Ooooohhhh my god, why did I write this? I am a MONSTER. Super angsty Tododeku fic based very VERY loosely on some real-life events. This first chapter is p devastating, but just, trust me, okay? I can't help but give these two a happy ending.

Title: I Need You, Too

Chapters: 1/2

Todoroki Shouto was losing his mind, probably. It was the only explanation he had for why he had been feeling constantly on edge, why he couldn't seem to make himself eat, his stomach a mess of nerves and what-ifs and things he was trying his hardest not to think about. Even his Quirk had been acting up. It wasn't unusual for his fire-side to flare up when he was surprised or upset, but, recently, he seemed to have little to no control over his right side either, something he hadn't experienced since he had first acquired his Quirk. The ice caused steam to rise off of his unnaturally warm body whenever he was feeling anxious, which, lately, seemed to be all the time.

...

The thing was, up until a month ago, Todoroki Shouto had been the happiest he could remember ever having been. This was thanks to one Midoriya Izuku, who had, six months ago, taken Todoroki up to the roof of the UA dorms and confessed his feelings for him. Todoroki had been surprised at first, understandably so, the most popular boy in class 2A, the one he had been pining over since shortly after the Sports Festival, liked him back. When Todoroki admitted that he reciprocated the feelings (though he might argue that he probably liked Izuku more than Izuku liked him) Midoriya had closed the distance between them and planted a soft kiss on Todoroki's hot and cold lips.

Thus began five months of pure bliss for Todoroki. He found himself addicted to Midoriya's affection and presence- the kissing didn't hurt either. Todoroki often found himself wondering how he had gotten so lucky, though, in truth, there was still a small part of him that was waiting for the ball to drop. Raised by his father, the number two hero Endeavour, to be nothing more than a tool in his grand plan to take down All Might, Todoroki had known only fear, anger, and resentment. He didn't trust easily, but, somehow, with Midoriya, it was like second nature. His green-haired boyfriend had always run around with his heart pinned right to his sleeve, and this, along with the million and a half other things that Todoroki loved about Midoriya, was his favorite. It was easy to love the boy and Todoroki felt so safe and warm he could almost forget that little voice in the back of his mind that was constantly reminding him that this kind of joy was temporary, not meant for someone like Todoroki Shouto.

He had almost forgotten the voice when his whole world came tumbling down around him a month ago when Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya's childhood friend (bully, Todoroki mentally corrects), had come up to Midoriya after Aizawa's lecture and asked the boy to talk, in private. Todoroki wasn't a big fan of Bakugou, but he trusted Midoriya's judgment and had managed to, mostly, keep the scowl off his face as he had watched his boyfriend walk off with the hot-headed blonde. At the time, Todoroki had assumed that it was a one-time thing, although the fact that Bakugou had been unnaturally quiet when he had approached them had left Todoroki feeling… a little strange, like he had accidentally activated his fire quirk, but there were no flames. Still, he had decided to shake it off when Midoriya had come back, a few minutes later, wetness in his eyes and his million-dollar smile shining just for Todoroki.

It had started that way; slowly. Bakugou asking Midoriya to chat here and there, always alone, and, though Todoroki could live with it, he was also beginning to recognize the burning sensation as something familiar, something like jealousy. Midoriya always came back to him though and, when Todoroki had inquired about their meetings after the fourth one, Midoriya had simply said Bakugou needed help with something. Todoroki didn't pry further, no matter how badly he wanted to. By the end of that first week, however, Midoriya was spending more and more time with Bakugou, meeting up with him during most of their free time, always alone. Todoroki hated it, but he continued to trust Midoriya, after all, no one could really want to hang out with Bakugou that often, so Todoroki had resigned himself to waiting.

It was some time around the end of the second week that Todoroki had all but lost his appetite, even the sight of his beloved Soba had caused his stomach to turn as he watched Midoriya and Bakugou walk into the cafeteria. He had saved Midoriya's usual seat at the table that they shared with their friends, and was watching him retrieve his food expectantly, doing his best to not leap out of his seat and run to his boyfriend who he felt he hadn't seen in days. Disappointment had reared its ugly head, though, as Midoriya had shot him an apologetic smile and gone off to sit with Bakugou, alone. Todoroki was certain all of the color had drained from his face at the sight and he could hardly hear his friend's concerned commentary as he abruptly stood up from the table and walked out of the cafeteria as quickly as he could manage, steam rising off of his shoulders as he all but ran away.

