Some Surprise

Anna sighed inwardly as her steps made silent treads down the corridors. Today was not going well at all. Somehow she had managed to sleep through several knocks upon the door, only being shaken awake in a daze by Gwen, who had already dressed for the day. She had been having such a lovely dream, too, though she couldn't remember much of it now. No sooner had she gobbled down a stray piece of toast for breakfast did Mrs Hughes inform her that Lady Edith and Lady Sybil had decided to take an impromptu trip to York, and Lady Mary would be occupying herself by spending the afternoon riding. She hurried to ensure that the younger girls were ready and then set about finding Lady Mary's riding attire, which hadn't been used for some time. She had located most of it easily enough, but the boots eluded her. Searching the house high and low proved to be to no avail, and she had worked herself into a terrible frenzy, flushing in the already uncomfortable heat of the summer day. After several desperate attempts, they had turned up slumped in a heap at the bottom of the last closet she chose to check again, absolutely caked in mud. She very nearly collapsed in a heap herself. After a moment wallowing, she scooped them up. It was just lucky that Lady Mary was in no great rush to go out of doors. It was a hell of a job, especially on a day like today. She took a few steadying breaths and went along, holding the boots to her, trying not to get mud on her pristine house apron.

She swept into the servants' hall, sending a chair that had been left askew on the floor rattling. The sound echoed in the near empty space, and a pair of eyes darted towards her, annoyed at having their focused attention suddenly roused.

"Well, if Little Miss Perfect isn't all a-bother. I didn't think I'd live to see the day," Miss O'Brien said brusquely, fingers stilling on the blouse of Lady Grantham's that was laid out on the table.

From across the other side, a book was laid down on its open pages. Glancing upwards, Mr Bates shot a deeply disgruntled and reproving look to the lady's maid, which made Anna smirk as she stood at her shoulder.

Miss O'Brien answered with a huff, standing to leave.

"Thick as thieves," she spat, the blouse draped over her arm. Anna saw a shadow of worry travel over Mr Bates's features at the remark, and she shook her head.

"Would you like a cup of tea?"

His voice was deliberately soft and soothing to her ears. He leaned over the table to reach for the teapot, and Anna found herself riveted for a moment, admiring the stretch of his arms and the broadness of his shoulders. She gathered herself quickly, moving along the floor.

"I can't stop," she uttered with an apologetic smile in her tone and on her face, though she was still dejected to see his lips curling slightly downwards at her reply. "I must clean these before it gets too late." Her smile brightened. "I'll see you at luncheon."

Mr Bates nodded, leaning back in his chair, wearing a rather beautiful smile now too. Every smile of his was beautiful. She carried it with her as she went out into the courtyard, into the bright sunshine of the late morning.

Sitting on a crate, she worked diligently and with a keen focus, losing herself in her own little world, helped by the gentle breeze that brushed against her cap. Before too long the boots were shining with a gleam that she had not seen before, and she was rather surprised at her undertaking. Anna collected the brushes and went inside, keen to get the smell of polish off her hands before she had anything to eat. Rinsing the soap away, she allowed herself the pleasure of happy daydreaming, until too soon, a far unhappier thought occurred to her. She let out an audible groan at the sink thinking of the task that was ahead of her, not believing she had almost forgotten about it. Pulling down her sleeves, she headed through the empty hall and up the stairs towards the house. It was no use; she had been putting it off for long enough now. The sooner it was done, the better, and she could get to enjoying a pleasant luncheon and a good, long talk with Mr Bates. That was reason enough for her to get a move on.

As she entered the room, near out of breath from the climb up there, she felt her heart sink. She was careful to leave the door open just a little behind her, it always felt safer to do so. There was very little she disliked about her job or the house, but it wouldn't have been putting it too strongly to say that she hated the attic. It was spacious enough, but it still always felt so confined. The lack of windows and ventilation made everything so dark and dusty. She had only been here a matter of minutes and she was rasping coughs. Thomas would take great pleasure in regaling everyone with stories about the spirits that were trapped there. Nobody believed them except Daisy, but there remained a very strange feeling about the place, which crept over her now. She went purposefully into the room, towards the trunks. Buck up, Anna.

As quiet as she was being, she jumped to hear noises at her back. That was until she made out the unmistakable tapping sound. Relief washed over her when she made out his shadow, closing the door. She didn't mind him doing so.

"Mr Bates, what are you doing here?"

"I've come to fetch His Lordship's clothes for the season. It's never too early to be prepared."

