Ok so I'm in an extremely bad mood which is why this is going to be a bit different to my usual stuff.
I wrote this on paper as I locked myself in my bedroom for a few hours.
Anyway…enjoy?
People Leave When People Change
It was one of those days where nothing else could go wrong.
He had just left and you were just waiting for that one, small phone call you knew was never actually coming.
He was busy he had said, he needed time alone to concentrate on his problems not just yours.
But you being you took it as him breaking up with you and as he tried to explain you blew up at him; telling him to get out. And Shane being Shane listened. He left. He would have done anything to make you happy, to be able to see that smile he loved once again.
So now, you wait for his 'call' that will never come. You need to step out of that dream world you're in. he will never call. Simply because you asked him not to. And Shane always adheres to your wishes.
He knows you love him; it's just you that isn't sure about it anymore.
Too much had happened to you recently. Your Grandfather passing away, your parents splitting up, your best friend Sierra leaving and your boyfriend's 'apparent' cheating. You thought you could deal with it all. You thought that just pushing it all to the back of your mind would help you learn to cope with it all. You thought it was all your fault. Shane had told you differently.
"Your Grandfather dying wasn't your fault." He had said. "It was just his time."
And still you weren't sure whether you could believe him.
"Your parents splitting up had nothing to do with you." He had tried to reason. "It's all them."
You had just shook your head at him; not believing a word.
"Sierra's career took her someplace that wasn't near you." He had stated. "And that's that."
You nodded your head numbly. Sierra had really left.
"I would never cheat on you. That picture was taken before I even met you! Just look at the hair!" He laughed. You hadn't found any of it funny. "Don't you trust me?"
You winced at the word 'trust'. You hated that word almost as much as you hated the word 'promise'. To you, both her just ways of lying to someone.
"Mitchie." He had sighed. "I love you."
You simply nodded your head and hugged him tightly. You loved him so, you thought you could actually trust him and you did. Until now…
You had called him over and obviously he had accepted. All you did was talk and he listened, sighing and rolling his eyes every so often.
He hated it when you belittled yourself in front of him. He hated how every conversation you seemed to have were about your faults; things that you should 'supposedly' get blamed for. You felt that if everyone else blamed you; not that they did, Shane should blame you too and you hated it when he said he wouldn't blame something on you if you hadn't actually done anything wrong.
You were the one who started the slanging match. You were the one who shouted first. You were the one who told him to leave.
And you were the one who crumbled to the floor in tears after he had said something you didn't want to hear as he slammed the door shut.
"Now, you're to blame." He had said calmly.
And for the first time since your Grandfather had died all those months ago, you didn't feel as if you were to blame. Whereas in reality, for the first time, you were.
You watched the door for a while after he left; expecting to see him burst through it apologising. Deep down though, you knew he wasn't coming back.
You thought back to the argument as you sat there in silence. You thought about how you had started it. All he had done was beg you to banish all the hostility you had for yourself. Only, you couldn't and can't.
He said he wanted his Mitchie back. You had changed he tried to explain. You didn't listen. He said he was leaving; he needed time alone to think and concentrate on his music.
You see, it was you that was stopping him from really being the third part of Connect Three. Because he would have preferred looking after and consoling you. Only now, his payment was due.
"You're breaking up with me?" You had whispered.
"What? No…"
You wouldn't let him explain; that was your selfishness coming into account.
"Get out!"
If only you had listened to him. Then you probably wouldn't be in this predicament. You wouldn't be waiting for a call that will never come. Did you even feel regret to the way you were treating him?
Shane would still be there if you had stopped being 'Miserable Mitchie'.
If you had stopped hating on the world, he would still be there.
People leave when people change. That's what Shane had once said. You never understood it until now.
If only you had the courage, the strength, the bravery to call him then he might be there with you now.
You aren't brave though. You never have been and at this rate you never will be. Just take a breath and do it. But, you can't…you're scared.
You blame yourself for the way you are but, others would blame the way people bullied, picked on and belittled you.
They told you you were worthless and even to this day you believe them.
Shane didn't. Not once has he thought that about you and trust me when I say, he never will. He only wished you wouldn't believe them.
You can't always blame yourself Mitchie.
(Pick up the phone.)
You can't always believe you are nothing.
(Dial his number.)
You need to learn how to be strong.
(Say hello.)
"Hello?"
You gulp realising you just subconsciously dialled his number. Suddenly you're brave.
"I'm sorry Shane. You were right."
Ok…major randomness. Just review anyway?
Make me feel happy?