Author's Notes: Written for the TDI-Fanon-Club on Deviantart, currently celebrating the first-ever Crack and Fanon Week. This is for yesterday's Music Theme (I'm late due to computer problems). The song is "Evil Love" from the TV show Phineas and Ferb. Aren't I a little old to be watching that show? Yes, yes I am. XD You can read the lyrics/listen to the song here, after closing in the spaces around "wikia":
http://phineasandferb. wikia .com/wiki/Evil_Love
She had never really cared about him much before.
Oh, she knew all the other girls were gushing over him...and obviously she had been hit by that too, though she was too smart, to clever and conniving to fall head-over-heels like the others. Heather wasn't some stupid little fangirl, the kind of idiot who would just go for the first pretty face she saw. Her goal on this show was to get the money and get famous, not to act like an idiot for some stupid guy.
But then, when she saw the way he manipulated Beth into that alliance...and the way he got the others to force Gwen into voting herself off...
"Wow. He's so...nasty," Heather sighed, twisting a strand of her wig as she watched him smirk wickedly across the film lot.
It wasn't his face she fell in love with. It was his heart.
His shriveled up, blackened little heart.
Love was once a crazy dream,
He quirked an eyebrow. "An alliance?" he repeated, stroking his perfect chin as Heather leaned against the wall, grinning. His perfect, puffy lips curled to match hers. "That could work."
Now it's my new evil scheme!
And I'm as happy as can be!
He shook his head, unwrapping the foil on his Gilded Chris. "I must say, Heather, during that last challenge? That was just devious."
She snickered, turning away slightly to hide the burning in her cheeks. "Thanks."
It's the age-old story,
How an evil boy meets an evil girl.
We got a love strong enough to rule the whole wide world!
He broke the head off his Golden Chris, then slid it into Heather's mouth, chuckling with her as Beth sadly climbed into the Lame-o-sine.
We both maniacally laugh at all the same stuff,
I found my other half, yes,
I've got an evil love! (la-la-la-la-la-la)
"Oh---do we really have to go over strategy again?" Justin---brilliantly evil, yet also supremely lazy---moaned, hitting the back of his head against the wall in frustration.
Heather made a face. She would never admit it, but it actually kind of...hurt whenever Justin acted like he didn't enjoy their alliance meetings. "Okay, fine. Don't listen to my plan to get Courtney and Duncan kicked off, see if i care."
"You can get Courtney kicked off?! And Duncan?!"
Heather crossed her arms, looking away in annoyance. "Maybe."
She kept her gaze away from him for a moment, then hazarded a look, only to find him staring at her in utter awe. She frowned, confused; inside, Justin swooned, for the first time in his life sure he was gazing at a creature more lovely than himself.
"Let's hear it, babe."
When our robot armies march,
To the beating of our hearts,
I'm as happy as can be!
"You want me to join into an alliance with you two?"
"You know it, babe," Justin said, winking; Courtney swooned slightly, and Heather's face turned stony for a moment before twisting into a phony grin.
"Help us, and we can guarantee you a place in the final three. All you have to do is help us vote off Duncan."
Courtney rubbed her chin nervously, looking from Heather's forced smile to Justin's magnificent one. "Well..."
It's the age-old story,
How an evil boy meets an evil girl.
We got a love strong enough to rule the whole wide world!
"What---but, no---how did this happen?!" Duncan demanded, as Chef dragged him off to the Lame-o-sine the next episode. Courtney looked pained, while Heather and Justin merely turned to each, grinning at his shock.
But they laughed outright the next challenge, when an even more shocked Courtney got dragged down the Walk of Shame, screaming that she was going to sue them for their betrayal.
We both maniacally laugh at all the same stuff,
Heather was so happy she felt faint; and she almost did faint a moment later, when she realized that in the excitement Justin had wrapped her hand into the palm of his own.
"Brilliant work, babe," he whispered.
Heather felt like she couldn't breathe. "...Thanks."
You can't foil a plan that's
Built upon evil love! (love-love, love-love-love-love!)
"So, Harold's gone now," Justin said after the second-to-last challenge, wrapping Heather in his arms and staring longingly into her wicked, glittering black eyes. "It's just you and me now."
"Hmm."
Ooh-ooh,
She knew he was going to betray her. He knew she was going to betray him. They both knew that this whole time, the other one had been planning for this, plotting, conniving to defeat the other even through all of their shared plans and beautiful moments preparing the others' defeat. The final challenge would be brutal, there would be more tricks than ever before to defeat each other, but neither of them minded. It was the viciousness they loved; neither would have wanted it any other way.
But for now, it was enough to be standing there, in the pale moonlight as their fellow contestants were cursing them miles away, holding each other in their arms and leaning in close to nuzzle each other's noses.
Heather lay her head on Justin's muscular chest and sighed out two beautiful words that epitomized their relationship.
"Evil love."
A/N: I get the feeling this was either really funny (which is what I was aiming for) or really stupid (which seems like the more likely possibility). Feel free to review and give your own two cents on that, I appreciate honest feedback. :-)