She smiled. Their minds seemed always to be thinking alike.

They moved about quietly, making their way through the many trunks, peaceful in each other's company. Anna picked out and smoothed a favourite summer dress of Lady Sybil's, folding it against herself. The silk was cold underneath her fingers, and a shudder ran through her. Mr Bates turned around from rifling through another open chest, a reassuring look upon his face.

"Is something wrong?"

Anna shrugged. Many of the others would tease her about being unsettled, but Mr Bates never would.

"I was just hoping it wouldn't be too much of a job."

He fixed her with a bright, warm smile. "Well, it takes half the time with two."

She had to stop herself laughing, simply nodding and beaming back with a newfound ease.

"Lady Sybil doesn't seem that excited about her ball. I think her head has been turned with other things," she said, folding up more clothes. "She'll perk up once she gets to London though. How about you, Mr Bates? Are you looking forward to the trip?"

He bristled, just noticeably.

"Yes. It should be very fine, with this weather." There was a lengthy pause, and she heard him sigh within it. "I don't expect it'll be very long until I'm back there again. On my own, that is."

Now Anna was the one to tense. She dreaded to even think that may be the case.

"So I shall be sure to make the most of it."

"I very much hope you do enjoy it, and put all that silly business out of your mind." She regretted the words slightly as she spoke them, knowing they wouldn't be followed. "His Lordship knows such a thing could not be true, and that's why he hasn't bothered with it. He knows you, and…" She stumbled a little, looking up at him. "And I know you."

"But…"

"But, nothing," she was defiant. "You can say it all you want, that you've done wrong, that you don't deserve this chance. But it's not true. You have worked hard to turn your life around, and that is honourable. You are honourable."

Her eyes were glistening. She didn't know of any other man who deserved the mantle more.

He smiled only half-heartedly as he came nearer to her, withdrawing his hand as swiftly as he had reached it towards her. She wished there was something she could do about it all.

"Thank you, Anna. Truly. You've made my time here worth every second." He allowed his smile to widen momentarily. "But the past will always catch up with us, the mistakes made come back to haunt us. And however much we try to change it, nothing can be done. We must live with it. I won't have you entangling yourself in my troubles."

"But…"

"But, nothing."

His eyes were beseeching, and somewhere hidden deep within them was the faintest hint of a sparkle. Anna couldn't be cross with him.

"Let's get on," he uttered softly, moving away so they could both carry on. Anna bit back a sigh, swallowed unspoken words on her tongue.

They worked mainly in silence, helping each other find certain items. It wasn't that long until Mr Bates appeared to have all of Lord Grantham's clothes in possession and Anna had gathered most of the girls' clothes, all except one blouse of Lady Edith's. She didn't understand, she had searched through every case that lined the floor. But that was it. She sighed as her eyes lifted along to the one remaining unopened trunk that stood on a shelf not far from the ceiling, tucked away in a cramped corner.

"Oh dear. I thought I'd escaped too easily."

"Let me help you."

He hooked his cane over his arm, and she winced.

"No, Mr Bates, I couldn't let you." Her cheeks reddened as he came over to where she was nestled. "I can do it, it won't be much trouble."

"Don't think that I doubt your abilities, but you'll never lift that on your own. I can manage."

She smiled at the confident, willing look in his eyes and relented. It was a task for two people.

Getting into position, they both reached up their arms at the same time. Anna lifted her gaze, taking Mr Bates's figure in in wonder. He seemed so much taller when he was close to her. And he was extremely close to her. It was such a tight squeeze in this little space, the front of her apron was brushing against his jacket. She tried to keep her breathing steady, but it was very difficult to do so, what with their proximity and the effort it was taking to manoeuvre the trunk down. She strained up on her tiptoes, arms aching, fingers failing to grasp at the edge. Her breath came in pants, and she whimpered her frustration.

"Don't stretch yourself." His voice wheezed a bit, but she could still hear the concern there. "I shall get it."

"But, Mr Bates…"

As she made a last attempt, raising herself higher and turning her head, Mr Bates bent lower and before she could pull away, their lips brushed squarely together, a little awkwardly and most unexpectedly. Anna's cheeks were burning and her heart hammered against her chest.

"I'm sorry," she heard him mumble in the whirl of her head.

She was smiling wide as they brought down the trunk together, settling it on the floor. He was so near to her, in more ways than one, and she was thrilling wildly inside.

