INTRO: This chapter takes place between Chapters 12 and 13 of my other story, "Explanations and Excuses".

I *purposefully* use the present tense in this story. It gives this story more meaning. Past tenses are used only to indicate something happened in the past relative to what happens during the chapter's moment.

NOTE ON CHARACTER CODES: They change for each chapter, and the do not indicate any pairing; they only indicate the most significant characters of the latest chapter.

Another note: This story (and all stories in FFnet, actually), looks best if width-limited to 600 pixels. See the post-chapter A/N on how.

Disclaimer: Mass Effect, the Mass Effect Universe, and the characters within, all belong to BioWare. TEMPUR is a trademark of the Tempur-Pedic Corporation.

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Last Rites

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Chapter 1: The Pilot

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He has been berating himself for the crew's abduction.

Shepard had told him that the Normandy "is all yours."

But again, he had failed the commander.

Miranda's anger to him was, in his opinion, rightfully so. Although Jacob had defended him, and the XO later apologized for her outburst, he still feels... guilty.

Some say it's 'the survivor's guilt' —

No, no, no. He shakes his head. He must not think like that. They will rescue the rest of the crew.

They have to.

Time is of the essence, though. But then again, Shepard had wasted no time. Even the single mission before they begin their approach to the Omega 4 relay had been executed in record time. He surely hoped Shepard's decision to spare the heretic geth faction will not fire back.

And EDI... he still have some reservations on letting the AI have full control of his ship. It's necessary, he knows. Had he not done that, the ship would be lost. And he'll do whatever it takes to prevent him losing another Normandy.

Besides, it's unavoidable. There's no way 14 crews — Shepard and the squad plus himself — will be able to handle all operations of a ship this sophisticated. Like it or not, he needs her help.

Wait. Since when he started referring to EDI as 'her'?

"Jeff, I noticed you have been uncharacteristically quiet."

Joker smiles weakly. "I am still thinking of your words, 'I enjoy the sight of humans on their knees.'"

"That was a joke, Jeff."

"I know EDI, I know... but sometimes I can't help thinking the connotations of those words if you're a real woman. I keep imagining you as a woman in leather catsuit holding a whip."

A slight pause.

"Jeff, I think you have been watching too much porn on the extranet."

Jeff just shrugs.

"How long until we reach the relay?" he asks EDI, changing the subject.

"At our present speed, we will be in position to activate the relay in approximately 2 hours and 20 minutes."

Another silent pause.

Jeff thinks about what he had been doing in preparation for the Omega 4 relay jump. He had been going through the status of the ship's myriad systems with EDI. Then they went over them again. Then again for good measure.

All systems are in good condition. Minor problems were found, but nothing that they couldn't fix - with the help of the squadmembers.

All of them had pitched in to help preparing for a mission they might not come back from.

"Jeff, you should take some rest. I'll need you to steer the ship when I'm focusing on the other systems."

"Why? Aren't you capable of doing everything?"

"Most likely I will have to hack into the Collector Base's system and perform analysis on its database, finding its weaknesses to disable it completely. That may take a significant amount of my processing power."

Joker nods. But he continues staring at his console.

"Jeff, please take some rest."

"I can't sleep. I don't want to sleep. I don't want another nightmare of losing another Normandy."

"The Normandy is my body. You will not lose me."

"That's a promise?"

"That's a promise. You will bring me back, Jeff. I know you will. Now please take some rest. I will wake you up when we reach the relay."

Somehow EDI's words manage to calm him greatly. Within minutes, he's sleeping soundly on his TEMPUR-padded chair.

"I will not lose you also, Jeff," EDI softly speaks after she ensures that Joker has fallen asleep.

And the Normandy cruises in silence through FTL hyperspace, under the guard of the galaxy's best pilot and the galaxy's most advanced AI, both at peace and understanding with each other.

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Author's Note: It's short, I know. Only 600 words of the story proper. Had planned on writing a 1000-word chapter, but decided to pare it down. Feels better this way, IMO.

Please leave a review anyway, dear readers :)

How to limit the width of FFnet stories (for Firefox):
• Install the "Stylish" add on, restart Firefox
• Go to the userscripts dot org site
• Install the style "Fanfiction .net - Limit story width" (created by yours truly)

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Edit 01: Minor title decoration fix. Miscounted the crew.

Edit 02: Added 'Note on Character Codes', and 'Note on best view'

Edit 03: Added INTRO, telling the readers that this story takes place between Ch. 12 & 13 of "E&E"