned away, my face, red.
"Regardless, that is still not allowed on school grounds. So take your hands of the young lady's waist or...uh, bottom... and step back at least five feet. If you refuse, I will personally handle you myself," the older boy directed, glaring at him out of narrowed eyes.
Lu Xun shrugged and backed away, hiding a smile away as he did so. The older boy stared fixedly at him for a few seconds before nodding in silent satisfaction. Lu Xun then turned to me with a warm expression.
"Well then, I'll be seeing you tomorrow. Don't keep away too long, you hear?" He said, winking at me and promptly left. His absence already was starting to leave me bitter and cold. The other boy gave a long sigh and rubbed his eyes in fatigue. He noticed my gaze and gave an awkward farewell before heading back inside the building. I was left alone with weak legs, shaky lips and heart that was on the verge of bursting.
Encounter 3
Of all the new practices in which I sought to express my new conviction, one became truly important to me. I began to paint. I began with great care. Painting the likeness of a face was difficult. I wanted to try myself out on something else. I painted trees, flowers, small landscapes: the local park, the bridge over a small waterfall. Sometimes I became so completely immersed in this game that I was as happy as a child in a toy shop. I grew more and more accustomed to idly drawing lines with a paintbrush. Finally, one day I produced, almost without knowing it, a face to which I responded more strongly than I had to any of the other. It looked more like a boy's face to a girl's, the hair was not flaxen like that of mine, but dark brown with a reddish hue. The chin was strong and determined, yet the face was youthful and bright. I stared at it for a while before blushing and hiding the portrait behind my piano. Whom ever I just painted certainty looked more realer than any boy I ever met before, and it scared me. Finally I decided to set on my portrait of something bigger: the baseball team.
Sun Shangxiang, a close friend of mine, her older brothers run the school's baseball team. After hearing about my need to paint something bigger than the rest of my work, she was able to obtain tickets for me to attend. The only problem was that the day of the game was the hottest day of the season; at a scorching ninety-five degrees, I would not be able to bring my paint set out or else the heat would effect the quality of the portrait. I best I could do was bring a sketchpad and make a rough draft. The field was quite large, fitting for such a large team. The bleachers were all filled and the only ones empty were the ones at the very top, hardly could I get a proper view of the players from there. Luckily, Sun Shangxiang saved me a seat at the reserved benches next to the home plate. She was wearing a bright red jersey and had a clipboard to keep track in her lap. She smiled at me and I sat down next to her. The game was about to begin.
"I wanted to ask you again, what is it you wanted to draw?" she inquired, glancing at my sketchpad as I opened it to a fresh page. I explained to her that I wanted to make individual profiles of the players. She smiled and nodded.
"That's great! My family's baseball team is perfect for that, since they're the best in the city." Sun Shangxiang suddenly gasped and tapped my shoulder, excitedly pointing out the batting base. "Look, there's my older brother! Sun Ce! Good Luck!"
I followed her gaze to a tall man with dark red hair tied up in a short ponytail. He was carrying two large bats with him to home plate and had a cocky expression on his face. We looked just as puzzled as the pitcher when he readied himself. A voice called out from the player benches next to ours.
"Sun Ce! You can't use two bats in the game!" It was a man with long flowing black hair and a feminine face. He was so beautiful and elegant, I could've mistaken him for a woman instead.
"Oh, loosen up a bit, Zhou Yu! It's not as though I'm hurting anybody!" Sun Ce replied back, holding the two bats up. The pitcher dipped his cap down, positioned himself and threw the ball. It sailed over to home plate; whatever gave Sun Ce the idea to use to two bats in the game certainly was an oracle for bad fortune. He whacked one of his bats at the ball and it launched over the field, so high that it smashed the score keeper in face. Everyone, including Sun Shangxiang and myself gasped as the scorekeeper wobbled around a bit before falling down to ground, unconscious. Zhou Yu sighed. Honestly, I was happy he was using two bats since I was able to sketch out his good form.
"Sun Ce, I think it's best of you check Ling Tong considering how he'll be in the infirmary. Gan Ning will substitute for him."
Sun Ce whipped around, ready to protest, however, a petite, young woman with black hair sitting nearby was shaking her head, signaling him to keep shut. He awkwardly rubbed the back of his head and smiled at Zhou Yu who approached him.
"I suppose I should head over and see if Ling Tong is alright," Sun Ce said sheepishly.
"Best if you do. Do not fret, we'll have someone bat in the meantime," Zhou Yu explained. He turned around and gestured for an unknown player to approach. The player came out of the shadows and walked across the field. For some intangible reason, I was keenly interested in this particular batter. He looked rather familiar, though I couldn't see his face with his back turned to me. I wonder if it's...
