TF Prime: Reconcile of a Sin
Played for a fool. Manipulated like a doll. This will not stand. Selena's memories have returned, and the Autobots and their children will be made to pay for what they've done. Starscream will see to it she achieve her dark desire. She will have her revenge! Not just for her planet, but for her wounded pride! If only the aching in her heart would stop getting in the way.
Headaches
VS
Heartaches
So here's the gist of what's happening. I deleted the last half of Return of a sin because I went back and re-read it and liked where the amnesia left off. For me, that felt like an ending. But it's really bothering me that I decided 20 chapters later to finish it.
So here's the deal, along with the chapter's I've written, I'll be including a few new ones. In the meantime, here's chapter one. And yes, it's already one you've read, with a couple of additions. It will be a good beginning for my screw up.
Moving on.
xxx
I'm not going to stand here and pretend. I'm sad right now. More than sad. That feeling that you're literally being torn in half, and you want to scream until your voice stops - yeah. That's how I feel. And it's only getting worse.
Keeping true to my form, the weeks spanned extensively since my head was cut and pasted back together. It was far from painless. At night was when the most significant memories crashed like tsunamis. My head wants to tear clean down the middle at that point. The memories that bring on the worst of it are those of my time with Jack, Miko...and Rafael. Huh! Funny. I don't think I can afford to be sentimental towards them. I can't...and I won't!
The lies, I expected from the Autobots. They stood to lose more when my memories returned. It is only natural Ratchet would feed me lies. Trick me into trusting him unconditionally. Fool my wounded heart into...'caring' about him. 'Hiss!' But those three? Jack, Miko, and Rafael - all three of them looked me in the eye for days, and LIED! They reported to the Bots every time I was able to remember what I had for breakfast. Rarely was I allowed to just walk to the end of the block and back without one of them monitoring me! The kids and the bots. All those times they swore they trusted me. Saying they wanted to help me
It was worse at the base! The missions I was permitted to aide on were meant to be minor. Recon and survey, escort and guide - then head home with a report! Missions meant to be friendly. No call for clever, those bots. Watching me fight on Halloween terrified them all. Why not send me on missions that would dull my fighting skills. Unfortunately for them, I never trusted moving lips.
In the back of my mind - yes - I want to check on them. See if Raf's cheek was alright from when I struck him. Consider it the internal mother instinct all females are subjected to feel. Strangely, neither Jack, Miko, or Rafael have sent me a text, or tried to call me. I guess I really scared them before rejoining Starscream. Good. I want them to be scared. I want them to see me in their nightmares every time they close their eyes. While I appreciate them taking time to care for me, I will never forgive them for lying to me. For playing on my vulnerability. While I have made it clear I do not wish to harm them...it is not beyond me to do so.
xxx
A blinding light narrowed a crimson pupil. Ringing pain shot like a harpoon. "Gah!" Selena winced, shoving the light away. She rubbed her spotty vision. She tried to open her eyes. The dim infirmary lighting burned her eyes. "Dammit!" Her forehead was throbbing. Everything from the neck up was hurting.
"My apologies." Knockout retracted the tiny light, switching it off to jot notes in his log. Starscream observed his diagnosis, impressed Knockout has contributed significant time in Magneetian Anatomy. Breakdown was sniggering at Selena being a big baby about a little light.
"Man that hurt." She stroked the lingering scar on the back of her head. It caused her the worst stitching pain has felt in weeks. She blinked rapidly. Fluxing spots blinded her. "Was that supposed to hurt that much?"
"Sensitivity to light, recurring migraines, and the occasional light headed nausea are all attributed to minor to severe head wounds." Knockout educated her, passing along a bag of ice.
"I'll take that as a yes." The ice pack touched the tender spot. Selena melted in the soothing tingling.
"The good news is your pupils are responsive. Meaning you're on the mend."
"What's the bad news?" Breakdown grumbled. Selena's been the unknowing hostage of the Autobots for the better part of two months. She can't handle bad news right now. Sad part is it's true. A looming cloud left by the Autobots and their stupid kids made her slightly fragile. Nevertheless, she braced herself.
"Until her head completely heals," He tauntingly tapped her on the noggin, earning a pained groan, "Our little fleshy Con here is confined to the Nemesis until further notice."
"AW! COME ON!" Selena ignored the splintering pain splitting down her head. "The Bots trapped me in that stupid base of theirs for weeks!" She sprang to his chest, shaking his crazily. "I'm gonna go stir crazy!"
Being confined to a metal container is the least of her issues. The real troubles lied within that fractured consciousness of hers. Since her return to the Decepticons a few days ago, Selena's memories of her time as Tsulena gradually filled holes her amnesia left. Her mind was weaving in what she experienced so to erase the mental trauma the healed scar on her skull created.
