The Vacation of the SOS Brigade

xoxo

You know how when summer vacation starts, you feel all pumped up but in the middle of it, you want school to start? That's how I'm feeling right now. I'm just ranting for this section so bear with me here. This is my second work that relates with Haruhi (The first was a fairly successful poem). This is also the introduction to the story so bear with me here, again. This story will take place after the 14th episode of The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya. Please enjoy for what I have in store.

xoxo

Disclaimer: The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya solely belongs to the rightful owner of Tatsuya Ishihara along with Kyoto Animation.

xoxo

It's Friday, the last school day of the week. The snow fell down like confetti while the cold air stung on my face and the chatter of students ran though the air. Of course, I began my usual trek up the hill, holding my backpack that felt like it was filled with bricks. I changed my shoes, took the usual way to the classroom and sat in my usual seat and listened to the teacher like any other person. So far, everything is going the normal way. However, it didn't apply to someone in this classroom, which was busy napping away behind me.

That person was Haruhi Suzumiya.

If you added her to any equation, even the easiest ones, the answer would be off the charts. If someone asked me to describe her, there are only three things that would be floating around my head to describe her with. Time quake. Sudden burst of data. God. If you think I'm crazy, go ahead and call the hospital. I'm perfectly sane. The list of events that I went though the year wasn't. Upon that list was solving a murder on an island during a tropical storm, seeing my class representative during the process of being 'deleted', and kissing the person behind me in a dream that could determine the fate of the world. I know that Dr. Phil or Oprah would be on my case if they learned this. Anyone would. Now that the lesson is over, maybe now I could sneak away from…

'Hey, Kyon? What do you want to dress Mikuru in? Neko? Vampire? Maybe a dog?' Haruhi said as she dragged the back of my head onto her desk.

I guess she woke up. I started to remember what she said. Neko girl? I think I feel my head getting heated up, despite the pain on my head. Did someone turned on another heater?

'I don't know. Maybe a cat, it sounds kind of cute.' I tried to say this carefully without getting images in my head or nosebleeds dripping down my nose.

'What do you mean cute? I meant the works.' After I heard Haruhi mutter 'whip', 'pantyhose' and 'high heels', I gave a message to her that a girl like Asahina-san shouldn't be dressed like a toy in a love hotel or a easy target inside a cosplay hotel. Hope that I wouldn't hear the word 'pole' from her or I'll be looking for Asahina to hide from the merciless god.

After I ended the lecture, she started to head out the classroom as I followed her. 'Well, I'll be going to Akihabara to find the latest dresses. I won't be in the clubroom today since it would take too much time.'

Why Akihabara? It wouldn't be worth it and the fare is more steep then the usual.

'Because almost any anime fan has a fetish for neko girls and what high school student in Japan doesn't watch anime?'

Point taken.

After I've seen her ran out the front entrance, with little difficultly, I walked into the SOS Brigade's humble abode. Complete with a blackmailed computer and four laptops, a heater, a rack of costumes, a hot water dispenser, tea set, snacks, tables, chairs and Haruhi's personal sign. The only thing that I've forgot was the only person that was in the room besides me. Yuki Nagato. Remember last time when I said that she's like an accessory? I decide to count her on the list. Besides, it's almost like she's inside this particular room all the time, besides being in her apartment. She's a member of the SOS Brigade, the club that the so-called god made. If you are wondering what does the SOS means, it means 'Save the World by Overloading it with Fun, Haruhi Suzumiya Brigade.' If you thought that the world screeched to a halt, that meant you had the same reaction as I had. The members are consisted of an esper, time traveler, alien, a normal human and a female god. Please note that the normal one is me. The alien is the person that is reading in the back of the room, Nagato-san. She is an artificial human made by the Integrated Data Entity which designed Nagato to observe Haruhi because of a data explosion four years ago and she was in the middle of it.

'Nagato, is the book that you're reading good?' I wasn't aware of the books that are next to her until now. All of their titles were similar, in fact. Seems like a series.

'It is interesting.'

'What's the name of it?' I decided to pursue further to relief some of my boredom I've gathered the last few days and sat in the Chief's chair and turned on the computer.

'Artemus Fowl: The Time Paradox. It's the last book to be out for three years.' Yuki said in monotone, as always.

'Doesn't a time paradox remind me of something?' I stared at the door, as if the answer would walk in the door while I was browsing through 2chan.

As if on cue, the 'mascot' of the Brigade walked in. Her name is Mikuru Asahina, the victim of all of Haruhi's antics and the trusty time traveler of the club. For some reason, something happened four years ago that made the time travelers unable to travel back further then that. As a result, they sent the angel in front of me to observe Haruhi. I saw that her school uniform was intact, with no wrinkles, missing parts or any remote signs that she was handled by Haruhi. Grope, touch, no matter how you say it, it's the same.

