Note: I wrote this in my tumblr blog, so I decided to upload this here.
Disclaimer: Big Hero 6 and its characters belong to Disney. Any non-canon characters, however, are mine.
Fred, the sign-spinning mascot of SFIT and the kaiju mascot of the superhero team Big Hero 6, isn't having a good week. Lately, he's been eating so much food, he's gaining a lot of weight in his belly area. He doesn't care about it, though he felt a little guilty that he's not as energetic and agile as he used to be.
There are the times he often gets sick in the early mornings, where he finds himself running to the bathroom to throw up. One day at nerd school, Fred had to literally drag himself to see his friends who are so worried about him.
"Fred, I think you might be coming down with some sort of illness," Tadashi stated, sympathizing with his friend who was curled up in his dirty couch. By the way, this fic takes place after the movie and yes, Tadashi is alive here–-canon be damned. How Tadashi survived the fire and why he went missing for a while before he was found isn't really important right now.
"And I just realized you've been eating a lot of veggies lately," Tadashi added, also staring at Fred's strange lunch.
Gogo agreed with him. "This is like a sign of the apocalypse," she said in her usual deadpan voice. "Fred is going on a healthy diet."
"Oh shaddup," Fred whined, his mouth stuffed with baby carrots. Oh, he missed the days he used to gorge on mountains of tacos and pizzas. Now he's shoving disgusting food like celery and broccoli down his throat.
Honey leaned next to him and gentle stroked his head. "Are you okay, Freddie? You don't look so good," she said.
"I haven't been sleeping well at all lately," Fred sobbed. "I can't even lie on my tummy cuz it's so big and hurts me."
Wasabi patted Fred's back, trying to comfort him too, though he mentally remind himself to wash his hand with some sanitizer after touching Fred's dirty shirt.
"Don't worry, I'm sure you'll get better soon," Wasabi reassured him.
Fred looks at Wasabi and his facial expression softened immediately; it was like seeing Wasabi in a halo of golden sunshine. Fred suddenly wrapped his arms around his thick torso, and pressed his face against his green sweater. Wasabi couldn't help but scream at the thought of Fred's germ-filled face messing up his clothes.
"Will you stay with me a little longer, Wasabi?" Fred pleaded, giving his friend the biggest puppy eyes. For some reason he couldn't explain, he felt so attached to physics student. "Please stay with meeee."
"Get off me, Fred!" Wasabi shrieked as he struggled to push the comics fanboy away. "I saw you throw up in the bathroom earlier, I don't want your disease on me!"
Fred ignored him and cling to him harder. His stomach began to act up again and he hurled up his "rabbit food" lunch on Wasabi's pants and shoes.
At that moment, Hiro and Baymax came by and saw the others trying to pull off a crying Fred off from Wasabi, who was also crying because of the disgusting mess on his clothes.
"OH MY GAWD, IT'S EVERYWHERE! I'M GONNA BE SICK!" Wasabi wailed. He ran to the bathroom to get himself clean, muttering curses towards Fred under his breath.
"YOU'RE gonna be sick?!" Fred snapped, his face all green. He was overwhelmed by all kinds of emotions right now, he's suddenly spouting words that don't make sense. "You did THIS to me! Come back here and face your responsibilities like a man! Are you leaving me because I'm fat now?!"
"Fred, please! You're spouting words that don't make sense!" Tadashi cried as he and Gogo held him down. Honey gave Fred a towel to clean himself up before taking a selfie snapshot of this scene.
Fred then buried his face into Tadashi's chest and soaked his shirt with tears. "You won't leave me, right?" Fred asked him. His lower lip was quivering and his grip on Tadashi's cardigan was tight.
"Um, is this a bad time?" Hiro spoke up nervously. He tried to figure out what to say and he felt really bad for his friends, especially Fred–-who is now rubbing his balloon belly with such odd affection.
"Please do not excite, Fred, everyone," Baymax announced. "We don't want to him to lose the baby."
His words got everyone's attention and they all stared at the nursebot with confusion.
"What baby?" Hiro asked before looking at Gogo and Honey. Surely, the caregiver bot is actually talking about the two women instead.