Places were the simplest and less hectic for Selena to recall. The forest where she venutred on a mission with Jack and Arcee. The Halloween Festival fiasco. The runaway train Silas and his merry band of cohorts caused. She is no stranger to scars being left from new experiences. She would wear them with pride, and use them as a conduit to spark her comeback.
As for people. Unless Selena had a history with them, quite often there are figures who are nothing more than shapes and shadows. Their voices were slurred, but she would come to recall who they are with time. That is if she cares to. There is one person in particular she wishes to remember. A doctor who she knows cared for her when she was found. He was a very kind man. A shame she won't be able to properly thank him for his aide.
If only her troubles halted at blurred faces. True to form, Starscream wished to know if Selena learned anything fruitful during her time with the Autobots. More appropriately, where precisely are they located. The problem is: she's sure she's left the Autobot base on several mind numbing occasions. Only she can't recall - for the life of her - where it's located. Desert, rocks, cacti, and the tumbleweeds that put her in the mood to sing 'Rollin!' She remembers Halloween and the chase, Arachnid and the forest, and even what Miko's mom made for breakfast for the last two months. But she cannot tell them where the Autobot base is at.
"Orders from your Doctor." Knockout used a single finger and edged her to the table. "No fighting until I clear you." He poked her chest, bumping her to her butt. "I'll even post guards to ensure you don't so much as step outside." He threatened with a hand to his hip.
"Have YOU forgotten I can kill those guards and get outside before you realize I'm gone?" The Autobots hadn't rubbed off on her her that much. Her morals are easily set aside for her greater good.
"Of course not. Precisely why I've asked Soundwave play a little music should you misbehave. Soundwave." He passed the spotlight. Selena lifted a brow.
Soundwave scoured a list of unique sounds he's collected through the millennia of his space travels. One, he discovered, does not agree with Selena. Mosquito Cry. "AAAAHHHH...!" Starscream and Breakdown jumped. Selena clamped her hands to her ear. The shrill shrieking tore her skull in half. It burned her ears. "OH MY GODS! TURN IT OFF!" Breakdown and Starscream exchanged bewildered glances. They heard nothing. Knockout nodded to Soundwave, who let the tortuous sound die. Selena fell on her back, panting heavily with relief. "That...was...evil..."
"Would you have me any other way?"
"Preferably." Selena was at a loss. Knockout honestly just grounded her, and fastened the anchor to keep her there. Breakdown kept out of it. He wasn't going to be roped into this mess. "Starscream, I'm begging, don't lock me up!"
Starscream threw his hands up, backing away. He wagged a taunting finger. "Doctor's orders, Selena. Be a good girl and take your medicine." He handed her a random vial. Selena slapped her hands to her sides. She lost all humor. She walked up Starscream's arm and kicked him in the chin. It was uncharacteristically mild, baffling the silver plated Con.
"I MUST have been gone a while. You'd never listen to Knockout so easily."
"I've come to find his expertise worth heeding." He chortled.
"Hellooo..." Knockout sarcastically waved his hands, "I'm standing right here."
"Fine! I'll stay inside!" She crossed her arms in protest. "But I won't like it."
"Good girl. Here's a snack." He used the vial as her treat.
"Go kiss Megatron's half dead exhaust pipe." Selena reluctantly snatched the bottle and flew out the door.
"It's good to have her home." Knockout chortled giddily. He meant it. He was starting to miss her. By Starscream's anxiety, he did too.
xxx
How odd...this feeling. It is difficult to put into words what it is. And I am usually so eloquent with my speech and vocabulary. In my spark there is a...sensation. One I am not sure I have come to experience. While at the same time it is not unfamiliar. A tingling...mixed with a pressure and...a splash of warmth. Selena's return as the forefront of my current thoughts seems to spark this sensation. A smile stretches to my lips each time. An overwhelming urge to cheer grips me.
What is this strange feeling? Why am I so gleeful? True - I will not deny - I am pleased Selena has returned to us again. Her rightful place was, and shall always be, by my side. WITH THE DECEPTICONS - is what I meant! Her rightful place is with the Decepticons! The weeks we toiled without her were arduous at their worst. And...the ship was unusually quiet.
This noticeable empty space on my shoulder perturbed me to no end. When I would go to reach to feel what is causing it, I would be dismayed that there was nothing - no one - there. Now that she has returned, I fully intend to secure her place amongst us. No more shall she be whisked away by the whims of nature and illness. Never again will I allow he to be swept into the arms of the Autobots and their children.
