I do not own D. Gray-man. ((wish))

Chapter 1:

It was pouring heavily outside of the Back Order's headquarter. I was making my way to the cafeteria. Giving everyone my famous Bookman Jr. smiles. No doubt, those smiles are fake. Everyone was fooled by the bright smiles that I gave them. I don't even know if anyone in the world can see though my smiles. Well not the Bookman, my master. He's teaching me the way of being a bookman. Jiji is so mean, I give him a nick name of panda, he always hit me after that... He was also the man that told me to not open my heart to anyone and the one who taught me not to show my emotion by a fake smile.

As I proceed into the big room and smiled at the chef, Jerry, who is also fooled by my smiles. I tell him my order and man, does Jerry makes the best food ever! As I picked up my tray and on my way to a table i saw a particular man sitting by himself, eating soba. I grin happily and sat next to the man.

"Morning Yuu-chan!" I said happily, the man seem to hated when I do that. What can I do? Can't stop teasing this Asian man. Yuu-chan is an exorcist like I am... Well, he's a full time exorcist; I have bookman work to do as well. -__- Yuu's innocent is a samurai sword that is as sharp as his gaze on me right now. Those solf jet-blue hair that seem so organized every time, and that pale skin that makes everyone wanted to touch. His nose is so straight and his eyes. Those dark sapphire eyes that can see thought rain and blizzard. I hated those eyes; it always makes me feels that he can see though me so easily. Make me want to rip those eyes out of his face... those beautiful eyes that can kill.

Yuu was staring at me as I stare at him.

"What the fuck are you staring at me for? Go away." Ouch, that hurt Yuu...

"That hurt Yuu-chan. Right on the heart." I pointed my thumb right over where my heart beats. He stares at me then guess what come after.

"Che, like I give a damn." Then he stood up with his tray and start to walk away. Why does this man always so mean to me? I mean, am I that hatable?... Okay, scratch

that. Yuu is no different. He always so cold to everyone, he always pushes everyone away. As if he's afraid of being close to anyone. Well now he's gone. I sign, now I'm bored. I should be in the bookman's office and actually doing work... I hate recording history; I mean that's the job of a bookman, recording history. REALLY BORING, I don't even remember why I joined to be a bookman. This is so tiresome. I sat there, eating my food, no, I lost my appetite. The rain is really pouring I really don't want to do anything...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Loneliness ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Where are you...~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It was a dark and stormy night; I was on the ground, in front of a gravestone. Tears that fell from my green orbs which was mixed with the sky's tears. A man was standing next to me, yelling and crying at the same time. Who is he yelling at....? And why am I crying..? I thought to myself. I knew this was a dream but this dream seem so real and at the same time, it also hurt. Dream shouldn't hurt... could it?

As the man was yelling and screaming at me, who was sitting there crying. Slowly and gently, I craw to the man's leg and grab onto the end of his dress pant.

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..." I whispered, not knowing that I was too weak to speak loudly. The man kicked me away.

"Get away from me you disgraceful child! You causes this! Why were you born into this world?! Nobody needs you!" Those words hurt, but it didn't hurt as much as this one.

"I wish you were dead..." The man suddenly picked up a tree branch nearby, holding it dangerously over me, I stare in fear. What is this man going to do to me?! Am I going to die, as the man said? The thunder was roaring loudly and one of it's lightning hit the tree close by. The man stab the stick down then,

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!"

I woke up, sweating and panting. The many drop of sweat roll down my face and form by another when they gather up. I just woke up from a nightmare. A nightmare that happened many years ago. Before I became a Bookman Jr. Now I remember how I became a bookman... When the man...no, it was my father who tried to kill me. Luckily, the bookman came before that tree branch even touches my right eye. That was when Jiji took me in as his pupil. I shake my head, how can I forget something like this... This is the reason why I even wear this eye patch. When I took this eye patch off... No, I don't want to mention it.

I got off my bed and went out of my room. I need some fresh air. Maybe the roof is good. As I walk up the step, I heard a sound of some music. I walk faster, not wanting the music to stop. It's a flute...Who plays the flute in the Headquarter? I didn't even expect anyone to be up this late at night at all. As I climb up to the roof, I thought I saw an angel.

The pale skin reflected from the moonlight that make it shine so brightly in the dark surrounding, the dark hair gracefully blown from the wind, and those graceful finger that plays the note of the flute. At first I thought it was Lenalee, a female exorcist who has a brother with a sister-complex, but no, I just got this feeling that it's not Lenalee. The flute stopped and has been put down on the person's lap. We stayed motionless for a few seconds then the person started to speak, it came out very softly.

"What do you want... Baka usagi?" ...does an angel say that? I asked myself. Now I notice, it was a man. A man I know as well, that face, that nose, and those eyes.

"Y-Yuu? Is that you?" I asked such a dumb question, of course it's Yuu! Who would have those piercing eyes?! But that came to a shock for me. Yuu's voice was never that soft. His face was never this gentle. And his eyes were never that warm. He look like a different person. He makes me want to hug him and for him to make my nightmare go away...

