I gasped loudly. I did it! I finally reached him! He's… well, not exactly what I had imagined, but hey! At this point, I didn't really give a fuck.
I think he tried to pick himself up from the ground. The jolts through his body surely wasn't only pain-inflicted. I think…
His skin looked very wet and slippery. I swayed between disgust and the need to clean him up, but couldn't really decide which would be the better option.
He suddenly jerk up in sitting position, whereupon he clenched his stomach and began to gag and cough vigorously. My mother-hen-instinct immediately kicked in, and I rushed to his side.
"Are you o-hummpf!" He kicked me in the stomach! Can you believe that? I flew through the basement and crashed into the opposite wall. Physically it hurt like a bitch, but my emotions were damaged the most. I mentally padded my own head and told myself he only caught me on the wrong leg. My pride as kunoichi was still intact.
I easily got on my feet, elegantly brushing away imaginary dirt. My back ached, but the thick drapery on the wall took the most of the hit. I angrily trampled toward the pentagram, where my ill-mannered summoning still resided.
Almighty or not, this bitch would pay for his crimes!
Personally, I didn't think he looked too good: He was now lying on his back, clawing the floor, gasping for breath in a very alarming way. Despite the fact, that he was a possible danger to my health, I still sat down beside him. His eyes were staring into nothing, hardly focusing at my face, as I hovered over him.
"Get yourself together man! Aren't you supposed to be a god?" I warily poked his cheek with a single finger. Hidan would kill the fuck out of me, if I accidently murdered his illustrious Lord Jashin.
Nothing happened. Oh shit, now he stopped breathing. Fuck Hidan, I was so not giving this stranger mouth to mouth. I'd rather let him suffocate… I was about to turn away and give up on all this, when five, long and not to mention greasy fingers caught my wrist. 'Help' was implied.
Why would I always volunteer to all these freaking troublesome tasks?! Couldn't I just have candy-bribed the newb Tobi to do this? Now I had to think fast to fix this self-inflicted mess I just made…
Wait, was I stupid or something? Wind-chakra would make an excellent replacement of my breath!
I violently pressed my left hand against his chest. I found a steady pace, pumping up and down. I placed my right hand over his mouth and nose. I made sure both was wide open - he looked like an idiot like this, by the way - and began pressing wind-chakra through my palm.
My breath was steady. If I had had any kind of chakra-control needed for healing I had used that, but thinking wasn't really my thing. I took pride in impulsivity. I liked the rush. The kill, the pace and adrenalin… Unfortunately, situation like this frequently occurred, testing my patience.
I lost focus for half a second and accidently blew a big shot of air through his windpipe. His chest expanded significantly and a convulsion tore through his body. I barely had time to accuse myself of fucking up, before his eyes shot wide-open. He coughed violently and sent spit and other disgusting liquids in my direction.
I gracefully stood up, dodged and then starred at him. "You're horrible."
He blinked a couple of times before his pupils got tuned to the dim lightning and could focus on me.
"What the fuck?!" he hissed. Those three words said everything.
"Nice to meet you. My name is Kuro, I summoned you here to serve as a birthday present to a close friend, and before you get to ask, so yeah. I know who you are, and - no offense - but I'm a bit disappointed. You look like crap…" Yep, that would sum up that.
He gaped at me. Too much information?
He was a boy after all...
I twisted my body, making the long, heavy cloak swing around me. I tssk'ed and quickly went through my options. First point: Leave or stay. Fun fact: It's three PM, which normally meant I would be sound asleep. I chose to stay and wait until that silly excuse of a god got a hold of himself.
I shifted on my feet. I scratched my arm. I farted silently. Then I poked him with the tip of my sandal. Ten seconds were about how long my patience reached.
"Listen, here's the plan: We go upstairs. You're slimy, so you shower. I'll trash your rags - they're a mess. I get you something to wear, and then you prepare one hell of speech or something for tomorrow. I'll see pillows meanwhile. Questions? Good." He was probably just too dumbstruck to answer.
I smirked inwardly, before dragging him toward the door with two fingers. I really did not want to know what that thick, milky fluid that clung to his skin was, but…
-OOO-
"Please tell me you didn't drown yourself in there?! Hidan'd throw a fit!"
I heard the water be turned off. Then he spoke in a soft, friendly tone: "Hidan you say..." The handle moved down. Too late, I understood what was happening. "STOOOP!" And there he was. Flashing his naked manhood, making my brain scream and rapidly pop up censure-sign all over my vision, as in a desperate attempt to minimize the permanent trauma already imprinted on my poor, innocent mind.
"Get a frikin' fucking towel, you fagtagfucktard! Are you trying to fucking blind me?" I mindlessly screamed right in his face, so that he was literally blown back into the bathroom. I heard a muffled 'yes ma'am, immediately ma'am!' and what supposedly was a frantic search for before-mentioned cover. I didn't bother to tell him, that I recently moved all towels to the top-drawer in my room. He'd learn.
Then I sat down in a corner, shakenly trying to recover from the trauma - gasping in horror.
-OOO-
This story is a tribute to fandom and rAnDOmneSSSSSSS! 'Cause normal is overestimated and freaks are gonna rule the world (along with nerds, but we don't talk about that)! *Happy facepalm* X3
(In the next chapter: Hidan will get his present and face an existential crisis) ~ NekoRainbow;