Selena Smith! You are a Decepticon! And the Autobots have dealt a humiliating blow trifling with your vulnerability. As such it will bring me no greater joy than to relinquish you of your leash, and to permit you to eliminate our enemies as you see fit.
xxx
Selena flew for a good ten minutes before exhaustion weighed her to the floor. Worse. Her entire body was spent. The toes of her boots dragged as she tried to force herself to stay airborne. As if anchors weighed her down, the cold floor was drawing to meet her exhausted form. Not an ounce of energy left in her. Her blistering feet tripped over themselves. The floors met her knees. The wall caught her shoulder, preventing her from falling entirely. Drums pounded mercilessly at her tender skull. Sharp pinches scrolled to the back of her head to her neck. Black spots clouded her vision. Voices screaming, and images flashing in her head like a wildfire. Her back, her chest, her stomach - everything was in pain. The hallway tilted on its axis. Her stomach flipped with it.
"Is this virgo or vertigo?" Humans and their terminology for ailments eluded her ruthlessly. She clamped her mouth closed, choking back her gurgling stomach. She hardly remembers the last time she felt this sick. Remember...The faces of Miko, Jack, and Rafael flashing in her mind only worsened her condition. Demonic rage slit her pupils. Her canines pierced her lip, drawing blood.
A loud BOOM froze the approaching Starscream. He spotted Selena on her knees, worse for wear. His eyes widened at the wall. Selena's planted side fist wrinkled the steel wall pane. Her draping hair hid the unearthly glare boring holes clear to the fiery realm spoken of in nightmarish lore. On the other hand, the hue masked the unbearable sadness gripping her heart in a vice.
The ship must be on overhaul. Or there is a chill in the air. Her body was shaking uncontrollably. Pressure swelled at every inch of her. Her body and head felt like they wanted to explode into a mess. She physically reacted to Starscream's careful approach. He was kneeling behind her, obscuring her moment of weakness from any who passed by. She wished he'd mind his own business for a second. Though grateful he's expressing concern, she wanted to collect her fragmented thoughts. Those icy, razor talons touched her shoulder. Her muscles stiffened. Chills scaled her skin. A sensation - now that she feels it and is thinking straight - she missed dearly.
"Pushing yourself past your limits?" A teasing purr hid beneath the scold.
"STUFF IT!" She choked. The air was thick. She can hardly breathe. The pounding on her head was becoming unbearable. "Dammit!"
"Please swallow a nibble of your pride!" Starscream circled the ball of his palm to her back. The jerking massage loosened up knots at her spine, helping assuage a portion of her headache. "You are not well, Selena. You must be mindful of the limitations your body has set." He reprimanded her. He doesn't need to remind her. She isn't a child. Still, she appreciates the concern. "Talk to me. Tell me what you need." Let me help you...is what a voice in the back of his mind pleaded.
"I need...air…" She heaved. Irregular, drawn out breaths huffed abruptly, shaking her. Starscream studied her closely. She was looking green, while losing color in her natural complexion. He gently scooted her into his hand, carrying her to the launch deck.
The parting blast doors thrust a gust of fresh, crisp air over Selena. She moaned in a the rapture. A weight was pried off her shoulders. The musty sweat was dried on the spot. Her headache disappeared on the spot. She savored the wind flowing through her mouth and nose. The fatigue lifted off her. She was light as the flight she mastered. Her hair rippled in the fast current. She snuggled to Starscream's thumb, tempted to fall asleep in his palm.
"Better?"
"Much. Thank you." She hovered in the cooling wind. Arms spread, she hovered like an eagle. "Man, I needed this!" It was too stuffy inside the Nemesis. Not nearly as stuffy as the Autobot base, but enough to make her wanna go stir crazy. "Thank you!"
"My pleasure."
"I have to tell you…" Selena wrapped her arms above her head, twisting and stretching her stiff muscles in new directions, "Being trapped inside that facility and the Autobot base were maddening." A couple of bones cracked, sending tingles through her muscles. "I'm just glad I wasn't left in a worse condition!"
"I must admit myself astonished." He chuckled, strutting behind her. "I knew you were a stubborn girl. Skin as strong as the metal that constructs our ship." He wagged a finger, shaking his head in utter disbelief. "But surviving an unsparing, below zero blizzard, with a life threatening head wound and burns?!" It was beyond his imagination. And he's seen a great deal in his years. "A crazy person would mistake you for a deity."
"A good thing you aren't crazy." She grinned impishly. "Just insane."
"You made me that way." He chortled. Selena giggled heartily. "There it is." He stroked her cheek. "There's your smile. I was worried the Autobots and their pests stole it." Mentioning them did just that. The light faded, and Selena slipped somberly silent. Starscream is familiar with her wayward emotions. He knows them well enough to expect certain fluctuations for a prolonged time. "You enjoyed your time amongst them. Didn't you?" Selena gaped shocked. She subconsciously edged away, putting distance between her and Starscream. To suggest such a thing was ridiculous. While, at the same time, it harbored the purest truth. "Do not fear. I hold no ill-will towards your previous sentiment. It would surprise me more if you hadn't grown closer with them."