"Oh, it's Lu Xun," Sun Shangxiang said nonchalantly.
My heart stopped and my face went pale. I had no idea he was on the team nor participated in the sport at all. Zhou Yu gave the whistle and the game continued.
As I turned away nauseous I beheld Lu Xun's face. He readying himself at home plate which at this point, my hands already starting moving across my sketch pad. He had not thrust himself forward but was standing farthest back, at ease and was dressed in sporting red uniform. His eyes seemed fixed on the ball and again showed that deep, quiet, almost fanatical yet dispassionate absorption. I could not help looking at him for a time for I felt a very remote and peculiar sensation. I saw Lu Xun's face and I not only noticed that it was not a boy's face, but a man's, but there was something feminine about it too. Yet at that moment, the face struck me as neither masculine nor childlike similar to the picture I painted back at home. In fact, the portrait looked exactly like Lu Xun. I was so immersed that I didn't notice that he hit a home run and was sprinting down the bases. When he reached home base, the entire team when up in flames.
At the end of game, I was able to get several drawings of the players: Sun Ce, Lu Xun, Sun Quan, Lu Meng, Taishi Ci, Zhou Tai; Zhou Yu was the manager, Ling Tong was out, Gan Ning was handling the scores, and most of the women were at the sidelines; those were the ones I wasn't able to get. Yet when everyone was leaving, the only one who stuck in my mind was Lu Xun. It bothered me a great deal and sat there alone, doodling in my sketchbook as most of team past by to get water from Sun Shangxiang and Sun Quan's girlfriend, Lianshi. I didn't how Lu Xun was able to notice me, but he must have long foreseen my presence; when he passed by, he took his cap off and placed it on my own head. No words were exchanged, no looks were given, just a simple action that felt my speech mute and my heart crying out. I looked over my shoulder and there, he was slightly glancing at me with a ghost a smile before turning back to join his comrades. Involuntary, my lips formed a smile and brought his cap down, hiding my face so others wouldn't see me blushing.
Encounter 4
A fearsome hurricane was rampaging across the sea of Japan and with it came rain. Weeks and weeks of never ending rain. I was foolish enough to walk to school one morning when it seemed like the rain had ceased despite my mother offering me a ride in her car. When I came halfway, it started pouring—really hard, as though China has been hit with another monthly typhoon. I was so startled and frightened by the change of weather, I was forced to seek shelter under an abandoned bus stop further up the road. Little did I know that someone was already waiting there. He saw me and beamed; I must admit, I smiled back. We stood there, waiting for nothing and yet what circled in our minds is the fact that this rain may never stop and that we may be late for school. I watched as the droplets rapidly fell from the roof, forming a watery curtain. Lu Xun also was looking out at the rain with placid expression. There seemed to be a bond between us, a bond I shall trace as closely as possible. When I looked up I saw Lu Xun's face turned round toward me, with a gleaming eye that might express endearment as much as deep thought, you couldn't be sure. He looked at me for only a moment and suddenly I turned away. I can feel the small, amused smile he had and felt my own cheeks fluster.
That week which I came to the baseball game was the marking point in which my interactions with him held more depth than I had with any other person. Every time Lu Xun saw me, he instantly pursued my attention and that alone somehow made me feel both special and vulnerable. My common reaction was to flee despite being on friendly terms. However, today I can understand why I strained to forget him so quickly. I fled from him because he was the only bondage to Zhu Ran, with all the strength of my inquired soul. I fled from him because he offered me salvation in my most darkest moment. I fled from him because whenever I saw his face, I thought back to the picture and my heart ached terribly. I fled from him because I was too foolish to admit that my twisted heart held feelings, warm, beautiful feelings that needed to be set free but could not out of inferiority. I should have confessed to him. The confession would've been less emotional and touching but would have been far more fruitful.
I turned to him, with my mouth open and my heart ready to leap. But, I did not say it, for I would not say it, because I could not say it. Instead, I looked out to the rain, grabbed his hand and said: "Do you want to run?"
Encounter 5
I shouldn't had kept any secrets from Sun Shangxiang—she doesn't like that, however, this one time I had too. There was coffee shop that recently opened downtown and was very popular with my classmates. Xiahou Ba has a habit of going there everyday after school with the school council president. I myself had been inside the cafe and tasted the wonderful coffee they made there, unfortunately, however, I managed to spill hot mocha on top of a wealthy woman's top. What was worse is the fact that she was the owner of the establishment. In exchange for her ruined outfit, I was forced to take up a position at the cafe in order to pay off my debts—which would take me years considering how expensive her shirt was. Sun Shangxiang noticed my agony at school, but I didn't have the heart to tell her.
