Poe had taught her so many things in the few short weeks since they had been on Crait. He had taken her up in his X-wing; showed her how to use his blaster (even though he had doubted she would need it); taught her how to navigate using only the stars in case of computer error and how to throw a speeder from first directly into third gear, which she found extremely exciting.
Rose had taken note of the pilot's "friendliness" towards Rey and cautioned her about it. To what end, Rey didn't know.
"You gotta be careful, you know," she remembered Rose saying. "He just has…a reputation. Keep your ankles crossed, if you know what I mean."
Rey, of course, said she did even though she didn't. Her life on Jakku hadn't exactly afforded her the luxury of dating. With no parental figures to teach her anything, she had relied solely on instinct. The first time she bled, she figured she was dying. But she didn't die and she bled monthly after that. Eventually the local healer told her what was happening and what could eventually happen in hushed tones.
Kylo Ren, of course, wanted that from her. And if she was honest with herself, she knew it would eventually happen. They would be together, that much she knew for sure. But, the light or the dark? That was up for debate.
He haunted her dreams, against her will, now that Snoke had opened the doorway between them, the same way he had invaded her thoughts when he tortured her. She had spoken to Poe about it, since he was the only person on the base who had also had this happen to him. It caused her nightmares; him too.
She was lying on the small cot in her quarters when one such dream threatened to overwhelm her.
'Yes,' he spoke to her, insinuating his tongue between her lips, her body beneath him, bare and open to him.
'Give yourself to me….give yourself over to me and I will make you my queen…'
Rey jolted awake. Sweat dripped down her forehead and she could feel her heart hammering in her chest. She gasped for breath as the tender area between her thighs throbbed with arousal. An ache she did not know how to quench.
Throwing her legs over the side of the cot, she brought her hands up, elbows on her knees, and dropped her head in them.
It had seemed so real. And she knew if she had said she would be his queen, even in her dream, that it would somehow be the beginning of the end. She shook her head vigorously, trying to wake herself faster. She reached for her short pants to pull on under her oversized nightshirt. She had to get out of there; it wasn't safe…
A few moments later she stood in front of Poe's door. His quarters were just down the hall from hers. He would know what to do. He would understand how insidious Kylo's methods were.
She punched the button that would send a wake up. 'I'll just press it the one time; if he doesn't wake up I'll just leave it be,' she thought to herself. She was about to turn on her heel, as there hadn't been an answer, but then she heard movement, and finally, the door unlatching.
"Well, hey there," Poe said, yawning and running a hand through his hair. He was wearing a plain regulation white shirt and must have fallen asleep in his under-flight suit pants. As his eyes opened more fully and settled upon her disheveled appearance, he snapped awake.
"You don't look so good, kid," he said, looking at her red-rimmed eyes.
"I need to not be sleeping," she started, and pushed past him into his quarters.
"Come in, why don't you?," he muttered under his breath; meant to be joking and not mean. But Rey didn't crack a smile. She wrapped her arms around herself protectively and turned her back to him.
"Hey….what's going on?," Poe asked, concern evident in his voice. He had never seen her this distraught before.
"I—I'm trying not to be weak, but I just needed-…," her voice trailed off.
"It's fine, Rey. Here…just sit down. I'll get you something," he said, rummaging around in his kitchen area.
A moment later she was sitting on one of the stools and he had plunked down an amber colored alcohol in a glass on the table in front of her.
"So…are you going to tell me what happened, or did you want me to guess?"
Rey exhaled, slowly picked up the drink, looked at it, and chugged it all in one gulp. She made a face at the bitter liquid as it made it's way down.
"Well… I guess I have my answer," Poe said, picking up the glass and refilling it before placing it in front of her and sitting in the stool facing her.
"Him," she started, the word rolling off her tongue slowly. She continued…
"It's always him."
She reached for the glass and her eyes darted up to the pilot who was clenching his jaw muscles.
"Ah. That guy. Rey, you know what-", he started, getting up to pour himself a matching glass.
"You know what…that guy isn't really worth this many thoughts. He's a monster. He's not here, and he'll never get to you. We'll make sure of that. I'll make sure of that."
Rey got up abruptly cutting him off. "No, you don't understand. I just know….I can tell….I have premonitions. I know that we will be together at some point. It's….it's inevitable. But I am tired of him in my thoughts, possessing them…possessing me….and I just want something for myself…" she spoke as her voice trailed off.