In the middle of the third week, Todoroki's trust in Midoriya had begun to falter. Though his boyfriend had been spending most of his days with his childhood friend, he never failed to spend his evenings cuddled up close to Todoroki in one of their dorm rooms. At first, Todoroki had just been so happy to spend a few hours with Midoriya that the painful ache that had developed in his chest would dissipate enough for him to enjoy their time together. He could pretend that he wasn't feeling lonely or sad or forgotten and simply relish in the time he got to spend with Midoriya, his one solace in the weeks of uncertainty. All of that came crashing to a halt one evening when Midoriya had abruptly pulled away from a particularly sweet kiss at the sound of his ringtone. He had reached for his phone and Todoroki's heart dropped at the small, sad smile that graced Midoriya's lips as he had read the text. Midoriya hadn't missed the question that Todoroki had left unspoken as he had watched his boyfriend type in a quick reply and set his phone back down, only for it to ding again a moment later.

"Sorry, Todoroki-kun!" Midoriya had said a little sheepishly before gesturing towards the phone, "Kacchan," his nickname for Bakugou, had been his only response, as though that was the only explanation Todoroki needed. Todoroki had done his best to push his feelings down, to be happy that his boyfriend was able to reconnect with an old friend. Truthfully, Midoriya's unending capacity for forgiveness was admirable, but Todoroki couldn't help but wonder if friendship was really all there was between Midoriya and Bakugou. Midoriya's small smile and the way he had practically shoved Todoroki off of him when his phone had gone off were clues enough that something was amiss.

Todoroki had never been very good at sharing his feelings, he hardly knew what he was feeling sometimes. Besides, Midoriya was still his boyfriend, which had to account for something. So he had resolved for the umpteenth time to just get over it, rather than rocking the boat that he and Midoriya had built. He had simply nodded in response, swallowing the bile that had started to creep up his throat.

By the end of the fourth week, Todoroki was done. He could no longer pretend that everything was okay while he watched his boyfriend laugh heartily at the forever scowling teen at his side. Todoroki was too tired, all of his energy having gone to keeping his ever-growing list of suspicions and jealousies at bay. His trust in Midoriya was barely holding on by a thread if it was still there at all, and his mind was beginning to cloud over with anger and resentment. Todoroki was hurting and Midoriya was clueless. Todoroki couldn't help but feel a little guilty for the fact that he hadn't voiced his concerns more over the last month, he had really believed that it would either have come to an end by now or that he would've just gotten over it. He had been wrong, though and it was his own grave he was digging as he tried to remember the last time he had gotten a full night's sleep. Maybe it was the lack of sleep that made him do it or maybe it was the emotional exhaustion he had endured over that last four weeks, either way, he regretted it immediately.

…

It happened almost a month to the day after Midoriya's first meeting with Bakugou. Midoriya had canceled their evening plans (again) in favor of hanging out with Bakugou, and Todoroki was certain he was going to die by the overwhelming pain in his chest. He was pacing around his room, steam rolling off of him in heavy waves as he tried, unsuccessfully, to keep his Quirk at bay. The desperation in his mind felt like madness and he couldn't simply stand there while his boyfriend was off doing who knows what with that asshole, Bakugou. The thought caused Todoroki to pale, the all too familiar taste of bile rising in his throat as he reached for his doorknob and walked determinedly to his boyfriend's room, anger rising in his icy gaze.

When Todoroki arrived at Midoriya's dorm, he could hear Midoriya's boisterous laugh through the door, causing his heart to shudder painfully. It took everything he had in him not to knock the door down and carry Midoriya off somewhere far away, if only so that he could spend a little time with him. The thought of accidentally walking in on something he did not want to see was enough to stop him. So, instead, he reached forward and gingerly tapped on the wood in front of him.

There was a shuffle from somewhere inside the room and then the door was opening, just a bit, just enough for fluffy, green curls and bright, green eyes to peep around. Todoroki's heart fell when he laid eyes on his boyfriend, wishing for the first time that he wasn't so damn cute. "Todorki-kun?" Midoriya's looked up at the taller boy, "what're you doing here? I thought we made plans for later this week?"

Todoroki almost turned tail and walked away at that, his nerves suddenly overwhelming him as he watched Izuku's eyes widen at the heavy steam that he couldn't seem to stop emitting. His heart ached to pet his boyfriend's hair and hold him close and listen to him talk about heroes and school for hours and hours, and it was that ache that left him with the resolve to stand his ground. "I, uh, need to talk to you." His voice was low and his eyes had wandered to the doorknob, the plaque on the wall with Midoriya's name on it, anywhere but at Midoriya himself.

"Okay?" Midoriya said, his tone quizzical as he stepped around his door and into the hall. "What's going on Todoroki?"

There was a lump in Todoroki's throat that left him speechless, now that he was here, he suddenly couldn't remember why he had been so upset in the first place. As if on cue, Todoroki heard Bakugou's muffled call through Midoriya's door. "Deku! What are you doing out there?" Todoroki's eyes darkened at the voice and his chest heaved when Midoriya responded.

"I'll be right there, Kacchan!"