It was Saturday, the rain had finally stopped, the weather was looking quite beautiful and I could not experience neither of that because I was stuck inside a coffee shop. Sighing, I leaned over the counter with a bored expression on my face, waiting for customers to arrive; it has been slow since the hurricane had gone away. Guo Jia usually handle customers since they were mostly females and his testosterone certainly knew how to deal with them. However, he was out for the day, so I had to fill in. I lifted my head when the someone walked in, signaled by the little bell that hung over the door. It was Lu Xun. By now, I wasn't so nervous around him, so I gave an awkward wave. He approached me with a befuddled expression and I knew what he was about to say.
"Ah, I didn't know you worked here."
I merely shrugged and explained my predicament to him. He just looked mildly amused and chuckled.
"Really? Over a shirt? That seems a bit unorthodox. Hmm...how much is it?"
I took out a pen and wrote the price for him on his arm. there was, no doubt, a lot of zeros. Lu Xun stared at it for a moment before glancing up at me and requesting to see the manager. Surprised I told him that she was upstairs and directed him to walk through the kitchen and up the flight of stairs on the left. He nodded graciously at me before departing into the kitchen. I could never read what's on his mind, and that was unfortunate for if he had intentions to upset her, I would be trapped here forever. I stood around near the stairs, quiet, yet inside was a roaring premonition of my manager's wrath. Yet, it never came. Instead, Lu Xun came down from upstairs with a smile on his face. He suddenly took my hand and started to led me outside,. I told him I had to work, and attempted to go back.
"Work? Not anymore. You debt has been cleared," he explained, pulling me back.
I whipped around and gazed at him in disbelief. What did he mean that my debt has been cleared? Unless...
"No need for words. Come, let's get you out of that dreadful Starbucks apron and into something more fitting, okay? I don't to smell coffee beans while at the movies." Lu Xun proceed to tug me outside and strangely enough, I complied.
In spite of everything, I almost reveled in my agonies. I had been so blind and insensible and my heart had been silent for so long, had cowered impoverished in a corner, that even this dread, all these horrible feelings were welcome. At least it was feeling of some kind, at least there were some flames, the heart at least flickered. Confusedly I felt something like liberation amid my misery.
Encounter 6 (Last encounter)
I was going to die. Of course, not literally; not by terminal illness or any motor accidents, but rather by the burning fire that emanated from my arm. It was my foolishness that led me to believe that I could take a shower without any mat underneath my feet, so at an unguarded moment, I slipped and fell against the floor of the bathtub, dislocating my shoulder. I could not move for if I did then my right arm would feel all of hell; all of the agony and dread united against it. Luckily, however, I had my cell phone placed nearby so I called Sun Shangxiang to come and assist me. Unfortunately, her phone was off. Xiahou Ba wasn't an option either since he went on vacation and wasn't expected back until next week. Mother and father were at dinner and wouldn't be home until one in the morning. The only person whom I could contact was the last I wanted to come into my bathroom. However, its not like I had a choice.
About fifteen minutes later, Lu Xun came in, bursting through the door. His face was red and he breathing hard, obviously from excessive running. I stiffened a giggle. Rarely have I seen him this discomposed, though there was more than that. He turned around and spotted me on the floor of the bathtub, with a towel wrapped around my wet figure. He stood there for about a minute, brutally silent, with his mouth slight open, and growing blush on his face. How quaint. I keep forgetting that he was still, like all of us, a child. Especially since he lives with his grandfather, there probably aren't a lot of female figures in his life. Seeing one now, naked and wet, he didn't know how to react. His eyes darted from left to right in search for something else to look at, but in the end, they always landed on me. I coughed loudly and he snapped out of stance.
"Oh...right! Help you up...of course," he mumbled, red-faced and utterly embarrassed. He bent down and cautiously pulled me while looking away. I struggled to get on my feet and the pain from my arm only worsened my condition. Then, what happened next was surely a miscalculation on my part for I slipped against a bar of soap on the floor and ended up falling out of the tub. Lu Xun quickly grabbed me and held onto me as he fell back against the floor. He groaned in pain as I lifted my head up see if he was alright.
"No, no, it's okay... As long as you're alright, then I'm absolutely thrilled. Come, let's get you into the living room and see if we can fix up your arm," he said, refusing to look me straight in the eye as he helped me up.