"Yuu..." I said in a whisper.

"What?" He said softly, I love the voice he have right now. I moved in closer.

"Can you play your flute again?" I said in a pleading voice. "Please..." I let lose my mask, letting him see my unhappiness, letting him see my weakness. Such vulnerable creature I am. How pitiful I must've look in Yuu's eyes. I look down, I hate this... I hate this side of me. It always end up controlling my heart, making it easier for people to come closer to my heart. And hurt me.

I felt something warm on my head. I look up quickly,Yuu's hand was on my head and seeing Yuu's soft eyes gazing down to mine. Those eyes that pierce though my heart that I was always afraid of now look so warm and loving. Slowly, he moved the flute up to his pale lips then played a song... a sad but warm tune was played for the sky, the stars, the moon, and for me. No one has ever done something like this for me. Not until today. My eyes start to tears up. Listening to Yuu's flute was calming and somehow, his music chase away my fear from the nightmare. I sat there and listen to his flute.

I don't want the melody to stop, I wish this moment lasted forever. And it will, in my heart. But the melody stop when it come to an end. Melody will come to an end, and so will time. Tears. A single tears fell from my left eye. And followed by another, and another. I was crying now, in front of Yuu. Now pathetic can I get? Slowly, an arm was wrapped around my back and bring my face to his shoulder. Patting my head slowly and gently with those cold hand. I looked up to see a blushing man looking away from me. I smiled, Yuu is embarrassed because of this... that's nice of him to do this for me. I wiped my tears and lean away.

"Thank you Yuu." I slowly sat next to him. We were now staring at the full moon.

"Why were you crying?" He said after a few minute. I shrugged. I was moved by your music... and I was scared from the nightmare...

"I don't know..." I look up at him to see his expression. Shit! He was staring at me straight at the eye.

"You're lying,. I can tell." He said, now his stern and manly voice came back. Well damn. I sigh. I see that I can't hide anything from this man...

"How can you even tell that I was even lying Yuu? What make you so sure?" I was trying to change the subject but it gotten even worse.

"When you lie, your eye always look so sad. You hated lying don't you Lavi? And you keep lying all the time, with that fake smiles of yours." I froze. How can this man, a cold-hearted man can tell so much just by looking atme in the eye? I tried to change the subject again.

"Well come on now Yuu. I only have one eye to start with." I fake my voice to cheer up and with a smile on my face, doubting that he'll buy it, he didn't.

"I'm leaving..." He started to get up. I panic, I don't want him to go.

"No wait!" That was what came out of my mouth. He stopped. STUPID LAVI, WHY DID YOU STOPPED HIM?! He stare at me. Waiting for something.

"...I'll tell you, but can you please stay?" I asked. He 'tsk' then sat now. I sigh, I really don't want to burden him about my past but it seem that it's the only thing that'll make him stay. And I don't want to hold onto this memories anymore. I looked up at the moon then start.

______________________________________________________________Flashback______________________________________________________________________

"Hahah! Daddy, you can't catch me!" a young boy with flaming red hair was laughing and running away from his dad. It was a beautiful day and the most gorgeous time of the day for the family, the mother was sitting under a tree in the field, watching her life playing around. She chuckles as she rub her stomach. She is pregnant with a 6 months old baby inside her.

"Lavi, don't run too fast or you'll fall." Chuckle the mother.

Even for a pregnant woman, she look at her most gorgeous for her age. Like a lily flower at it most blooming. Moment later Lavi was hungry so the two male walk back to where their picnic is, where the mother is. As they eat and talk about the upcoming baby, everyone was excited. Mostly Lavi. He always wanted a little brother or sister. Gender doesn't matter to him, he just want the baby. When they were eating Lavi would always crawl up to his mother then place his ear on her stomach. Always say,"Grow up and be strong baby." How cute he was.

When one evening, Lavi and his mother was walking home. Walking and talking happily, from out of nowhere, big, giant, monster came out of nowhere. Screaming, Lavi's mother was trying to protect her son. Putting her body in front of him, protecting him with her life. Not caring that the monster will kill them both. She had hope that Lavi will live. And hope it came true. True it became. Lavi survive. His mother got shot from the monster trying to protect him... A person called exorcist came in time to save him, not his loving mother. Tears fell from Lavi's eyes.

"Mother... What are you doing, please stand up so we can go home..." His mother body is starting to grow these black star. Covering her from toe and going upward. Until it reaches her neck. She reach up to touch his face. Those spot were reaching to her arm. She said quietly.

"Please...L-Live Lavi..." Tears were reaching to her eyes. Dripping down her face as her other arm over her 9 months baby. Came in a whisper she last said to his ear.

"I love you...My dear son..." Then that was it, her body slowly crumble into sand that was blew into the wind. The man, who was called exorcist, kneel next to the boy... and patting his head, saying things that Lavi didn't even hear cause he was screaming and crying.