Baymax continued on. "I have scanned Fred. He is experiencing changes in mood, hormones, and physical body that include nausea, fatigue, food cravings, tender swollen breasts–"
"WHAT?!" Fred squawked before looking under his shirt and checked his chest to see if they're tender or swollen.
Baymax ignored him. "Diagnosis? Pregnancy."
Gogo swallowed and choked on her bubblegum in shock, Honey couldn't decide whether she should scream for joy or repulsion; Tadashi and Hiro exchanged each others' flabbergasted expressions; and Fred's jaw dropped in silence.
Honey twiddled her fingers nervously. "Um… C-congratulations, Freddie!" she said with a cheerful smile, but it didn't help the situation at all.
Fred let out a shriek that echoed through out the entire SFIT campus and San Fransokyo.
Meanwhile inside the main office of Krei Tech.
"Did you hear that?" Krei asked his female companion, perking his head up. "I think I heard a robot telling some comic-book fanboy that he's pregnant. And the fanboy isn't taking it so well."
"I'm pretty sure you're just imagining things, Alistair," Abigail sighed before pushing him down on top of his office table. She then puts on a college professor's coat and a strap-on. "Ready for some extra credit from Professor ABIGAIL Callaghan~?"
Back in SFIT…
"W-whaddaya mean, pregnant?!" Fred demanded, glancing down at his belly. He's pretty sure dudes weren't build to carry any children, but he sensed some doubt egging him in the back of the mind that Baymax might be telling the truth. Plus, it would explain why he's been craving for weird food.
"This is impossible, but I'm a mommy… but a male mommy," he mumbled.
"I think you broke him, Baymax," Hiro told the robot.
"I do not see how I managed to break Fred without even touching him," Baymax said. He turned to the kaiju mascot. "Do not worry, Fred. Pregnancy is just your body blossoming into motherhood."
Fred realized something. "Wait, then how did I became pregnant?!" he asked, looking wildly at the others for answers.
"When a man and a woman loved each other very much–" Baymax started to answer but Tadashi quickly cuts him off.
"Not now, Baymax. We already know HOW it happened, but we don't know WHY it happened to Fred."
Gogo nodded her head and she crossed her arms. "That's right. The last time we checked, Fred is actually male unless he's hiding more stuff from us." She gave Fred a cold, judging stare. "I mean, he didn't tell us that he was wealthy before."
"Actually, I was the only one he told me about it first," Tadashi admitted. "Where do you think I got the money to build Baymax?"
"I thought for sure you earn them from a secret exotic dancing job," Hiro snickered. This earned the former botfighter a smack from his older brother.
Honey tried to calm Fred again by massaging his shoulders. "It doesn't matter why you exactly got pregnant, Fred," she told. "We'll still be here to support you and your child."
Gogo thought for the longest time. "Well, who was the last person you slept with?" she inquired curiously.
"Indeed," Baymax said. "We must identify the parent of Fred's child."
"Aw man, where do I begin?!" Fred cried, wringing his hands. "I haven't gotten laid in a while so I can't remember so well." Then he began rounding off names of the people he has known biblically last month.
"There's Tadashi, Honey, Krei, the sexy pool boy who visited my house a couple of times, Cass–"
"YOU SLEPT WITH OUR AUNT?!" Hiro and Tadashi screamed in unison.
"Ehehehe, oopsie?" Fred sweatdropped nervously. Maybe he should have left that name out. Thank god he was pregnant, otherwise the Hamada brothers would have beat him up. Then he remembered the last person's name. "Oh, and there's Wasabi!"
Fred remain quiet when realization slowly struck him. "I remember now… Wasabi was the last person I slept with… Wasabi is the father!"
Then they heard a loud thud, as though a heavy body had fallen. Everyone turned to see Wasabi's body lying on the floor, appeared to be fainted. It seemed the dreadlocked neatnik has just returned just in time to hear Fred is pregnant with his child, thus he made the appropriate reaction.
"It appears that Wasabi did not take the news of him being a father very well," Baymax commented.
Hiro just gave his robot friend an obvious look. "Gee, you think?"
A few days since Fred discovered he's pregnant with Wasabi's child for some reason that defies logic and nature, he has been trying to embrace his new "motherhood" by turning his bedroom into a giant nest for his future child and trying to knit baby clothes.