While Lu Xun was carrying me across to the living room, he bumped into the piano and the picture fell from it's hiding place. I only noticed once I was sent down on the couch and my expression was utter bewildered. Unfortunately, he saw my panic and looked over his shoulder to the picture, which at that point, he got up to put it back. All of a sudden there were things that concerned me again, which I could not live once more and could only think of despair and death. My soul that had fallen asleep in the cold and nearly in the cold and nearly frozen breathed once more when Lu Xun approached me with a warm smile on his face. The boy had bidden me to eat and drink and sleep, and had shown me love and friendship and laughed at me and had comforted me. And this wonderful friend had talked to me of saints and shown me that even when I had outdone myself in absurdity I was not alone. Before I could say anything, my eyelids fell shut and the world turned black.
And before I knew, I was asleep once more and slept four to five hours. It was eleven at night when I awoke. My clothes were on. I felt utterly exhausted. And in my head was the memory of my accident in the shower. When I moved my right arm, I realized that it was snapped back into place. I moved on my other side only to discover that I was in my bedroom. I got up and went out to see Lu Xun resting on my couch. At this point, the veil between him and I seemed to be torn aside, a barrier fallen. I sat down next to his sleeping figure and nudged him. His pretty eyelids flutter elegantly before his eyes opened up wide at the sight of me. He quickly got up; a huge wave of relief washed across his face.
"You're alright! I was so afraid..I didn't what to do when you passed out so the only I could do was put your clothes back on—no, no, no! Not like that! I ensure you, I had my eyes closed the entire time..," he blushed furiously and looked away. "I then was able to put your shoulder back into it's socket and put you in bed. Of course, I couldn't just leave you here so I waited but I guess I fell asleep. Apologies..."
I laughed and told him that it was okay. We stared at each other for a long time before I looked away, slightly flustered. It had to be done, the picture. He already seen it and the truth can no longer be postponed. True, my fear was as wild and obstinate as any, but Lu Xun had touched my deadened heart with his firm and pretty hand, and at the touch of life it would either leap again to fire or subside in ashes depending on how this conversation ends. So I confessed to him, I confessed to him about the picture, about the baseball game, about how much I wanted to tell him all of this when we were at the bus stop, about the realization of these feeling at the coffee shop, I told him everything.
I closed my eyes, waiting for laughter, however, what I got was a pair of warm arms coiled around me, pulling me into himself. It is almost incredible, and yet it was so. I suddenly found myself wrapping my arms around him, burying my face into his chest. Lu Xun laid his chin on top of my head and rubbed my back as he whispered consoling things into my ear. He was warm, terribly warm, especially on this cold, wintery afternoon; a flame I never want to let go for it warmed my own icy heart. He pulled back and looked at me with a sweet, gentle expression before leaning forward; he quickly hesitated and ogled my lips nervously before sighing and pressing his lips against my temple. Blood rapidly risen in my face and I pulled back, staring at him in the most distraught expression I had. Lu Xun smiled amusingly and caressed my cheek. And there, I saw it: his eyes, orbs of glowing embers held locked away memories of my childhood self and him, the boy whose name nor face I could never remember no matter how hard I tried. However, somehow, this boy was precious to me, as I never did forget about our eloping in the garden nor his constant child kisses to my cheek which only regarded back then as child's play. This was him, the boy whom my heart has been searching for since: Lu Xun.
As I closed my eyes to recollect I can see his image rise up: Where was that? Yes, I remember now: in the backyard of my house. One day, I saw him standing there, notebook in hand, sketching. He was drawing a baby blue bird that resting in the sunlight near the daises. As I stood at the window behind the curtain and watched him, I was deeply astonished by his perceptive, cool, intelligent face that was turned toward the little bird, the face of a scholar, of a scientist or artist, superior and optimistic, strangely lucid and calm, and with knowing eyes. Then it started to rain, and my mother led himself inside as his grandfather dried him off with a large towel. His eyes linger onto mine and he grinned; I remember ducking away into my room. My memory fails me and I cannot be sure whether what I have described has not to some extent been drawn from impressions.
He bent over and we bumped foreheads as he stared into my eyes. "I've been searching for you all my life. Meeting you now, not as child, but as a grown woman...that privilege solely belongs me. I'm glad to have met you."
I told him that I'm glad to have met him as well. He smiled again, almost with pity.
"My dear," he said, softly.
His lips lay very close to mine. Quickly he continued to speak.
"I ensure you, from the bottom of my heart, you are the fire that drives motivation into me and for that, I shall protect you until death do us apart...close your eyes, would you kindly?"
I closed my eyes in obedience. I felt a light kiss on my lips where there was always a little heat which would never go away.
"I love you."
The end
