A/N: I just got back from seeing The Force Awakens, and it was so much better than expected. Holy freakin' crap. Wow. The villain, Kylo Ren/Ben, wound up being my second favorite character despite murdering Han. So here's a little oneshot on him.
Fun Fact: Ben means 'son of my right hand'. And brownie points for anyone who can figure out who I'm referencing with the middle name. Hint: it is a character from the Star Wars extended universe.
"Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win." -Stephen King
"There is no refuge from memory and remorse in this world." -Gilbert Parker.
"Sometimes calling people out of the darkness means going in after them." -N. Paul Williams
It was during the sixth month that Leia and Han begin brainstorming baby names. Leia had always insisted that the baby inside her was a boy, and Luke had only returned in her last three months to confirm her suspicion. Now they just had to pick out the perfect name for their baby boy. Natural options had been those of Leia's adoptive father, Bail, and her biological father, Anakin. Leia refused to have her son carry the name and weight of the name of his grandfather, however, and Bail just didn't seem to fit.
Chewie suggested several names like Nagporin and Kazzawarr that, while respectable in Wookie culture, didn't fly with either parent. The name came to Han in her eighth month, a few weeks before their baby would be born. Oddly enough, it came as a passing remark Han barely gave any thought to. "I'm surprised your brother hasn't campaigned to have us name him after Ben."
"Ben," Leia had mused, turning the name over in her mind. She'd loved it, saying that Ben had been a patient and wise man, who'd waited years to defeat evil. She'd decided it was perfect for their son, and refused to even consider any other name. She allowed her husband full control over the middle name, as long as it wasn't too ridiculous. Three weeks later, Ben Jacen Organa-Skywalker Solo was welcomed into the world by his parents, uncle, and adoptive furry uncle.
When Ben was five, they discovered their son had the Force in him when he levitated his toy X-Wings to re-enact a battle against the Empire. Luke had been overjoyed at having another Jedi in the family since Leia had opted to continue down the diplomacy and politics road rather than the Jedi road. Han had been all for his son learning to use the Force, Leia, however, was more than reluctant. Everyone had expected it to be the other way around.
"Leia, he has the Force, it's better for him to know how to use it than not know how to. It could save his life someday." No matter how much logic his arguments held, his wife seemed dead set on her son never learning the ways of the Force.
"There are rumors of the existence of a Sith lord, and if he discovered Ben...I'm terrified that he could convert or kill our son. I'm sure Luke could find a way to repress Ben's ability to use the Force. My brother can find other Jedi." That's when Han and Luke fully realized that she was a first time mother, and she was paranoid about her baby's future. Han had made it his personal mission to quell his wife's fears, to assure her that their son would always be a hero.
"You and I, Luke, Chewie, R2, C-3PO, Wedge, Lando...we would all die before we let anything happen to Ben. Your brother is the most powerful person in the galaxy, no one can protect our son better than he can. He can teach our son to use the Force, and then no one will be able to hurt him, even this Sith Lord we don't truly know if they exist. We'll raise our son to be a hero, you have to trust in that. He'll never fall to the Dark Side." Leia had argued a little more, citing her father as an example, but eventually her husband and brother wore her down, and Ben began his Jedi training.
Everything went fine until, while Han and Leia were away on business for the New Republic, twelve-year-old Ben was abducted while under the care of his Uncle Luke. Han and Leia had rushed back the instant they heard the news, and waited with bated breath for any news from his abductors. They were willing to pay any price, do anything, to have their baby boy back. After a half year of waiting and despairing and hoping, Luke sensed their son while he was tracking rumors of a Sith. From the Sith Lord and his men, Luke learned that his nephew had been abducted and tortured in order to bring him to the Dark Side. A week later, Luke delivered Ben back to his guilt-ridden parents. It broke their hearts to see their son, formerly so full of life and humor, withdraw into himself and barely speak.
Both parents did their best to try to heal their son, but he spent all his time training with his lightsaber and the Force. A therapist told them this was healthy and natural, that Ben was trying to get rid of his feelings of weakness by putting up walls and becoming a better fighter so he would never be a victim again. What else could Han and Leia do but let him continue, because they clearly couldn't protect their son, so he should be able to protect himself.
Then he turned eighteen, and left the planet to "find peace". After a half a year had passed, Luke again went in search of his nephew. The report he gave at the end of it shattered the remains of Han and Leia's hearts. Ben had "found peace" in the form of vengeance, using the Dark Side to torture and kill his former captors the way they had him. Leia broke down crying for weeks, while Han stood around quietly, both of them wondering how they could have let this happen to their son, their baby boy. Ben didn't resurface for years, and slowly, husband, wife, and brother/brother-in-law grew distant. Ben had taken a vital part of them away, he'd broken them so that somehow, they couldn't function together the way they used to.
He resurfaced under the name "Kylo Ren", as part of the organization that had for years been nothing but anti-New Republic rumors. That was the day Luke Skywalker disappeared, and Han took his Wookie friend with him to go back to the only thing he knew other than Leia: smuggling. He'd foolishly hoped that somehow, going through the motions would somehow make him numb to the pain, but the guilt over his son was always haunting him.
He kept his distance and his pain until he'd run into two fugitives and a droid. They reminded him of he and his friends in their Rebellion days, and so he joined them, at first determined only to get them on another ship. Then, they, especially the girl, wormed their way into his heart and damn it he couldn't abandon them the way he'd abandoned his son. But the universe hated him as much as his employers did, as it led him straight into a face to face with his son.
He'd sworn he would kill his son the first chance he got, no matter what Leia asked, but even when he looked at the mask, all he saw was his son. The eight-year-old kid with cherubic cheeks that were always pushed up by a smile and a laugh, the kid who loved to pilot and fix his dad's ship, who faked being sick to get out of state dinners and loved getting dirty in the mud. When his son took off the mask, he didn't see pure evil: he saw a young man whose pain had guided him down a dark path.
Leia had been right, as she often had been. There was still good in their son, Han saw it now. And maybe, just maybe, he could make up for not being there for his son all those years ago. He would help his son through the darkness and the demons, and the past would be in the past. Han had once thought it unimaginable to forgive those like Vader who committed atrocities, but somehow with Ben it seemed so easy. They could be a family again, he saw it and Ben saw it.
He saw it even as his son stabbed him through with his lightsaber. Ben had been many things, but pure evil wasn't one of them. He was misguided, and his parents had never been enough to save him from his inner darkness. No, someone else would have to.
The girl, Rey, she reminded Han of a younger Luke. A wide-eyed girl with a good heart and the power of the Force. Luke had managed to bring back the heart of Darth Vader, and Han was sure that Rey would be able to save his son. He caressed his son's face, letting him know that he forgave him and that everything would be okay.
I love you, son. I love the little boy who smiled and laughed sunshine, and I love the broken young man in front of me. No matter what you do or where you are, you will always have my love. Come back to us, son.
Author's Note: The ending was really weak, but, hey. Hopefully you enjoyed, and maybe I'll write a second chapter from Ben's point of view. Actually, I probably will. Please leave a review with your thoughts, and follow/favorite if you liked it. Merry Christmahanukwanzaa and I hope you enjoyed!