"Making me out to be soft?" She may have uttered a laugh, but Selena was far from joking. She wasn't about to sit there a lie to Starscream, or herself. Part of her...part of he misses the Autobots. The kids. Had they not been leading her on, she might consider checking up on them.
"You are a child with no true place in the universe. You seek refuge wherever it may be." If that was meant to cheer her up, he failed miserably. "Speaking of refuge-"
"No, I don't remember the precise location of their base." She announced exasperated. Starscream and Knockout made it a pet project to help Selena fill in the blanks. As mentioned before, she recalls a spider Con, Silas and a train, Fowler's musky man breath. She can tell them what the base looked and smelt like. Where it is, is the only memory not coming back to her. A humorous thought made selena laugh. "I'm beginning to get the sense you were more concerned with the base's location than for me." It actuality it sort of upset her. But, for Starscream, it is a worthy joke.
"My every waking moment was consumed by you!" Selena's mouth parted open. She gaped in shock. Starscream buttoned his lips. He searched the floor, trying desperately to find a means of changing the subject. It was too late for that. The fighters were already let off the air strip. He swallowed the lump. He looked into her cloudy eyes. "Walking these empty halls, lost in my thoughts, I'd find myself expecting to see you floating along. Only to be disappointed when you never appeared."
"You missed me." She absentmindedly stated.
Starscream chuckled, charmed to hear her say something so bold. "I...suppose I did." He missed her bold declaration, her brazen attitude - Her. "Our rendezvous in the desert during our first meeting - foolishly, I took our meeting for granted."
"As did I." She shrugged her shoulders. "In the beginning, you were a means to an end for me. Just as I was for you, if I'm not mistaken."
"I neither confirm, nor deny." He bat his optics cheekily.
Selena rolled her eyes. "Moving on." She perched to side, letting her leg swing above the plummeting fall. "Neither one of us planned for our partnership to go on for so long."
"Forgive me if I have made you uncomfortable." He sucked on his lips, pressing to the wall beside her. "It's...just been a while since you or I have gotten to speak like this." His spark chamber was about to burst.
"Not at all." Starscream went rigid as she nuzzled to his shoulder, wrapping her arm to his bicep in a warm embrace. She was overflowing with joy to hear him say so. "My head was an absolute wreck. Foggy bits, and scattered pieces. Shapes and shadows and voices I hardly recognized. All except yours." The glow of the orange sky highlighted her flushed cheeks. "In that fog, you were the clearest thing I remembered. Your voice. Your color. Everything." She tightened her arms. "In a weird way, you were the one thing that brought me out of that abyss. And when I saw you again in those woods…" Her voice cracked. An elated tear trickling down her cheek spoke loudly for the Con. "Someone was missing. Someone special. The moment I saw you, I knew it was you. It all fell into place afterward."
"You sincerely missed me, didn't you?" He tilted her chin up.
"Yeah…" She turned pink. "I guess I did." She curled her fingers to his, trailing her cheek alongside them. "I really missed you." More tears trickled down her cheek, leaking to Starscream's fingers.
"Then," He curled a finger under her chin, having her meet his serious stare, "Swear to NEVER," And he means never-ever, "Attempt a foolish stunt like that again!" "I promise." She gave him a smile. She never wants to leave his side. She never wants to be be alone again. No matter where the road takes them, she wants to be by Starscream...for however long fate will permit them.
"Good." The pair settled against one another, letting their eyes drift closed. I'll never lose you again. Not to anyone. He swore. He wasn't sure how to describe what he was feeling. All he knew, was that he wanted her to stay where she is. Forever. "I will hold you to that."
To be continued.
So yeah, a revision and an addition. Here's a teaser for what I have planned for the next chapter.
An energon deposit has been detected in Jasper. It lies beneath the Mall.
MIKO - "COOL! We get to be in the mall after hours searching for energon!"
JACK - "How is that cool?"
RAF - "Sounds scary.
The mall closes and the kids are bridged inside and told to look near the food court.
Strange noises, the mannequins, the hollow echoes of their footsteps - the mall is creepy.
Suddenly the mall starts creaking loudly. The walls and everything grinding. And an evil cackle is heard.
Chairs, tables, products from concessions stands start to fly around. The mannequins seem to come to life.
MIKO - "GHOSTS!"
JACK - "There's no such things as ghosts!"
RAF - "But alien's exist!"
SELENA - "Oh indeed we do, Rafael." Knives aimed for the kids. "And some of us are out for blood."
See you around.