It was just a friendly exchange, but it caused Todoroki's skin to turn to ice and his blood to boil. Steam was beginning to fill the hallway around them now and Todoroki watched as Midoriya shifted his weight from one foot to the other, looking up at Todoroki expectantly.

Finally, words came to him. "I miss you." He said quietly, voice barely above a whisper.

"Oh, Todoroki-kun! I miss you, too!" Midoriya blushed and reached forward as though he was about to grab his boyfriend's hand, but something about Todoroki's expression caused him to pause. "Is- is that all, Todoroki?" Midoriya continued and the waver in his voice almost shattered Todoroki's resolve, almost.

"Funny way of showing it." He snapped, unable to stop himself, all of his pent-up frustration boiled down into one simple phrase.

Todoroki watched as Midoriya flinched at the comment and he didn't miss the wetness that was beginning to pool in his boyfriend's eyes. "I- T-Todoroki-kun I know I have been spending a lot of time with Kacchan lately, but that doesn't mean I don't value our time together."

The floodgates had opened and Midoriya was openly crying now, part of Todoroki wanted to reach forward and pull the freckle-faced boy to his chest, kiss his cheeks over and over and apologize for ever doubting him, but part of him was filled with white-hot rage. "Really? You do? Because I haven't hardly seen you in weeks and even when I do, all your attention is focused on him anyway!" Todoroki spoke sternly, but he did not raise his voice.

Midoriya's hands were covering his mouth now, a failed attempt to quiet his growing sobs as the realization hit him full force. "It's not like that Todoroki-kun!" Midoriya cried, his words wet with tears. "I don't want that! Kacchan just needs my help right now!"

Todoroki scoffed. On a different day, he may have found Midoriya's undying devotion to his friends admirable, but today was not that day and he couldn't feel much of anything beyond his heart breaking in his chest and tears of his own threatening to spill. Still, he wanted to give Midoriya a chance, he wanted to be wrong. "Just tell me what it is, please." He said, his voice quiet as he struggled to keep his tears at bay. "If I just knew why I think… I think I could be okay with it." His head fell as he finished his sentence, unable to look Midoriya in the eye as he prepared for the final blow.

"Todoroki-" Midoriya sobbed then paused to take a shaky inhale. "I can't." It was Todoroki who flinched this time and could no longer hold back his tears, they fell thickly from his eyes and immediately evaporated into steam when they touched his skin. "I-I-I" Midoriya continued pitifully, "I would if I could, but I promised Kac- Bakugou that I wouldn't tell anyone. I can't break his trust like that!"

"Trust?" Todoroki said, the word stinging his tongue as his anger renewed, tears falling hotly down his face. "What about my trust in you? It hurts, Midoriya, to watch you walk off with someone who I have only ever seen cause you harm. To have you choose him over me, time and time again. How am I supposed to trust you when I have no idea what is going on?!" Todoroki cried and threw his arms up into the air, the left sleeve of his shirt catching fire.

Midoriya's tears had quieted a little and he was looking at Todoroki with something like determination, and maybe a little anger of his own. "That's not fair, Todoroki." He sniffled, the fire in his eyes growing a bit. "You've had every chance available before now to speak up and tell me you're uncomfortable and now you're standing in the hall, on fire, yelling at me because I am trying to be there for a friend. I can't tell you because it's none of your business, but I promise it's not whatever awful thing you have decided it is. Please just trust me and I will see you later this week." Midoriya turned towards his door, his body still shaking, but his mind clear.

Midoriya's words had stunned Todoroki to silence. It was true, Midoriya had even asked him how he felt about his increased focus on Bakugou, albeit that was two weeks ago when Todoroki was still seeing Midoriya outside of class daily. At the time, he had just shrugged, though he wasn't entirely comfortable with the situation, it wasn't up to him who Midoriya could or couldn't hang out with. After all, he just wanted him to be happy.

Some irrational voice in his brain reminded him that if Midoriya's happiness was what he truly wanted, then he should walk away. Clearly, the green-eyed boy enjoyed Bakugou's presence to his. Still, he was hurting and it was that hurt that caused him to be the one to deal the final blow, "No, Midoriya, I-I don't think you will. I don't think this" Midoriya's eyes widened as he watched Todoroki gesture between them, "is working anymore. I want you to be happy and I don't think I am the person who can do that for you." Somehow, Todoroki had managed to calm his voice to her regular monotone, not wanting to betray his feelings in this already vulnerable space.

Then, before Midoriya could respond, before the sobs could wrack Todoroki's body, Todoroki turned around and walked away.

He could feel the anguish in the tears that Midoriya cried so loudly behind him, as though it were his own. Maybe it was, his ears were ringing, the tears were flowing freely now, and the steam in the hall was so thick he couldn't see his hands in front of his face.

Maybe, it was Todoroki who couldn't be trusted after all.