'Hello, Asahina-san. Do you need some time to change?' I recall barging in on her changing once or twice, and yet, seeing her clad in pink underwear without having any hormones active is a remarkable feat. Guys my age can barely control what's in their pants. A single nod answered my question as I started to head out to the hallway…

'Hello, everyone. How was your day?' A grinning bastard was standing where the door once been as it unexpectedly slammed into my face and a crack could be heard in the room. I guess I had the nosebleed after all, in spite of holding it in. I forgot to introduce him; the name of the bastard in front of me is Itsuki Koisumi, the loyal follower of the leader. He is the esper that fights 'Celestials' in Closed Space, something that only occur when Haruhi is angry, bored, frustrated, name any negative emotion, it causes it. Again, four years ago, he got his powers along with a select others with the knowledge of Haruhi as the source of their new found abilities. They almost worship her as God because of her power to get what she wants. I won't be surprised if he gave her this idea and a religion called Haruhiism would found in every corner of the Earth, making the Pope look like a toothpick. After a few minutes and a tissue later, my nosebleed was stopped and I started to play The Day of Sagittarius III with Koisumi.

'So, how is Suzumiya-san doing today? Did she plan anything for us today?'

'Nah, nothing except getting a new dress for Asahina-san and her to wear.' The catchy game music turned on and the war started.

'Did she tell you what kind of dress she would be buying?'

'Not really, but I guess it would be a neko. She said it would be the works until I stopped her.' I said while sending out a few scouts to find Koisumi's position.

'Since it's Suzumiya-san, I must guess that it will be cute for us when we see it.'

Don't say that while you are smiling. Make you look like a hyena, waiting for its prey.

The battle continued, with me launching a gorilla attack out of nowhere, crippling one-tenth of his fleet. After a few more minutes, with the advantage holding in my favor, I decided to finish it once and for all.

I sighed. 'Finally, I won against you. It took a long time to accomplish this.' Both of us were closing our laptops and putting them back in that corner that is devoid of any dust, due to our maid's cleaning. Instead of maid, I should say maiden.

'Shall I give you words of congratulations on my part?'

'No thanks. If it's from you, it wont matter anyway.' as I sat back down while Asahina-san gave us her award-winning tea. Even ambrosia would lack in taste compared to this.

For now, it is just one normal day. If 'drinking tea with an esper, time traveler, and an organic humanoid interface inside a room' was the definition of normal, then it is just one normal day.

Even the unexpected wouldn't disturb me since I was living the unexpected for the past year.

'Yahoo! How are you, everyone!?'

I take that back. Everyone was fazed by the unexpected outburst that just occurred in that peaceful second. Haruhi was standing in the front of the room, wearing a white jacket with a couple of shopping bags slung over her shoulder. A cat ear was peeking out of its bag… Wait a second! She's seriously doing it!? My spider sense is tingling and it's telling me to haul some ass!

'Kyon! Get back here, you idiot! Along with Mikuru!'

Those words were more effective then someone threatening to shoot my thing right out the stratosphere with a water gun. Again, with Haruhi, anything's possible. I thought about that when I grudgingly sat back in my seat.

'I thought that you were in Akihabara. It would take some time to get from there to here.'

'I took the express train and I just bought a cute neko suit that fits perfectly for me and Mikuru-chan that was just around the corner that was on sale.' She continued to ramble on. 'I also thought where we should go for winter vacation, just like last time.'

So this is what they mean when they said the calm before the storm. Except replace the storm with a gigantic female god with laser eyes, obliterating everything that's in her way.

I should stop thinking about giant monsters and divert my attention to our awesome, fearless leader who kicks ass. My ass, as a matter of fact.

'So? What are you trying to say?' I reluctantly said in case of a worse case scenario.

'Let's go to the U.S. of A.!' She pumped her hand up in the air, as if it's nothing. It wasn't. I think the world screeched to a halt, once again.

'You want us to go, basically, to the other side of the world.' I thought it was a joke.

'Yeah.' An eruption of insanity rushed though my head, going though the option if I should strangle her, hit her, slap her or go search for a blunt item.

'One of my distant relative has a house in Brooklyn, and he invited us to stay there for a few days, during the break. He said that all expenses will be paid, except for food in the restaurants and souvenirs. You need to pay those from out of your own pocket.'

Is it me, or Koisumi a cheap, scheming bastard who like to see me in agony?

'Nope, that's just you.' He said while giving his trademark smile.

'He even sends us five tickets to LaGuardia Airport.' Haruhi holds up the tickets to demonstrate her point while a grin was plastered on her face.

Whenever she smiles like that, it always results in me or Asahina-san exhausted or abused. Oh, joy. Just do whatever you want. I saw enough things in my short life to fill ten lifetimes.

xoxo

Author's Note: For some reason, I feel like I'm missing something. I will appreciate all feedback and reviews that you give me, even the criticism that annoy me, oh, so much. I also need a beta-reader for this story but, they wouldn't respond. If there are any errors that I've miss or plot holes that I've left on, please PM me, and I will take it into consideration. Oh yeah, if you didn't know what is ambrosia, it is the food and drink of the gods in Greek mythology.

-Shimata