"For yourself?", Poe asked.
Rey searched for words, unsure of how to explain.
"When he is with me he consumes me. Until there aren't any thoughts that are mine- until….it's almost like he rewrites my mind. And he will have me. I know it and I've accepted it. But I want something for myself that he cannot take away. That he will not."
Poe looked at her quizzically, taking a sip from his drink. "I'm sorry, but I'm not following." Then he motioned to himself with two thumbs and said, "Flyboy".
Rey turned and looked at him, walking back to her seat. "You aren't stupid Poe. You aren't just a flyboy, you know. Not to me."
Poe let out a breath and looked away, absently running his index finger around the rim of his glass.
Rey sat down and spoke softly. "I know that Kylo Ren will one day have me in…in that way. And I cannot bear the thought of him being the first, and of him being the only."
Poe leaned back slightly, his eyes darkening. A beat passed. Then another. Finally, he spoke quietly.
"I don't think it's a good idea. If that's what you're asking."
Rey felt the tears that threatened to fall gathering in the corners of her eyes and stood immediately, her cheeks blushing furiously. "I'm so sorry, Poe…please…just forget I said anything-," she started as she nearly ran towards the door.
He beat her to it though and stood between her and it, his weight against it. He began to talk and explain his reasoning.
"Only because you're upset, Rey….it wouldn't be right…."
"Get out of my way," she said between clenched teeth.
"No, I need you to listen to me," he said, firmly planting his back against the door. "Please?," he asked, his eyes darting to the stools they had recently occupied.
She slowly nodded, moving towards the table and stools, and he followed her every move. When she was seated, he nervously ran a hand through his hair before speaking.
"Rey….it's not that….look….I want to, I mean….of course, but….I'm….older…"
She sat and watched him with her wet eyes, her lips parting ever so slightly.
"It would be taking advantage," he finished.
She remained silent.
"It has nothing to do with you not being attractive or a friend or anything…," his voice faltered.
"You're just so young and I've done all this before and that's over for me and what kind of a friend would I be if I did this to you?"
Rey seemed to silently acknowledge this for a minute and then stood. Her eyes shyly cast downwards, she spoke.
"I— I understand. You're right, I am just tired and….and… you're my friend and…," her voice trailed off and he saw a single tear roll down her cheek.
That tear ruined him. Maker he felt awful. He felt like he had rejected her and perhaps that was even worse than taking advantage. He saw the humiliation and doubt in her face and it broke a tiny piece of what he used to think was a heart.
Rey crossed over to the door, towards him. "I think I'll get some rest then-", but she was cut off because as she approached him he suddenly, unexpectedly grabbed her wrist and pulled her into a heated kiss.
His lips ran over hers, parting them, seeking entrance and, when the moment was right, running his tongue against hers. He felt her knees buckle slightly as he pulled her up, his arm around her waist, steadying her; his mouth searing hot on hers.
Poe pulled back for a moment and he looked in her eyes; saw her beautifully flushed skin and her parted lips.
"Do that again….," she said as she pulled his mouth back towards her.
He flipped them so her back was against the door and he pressed her into it as she gasped, one hand between her head and the door so she wouldn't hit it, the other running down over the swell of breast to rest at her waist as she arched into him.
His tongue ran over hers hungrily now and he thought briefly how long had it been? How long had it been since he had enjoyed someone else this thoroughly from only a kiss? A small sound she made at the back of her throat snapped him back to reality. He pulled his mouth from hers and spoke quietly, roughly in her ear.
"It's not that I don't want this. It's not that. You'd be wrong if that's what you thought," he finished, and she squirmed, his hot breath over her ear igniting an odd feeling in the pit of her stomach.
He felt her tremble then, pressed between him and the door, and his body seemed to move of it's own accord, insinuating his thigh between her legs, pinning her, showing her the proof of his arousal.
"I want this very much, can't you tell?," he continued whispering to her, turning her on more. She felt the hardness of him pressed between her legs as she squirmed against him.
"And if we go much further, don't ask me to stop."
She was shaking now, so fully aroused. She could feel the wetness threatening to leak from between her legs. He could probably feel it through his pants. Without a word, she grabbed his hand and placed it over her nightshirt, covering her breast, and surprising the hell out of him.