"I'm gonna give my baby a kaiju hoodie and then I'm gonna teach them to breathe fire like one," Fred giggled as he wore a maternity dress and lay comfortably on the couch of his room. His friends came over to visit their pregnant friend and fellow team member.
Meanwhile, Wasabi wasn't exactly sure how to feel about being the father of some unnatural spawn Fred mysteriously conceived. In fact, he's not even ready to be a father yet.
"There's no way I'm going to let you influence our child to inherit your dirty habits," Wasabi told him sitting far away from as possible.
"I'm so glad that once Fred gives birth, he can go back to his job as a superhero," Tadashi sighed. Lately, he's been taking care of Fred's superhero duties while the latter is busy taking care of his unborn child. However, Tadashi doesn't exactly enjoy wearing a kaiju suit that smells like sweat and other gross stuff he didn't dare want to think.
Honey looked at Wasabi and Fred nervously. "Sooo… are you two ever planning to get married?" she asked.
Wasabi had just taken a drink of water and at Honey's question, he spat his drink out on Tadashi, who then gave him an icy glare in return.
"Isn't that a bit early to think about that?!" Wasabi asked nervously.
"What, you wanted your child to be born without a second parent?" Gogo suggested, a devilish smirk played on her lips.
"Yeah, Wasabi! What kind of person are you?" Hiro demanded. "Don't you have any responsibility as a man?"
"I agree," Baymax said as he waddled over to the burly guy. "A child growing up with a parent who wants nothing to do with him or her may affect his or her emotional and psychological growth with long-lasting results. In the words of Miss Gogo… Woman up."
Wasabi sputtered, glaring at his friends. "Why are you all ganging up on me like this?! I didn't plan for this to happen!"
"Are you calling my child an accident?!" Fred hissed as he rubbed his pregger-belly protectively. Then he sniffled, a fat tear leaked out from his eye.
"How could you…"
Tadashi immediately hurried to Fred's sided and comforted him. "There, there, lab rat," he said kindly. "If that ungrateful jerk Wasabi won't raise a family with you, then I will."
"Tadashi…" Fred gasped, as he stared at him lovingly. It just became a very shoujo moment between them.
Gogo stared at the two, and then at Wasabi, and the gears inside her head began turning. Something about Fred's pregnancy as result of him and Wasabi doing it doesn't make sense. What if…? Her bubblegum pop at the moment she made a realization.
She coughed to gain everyone's attention. "You know I'm surprised Wasabi even came near to Fred when they diddled together. I used to remember how he complained how disgusting Fred is."
"Hey!" Fred cried.
"That's right," Honey said, her eyes widening. "Remember that one Christmas party where Freddie surprised him with a kiss under the mistletoe? Wasabi was literally in tears and was screaming how Fred's mouth was unhygienic."
"Then how did… Wasabi diddled Fred?" Hiro asked, now confused.
"I didn't!" Wasabi shouted. "You think I wanted to stick my wiener into his dirty tight-hole? The last time we did it, HE stuck his dong inside ME!"
"W-wait, that doesn't make sense now," Hiro said. He tried to absorb all this new information. "If Fred was doing you, but he got pregnant instead of you… Then WHO was doing Fred that time?"
Tadashi slowly spoke up, finally remembering the details. "That… would be me," he answered in shock. "Because I was there."
The whole room fell into awkward silence, and everybody just stared at the robotics student.
"Whoa Freddie, I didn't know you had a threesome with Tadashi and Wasabi!" Honey grinned.
Wasabi suddenly jumped with joy, his fists in the air. "YES!" he screamed happily. "I'm not the father!"
Fred stood up, looking as though he were in a daze and his expression pained.
"I… I need to go throw up," he muttered and he ran to the bathroom, his balloon tummy jiggling. It was a ghastly sight.
Tadashi glared at Wasabi for being so insensitive but for some reason, he was secretly thrilled that Wasabi isn't the father of Fred's child. He got up from seat and went to the bathroom where Fred is. The door was closed and Tadashi could hear the school mascot making retching noises, followed by low sobs.
"Fred," Tadashi asked as he knocked lightly on the door. "Can I come in?"
