Chapter 1
Tess' and Kate's Diary
Carol
Carol took the red book as well as a pen and went to the nursery, where her twin daughters, Tess and Kate, were sleeping in their little cribs. She took a seat on the rocking chair and watched her babies for a while. She was thinking about so many things, as a single tear rolled down her cheek. She wiped it away quickly and then she opened the book and started to write.
Diary
My little princesses, Tess and Kate!
For many years I was thinking if I'll ever become a mum. I always imagined what I'll do, when I become a mum. This imagination was, that I will make hundreds of videos, that I can show my children, when they're older. Videos about me, who I was, what I was thinking, how much I love my babies, what I'm afraid of, what makes me laugh or cry and of course my most secret secrets. Videos about our family. About my children growing up and playing with their daddy. If my parents would've made such videos I would keep them like treasures.
I can't remember my dad very well. He died, when I was a little girl. So you see, if I had videos where I could see my dad I could still see him. I think it's very sad that I don't remember him.
Our video camera is ready for taking videos, but I don't want to start. Your daddy isn't here and…I don't want to show you videos on which he is missing.
Therefore I start to write you this diary. Today I make the first entry and you two little ones are just two weeks old. I want to start from the beginning. The time before you were born. So I want to start before your start.
This is just for you. For Tess and Kate. This diary tells you the story about Tess, Kate, Carol and Doug. Your daddy.
Carol
Carol closed the book as her tears started to fall harder now. She was missing Doug so much and she felt lonely and exhausted. How would she be able to raise twins alone…she wasn't prepared for that. She always remembered the discussion about having a baby with Doug. But now she was all alone. She went to her bedroom and buried her face in the pillow. She had to sleep…she got only some hours. She closed her eyes, but she couldn't sleep. Too many thoughts went trough her mind.
Diary
Hello, little angels!
It's me again, your mum! I would like to introduce myself.
My name is Carol Hathaway. Since my birth I live in Chicago, the snowiest and rainiest city in the whole world. Yet still I love this city so much. She tells our story.
I grew up here together with my mum and my two older sisters. And I can remember our little dog Sparky. He was my best friend back then, because he was with me all the time. My mum was working very much and my sisters were at school, so I was alone most of the time. I felt very lonely. Only when I started to work I found my real family.
I went to nursing school St. Rose in Chicago. I always wanted to help people and when I graduated, I found a job at County General. My second home.
I was really good as a nurse, so I became head nurse. I was very proud, but this job can be stressful sometimes. But I still love it and I don't want to do anything else.
At County I found my very best friends. Susan, Mark, Lizzy, Carter, Anna, Haleh, Lydia, Wendy, not to forget Randi and Jerry. And then there was Doug Ross. Your daddy. My big love.
Carol
Carol was really tired now. Her eyes ached from the crying and writing, so she decided to go to bed. She knew that she had to sleep, even if it was only for some hours. With many thoughts on her mind she fell asleep.
Diary
Hey little brayers!
You granted me two hours of sleep. I want to thank you fort hat!
After your bottles and fresh diapers you're sleeping again. I'm wide awake. I take the opportunity to continue with my story. I want to tell you, how your dad and your mum started.
When I started at County as a fresh new nurse, I didn't really know what to do. Of course I did some practical works, but now it was a real job. Good that the people at County were so friendly and helped me with everything. Your uncle Mark was always a big help.
He was the one, who introduced me on my very first day to the pediatrician, Dr. Doug Ross. Your daddy.
I can remember this day as it would've been just yesterday. I can tell you, as I saw him this first time; this very first moment...I was in love with him. My knees became weak, my heart was pounding and I couldn't say one word. For me, it was love at first sight. My sweet babies, yes, it's really possible.
Your daddy and I became really good friends and after some time he asked me finally for a date. I was in love, my little sweethearts. I felt so good when we were together; I was the happiest woman on earth. We had so much fun. Your daddy made me happy.
I thought that he was feeling the same, but I was wrong. Your daddy hurt me then really bad. After two years of a great relationship he didn't want to be with me anymore. His freedom was more important for him. I can still remember how I felt, when I saw him with some other women. I'll try to explain this to you more specific when you two are older. If you want me to. For me, the world was going under. And from this day on my life only was a mess. I was still so much in love with him. Everything was too much for me.