~ Few days later ~

A funeral was taken place, with Lavi's mother and soon to be sister name on the gravestone. Many peoples came to share their sorrow. Many pities Lavi and his father. That evening, Lavi was like a stone, staring at his mother and sister grave. He cried his heart out for them the last few days. Now he has nothing but an empty shell. Atleast he still has his only family member left. His father. Who was sobbing and clingging onto mother's gravestone. As time pass that day, people come and go. Many stare and gossip, many cried. Those thing doesn't matter to Lavi, nothing matters... He only want his mother and baby sister back. Nothing more... It hurts so much, he loved his mother so much. And it hurts so much to see her go... To see her die in front of him, as he do nother but let her protect him. He was a pathetic son. A coward..

"This is all your fault..." Lavi's father mumbles. Did Lavi just think what his father just said...? Lavi quickly glance at his father, who was glaring at him. What is THIS? How is it his fault?

"You causes this, YOU make her protected you from those monster and got herself killed! You Moron of a Son! You are NOT my son! You killed your own MOTHER AND SISTER! Get away from me you demon!" Father was standing next to me as the rain pour down. Tears and rain water mixed on the boy's cheek as he sat there and stare at his father yelling at him. Cursing at him, calling him 'unwanted child' ...It was horrible, the next thing the boy did was that he apologize to his father, saying sorry as if it was his fault. Apologizing as if his life on it, the young boy didn't notice that his father had a tree branch in his hand, aiming over him. Feeling unwanted, Lavi closed his eyes and accepted his fate. Waittng, the Lavi peek to see his death. The sharp, covered in ash, diving down on his right eye. Lavi flinch, then fainted.

When Lavi woke up, he was in a plain room. One window next to his bed. Turning his gaze to the opposite eyes he saw an old man, sitting there, staring at him.

___________________________________________________End of Flashback___________________________________________________________________________

"Then that's how I met Jiji and became a bookman Jr." I sigh as I just told Yuu, a man I didn't know at all, one of my most secretive story. I turn to look at the Asian man. Yuu was looking straight at the moon, as if not listening. I grinned to myself.

"You know Yuu, thanks for being here even though you're not listening. I appreciate it... Thank you." As I said that, the Asian man turn his head to look at me.

"I was listening to you. I'm not deaf you know." The man frown then stood up, "Go to sleep, it's late now." Then he turn to walk away. I sat there, dumbfounded at his answer. The cold heart Yuu Kanda was actually listening to my problem. To My problem. Isn't that the first?

Nobody know that Kanda always have to end up listening to that sister-complex, Komui and his sister's problem most of the time. It seem that those two sibling always run to Kanda to talk to... It was because of Kanda's silence and calming characteristic that doesn't judge people's problem and what's wrong with them when it wasn't the time. ....well some of the time.

The next day, I was as tired as hell can gets. Black rings was under my eyes,... eye. I can't open my eye for goodness sake! How can Yuu do that? Yuu's face seem fine! Not even the look of tiredness express on his moody face. Yes, I can tell from Yuu's tired face and bad mood face, I'm just that awesome. I bet that Yuu slept the same time I did and woke up even earlier than I did...well Yuu is in his bad mood right now so I guess that it count? As I walk up to him, someone tap on my shoulders.

"Lavi, are you okay? You look tired..." Allen Walker said that with a worried expression. He's one of best friend. Everyone called him the 14th because they believed that he's one of the Noah, the bad peoples. Well, I do care for this little boy, he's cute, adorable, and a cheater in poker. He looks like an angel on the outside, but just watch when he play poker, a demon will crawl out and eat you alive. That boy will strip you clean. Clean! For those who need me to repeat that word for them so that it will stick into their mind. A warning, if you see someone that look so innocent and adorable on the outside, don't, and I mean it, DON'T let your guard down, they are mostly a demon on the inside who would love to get close to you then kill you with their evil power and claws. They are not angels...

"Yeah, I'm fine Allen. Thank you for asking anyway." I give him a smile, he believed me. Well kinda cause he look at me suspiciously. Kids, always so honest with their feeling when they reach a certain age.

"Really, I'm fine. Hey, didn't Komui called you earlier?" I change the topic so it was switch to him. He shrugs.

"Yeah, it's another mission. Nothing new. I have to say bye to Lenalee, see you later Lavi." He wave and I wave back, seeing him and Lenalee going out, it was kinda cute. I mean, they both were meant for each other. (( No offense for those who like AllenxKanda AllenxLavi or AllenxLavixKanda fan. Just how this story goes.)) As they said goodbye to each other and sharing adorable moment. I walked away frowning. Don't know why but it makes me feel lonely when that happened. Yes, i admit that i am a womanizer and stuff but those were just pastime play. Nothing is real in my life, except those that relates to work and bookman stuff. Nothing is real...

So how was it? Did you like it? I hope so... Yes, for a first timer I really need to improve... -__-

I won't ask for review but it would be nice if you give one. And if there's a mistake place do tell. :]