So I was listening to the Rocky Horror soundtrack, and at Sweet Transvestite I was thinking, do the Transylvanians get periods? I don't know why or how this came into my head but whatever. And then I started thinking, if they don't, I wonder how Columbia explained it to them…
I do NOT own Rocky Horror, but I sure as hell wish I did!
It was Columbia's first month in the castle. She was having a great time, making love to Frank or Magenta almost every night. Frank liked it too. But then...
"Oh Genta! I can't have sex with Frankie tonight!" Columbia whined to Magenta one morning. They were getting ready and Columbia was just walking out of the bathroom. Magenta was doing her make up, a grueling task.
"Well have sex with me then! He won't mind." Magenta said seductively, grinning.
"No no no! It's not that! I..." Columbia paused. "I have my period." She whispered.
"Oh. Well then... What's a period?"
"You mean you don't get them on Transsexual? Lucky!"
"I still don't know what it is." Magenta said, hands on her hips glaring at Columbia.
"Oh god. It's like when I had to explain it to my little cousin Beth when she got hers. At least you know about sex, so it won't be nearly as awkward!" Columbia babbled on.
"Get on with it!" Magenta said, getting impatient.
"Well, the female body, the female HUMAN body, gets ready for a baby every month. It creates an egg in the uterus... You know what the uterus is right?" Magenta nodded. Columbia continued. "Well the egg is created and over the month blood starts to build up on the edges of the uterus waiting for the egg to be fertilized with sperm... Sperm exists too right?"
"Yes it does." Magenta replied.
"So when the egg gets fertilized, it sends the blood to the egg as it matures. But if it doesn't get fertilized within a month, the egg and the blood come out of your vagina for about a week."
"Like pee?" She asked curiously.
"It can come out with your pee, but it mostly comes out slowly all day and all night. For a whole week."
"So you just drip blood everywhere?" You could hear the astonishment in Magenta's voice.
Columbia laughed. "Nooooo! That's disgusting! You wear pads! Pads are little strips of what diapers are made of. You stick them to your underwear and it absorbs the blood."
"Good. I would hate to have to mop that up." Magenta said relieved.
"How does it work on your planet if you don't get your period?" Columbia asked.
"Oh, it's just another example of how we have evolved much higher then you earthlings have!" She paused. "Sorry Collie..."
"No it's ok. Go on."
"Baby making works in the same way as it does on earth, except we don't create the blood till it's fertilized. And giving berth is painless. The baby just pops out!"
"I am so jealous! Periods suck! Cramps, no sex, cravings..."
"I can imagine!"
Once they were ready, they went downstairs. They found Frank at the breakfast table drinking coffee.
"Frank, I can't have sex tonight." Columbia said sheepishly.
"You're going with Magenta tonight? Well ok, but try to be more quiet this time!" He responded.
"No, it's not that... I..." Columbia tried finding the words, but just didn't know what to say.
"She has her period." Magenta cut in.
"What's a period?" Frank asked confused.
"Long story short, blood's coming out of her vagina." Magenta said.
Frank stared at Columbia in shock, genuine worry filling him, while Magenta and Columbia giggled at his reaction.
"Don't worry Frankie. It's a girl thing." Columbia winked at Magenta.