"Oh…Sweetheart-," he murmured in her ear as his fingers felt her small breast heavy in his hand and began thumbing the nipple.
Rey cried out and arched further against him, grinding into his leg. He grunted; he could feel it, her wetness, and the knowledge there was physical proof of her arousal strengthened his tenfold.
In a single motion Rey threw her arms across her chest, lifted her shirt and threw it off. She leaned against the door, breathing heavy, wondering if he would look at her and reject her, or if he would like what he saw.
His eyes raked over her slender body and he exhaled. "You. Are. Perfect," he started.
"Every inch of you."
With that he got on his knees and brought his heated mouth to her aching breast. Her hands went around his head as she let out a mewl, pulling him closer. He groaned as his tongue ran around the nipple, then, gently, his teeth. Her knees faltered and she sank into him, onto her knees on the ground.
He held her by the back of the neck and moved his mouth over hers, his tongue.
She grabbed fistfuls of his shirt and pulled him, as they got up, making their way towards his cot. When the backs of her knees hit the edge she yanked the shirt up and over his head. She ran her eyes over his naked upper body, the lids half-closing in approval. Then she felt his large hand at the small of her back, lowering her onto the cot.
In an instant he was above her, his lips on her neck, her lips, the tips of her breasts. He was everywhere. He made a low noise almost like growl as his fingers found their way to the waistband of her pants. It was his turn now to tremble. His hand shook as he gently touched the soft skin of her stomach.
"Sweetheart," he said again, into her soft skin as she jerked against him. He spoke as his hand slowly stroked the heated skin of her stomach making her ache with need.
"I just want to make sure you're sure. Because there's no going back. Once this is done you can't undo it, Rey…and I don't want you to regret anything you do with me, not ever…" his voice trailed off as he kissed her neck, feeling the pulse, jumpy and hot beneath his lips.
She pulled his face away from her neck with both hands, and brought it to hers. Looking Poe square in the eyes she spoke to him as her body shuddered underneath him.
"I'm sure. I could never regret you….I—I want you…all of you…,"
He groaned, his lips on hers again as his hand snaked beneath her waistband. There was another layer of undergarment to roughly push aside before his fingers ran over her seam and she nearly screamed into his open mouth.
"You're so wet," he started, kissing her neck, her breasts again as she arched against him mindlessly, the blush on her cheeks unmistakable at his words. "So wet for me…."
He flattened his fingers against her and began to stroke her slowly, carefully as he felt her legs tense. Rey clawed at her pants, lowering them until Poe helped her kick them off.
When her clothes were removed and she lay naked he paused and looked at her, drinking the sight in, as if he was trying to remember this moment for a long time. His eyes moved from her toes upwards until they reached her flushed face.
"Beautiful," he said, and added under his breath, "perfect".
She looked at him, her eyes pleading. "Please…."
"Please what?," he asked, teasing ever so slightly.
Her blush deepened as she said, "please…touch me again."
He brought his lips back down to hers as he leaned over her. "Absolutely."
His fingers closed over the heated skin between her thighs and stroked her in unhurried circles as his mouth explored hers. She was crying out into his mouth, arching against his hand, her legs straining. She felt it then; something - something foreign, something she did not understand…threatening to overtake her….
"Let it go, Rey," he coaxed, his fingers moving more quickly now. He could feel the muscles of her legs tensing, tensing….
"I—I," she started clumsily, all rational thoughts gone from her mind.
"Ssh….I've got you. It's safe….you're safe…," he murmured against her ear, now furiously moving his fingers against her sensitive flesh.
"I— I can't…," her voice trailed off as she said something unintelligible.
"Sweetheart….," he began, and with that he felt her legs tense for the first time ever and heard the soft shriek that escaped her lips as her body spasmed. He slowed, then stilled his hand.
Poe let out a low moan and nuzzled his lips against her neck gently until her lips sought his out and she opened her mouth for him. He could feel her heart pounding through her chest.
His tongue rolled over hers as he whispered in between kisses. "You…are… incredible…"
"I've never…..that's never…." her voice trailed off but he understood.
"I know…..," he spoke against her ear quietly. "I know."
