My oh my, I haven't uploaded anything on here in ages. I'm sure half of you wont even remember who I am! Well, that's what you get for wandering off to LJ. This is dedicated to InconspicuousBunny because she wanted me to upload something, so here you go - a little oneshot I wrote a couple of weeks ago!
Disclaimer as follows: I do not own The Mighty Boosh or any characters owned by Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding, they themselves have that honour. I just like to muck around occasionally.
Happy reading!
Howard stared down at the remains of an ancient teddy bear strewn across the floor, he gulped. Vince's bear, the bear that had been with him since he'd been born, that bear that had grew up with him, through every single care home and when he was in the jungle, that bear had experienced it all and now it lay in tatters on the shop floor.
It had been an accident, it hadn't been Howard's fault that something had clattered within the shop to make the maverick jump and think that they where been ram-raided, or looted. It hadn't been his fault that the first thing that happened to be within the vicinity of his reach happened to be Vince's bear, 'Bear', it hadn't been his fault that he swung the stuffed toy around his head in vast circles in an attempt to ward of any thieves or hooligans and it hadn't been his fault that he'd repeatedly smashed the bear against the counter with his small, cockerel's eyes clamped firmly shut. He wanted to believe it hadn't been his fault so it would make it easier on himself when he'd have to lie to Vince when he came back from his break. Howard sighed.
He bent down and scooped up the Bear debris and stuffing and gently placing it on the counter, silently wondering what part went where and what stuffing belonged to which limb. Upstairs Howard could hear the pattering of feet and a gaggle of voices from Vince and Naboo and prepared himself as the pair came down the stairs.
Vince stopped at the foot of the stairs, waving Naboo off who went through the back door off to attend some shaman meeting before proceeding to his red barbers chair by the window. Howard smiled and edged around the counter hiding the fabric carnage behind him.
"Alright Vince." Howard asked, nervously twitching. Vince grinned.
"Yeah, Naboo was on about this hair dye that never fades or grows out, how great is that?"
"That's brilliant...say Vince."
"Yeah?"
"Say, hypothetically, if you found out that one of your friends, hypothetically, broke one of your possessions, accidentally, and then attempted to hide it from you, for you to find it after they'd lied, how would you react?" Howard asked, sweat beading from his brow. He was never the best at lying.
"Um... I guess I'd be upset if they'd lied to me more than what they'd broke, why?"
"Just supposing..." Howard said, wincing as he could feel Vince's blue eyed gaze burn right through him and scan over the remains of his bear.
"Howard, what are you hiding?" Vince asked, getting up from his chair, standing up and peering around Howard at the counter, Howard shuffled round.
"Nothing, it's nothing."
"Howard..." Vince whispered, walking forward and looking over Howard's shoulder, he gasped.
"You monster!" He exclaimed running past Howard and gathering up the remains in his arms, hugging them tight before. "Why did you kill Bear?" Vince whimpered, his eyes mooning up at Howard through his fringe, full of hurt.
"I didn't mean... it was," Howard paused, maybe he could still keep this going, maybe a few more white lies made no difference. "because you broke my Howlin' Jimmy record! I thought you needed some payback."
"I needed payback? Howard, I nearly died." Vince whispered, still hugging the stuffing. He put it all back down on the counter and started fiddling with the pieces. "I don't know if this is the arm... or its a leg." He sighed.
Howard opened his mouth to speak but closed it again, he was right he had nearly died, but Howard didn't want to tell Vince he was using Bear as a mean of self defense, that could make Vince even more upset and he couldn't be doing with it. Vince being upset never happened, it seemed to turn the world upside down when he shed a tear, the world was unbalanced when Vince Noir cried. His sunshine demeanor was what kept the Earth upright. Or so Howard liked to think.
"Oh I'm sorry little man, look we could... have a go at sowing him back together?" Howard suggested, smiling down sadly at the younger man who was still trying to decide what part went where. Vince shook his head.
"I'm too old to be worrying about stuffed animals." He sniffed. Howard sighed and patted him on his glittering back.
"Don't you be silly now. Bear has been everywhere with you for the last thirty one years, with a bit of TLC he'll be right as rain again, what do you say?"
Vince shook his head again, small tears splashing onto the glass surface.
"C'mon Vince, it'll be fine I promise. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to kill him."
Vince shook his head again, but this time he stormed off upstairs, and presumably into his bedroom. Howard sighed and walked across to the door, he flicked the 'open' sign to 'closed', gathered up the bear and went upstairs, grabbing his sowing kit from the cabinet near the stairs as he went.
--
Vince sighed, looking at all of his other stuffed animals, none of them measured up to the friendship and companionship Vince had with Bear, Bear was almost like his miniature stuffed version of Howard, but with style and no facial hair, he'd been there with him through thick and thin. He'd comforted Vince when he'd been sad, or lonely, he'd helped him overcome his fear of the dark and he'd overall been a best friend and a buddy and now he was left in tatters, shredded up and ruined.
Vince sniffed as he snuggled down on his bed cuddling his little fish teddy. Not because he necessarily loved it, it was just the first one he could reach. There was a knock at the door.
"Vince, its me. Can I come in?" Howard asked softly, Vince clutched the fish and made a soft noise of agreement and soon Howard entered quietly, holding something behind his back, smiling. Vince sat up in the bed and gazed at Howard curiously.
"Now, I ran out of black thread half way through so I had to use bright green, but I thought you wouldn't mind considering that's his favourite colour." Howard smiled, pulling Bear from behind him and holding him up to Vince. He wasn't perfect of course. The stitching gave him a resemblance of Frankenstein and he had more stuffing in places than others, for example his right leg looked like a tree trunk whilst the other seemed to resemble a French fry, but Vince didn't care because at that moment he let out a girlish squeal and dived across the bed, grabbing the newly repaired Bear from Howard's grasp and holding it tight to his chest, he grinned.
"Thank you Howard. You're the best."
"Do you want to know another thing?" Howard asked, watching as Vince nodded "I didn't kill him because I wanted revenge... I killed him because," He blushed "I thought we where being burgled."
Vince laughed. "What by a couple of school kids pinching some polos?"
"It's not funny, and why are you laughing. I just repaired Bear, you should be greatful!" Howard snapped.
"Oh don't go in a strop small eyes, I was only kidding and I love him, I really do. Cheers Howard, you're a diamond," Vince paused looking intently at Bear, "and Bear thinks you are too."
Howard couldn't help but grin. .