"Go away!" Fred wailed behind the door. "I'm a hideous freak! I feel so weak, tired, and sick every day, and I'm carrying a baby that goes against the laws of nature! I don't blame Wasabi ready to ditch me since he's not responsible for this. … Oh god, what would my dad think?"
"Fred, don't say it," Tadashi begged. His heart was aching, he wants to hold his best friend, lover, and lab rat. "You are NOT a freak. I don't know why it happened to you, but it did happened. Remember what I told you earlier? If nobody will raise a family with you, then I will." Tadashi paused, his heart racing and face blushing. "… I WANT to raise your baby with you, Fred. Because I–"
Tadashi's words were interrupted when Fred began to whimper in pain. The inventor hurriedly opened the door and saw Fred curled up while lying on the bathroom floor. Before he can say anything, Fred spoke in two words.
"It's time."
Fifteen minutes later, Fred is carried to a nearby clinic since the others didn't want him to go through the humiliation giving birth in a hospital where a lot of people will see him. The clinic doctor and the nurse were confused when they were told to help a male with obvious male genitals deliver a child but they agreed to assist Fred, though they secretly noted themselves to head to the nearest church to "cleanse" their minds after the whole ordeal is over.
"It'll be all over soon, Fred!" Tadashi reassured his friend as he was wheeled to a private room. Their other friends plus Baymax are now sitting nearby, waiting and sweating.
"Tadashi, don't leave meee I don't wanna diieee!" Fred wailed.
"Just think of the life we'll have when we raise our child together!"
"Um, Tadashi," Gogo tapped his shoulder to get his attention. "I hate to bring this up at the last minute, but… WHERE exactly the baby is going to come out?"
They heard Fred screaming again as the doctor told him to push.
"IT HUUUURTS!" Fred bellowed in pain. "YOU DID THIS TO ME, TADASHI! I HATE YOU SO MUCH!"
Tadashi wiped his brow with his blazer's sleeve. He need to be strong for Fred. He couldn't believe he's going to be a father soon and he realized he didn't come up a name for his and Fred's child. Is it going to be a boy or girl? He doesn't even know if the baby will come out as human.
And yet despite all these worries, he would really try to come to love the child since he loved Fred so much…
Almost half an hour later, they heard a different screaming.
"Is that the nurse screaming? Or maybe the first cry of the newborn baby?" Honey asked, startled.
"Or maybe someone is in panic because a baby came out from a man's butt or…" Wasabi suggested.
Tadashi didn't stay to listen to Wasabi finishing his words. He ran into the delivery room.
"Okay, maybe what was born defies all logic and reason, but," Tadashi shouts, "but it's still a precious life!"
The doctor and the nurse, their faces pale, slowly turned to stare at Tadashi as they stood around Fred lying in bed.
"Life?" The nurse demanded incredulously. "This thing is…"
"DON'T CALL MY CHILD A THING!" Tadashi angrily screamed and he was held back by Wasabi.
"Is Freddie okay? What about the baby?" Honey asked in concern.
The doctor started washing his hands by the sink. His face was filled with hollowness.
"I flushed it down the toilet," he said indifferently.
Everyone froze, aghast and dumbfounded.
"It was an extreme case of constipation."
Then everyone fell over anime style. Fred nervously walked up to his friends, he got his original shape back and he looked healthy again.
"Um, yeah… Hehe, it was poop," he chuckled. "They told me it was backed up for miles." He then patted his flat stomach. "I feel brand new now that it's out!"
Tadashi broke down crying for feeling like a moron and he began to strangle Fred for putting him in so much worry ("I HATE YOU SO MUCH LAB RAT!"); Wasabi began to question why would someone confuse constipation for pregnancy and how none of this makes sense; and Honey and Gogo stood in the corner, sharing a conversation that they both need a strong drink to forget all this.
Meanwhile, Hiro is alone with Baymax.
"Baymax, you scanned Fred before," Hiro said. He looked at the nursebot. "You said he was carrying a child. … So, did you make a mistake or–?"
"No. I lied," Baymax replied.
Hiro's eyes went wide. "… But why?!"
"Because it amused me."
The End. Thank God.
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