It was around that time that his arousal grew to an almost painful throbbing. Poe rolled onto his back, his hands going to his pants to unfasten and remove them.
"Oh, right," Rey started, blushing even more furiously as she looked at the outline of…him against his pants.
He looked at her nervous stare and stilled his hands. "We still don't have to…but I do need to…take care of this…by myself…."
"No, I want to," Rey said plainly, looking him over. "You'll just….you'll have to show me…because I don't…I mean…obviously…."
Poe wrapped her in his arms and kissed her. She opened her mouth to him and he tasted her with his tongue as she made a contented sound in her throat.
She ran her hands down to his pants and helped him where he had left off, unfastening them. He rolled onto his back to make it easier for her to pull them down his legs. As she did so, he saw her hands shake. He knew she was nervous. She would definitely be; anyone would.
"Hey, lay back," he coaxed quietly.
She threw his pants off into the darkness of his room and nodded, laying next to him. She watched him as he trailed his finger from her nose, over her lips (where she sighed), slowly between the valley of her breasts, past her navel, down to her wetness. He stroked her several times as before as she purred contentedly and then slowly eased a tentative finger inside her. Her eyes immediately widened and he felt her lower body clench against the invasion.
"It's alright…it's just me," he said to her, capturing her mouth once more.
His lips were soft, his kisses chaste and she whined, missing the deeper kisses from before. He continued planting small kisses as he stroked up and down her slit again. She tried parting her lips for him but he would only tease her with closed kisses.
Just when she thought she would go mad from the teasing, he opened his mouth and ran his tongue over hers at the same time his finger dipped inside her.
Rey saw colored lights behind her eyes, she swore, it felt so good. She opened her mouth and relaxed her legs; letting them fall open, welcoming his finger; welcoming the intrusion. It wasn't enough as his tongue plundered her mouth and he explored her lower, moist flesh more deeply. She opened her legs wider, groaning into his mouth as he added another finger, working her slowly and carefully.
"Please-," she begged him. But for what, she was not entirely sure.
"Ssh,…" he said to her as he rolled on top of her and removed his fingers. He kissed her deeply and she made a little protesting sound as if she was mourning the loss of being filled. He made sure his weight was on his forearms on either side of her head as he dipped his mouth to hers again, kissing her slowly, sweetly. Taking his time with her until he felt her fully relax beneath him and part her legs, cradling him in between them.
She could feel his hardness nudging the inside of her thigh and it made her shiver. Poe kissed her forehead, the tip of her nose, and her lips, relishing the feel of them on his. He had never felt this close to a partner before.
He kissed her once and withdrew slightly to position himself at her entrance. He felt her arms come up around his shoulders when she felt the tip of him. He kissed her for reassurance and made sure to look her directly in the eyes as he made his first thrust.
Her mouth fell open and she let out an audible gasp as he moved inside her. She heard him make a low noise in his throat that made her want him closer. She wrapped her hands around his hips, pulling him in deeper, forcing more of those exciting moans from his mouth.
She knew there should be pain, yet there was none, and as he moved deeper and deeper, it forced tears from the corner of her eyes. He stilled when he was fully sheathed within her, kissing her until she was breathless, resting his forehead on hers.
"You…alright?," he whispered, holding himself still for her.
"More than alright….Poe….you can move….I want you to…."
He obliged.
Now it was her turn to make those breathy little moans. So exquisite was the feeling of being filled she hardly had space in her mind for anything else. There were no troubling thoughts at all. And as his fingers moved until they were between their bodies; until they met the sensitive flesh between her legs, she forgot her name.
Then she was climbing again, arching into him wordlessly, mindlessly as he drove her body to its inexorable ending. She shuddered against him, pulsing around his flesh, and pulling him after her.
Afterwards they lay for awhile together. He had gotten a rag and cleaned her of the small amount of blood which served as reminder of their actions. Then he kissed her and turned so he lay behind her, his arm draped over her hip.
"I meant it you know….you really are perfect," he said, tracing a finger up her spine.
"So are you," she replied, craning her neck to look at him.
He gently took her chin between his thumb and forefinger and turned his neck so he could kiss her.
"I hope you can sleep now, sweetheart."
Rey smiled as she turned away and closed her eyes. She liked the term. Sweetheart.
She drifted off into a dreamless sleep.