"Thank you," she said as she composed herself, and he nodded graciously. That was certainly not the way she had expected their first kiss to have gone. Though, it was barely a kiss, just a touch of mere seconds. How she longed for more…

Mr Bates was staring at her, and she could see that he was slightly flustered.

"You're very welcome."

Opening the trunk, she fetched the blouse that was lying neatly at the top. When she stood back up, she saw him not too far from her side, cane firm against the floorboards.

"I think that's everything, isn't it?" he said.

"Yes, I think so."

Even though it was, neither of them was making any attempt to go. Instead, both stayed rooted to the spot, blue and hazel eyes locked upon one another, not caring or wanting to relent.

Anna thought that not quite everything had been reconciled. She had hoped he would feel the same, was sure he wanted it too but was just too noble to dare to pursue matters. Now that his eyes weren't leaving hers, and they lingered with a look she had remembered only from that chilly night in the courtyard, she had to believe that he shared her thinking and would act upon it.

As he moved closer to her, her heart sped up even further.

"Anna."

He hardly whispered her name and the shivers prickled on her skin. He reached for her fingers, and she lifted her hand up, letting him take them softly. As she stayed looking at him, she felt everything fall away from her. His eyes seemed a little full.

"If things were different…" he breathed.

She bobbed her head, understanding what he meant. She would have him no other way, but she did wish that their situation wasn't quite so desperate.

"But we must live with it how it is," she replied.

"I wish I could change it."

She smiled, a little sorrowfully.

"There's nothing to be done."

He smiled back at her, a hopeful look in his eyes speaking against everything that seemed so hopeless.

Slowly, yet impulsively too, his arms went around her, their secure warmth enveloping. She held her breath for a moment, dizzy, not quite believing what was about to take place. Was she still held in that dream; had she not woken up? She found herself holding onto him tight, grasping onto the expanse of his back. He felt real beneath her fingers. This moment was real.

And then it was unfolding, oh so wonderfully. Neither one went first to initiate, they simply found their way to each other together, guiding one another into the kiss. Their first proper kiss. This time, their lips were full upon each other, caressing slowly, seeking, searching, moulding perfectly. It was almost too much for Anna to comprehend and she felt a whole lifetime of emotion surge through her in a second. The kiss grew deeper, his slightly roughened fingers stroked delicately against her heated skin. She delighted in hearing a prolonged sigh escape from his mouth into hers. This beautiful moment had set him free, just for as long as it lasted; she could feel it within him as she pulled him ever closer to her.

She felt relieved and overwhelmed and like she could keep kissing him forever, if she was given half the chance. Frantically, she tried to pinpoint everything. The traces of tea and stronger taste of peppermint that masked them. The very light prickle of the slightest bit of stubble rubbing against her jaw. His large hands, still wrapped around her, not keen to let go. All she seemed to hold onto was the drift of his lips; gentle, firm, attentive, completely loving upon hers. She hoped that he relished the feel of hers as much. It most certainly felt that way, as he tugged at them lightly. It passed her very briefly that it felt a little funny, to be kissing Mr Bates in the attic. A place she wasn't even that keen on. She giggled to herself as she thought it seemed even a little bit naughty, but at least it meant that this time they were not interrupted. It was the sweetest moment she had known in her whole life, and she never wanted it to end.

Nothing could last forever, and he pulled away from her with a final feather-light kiss. It sent her heart soaring.

For one moment, there had been nothing else. No uncertainty, no fear of the future, no sorrow for the past. Just them, in the present, confessing their love for each other in the simplest, purest way there ever could be. One day, somewhere, they would be able to kiss in the open, tell the world of their love. But for now, for the two of them, this moment was enough. It felt like, in that instant, everything had changed.

Slowly, he let go of her, and in turn she had to relinquish her hold on him.

Mr Bates looked at her, his eyes still revived, her smile upon his face.

"You are right," he uttered. "We do have to live with the way things are."

She felt her heart sink for a second.

"But," he smiled, "there are some things that we cannot live without doing."

As he walked from the room, cane tapping softly, leaving the door open just a little, Anna fell from her heels to land on top of one of the closed trunks. Her heart wouldn't leave off fluttering against her chest, and her hands covered her mouth, fingers seeking out each spot where he had been, not so long ago.

She didn't move for a while, she found she wasn't in a hurry to. The attic certainly didn't seem like such a bad place any more.

She smiled. She could not have thought when she was dragged from sleep this morning that this day would turn around in the way it had. But then, you could always be surprised in this house.

And what a surprise it had been.