A/N: Just wanted to say sorry for the randomness!
This story is written in screen writingish style (So not that descriptive)
...
Hagrid: Harry, you're a lizard.
Harry: What?
Vernon: (Suddenly leaps out of corner and jumps in front of Hagrid, arms waving wildly)
Vernon: NO! I FORBID YOU TO TELL HIM ANYTHING ELSE!
Harry: What?
Vernon and Hagrid: (Ignores Harry)
Vernon: We sweared we would take him out of this strangeness when his parents morphed!
Harry: Morphed? You told me they were killed by Lord Voldemort!
Hagrid: LILY AND JAMES? KILLED BY LORD VOLDEMORT? HOW DARE YOU! It would take a lot more to kill Lily and James Potter!
Harry: And what do you even mean, morphed?
Hagrid and Vernon: ...
Hagrid: I'm sorry, but you deserve to know the truth.
Hagrid: Harry, your parents are were-lizards.
Harry: What.
Vernon: NO! DON'T...
Hagrid: (Tackles Vernon and pulls out his pink umbrella)
Hagrid: Behold, Harry! It is me, the dark lord, LORD HAGRID! I SHALL CONTINUE SALAZAR SLYTHELIZARDS WORK TO TURN ALL NONPUREBLOODS INTO LIZARDS!
Hagrid: (Uses umbrella to turn Vernon Dursley into a lizard)
Hagrid: (Turns Harry and Petunia into lizards)
Hagrid: Oh no! I'm behind the schedule!
Hagrid: (Opens door and runs away)
Dudley: Lol
...
Hagrid: Harry, you're a blizzard.
Harry: Um. What.
Hagrid: You're a blizzard.
Harry: (Looks towards the Dursleys only to find that they're gone)
Harry: They're gone!
Harry: Lol, who cares
Hagrid: You don't understand. You're a blizzard.
Harry: You mean like a storm? AWESOME!
Hagrid: No. I mean Blizzard TM made by orange julius, the drink with those oreos in it. Search it up.
Harry: (Magically pulls out phone from air and searches up blizzard)
Harry: Oh! I think I had one of those before on Dudley's birthday! It was gooood.
Hagrid: That was your dad.
Harry: Huh?
Hagrid: The blizzard you drank was your dad
Harry: ?
Harry: Oh...Merlin's beard. I drank my Dad. Lol
Hagrid: You must hide. There is an evil wizard called Lord Voldeblizzard who will not stop until he gets to drink you and your oreos.
Harry: Huh
Hagrid: You must...
Dudley: (Reappears)
Dudley: (Turns Harry into his blizzard TM form and eats him. Punches Hagrid)
Dudley: MWAHAHHAHAHA I AM LORD VOLDEBLIZZARD!
Vernon and Petunia: Oh Dudders, we are so proud of you our little pumpkin!
Dudley: Lol, I know right
...
Hagrid: Harry, you're a human.
Harry:
Vernon:
Petunia:
Dudley:
Hagrid: OMG guys, stop staring.
Harry:
Vernon:
Petunia:
Dudley:
Hagrid: Well, it's not like I'm lying